Hiding toys

**shazam2** · May 3, 2015, 7:14 AM

I am an older closeted single father whose kids visit frequently. I do not want them to know about my erotic side. I have an inventory of stuff: condoms, lube, butt plugs, and a strap on with dildo. I am of an age that I could become incapacitated or kick the bucket anytime. I know it may be prudish or overly conservative of me, but I would not want them to discover this stuff and that side of me. I have hidden them in a closet for some time, but am seriously considering dumping them - so great is my apprehension about their discovery by my kids. I know the decision about what to do is mine, and I do not know why I posted this thread, except possibly to elicit any reactions. Any?

**SargeRay.USMC** · May 3, 2015, 7:39 AM

If you have a son- u need to confide in him

**Realist** · May 3, 2015, 7:56 AM

As one with family so opposed to any non-heterosexual, same-gender, sexual involvement I understand Shazam's concerns. There are those who are so vehemently against any form of deviancy that they could overlook any good that you've done in your life and focus only upon your bisexuality, or gayness. It's a shame that there are still those with attitudes like that, these days, but they are among us! If you're sure of their reactions to the revealing of your sexual interests, I would do the following.

I'm not going to get into a controversy about opinions of others, or if Shazam's too concerned about family discovering his true self, etc, etc. That was not his question.....he's asking for suggestions, not a sermon.

To spare friends, or family, from learning of your intimate personal secrets, I suggest that you either get rid of the paraphernalia, or, if you have a trusted friend and confidant, you could ask them to get rid of it, upon your getting ill, and/or death.

That should give you some peace of mind and prevent any unwanted unveiling of secrets.

**shazam2** · May 3, 2015, 9:29 AM

Good counsel from Realist - who read my concern accurately. I am NOT interested in opinions from others about whether or not I should reveal my private sex life; I have come to terms with that issue. I have resolved it is in the best interest of all parties in my case not to "come out"; there is nothing to be gained.

Not having any confidant who lives closer than any of my kids, I am inclined to dump the stuff. I regret having to do that but life is made up of choices. Those of you in a situation similar to mine need to think about your own strategy.

**Hypersexual11** · May 3, 2015, 9:52 AM

I totally understand this. Both of our kids somehow tuned out to be very conservative, especially sexually. If they were aware of the stuff their mom and dad do, mortified. Dumping all of that stuff is a difficult thing, you may end up back at the abs replacing some of it. Maybe keep just enough stuff to keep you mildly entertained. Enough to make you look a little off, but not fully depraved. good luck man, and I wish you a long life.

**fredtyg** · May 3, 2015, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by Hypersexual11

Dumping all of that stuff is a difficult thing, you may end up back at the abs replacing some of it.

That's what I did years ago before I became pretty much out to the wife.

I'd come up with all kinds of places to hide my toys, only to get scared of the wife or someone else stumbling upon them. I'd finally throw them away, only to go back and buy more a few weeks later. Did that probably four times- get scared. throw them away. Then go back and buy more. It wasn't cheap.

I don't know what to suggest as I never found a place to hide things where I wasn't worried about someone stumbling upon them. I do wonder about the fear we have of after death.

I helped a friend of the wife's move some of her late father's stuff after he died. While we were at the father's house, she mentioned finding a bunch of porn films and such he had in his dresser drawer. She was just kinda like "Who'da thunk an old man would be doing that?". It seemed to be no big deal to her aside from curiosity.

Granted, it wasn't bi or homo indicative, but I can't help think people might not be as critical of such things as we might think once we're gone.

**charles-smythe** · May 3, 2015, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by shazam2

I am an older closeted single father whose kids visit frequently. I do not want them to know about my erotic side. I have an inventory of stuff: condoms, lube, butt plugs, and a strap on with dildo. I am of an age that I could become incapacitated or kick the bucket anytime. I know it may be prudish or overly conservative of me, but I would not want them to discover this stuff and that side of me. I have hidden them in a closet for some time, but am seriously considering dumping them - so great is my apprehension about their discovery by my kids. I know the decision about what to do is mine, and I do not know why I posted this thread, except possibly to elicit any reactions. Any?

..there was a PBC series about 3 unmarried young men & their sexual antics…can’t remember the name of the show but like all British comody it was funny…in one of the episodes they covered a similar subject…each of the young men had keys to each other’s flats (apts) & in case of an emergency they were to clean out their friends porn stash before their parents found it…perhaps if you have a friend you can trust…you can charge them with the task of going to your home & removing anything embarrassing before your kids see it…a written note of permission might be a good idea so the friend doesn’t inadvertenly get in trouble with the law…

**sysper** · May 3, 2015, 7:21 PM

id' setup some kinda trapdoor or something out of the way & disguised no1 would think of looking in. it could be the next owner's to deal with, if they ever find it

**pole_smoker** · May 3, 2015, 7:54 PM

Just tell your children that you're bisexual or gay. It's not that big of a deal.

**BicuriousIndy2** · May 3, 2015, 7:59 PM

We bought some security lock boxes that look like suitcases. They were $40. One of my wife's friends is to be first one in our house if something happens with instructions to take the cases and build a big fire at toss the cases in and keep adding wood until gone. The cases have toys and dvd's.

**pole_smoker** · May 3, 2015, 11:37 PM

Originally Posted by BicuriousIndy2

We bought some security lock boxes that look like suitcases. They were $40. One of my wife's friends is to be first one in our house if something happens with instructions to take the cases and build a big fire at toss the cases in and keep adding wood until gone. The cases have toys and dvd's.

