What makes you attracted to a person and not another person?

[tenni]

Today, I was watching television when a woman was being interviewed. Suddenly, I realized how attracted that I was to her.


I paused for a moment and realized that it was more than just her face and tits and ass. I couldn’t see that but I am often attracted to a woman’s arse (men too . That attraction is not as intense as I felt for this woman on TV...lol. It was her subtle body movements with her hands and her shoulders that drew me to her face. I realized that I found her very attractive. There can be beautiful women by movie, model standards that I do not find an intense attraction to.


Without being vulgar, what attracts you more about a person?

Why that aspect of the person? (remind you of ?)

Do you recall being reminded of someone else that you loved or were strongly attracted to?

[charles-smythe]

…wow…now that’s a hard one…I’m a butt man…tight little apple butts…not big ghetto butts…I like medium or less firm perky breasts with pencil eraser hard nipples…as they say, all over a mouth full is a waste…& I’m nuts over long shapely dancer’s/swimmer’s legs……BUT even all that is not enough…she must have personality…to radiate something for lack of a better word I’ll call sex apeal…

[Browne]

Their brain. The sexy little unsung sex organ that it is....


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[justafella]

I can't say that I get attracted to people much but I've found that a big honest smile can draw me in quickly.

[fredtyg]

I'm pretty much a face guy, at least for starters. Hey, isn't that the first thing you generally look at. Problem is, I couldn't tell you what about a face I like, or don't. I suppose the eyes?

[jem_is_bi]

I find lots of people attractive. But, maybe because I am not so attractive, I am attracted to a person when I realize they are attracted to me.

[elian]

Of course I admire the nude human form quite a lot, but as for the other traits..someone who is approachable.

With men - doesn't have to be a knight in shining armor, but does have to show some confidence, knows people by name, not afraid to look them in the eye and say, "Hello Joe, how are you doing?" Does the right thing because he wants to, not because he feels obligated to; those men are truly awesome to me. My last friend knew how to stop my incessant babbling with a simple kiss. This is someone I feel like I could truly trust to reveal myself to.

I once had a dream where someone called me a tigeress and encouraged me to explore that, which I actually enjoyed - because even men have "feminine" emotions that we often shame. I guess what I mean is having the capacity and power to celebrate sensuality, not -just- the physical act..without shame or guilt.

There was a redheaded lady who was probably the one woman that I truly fell in love with. She was very beautiful, she cared, a bit dominant but the thing that attracted me to her most was when you spoke to her she truly listened as if you were the only person in the room. Very wise. Sadly I was not confident because I was sorting out how I felt about relationships. I think she found another man who is closer in age with more compatible interests..I have to be happy for her because she's been looking for a long time.

Interestingly enough - from that venerable source of wisdom "Urban Dictionary" :

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Tigress

..I guess my default mode of operation is trying to build bridges, but there are times that definition is probably accurate.

[Melody Dean]

This is such a hard question to answer.

Personality wise, intelligence is key. I like being able to explore deeper on a topic and continue conversation by building on that. Creativity and wit are also essential. I value the uniqueness of every person, so when someone expresses how they are different instead of trying to fit in with the crowd, I'm much more likely to be interested.

But that's not what you're asking, is it? But even physically, I think I subconsciously look for those things. The way they make eye contact, their posture, their body movements. Expressive eyes really catch my attention.

And that uniqueness translates physically, especially with women. That quirky eclectic look turns me on more than her actual physical features. A gorgeous woman with long flowing hair in a slinky gown is a lot less likely to attract my attention than the same woman in an oversized cat print shirt, funky leggings, and half of her head shaved.

Without that unique touch though, there are still things that turn me on, especially with men. Tall, lean guys, with long blond hair or dark curly hair, always get a second glance. I don't think it's on purpose, but my dad is tall and blond, so I bet there's something to that. I also grew up on 80's hair bands, so I'm sure that's an influence. I'm not sure where the dark curly hair attraction comes from, except for the fact that I love to play with hair, and curly makes it even more interesting. That being said, something about short guys turns me on too, I think because it's uncommon, back to that uniqueness thing. Plus, I'm short, so nearly everyone is taller than me anyway. And even though I like lean guys, muscular men have really been catching my eye lately. Not like the body builder type, but strong is good. Must be my hormones kicking in.

