MMF / couples play

[iamgarbanzo]

I am a bi married man who is increasingly intrigued by a MMF or couples-swap scene. It could be something as basic as having sex in the same room as another couple, or watching another man have sex with my wife. (I already have M-M experience, and don't particularly need any one-on-one situations with another man). How I do know if this is right for us? Is there anyway to gently tip a toe into the water, and see if it feels good? And how do I talk about this with my wife? She knows I'm bi, but I don't talk about it much with her. (Right now, my attractions are about 70%-80% to women, so I'm comfortable living a basically hetero life). Any thoughts?

[Plumhead2]

I am assuming that you are looking for a bi-mmf, right? Hmmm, I have the same problem except that I don't have any experience with M-M sex and still wondering if I want it. However, a suggestion for you: Maybe you can get your wife to watch some bi-mmf porn. Start with str8 porn and then slip in a b-mmf porn video. You can see her reaction, and use the video and her reactions to start a conversation. Maybe you use the argument that you and she could try it just once and if she doesn't like it then any further explorations like that would be nixed. Talk about the difference between lovemaking and sex and tell her that lovemaking will always only be for her. Ask her about her concerns, issues, fears about exploring sex together and how sharing this exploration could bring you two closer. Does any of this help? Please let us know how you work all this out.

[kikigrace]

I am brand new to this site. I am a "mostly straight" woman married to a bi man (for 15 years). I can't give you any help or advice, but I am sharing your question- "How do I know if this is right for us?" My husband has interest in a MMF threesome, but my feeling is that he wants that (more than a FFM threesome, for example) because it gives him a chance to experience sex (again) with a male, while having me included so it is not "cheating". I don't really know if I would want to be there or not. I personally don't have a strong (or even medium) desire to be with another man, but if it is exciting for him I am excited by that. Does that make sense? But I am finding this all pretty confusing. That's why I ended up on this website. My husband is mostly a "top" with me, but a "bottom" with a man. I feel insecure that if we find a bi-man to share this experience with us, will he really be attracted to me as well?

But mostly, I am wondering about this question of "how do we know if it is right for us?" I'd hate to find out after the fact that we can't handle it- because of jealousy issues. We have always kind of agreed that we couldn't handle any kind of "open" or swinging, because of jealousy, but now we are having a shift. I feel like he is missing a side of his sexuality that I can't provide, and I also feel like we are getting older (approaching 50) and this is vanity, but if we are going to do something like this I'd rather do it soon...before I feel "too old" to feel attractive and sexy...

Any advice?

[Fzmr9t]

I am brand new to this site. I am a "mostly straight" woman married to a bi man (for 15 years). I can't give you any help or advice, but I am sharing your question- "How do I know if this is right for us?" My husband has interest in a MMF threesome, but my feeling is that he wants that (more than a FFM threesome, for example) because it gives him a chance to experience sex (again) with a male, while having me included so it is not "cheating". I don't really know if I would want to be there or not. I personally don't have a strong (or even medium) desire to be with another man, but if it is exciting for him I am excited by that. Does that make sense? But I am finding this all pretty confusing. That's why I ended up on this website. My husband is mostly a "top" with me, but a "bottom" with a man. I feel insecure that if we find a bi-man to share this experience with us, will he really be attracted to me as well?

But mostly, I am wondering about this question of "how do we know if it is right for us?" I'd hate to find out after the fact that we can't handle it- because of jealousy issues. We have always kind of agreed that we couldn't handle any kind of "open" or swinging, because of jealousy, but now we are having a shift. I feel like he is missing a side of his sexuality that I can't provide, and I also feel like we are getting older (approaching 50) and this is vanity, but if we are going to do something like this I'd rather do it soon...before I feel "too old" to feel attractive and sexy...

Any advice?

I wish my wife was this open. She would never consider anything remotely close to this (but enough about me). I can't speak for your husband, but being a husband who would love to experience a MMF 3some with my wife, I don't think that I would lose any love or affection for her. Nor do I think I'd lose interest. But that's me, and as I said I can't speak on someone else's situation
enev if we were to explore going to a store and buying her a strap on, just to see if she could even handle the experience of me being a "bottom", which is not my "normal" role when it involves sex between us. (There I go, talking about ME again)

good luck

[kikigrace]

Well, I just talked some more with my husband about it, and his suggestion was to try to meet with someone- just to chat and see if there is any chemistry- and that by taking that step of actually seeing him talk, flirt, whatever with someone I would see my level of comfort (and/or excitement I guess). Well, to Fzmr9t, there's always hope for you and your wife! I never thought I would find myself considering this either, but things can change over time, and after many years of feeling kind of threatened (but also turned on, if that makes sense) by my husband's bi-sexuality, I finally decided if you can't beat'em, join 'em!