Jeez you sound way too paranoid...for no reason at all. They're just porn DVDs, and sex toys.

**bi4asplay** · May 4, 2015, 8:54 AM

Originally Posted by shazam2

I am an older closeted single father whose kids visit frequently. I do not want them to know about my erotic side. I have an inventory of stuff: condoms, lube, butt plugs, and a strap on with dildo. I am of an age that I could become incapacitated or kick the bucket anytime. I know it may be prudish or overly conservative of me, but I would not want them to discover this stuff and that side of me. I have hidden them in a closet for some time, but am seriously considering dumping them - so great is my apprehension about their discovery by my kids. I know the decision about what to do is mine, and I do not know why I posted this thread, except possibly to elicit any reactions. Any?

You may be supprised at what they would think. It could be Hay man Dad was cooler than I thought.

**Melody Dean** · May 4, 2015, 9:52 AM

You might also consider replacing them with discreet toys, things that on their own wouldn't look conspicuous. Some toy lines sell stuff like that, and sometimes everyday objects can be used (time to start buying more produce!). Remember to cover things with condoms though for safety. I would think the kids finding condoms wouldn't be that big of a deal?

**shazam2** · May 4, 2015, 1:03 PM

Thanks for all the erstwhile comments and suggestions. I welcome still more.

One thing the comments reveal is how different our attitudes and experiences are, the circumstances that impinge upon us at any time, and the manner in which we choose to react to those circumstances.

Those of you have may have seen the movie "Kinsey" may recall that Dr. Alfred Kinsey began his scientific inquiry not by studying human sexuality, but rather by studying little bugs called gall wasps. In an early scene, addressing students in his college science class, he remarked something like: "I have studied thousands of these little gall wasps and have found that no two of them are exactly alike." Imagine! If no two individuals from as small a thing as wasps are exactly alike, think how improbable it is that any of us are alike - in physical attributes, beliefs, or behavior. That insight got him started on studying the differences in human sexual behavior as he and his cohorts interviewed thousands of respondents regarding their sexual practices.

I do a little writing. In one essay I wrote something like: "We define ourselves by our individual differences, but achieve a common humanity only by assessing those differences with empathy and compassion. One who doesn't have empathy and compassion for the differences among us ain't human."

For some of us a particular action may quite honestly and openly be seen as "no big deal"; but for others it is. The challenge for all of us is to display empathy and compassion when assessing how others behave differently than we would under the same circumstances.

Again, thanks for all the input . . . honestly.

**cuttin2dachase** · May 5, 2015, 6:08 PM

You could throw out the lubes that are branded and sold explicitly for sexual purposes and buy some coconut oil from a grocery store. It is an excellent all-purpose lube and tastes good too ! Since it's also a common cooking oil, you can hide it in plain sight in a kitchen cabinet. Unless you've portrayed yourself as totally celibate or monk-like to your kids, condoms shouldn't raise any eyebrows if they are found. However if you'd rather nobody else know that you have or that you have had a sex life as an older man, explain to your partners or lover/s your dilemma and ask that they bring a sufficient number of condoms for your sessions, offer them half or full reimbursement and of course they take any unused ones home with them for future use.

You might go online or to an adult store and find a substitute for some of your overtly sexual hardware items. There are "camouflaged" vibrator/massagers on the market which are specifically and outwardly designed to look and be therapeutic in nature, but which are also discreetly but purposely designed to be used in sexual ways too. You could create a plausible cover story by casually telling your kids that you saw and bought a massager that works great on your aching neck or wrist or cramped muscles etc.

There are companies or craftsmen who could easily & cheaply create a secret space, say beneath a closet floor or behind a baseboard etc that would be undiscoverable unless the house is torn down. I guess the bottom line here is that unless you have or can create a safe and undetectable hiding space for your current 'inventory' or you have a friend/partner/lover who can keep your sexthings for you or retrieve them before your family can find them, get rid of them and save yourself the fretting and stress over this issue.

**whistle1** · May 5, 2015, 9:17 PM

I concur with Realist. The best option would be to ask a trusted friend to remove the items should anything befall you. If you don't have anyone in whom you can confide, then your only other option is to discard the items in question.

**pole_smoker** · May 5, 2015, 11:29 PM

Originally Posted by whistle1

I concur with Realist. The best option would be to ask a trusted friend to remove the items should anything befall you. If you don't have anyone in whom you can confide, then your only other option is to discard the items in question.

Or what's a lot easier would be just to come out to your friends or family. A gay male friend of mine has been out for decades and said how if anything were to happen to him or if he had a medical or personal emergency and needed someone to go to his house his friends and relatives would find porn at his house, and nobody cared when he said this.

**innaminka** · May 8, 2015, 7:31 AM

As a lady of a certain age who is now partnered with a lady of similar vintage and sexual tastes, we have accumulated a reasonable amount of worldly knowledge between us: we don't get easily flustered about personal things any more. Yes we have toys. Not a lot, but they are there, residing in my partner's top drawer. Not hidden in any way; a couple of vibes, a harness and dildo and some lube. Nothing spectacular in today's world. And they are not frequently used by any means.
My partner has two daughters (as do I) who live with us - both 18+. They know we have toys, we are open about that, because the curiosity about what two women actually "do" has been raised briefly. I'm sure they know where they are - in our case, so what!
We don't flaunt them in any way, but neither do we deny their existence.