How do you vet a potential sex partner as far as safety in health and discretion? What do you look for?
How do you vet a potential sex partner as far as safety in health and discretion? What do you look for?
Reading your reply in the Fuckbuddies thread, it sounds as if you're looking for the same sort of thing I am. How do you vet a guy for what they call a Closed Loop Relationship? I suppose it first depends on what his lifestyle is. Is he a pretty stable married guy that just wants another guy to fool around with? Or is he playing the field, going out cruising all the time? I'd want to look at that first.
Then I'd want to ask him what he's looking for and expecting between the two of us. I'd try to bring that up in a way so the guy doesn't feel as if he's filling out a job application, perhaps by starting out by telling him where I'm at in regards a m2m relationship. If he seems all worried about telling me as much about himself as I've told him about me, that might well be a deal breaker.
Not sure I've ran into that sort of thing in person, but I have exchanged e-mails with guys in the past that seem scared to death to tell me anything about them. Either way, I'm not going to even think about seeing a guy if they're so scared they won't be open to me about themselves.
Face it, it's a crapshoot as far as knowing absolutely beyond the shadow of a doubt that a potential partner is disease free. Even with a clean lab test done yesterday, he (or she) could still be incubating or carrying an STD they picked up as long as 6 months ago that is not yet detectable by STD testing. You have to get a feeling or vibes that they have played safely and minimized the risks of becoming infected with an STD. The keyword is vetting. Take the time to do it through emails or chatting live or by phone or text. Stay away from those who evade answering your questions or who are pushy, rude and impatient. If they are taking as much care and caution as you are taking in meeting new partners, chances are they are selective, safe and discreet. Obviously, if a man professes a penchant for cruising gay bars, parks, bath houses, adult bookstores, restroom stalls etc. for random sex with random strangers, that's a no-go for me. Also I prefer selective bi or curious married men for obvious reasons.
I never heard of that term "closed loop relationship" until now. I like the idea as it is described in the definition. I think it would be best to develop the relationship first by pursuing other common interests without being pressured to jump straight into bed but still have it understood that we would both be interested in having sex.
I'm looking at starting one as well. I want sex but don't need to risk my health. Hopefully we'll both be healthy when we're tested. Then we can enjoy each other fully.
There is a Yahoo Closed Loop Relationship group:Originally Posted by sailfish
https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/Closed-Loop/
Not sure if any CLRs have been formed through it, but the guys posting certainly seem interested in finding one. Most will tell you what they're like, what their interests are, and that they want someone to pursue interests with, as well as possible sexual relations.
One problem with that group is it's moderated so you don't get messages except for every few days, usually. Also, I'm not so sure I enjoy hearing time and time again of guys advertising themselves, especially from places hundreds of miles from me. The average post is something along the line of "MWM, 48. Happily married with 3 kids in college. Enjoy fishing, carpentry and movies. Looking for CLR in St. Louis, MO area". But, every once in a blue moon there might be some discussion on other topics.
The Yahoo Bisexual Buddies group has more discussion, although it can come and go depending on what guys have on their mind:
https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/...alBuddies/info
I haven't found a shortage of married paranoid guys looking for this. My fwb is so far into the closet and so paranoid about bringing something home, it makes me feel ok about him. I know very little about him though. I think a lot of it comes from just talking to a guy. Even if he doesn't reveal a lot about himself, he will reveal a lot about what kind of person he is. Values and standards tend to come out in conversation. For me, vetting is simply talking and watching for signs of lies which are easy to spot if you watch the body language.
I'm not in an open relationship now; but when I was single and actively dating and having sex with women and men if they were married, or had a BF/GF, and looking to cheat I avoided them.
Why? Because a woman or man that's married and cheating is lying to their partner/spouse will lie about all sort of things, and you can't trust them.
STD testing is pretty reliable, I would insist on a test. Not romantic, true, but a necessity for an ongoing sexual relationship where trust is a must. If you want a body fluid monogamous relationship you need to test. What you're trying to accomplish is a closed loop of partner(s) that you can rely on to be true to the promise of no outside play without testing or further testing if there is an indescretion. Good luck
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks