I live in a college town, so consent is a big issue here.
What do you do to be sure that you have the consent of the person you're with? Anything special?
I recently had an experience where the guy I was with got very clear consent, and it was sooooo hot. When we were making out, he would ask, "May I...?" then describe what he was going to do. It got me so worked up, that every time I responded with an emphatic, breathless, "YES!"
Interestingly, and importantly, consent does not necessarily mean a person has been given carte-blanche 2 do as he or she likes as often as he or she likes. The word no still means no at any time as much after consent has been given as it would have been had consent been intially refused. Consent can be withdrawn... something far to many people, men in particular, seem to ignore or conveniently forget, and women often to their cost.Originally Posted by Melody Dean
Not everyone, woman or man, likes every sexual act and that should b remembered b4 anyone even thinks of having sex with another person and also people do change their minds after commencement of the proceedings and often deeply into them for a myriad of reasons other than they are cock teasers..
Last edited by darkeyes; Apr 24, 2015 at 12:13 PM.
Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.
Wholeheartedly agreed.Interestingly, and importantly, consent does not necessarily mean a person has been given carte-blanche 2 do as he or she likes as often as he or she likes. The word no still means no at any time as much after consent has been given as it would have been had consent been intially refused. Consent can be withdrawn... something far to many people, men in particular, seem to ignore or conveniently forget, and women often to their cost.
Not everyone, woman or man, likes every sexual act and that should b remembered b4 anyone even thinks of having sex with another person and also people do change their minds after commencement of the proceedings and often deeply into them for a myriad of reasons other than they are cock teasers..
No mention of you asking HIS consent tho. My dear God, some women just take what they want, and not a dicky bird of "May I .....".
"You're like my yo-yo, that glowed in the dark. What made it special, made it dangerous. So I bury it, and forget.":Kate Bush
That is a very fair point.No mention of you asking HIS consent tho. My dear God, some women just take what they want, and not a dicky bird of "May I .....".
Personally, I'm usually in the position to be giving consent. But I can't say I never need to ask for consent, I'm not a starfish. But anytime I'm in that situation, we've always talked about what was going to happen first. And with most of my lovers, we've also had the, "When does 'No' not mean 'no' and what word does?" discussion.
ha ha haNo mention of you asking HIS consent tho. My dear God, some women just take what they want, and not a dicky bird of "May I .....".
This from the man who wrote that most men will stick their privates in any opening that they think will fit...
i prefer to go by body reaction rather than a pre game analysis....but it it works for you.
Melody
No not meaning NO is confusing.
Been there before too. But sometimes discussing first is necessary. And it can be hot too, like verbal foreplay.
I was referring to needing a safe word. That it needs to be discussed before play if necessary.No not meaning NO is confusing.
…I think that if someone…male or female…puts themselves in certain positions… (In a private setting partially or completely unclothes…or etc…)…permission to have sex is a given…
I'd say permission to have sex is assumed, not given. Can be rescinded at any time. And not if the other person is otherwise incapacitated (ie Drunk).
Sometimes just asking during the moment just means you're just trying to explore new territory or can be a form of power play that they are bestowing upon you. I like to ask during sex with a new partner or even when I have been with her for awhile. Mostly, I like talking about sex before having sex and discussing likes and dislikes and then just winging it during the actual sex.
Sex should never be assumed... it is often assumed, but no matter the circumstances or state of dress unless consent is clearly forthcoming, consent has not been granted. Melody is right in raising the issue of alcohol and incapacity... unless one is reasonably compos mentis, even if the word yes is spoken, this should not be taken as consent since to grant consent, a person must be in control, be able to think clearly, and be responsible for their actions.... sooo... Chas... u are wrong... permission for sex is not always a given.... think that way and u may just spend a few years in clink... and maybe a lifetime on the sex offenders register...
Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.
Didn't need to take what I wanted, me luffly wee Welsh chumly, because by men it was overwhelmingly given freely, gladly and eagerly and in the main I never needed to ask... but sometimes... either for consent to sex, tho more for a specific act (or simply to shag again).... not all men are macho, full of confidence, cocky bastards for every man is different... Some need to be cajoled and/or seduced and sometimes in the act of seduction, one needed to ask... but in the main, one was asked in one way or t'otha..No mention of you asking HIS consent tho. My dear God, some women just take what they want, and not a dicky bird of "May I .....".
Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.
Trust me, tenni, men knew exactly wot wos meant wen I sed no b4 and during sex... it may have meant no, maybe not... but tone, emphasis, posture and circumstance and the message was transmitted, received and understood... some guys persevered when meaning no means no, but a forceful follow up "I said no, now fuck off" and look of disdain settled things usually...ha ha ha
This from the man who wrote that most men will stick their privates in any opening that they think will fit...
i prefer to go by body reaction rather than a pre game analysis....but it it works for you.
Melody
No not meaning NO is confusing..
Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.
Hmm, well for most of my partners when I've become more dominant in different activities, I stop for just a second or two and remind them that I don't want to hurt them, most of them have affirmed that the liked what they were feeling so we keep going. This may sound stupid but I still view sharing intimacy with another person as a gift - so to truly cause someone else pain would probably turn me off pretty quickly and is the exact opposite reason of why I want to be there.