So, I like a certain type, except when I don't, lol. I can't always predict what will make me attracted to someone.

[Plumhead2]

I am attracted to people who are vibrant, alive, have that spark of loving being in the world. People who are enthusiastic about things, daring, creative, exploring, reflective, sensual, hedonistic, caring, those kinds of people attract me. Some of the people I have found most attractive might not be considered physically attractive by conventional standards. It's just the beauty of who they are on the inside comes out and makes even the physically homeliest person seem like a raving beauty. Conversely, even the most conventionally beautiful person, if they exhibit dullness, are ugly to me. You look at some people and their eyes are dead. Oh, and a loving heart always is beautiful.

[tenni]

This is such a hard question to answer.

Personality wise, intelligence is key. I like being able to explore deeper on a topic and continue conversation by building on that. Creativity and wit are also essential. I value the uniqueness of every person, so when someone expresses how they are different instead of trying to fit in with the crowd, I'm much more likely to be interested.

But that's not what you're asking, is it? But even physically, I think I subconsciously look for those things. The way they make eye contact, their posture, their body movements. Expressive eyes really catch my attention.

And that uniqueness translates physically, especially with women. That quirky eclectic look turns me on more than her actual physical features. A gorgeous woman with long flowing hair in a slinky gown is a lot less likely to attract my attention than the same woman in an oversized cat print shirt, funky leggings, and half of her head shaved.

Without that unique touch though, there are still things that turn me on, especially with men. Tall, lean guys, with long blond hair or dark curly hair, always get a second glance. I don't think it's on purpose, but my dad is tall and blond, so I bet there's something to that. I also grew up on 80's hair bands, so I'm sure that's an influence. I'm not sure where the dark curly hair attraction comes from, except for the fact that I love to play with hair, and curly makes it even more interesting. That being said, something about short guys turns me on too, I think because it's uncommon, back to that uniqueness thing. Plus, I'm short, so nearly everyone is taller than me anyway. And even though I like lean guys, muscular men have really been catching my eye lately. Not like the body builder type, but strong is good. Must be my hormones kicking in.

So, I like a certain type, except when I don't, lol. I can't always predict what will make me attracted to someone.

I agree that a person's personality is key to keeping an attraction going. Yet, long before we get into deep conversations to learn their personality, I find some people attract me. Like you, I don't think that I have a conscious "type". I find it interesting that you also refer to what attracts you to a person changes. I guess we could find all muscular men attractive (well bis at least

I don't recall basing a lack of attraction based on previous bad encounters. For awhile, I was involved with blondes...mostly of the bottle versions. I never consciously recall paying attention to the fact that they were blondes though.

[cuttin2dachase]

A woman's personality needs to be warm, witty, intelligent and outgoing to initially attract me. Her looks are of secondary importance to me. She does not need to be a centerfold type or dressed a certain way or in makeup etc. for me to take notice of her physical appearance. If my 1st impression of her is that she's nice and genuine, that alone makes her physically more attractive to me. If I like what's on her inside, I will usually like what's on her outside unless she is obese, butt ugly or unhygienic. As far as men go, I must first know that they are bi/gay before I am interested. I choose to meet men online and get to know them a bit via chats, email and phone. Again, if they are sincere and genuine and patient, I will get a good vibe and want to meet them. If he is plain or average or good looking, I will be good to go. The reason I meet men is to have sex, but again, if a man is obese, butt ugly or uhhygienic, I will not be sexually attracted to him.

[lizard-lix]

To women, I am initially attracted by looks, to men by their looks and the expression on their face.

I am attracted to folks who take care of themselves.

But once the meeting happens and we start to talk, everything takes a back seat to how our personalities click, or not and if the person is intelligent and kind. That is what hooks me or not.

Good question!

[Lisa (va)]

The short answer is ... the person.