[Fzmr9t]

Well, I just talked some more with my husband about it, and his suggestion was to try to meet with someone- just to chat and see if there is any chemistry- and that by taking that step of actually seeing him talk, flirt, whatever with someone I would see my level of comfort (and/or excitement I guess). Well, to Fzmr9t, there's always hope for you and your wife! I never thought I would find myself considering this either, but things can change over time, and after many years of feeling kind of threatened (but also turned on, if that makes sense) by my husband's bi-sexuality, I finally decided if you can't beat'em, join 'em!

Good luck kikigrace. Hope all goes well with you

[Plumhead2]

I am amazed at your openness and sensitivity. Your husband is lucky to have such a wonderful spouse, and I am sure that he knows it. Being married for 15 years, I am sure that you have weathered other issues and problems, though maybe not so traumatic. Lean on that strength that you both have; lean on the great love that you have for each other. I hope that you let us all know how this turns out. I know that I will be pulling for you and your husband to come out of this stronger and happier.

[marine20]

kikigrace , once you see your husband with a cock in his mouth, you will be so turned on , you would have forgotten your question !

[pole_smoker]

Hmmm, I have the same problem except that I don't have any experience with M-M sex and still wondering if I want it.

For fuck's sake you're in your early 60s, and it's not like you're going to wake up one day and discover that you're bisexual or not heterosexual since that would have happened a long time ago, and you would have realized it long before now.

[chtampa]

For fuck's sake you're in your early 60s, and it's not like you're going to wake up one day and discover that you're bisexual or not heterosexual since that would have happened a long time ago, and you would have realized it long before now.

[elmwood7]

That might be a little too subtle for pole smoker...

[pole_smoker]

Well, I just talked some more with my husband about it, and his suggestion was to try to meet with someone- just to chat and see if there is any chemistry- and that by taking that step of actually seeing him talk, flirt, whatever with someone I would see my level of comfort (and/or excitement I guess). Well, to Fzmr9t, there's always hope for you and your wife! I never thought I would find myself considering this either, but things can change over time, and after many years of feeling kind of threatened (but also turned on, if that makes sense) by my husband's bi-sexuality, I finally decided if you can't beat'em, join 'em!

IF you want your marriage to break apart, and cause jealousy, arguments, and strife in your relationship/marriage with your husband, and break up the two of you then by all means proceed and find a guy to fuck you both.

[elmwood7]

There you go giving advice about stuff you know nothing about pole. Just because they experiment a little or even a lot doesn't mean it will ruin their marriage. My wife and I have been together for 33 yrs. this August in an open marriage where we sometimes shared guys or girls and sometimes played separately. As long as they communicate and agree on the ground rules if any they will be fine. It's not about hurting or making the spouse jealous it's just sex for pleasure. Like fishing or paying softball or bowling. It's just for fun.

[kikigrace]

Hi Pole_smoker, that seems like a pretty strong opinion! Do you just "know" on a gut level that it would cause a ton of jealousy and end up hurting both of you? But I'm curious, because I read your profile (is that ok etiquette when someone is in a conversation?) because I wanted to know a little more where you were coming from. And it says you are not looking for anything sexual (or did I mis-understand?) only friendship. Is it so you can be friends with other bi-sexual people and have conversations about that topic and be open about your desires, even though you are monogamous? I don't mean to offend, because clearly we are all on this site for a variety of reasons, but for me, if it is just friendship I am looking for I probably wouldn't be on this kind of site because I don't care at all if my friends are gay, straight, bi, or anything. Of course it is nice to know and befriend a variety of people...

But the thing is, people can't help who they are attracted to (no matter what their sexual orientation) and what I have found in my marriage of 15 years is that I want to know my husband very intimately, and if he is going to seek interaction from those outside our marriage (mostly via online at this point, but there were a few actual "trysts" that I found out about after the fact- or intercepted before hand- and was very hurt by) I would rather know about it, and even be included. My hope is that my interest and participation will only add to his pleasure. He by nature does not seem to be jealous at all. Of course I have so far given him absolutely no reason to be. What I would not be able to tolerate would be some kind of double standard, where I wasn't supposed to be jealous, but he could be. I think people are just "wired" differently about that. I guess I am just trying to "re-adjust" my wiring, so to speak, because if I don't I will have a life of always being jealous, and that is just unnecessary pain that does't help either of us.