I have found through some experiences that it helps to be at least a little vocal about what you like or don't like - it can be very erotic when you don't have to say anything, but it can also be a little frustrating trying to read someone else's mind.
Last edited by elian; Apr 25, 2015 at 9:11 AM.
I was only half joking. Only half.lol
Basically the responsibility lays with the one in the dom position, as far as I can make out. As the lovely Fran points out - that can mean the more sober one of a drunk couple.
Many women get themselves rat-arsed, have consensual sex with men then decide it was rape when sobered up. Am NOT knocking women for that, but men too:
Many bi men have m-m sex then suddenly turn into guilt-fueled hetero rape victims when they cum.
I have known one bloke like that for a few years, and he returns coz he can trust me to stop when he needs me to. If I didn't stop, I'd class that as rape coz I AM aware of his nature and know that his distress is real. It's also a right pain in the tit for me. It's not easy to stop when you are in a state of unbridled pash!lol
Many blokes on here will vouch for the fact that many men have 2 personalities: Pre-cum & post-cum. You have to ask for consent to carry on when the other has cum.
Many will vouch for the wannabe-powerbottoms too: They GUARANTEE that they'll take that dick all night long as hard and fast as can be. Yet decide that wasn't such a good idea after only 10mins in to the night of arse destruction.
Consent is denied as fast as it's given. It's not even given sometimes and I've had to stop a few from trying their luck with my lily white arse. Cheeky fekers!
Due to my little kinky ways, which may result in sex that has a few similarities to that of a rape situation....
Not coz I may need that bit of helpful info in court, but coz sex is supposed to be a great enjoyable pastime, not a path down Psycho Avenue for flourishing sociopaths (like Charles-Smythe for eg.
But we all KNOW that those with questionable self control & mental issues are out there. So when out for sex, and putting yourself in a vulnerable situation, responsibility has to be on you first and foremost!
"You're like my yo-yo, that glowed in the dark. What made it special, made it dangerous. So I bury it, and forget.":Kate Bush
This is such a complicated matter as can be seen in the comments of the posts above. Flirting, alcohol and drugs, and post sex guilt, as well as other factors all play into actions and decisions. Then, when you factor in young people without much if any experience with sex, the situation is ripe for issues and accusations. I wonder if "Flirting Training" or "Sexual Negotiations" should be taught in schools (certainly in college) with role playing certain situations built-in. It would sure help people negotiate the tricky paths of sexual situations in a calm, rationale environment before they encounter it in the heat of the moment when dating.
That's not necessarily true.
Yeah, the subject of consent was never raised in any sex ed class that I was in. And it's a pretty major thing that should be taught! Granted, my sex ed classes were also abstinence based.
…I’m so old that they didn’t even have ‘sex ed’ when I went to school…
…after a certain point sex is assumed/a given…and permission can’t be rescinded…there is a point of no-return…
There are no hard and fast "rules" for sex.
…were I on the jury & some girl who changed her mind & yelled rape…I’d want to know what state the man was in when she said no…like I said…there is a point of no return…if she let the guy get to that point before she said no…it wouldn’t be rape as far as I was concerned…
I HEARTILY DISAGREE!!!!! Either person can say no at any time, (pardon the crudeness) even when balls deep.
For example, what if she were in pain?
Is it ur contention then, Chas, that a girl does not have the right to change her mind? Or a guy for that matter? There is, or should be b no such thing as a point of no return, not when it comes to making decisions about whether or not to to allow sex. From the second the word no is uttered, any subsequent sexual activity imposed upon the person who spoke the word is rape.. whether in the eyes of the law it is considered an illegal act depends on the law where one lives and often the vagiaries of the judicial system and the prejudices of the person or persons sitting in judgement, but irrespective, it remains, literally and morally, rape.
Last edited by darkeyes; Apr 27, 2015 at 12:27 PM.
Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.
NO it's not photo shopped.
. Is it ur contention then, Chas, that a girl does not have the right to change her mind? Or a guy for that matter? …not after a certain point no…There is, or should be b no such thing as a point of no return, not when it comes to making decisions about whether or not to allow sex. …we all know-whether we like to admit it or not, there is a physical ‘point of no return’ for guys…girls biologically seem to have a little bit more control…BUT I’ve known girls that had a ‘point of no return’ every bit as strong as guys…. From the second the word no is uttered, any subsequent sexual activity imposed upon the person who spoke the word is rape…Whether in the eyes of the law it is considered an illegal act depends on the law where one lives and often the vagaries of the judicial system and the prejudices of the person or persons sitting in judgement, but irrespective, it remains, literally and morally, rape….if a girl teases & leds a guy on…it is not rape…
Last edited by pole_smoker; Apr 29, 2015 at 1:35 AM.
And if you had been paying attention, you'd have know this : http://www.inquisitr.com/2051182/bud...-rape-culture/
NO it's not photo shopped.
All because some people assumed they meant sex.
And how many guys are sitting in prison right now that used that defense ? A lot of them.
I was paying attention, and that's how I learned about it.
Last edited by pole_smoker; Apr 29, 2015 at 4:18 AM.
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