All preferences aside, if not attracted to someone on all levels, there is really no point.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[darkeyes]

Welllll, Lise, am not sure I go along wivya entirely here... s'pose it depends on the kind of relationship, but for casual encounters whether sex was involved or not, physical attraction and pleasant personality have always been enough for me, so don't think attraction at all levels was or is necessary. Only time and knowing the person can determine that... so anything longer, sure we need a lickle more, and for owt serious more still.. Tho I do think attraction at all levels must b a rare thing... I adore Kate but she has the odd annoying and unedifying traits and I know I have several she feels are ver unattractive....

[Realist]

I really don't wanna agree with Fran much...she's such a nut! But, I agree with much of what she said, that time! Lizard, too, hit some familiar notes. Actually, I've enjoyed reading the posts and the thought that was put into their comments.

It's obvious that we're all different. I've always thought that I had different motivations and interests than most. Melody has some of the same feelings I do.........we don't always understand why we're attracted to others, we just are!

I usually begin with a superficial attraction, but personalities and character will often magnify my being attracted, or suddenly quell the initial impression!

[darkeyes]

I really don't wanna agree with Fran much...she's such a nut!

U lickle fibber... u kno u always wanna agree wiv lickle luffly ole me... an' I kno it eats ya up wenya dont and u just cant get 2 boabies at nite cosya feel so awful an'guilty......

....as for bein' a nut... cheeky sod... but wy else do I luffya, hmmmmm bugger lugs?

[kikigrace]

I know this might be a strange answer, but for so long I was ONLY attracted to my husband, that it is hard for me to answer. I am so attracted to him that at first he is all I can think of, and the qualities he has. I think it is good to think about though, especially now that we are considering "opening" the relationship...I think, when I think back to the people I fell in love with, there was always a sort of mischievous and even lustful twinkle in the eyes, that said they wanted me. And at the same time, kindness. Definitely tall and thin for men (and I am not!) I like to feel "swept up", and confidence is very important. And I just don't like beards, for a romantic/sexual partner...probably because my dad has one, and also just not crazy about hair there. On the other hand, love a rough cheek of stubble against my soft one. As for women, I have only been attracted to a very few, although I love to admire their beauty. I can't really say why...one, just because she is my best friend and beautiful. She has a full, ripe, curvy kind of beauty that just makes one want to touch her...even as we age (both in late forties) she only seems to get more beautiful...softer, fuller, more luscious...I wish someone felt the same about me...sigh

[Realist]

OH, Dang, Fran...had no idea you'd be checking up on me!

Didja ever hear the song, Everyone loves a nut, the whole world loves a weirdo?

I love ya, Girl...lord only knows why, tho!

So, KIKIGRACE, You're in love with her, but she doesn't feel the same?

That's just plain wrong, but it happens. I'm sorry...life's cruel like that, sometimes.

[chances]

intelligence, is one of the most important, similar interests, honesty, and personality

[kikigrace]

Hi Realist, thanks for paying attention It's nice to know someone reads one's comments. but actually no I am not in love with her...I DO love her, and she is beautiful, and I would be happy to have my first experience with a woman with her if she was open to it or interested...but what I actually meant was that I wish someone (probably my husband, lol) felt I grew more appealing and beautiful as I grew older. Not that he doesn't find me beautiful, still, but I guess not MORE beautiful and attractive (like I find her). But life's cruel like that, sometimes, lol. And I'm more blessed than many in the looks dept, so I've had my turn to turn heads, and I shouldn't complain about it. Life is actually the most cruel just in the fact that it is so short...once one passes middle age, one realizes how it passes by in a wink....with all it's pain and beauty.

[Realist]

KIKIGRACE, Having nothing to go by, but your comments, I imagine you are above average in looks. Of course, beauty is subjective and what might be absolutely stunning to one person may not warrant a glance from another, so I'm speaking in generalities, here.

I've been around the block a time, or two, and can share some personal opinions and observations from experiences. For one: It seems that some of the most beautiful women and men, are more worried about their looks, than those of us who aren't in that category of examples! Short of plastic surgeons, we are stuck with what we got!

In my mind, real beauty has more to do with things other than our appearances. Of course, beauty/shapes/ethnicities attracts our eyes and has the appeal of a viable mate.........but, once you get accustomed that aspect, you'll surely be disappointed if you didn't share mutual interests, communicate well, and have similar goals in life. People with conflicting morals, personalities, and interests, are sure to fail in relationships. I know!