So we "dipped our toes in" last night- via computer- I didn't even really know what could be done via computer+camera! I have to say, for one, is was unexpectedly FUN...what I loved about it and I didn't at all know I would, was all the "compliments" and positive feedback I received by showing a little skin. Who knew! It just made me feel happy and good about myself and desirable. And it was fun for him because, well maybe that's obvious. But one thing he said is he gets more "interest" from men if I am there too. I guess most of you know all this, but it's all a new world to me. Anyway, in the morning I felt happy and close to him, like he had finally let me into one of his private worlds. And it felt pretty safe, because it is all so anonymous and fleeting...

And he is right, going to on to something with real people is a big step, so this is something intermediate with not quite as much risk. So I guess we'll stay "here" for a while, and see where that leads, and if it continues to make things better for us, or if it does end up causing hurt feelings and problems...seems relatively easy to "back pedal" from here if we need to, and if I am not with him he's doing it anyway, so that feels more hurtful to me...

[elian]

They have a few swinger's clubs around here, I have never gone because I just don't know if I would be welcome there, single men pay more to get in anyway and frankly I would much rather something grew out of a friendship..I love being intimate and affectionate, and it's not that I want to be insanely jealous and come between anyone with a lasting relationship, but I would like it to mean a little bit more than just getting off.

[Neonaught]

Wife and I, both bi, have enjoyed a number of MFM and FMF threesomes over the last 3-4 years. We usually meet our perspective partners online and chat with them extensively to get a feel whether or not they are our kind of people. If we all seem compatible we will then move to the next level and meet in person, either by inviting them to dinner at our place or meeting in a neutral location if that is what everyone comfort level requires. If we all click then it's on. If not, ll we had a nice dinner and there's no harm, no foul.

[pole_smoker]

There you go giving advice about stuff you know nothing about pole. Just because they experiment a little or even a lot doesn't mean it will ruin their marriage. My wife and I have been together for 33 yrs. this August in an open marriage where we sometimes shared guys or girls and sometimes played separately. As long as they communicate and agree on the ground rules if any they will be fine. It's not about hurting or making the spouse jealous it's just sex for pleasure. Like fishing or paying softball or bowling. It's just for fun.

Then Don't be surprised if your wife is eating cunt or getting dicked on the side and you don't know about it, or if you're cheating and getting some dick or cunt on the side that she doesn't know about.

[querty]

Then Don't be surprised if your wife is eating cunt or getting dicked on the side and you don't know about it, or if you're cheating and getting some dick or cunt on the side that she doesn't know about.

forgot your meds again Pole? you miserable fuck.

[pole_smoker]

forgot your meds again Pole? you miserable fuck.

Meds? I don't take any meds since I do not have any mental illness or any sort of STD; but I wouldn't be surprised if you need them for a mental illness, or an STD you have. You don't even know me and yet you're projecting your own low self esteem/self image onto me.

[querty]

My wife and I have been in a swing/open marriage for several years now, and have enjoyed it immensely. It has allowed us to explore parts of our sexuality that we would not have been able to otherwise (or with out cheating on one another), including my bisexuality.

For sure such a relationship is not for everyone. It can lead to real trouble, especially if either person in the relationship is the least bit jealous or insecure.

The key is communication. Open, honest, and always. Both when considering it and always there after.

[pole_smoker]

My wife and I have been in a swing/open marriage for several years now, and have enjoyed it immensely. It has allowed us to explore parts of our sexuality that we would not have been able to otherwise (or with out cheating on one another), including my bisexuality.

For sure such a relationship is not for everyone. It can lead to real trouble, especially if either person in the relationship is the least bit jealous or insecure.

The key is communication. Open, honest, and always. Both when considering it and always there after.

Riiiiiiiight and I'm sure neither of you have ever cheated on each other LMAO

Don't be surprised if you find out that your wife is getting dicked by another guy, or having her cunt eaten by a chick and I'm sure you've fucked some cunt on the side, and got some dick on the side from a side piece/fuck buddy who you're his booty call that she doesn't know about.

[querty]

Seriously Pole, go take your meds....maybe double up this time?

[pole_smoker]

Seriously Pole, go take your meds....maybe double up this time?

You and your "wife" need to double up on meds when your STDs start showing up on your bodies.

[charles-smythe]

Then Don't be surprised if your wife is eating cunt or getting dicked on the side and you don't know about it, or if you're cheating and getting some dick or cunt on the side that she doesn't know about.

…I always assume all girls are getting some on the side…dick & pussy both…so if my girl was I wouldn’t be surprised & probably not even mad…by the same token since I assume they are playing around so I do to…dick & pussy both…what we don’t know doesn’t hurt us…

[charles-smythe]

forgot your meds again Pole? you miserable fuck.

…It’s not necessary to agree with pole or any other poster…but this type of attack is uncalled for & reflects badly on you…

[querty]

Agreed. My apologies to the forum.