This is just a personal theory, but if two people have issues, it usually goes deeper than one's looks. I'd venture to say your husband is totally OK with your looks and like many men, if something ain't broke, he'll say little about it. That's not to say he shouldn't remind you, from time to time, that he still finds you attractive and alluring. Sometimes, men need a little reminder that you need confirmation, now and then, that you're still attractive and desirable.

You might have to just come out and tell him what you want! Men usually aren't mind-readers....my dad always told me women are smarter than guys!!!

[Melody Dean]

This is just a personal theory, but if two people have issues, it usually goes deeper than one's looks. I'd venture to say your husband is totally OK with your looks and like many men, if something ain't broke, he'll say little about it. That's not to say he shouldn't remind you, from time to time, that he still finds you attractive and alluring. Sometimes, men need a little reminder that you need confirmation, now and then, that you're still attractive and desirable.

From a woman's perspective, yes, we need that reminder sometimes. Things change, we get older, fashions change, hair changes, tastes change... We need the confirmation that our partners still find us attractive. Especially if there's someone else telling us we're desirable, do you really want to be outshone by some other guy or girl?

[pole_smoker]

Hi Realist, thanks for paying attention It's nice to know someone reads one's comments. but actually no I am not in love with her...I DO love her, and she is beautiful, and I would be happy to have my first experience with a woman with her if she was open to it or interested...but what I actually meant was that I wish someone (probably my husband, lol) felt I grew more appealing and beautiful as I grew older. Not that he doesn't find me beautiful, still, but I guess not MORE beautiful and attractive (like I find her). But life's cruel like that, sometimes, lol. And I'm more blessed than many in the looks dept, so I've had my turn to turn heads, and I shouldn't complain about it. Life is actually the most cruel just in the fact that it is so short...once one passes middle age, one realizes how it passes by in a wink....with all it's pain and beauty.

You want an open relationship with your husband so he's going to find the new chick or dude that fucks him to be hot and sexy, and push you aside...but that's what happens in open relationships and open marriages.

[kikigrace]

You want an open relationship with your husband so he's going to find the new chick or dude that fucks him to be hot and sexy, and push you aside...but that's what happens in open relationships and open marriages.

Well I don't really want an open relationship, that's just it...but I love my husband so much, and I am trying to open my way of thinking about it, and to think of his needs as well. It's been very hard for me to understand, which is part of the reason I joined this group. It's brought us to interesting territory. Some sad, some scary, some exciting. And I AM afraid a new person would result in me being pushed aside, and he knows that, so we are taking this very slowly. But Pole_smoker, I can't help wondering because you are so vehemently against open relationships (or their chance of success anyway)...do you participate in this site because you don't have an open relationship, but need an outlet for certain sides of your sexuality? This group is a funny mix of "real conversations" and then just porn-sharing and so on...a little weird to me. But I'm still finding some things helpful.

And Realist, "I've been around the block a time, or two, and can share some personal opinions and observations from experiences. For one: It seems that some of the most beautiful women and men, are more worried about their looks, than those of us who aren't in that category of examples! Short of plastic surgeons, we are stuck with what we got!" Yes, I think you are exactly right. If one grows up being valued for one's looks that becomes part of one's identity, and then it is hard to lose that gift. Even painful I would say. Well my story is that I was quite pretty in my youth, got pregnant by accident at age 21, married, had two children, had an unhappy marriage and also gained a lot of weight, and lost my looks and also my whole sense of my self as a sexual and desirable person. For decades. Now, at the ripe old age of 48 that side of myself is re-awakening, and it is weird, I feel like some kind of sleeping beauty, only when I woke up I was suddenly middle-aged, and I have to adjust to that! Of course we all do...but I do mourn all those years (25 years of my "youth") when I shut that part of myself down, and ironically my husbands interest in others has "shocked' me out of hibernation. And it's all exciting and scary...

[Cum1st]

A person wanting to be with me.

[JaredT77]

I'm all about personality when it comes to women and men. More attracted to women than I am with men. But if a person has a bad personality then I don't care how attractive they are, they are ugly as hell to me.