I just realized I am Bi and I am scared.

[Hojo87]

Hello, I am 27 and I had a realization about myself this past week. I have always really enjoyed nude and erotic pics of women (particularly anime girls), but I have also like pics of men BIG dicks (kinda a size queen/king there). I think about sex with women everyday and I have had M/F sex and loved it. However, also knew I liked photos and drawings of well toned and endowed men, but thought that was because I was aspiring to have a body like theirs. When I was younger, I did experiment (like most people at that age do) and even had oral M/M sex on a regular basis (not in a relationship though). My self-identity never existed in my mind, when I looked into mirror I would see an unfamiliar face and when I thought about myself I didn't see a face at all (I replaced that image with with animated characters, faces I did know and could clearly imagine). Needless to say, this kept me in a state of depression. Last month I saw the ending to Legend of Korra and in that moment somethings inside me started to come together and, as the days went by, I thought more and more about my sexual interests and last week it clicked for me. I am a Bisexual. At first, I felt so happy becuase I knew who I was for the first time, but I was over come with fear as I had been raised in an anti-gay redneck family and conservative christian community. I know for a fact that if my parents ever found out they would disown me along with the rest of my family. I am currently dating a girl that I met in church that I genuinely like and I think she likes me, but I am terrified she will leave me if I tell her (as she is christian/conservative as well, though I do not know how she feels about bisexuals) to the point where I am having trouble getting an erection and sleeping/eating. I have no one to come out to, feel very alone, and have been crying in private for the past few days. I am not internet savvy and only just discovered this community. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get rid of, or at least ease my fear?

[HappyHedonic]

Hi Hojo, I don't have specific advice for you but I do offer words of encouragement. There is nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with men or women or both at the same time. Know that you are not alone in your pain and fear and depression. Many of us have been or are still there. I do not know of any local resources that are available to you but reaching out here is a good first step, I think. Know that you are still young and have a future of possibilities ahead of you, and those possibilities include living happily as a bisexual with others accepting and loving you, if not members of your biological family. It may sound cliche but "it gets better".

[Hojo87]

Thank you sooooo much! Just came out to my brother in private and not only does he support me, he said he would keep it secret (for him that says a lot). would kiss you if I could! *smooch!*

[elian]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9woWAs2i5Ps

My relationship with the divine became a lot better when I stopped viewing God as some angry old white man gleefully raining punishment down on his petulant children and instead started to view the divine as a loving partner, the ultimate force of bestowal - that only and ever wants to see us reach our full potential.

Questioning my sexuality growing up was probably one of the worst things I have ever had to do. I used to pray to God, "Why did you make me this way?" - the answers I got ranged from silence, to "I'm Sorry" to "I had to so that you would understand."

It was only 18 or so years later that I realized, whether I wanted it or not I was given the gift of an open mind. There is value in being able to tolerate a little bit of ambiguity in my life. Not every question in life has a black or white answer.

I learned love from Jesus Christ, but I learned forgiveness from the Buddhist concept of "lovingkindness". For some reason Christians just don't seem to do "forgiveness" very well. Which is really strange considering the whole point of Jesus' ministry is that God no longer wanted to be in the "sin accounting business" of the Old Testament.

The true power of the love of Christ – the example of his ministry is that despite flaws, despite sin, to be loved so unconditionally that you don’t need to be compelled to do the “right” thing through the pain and fear of death.

As to whether or not it is "a sin" - I believe that God knows the difference between a lustful relationship, and a committed, loving relationship; regardless of gender. God loves you for who you are.

If I am wrong, well then I suppose that is between God and I. If my life didn't have value, it would have been so easy to end it, but when I was growing up distraught over the fact that I wanted to be with boys it was God who said, "Hold on just a little longer, you can do it, I love you."

http://smallsphere.wordpress.com

Anyone can choose not to have sex, but have you ever tried to choose who you fall in love with?

There are so many people who could use love in this world right now, and we have the capacity to be attracted to, and care deeply about someone regardless of what is between their legs. It may seem like a curse, but actually it is probably a blessing.

[goodsonformom]

Hojo......God never gives us more than we can handle.....

A bit about me.....I was Bi before I understood who I was. I was sexual with males for decades as I was encouraged to explore my Bisexual desires as a boy. That was 50 years ago. About 10 years ago I met a girl who loved my Bisexual experiences, and urged me to at least come out on forums such as this, and be me.....I listen and continued my straight thinking path to....confusion.

I had always considered myself straight, in my own mind and openly with others, always hiding who I was and what aroused me. I lived a lie, and I still do in some circles. But about 5 years ago I admitted to myself I am Bisexual, and I love that about me....I began trying to come to terms with not my bisexuality. Why was my need, to live this life through the perception of me......as a straight man, when in fact I have sucked......I have no clue how many men.....have cared deeply for as many males as women.....but yet failed myself in the most basic way....I was not living my reality. I was living my perception.

About a year ago I met a lovely young trans girl, it was an internet thing, it was on a forum. She had a boy friend and I'm married. We chatted and teased......and talked. Yes we talked and she was local. Aout 2 months later we met in person for coffee. She was more amazing than the intimate girl I chatted with, more than the voice of reason I heard on the phone. I fell in love with her....a realistic love, deeply affectionate, but realistic given our different worlds and unique situations. I'm not saying her being trans and me being married is the "reality" part of the "a realistic love"....no....we come from vastly different places, with very different goals and extenuating situations.....but none the less....in this moment.....we are lovers. I love her more for her amazing intellect, and compassion.....her degree of loyal intimacy.....and even at 24 years old....her "old soul" wisdom.

She has compassionately and respectfully, helped me see my reality..... and less fearful of rejection from those around me.....she has made me feel whole.....I love her for all of this.

I'm not perfect, I'm complicated, I'm a project, my life is not of perfection....it's about progress.....and I can live with that.....

[techwoody]

Hojo87 - I am 51 married for almost 23 years, 3 kids, etc. I have been in a sexless marriage for a number of years and kind of by accident discovered I enjoyed watching other men playing with themselves and others. I discovered the wonder of webcams and was "playing" online for years - but only online. Never in person. After loosing two family members within a year of each other, I realized life is short. So I decided to try this "bi" thing. I met another married guy and all-in-all it was a good experience. That experimentation was good because I realized that I could never live without a female in my life. I enjoy women, either bodies, etc. too much. But I occasionally enjoy some "guy time". All I have tried is mutual j/o, oral and discovered I enjoy giving (and receiving) full body/erotic massages. My point is, you are young and deserve to find happiness in whatever brings you joy and pleasure. If you are a good person, you will be judged based on that. Not by what you enjoy in the bedroom.

[pole_smoker]

Hojo87 - I am 51 married for almost 23 years, 3 kids, etc. I have been in a sexless marriage for a number of years and kind of by accident discovered I enjoyed watching other men playing with themselves and others. I discovered the wonder of webcams and was "playing" online for years - but only online. Never in person. After loosing two family members within a year of each other, I realized life is short. So I decided to try this "bi" thing. I met another married guy and all-in-all it was a good experience. That experimentation was good because I realized that I could never live without a female in my life. I enjoy women, either bodies, etc. too much. But I occasionally enjoy some "guy time". All I have tried is mutual j/o, oral and discovered I enjoy giving (and receiving) full body/erotic massages. My point is, you are young and deserve to find happiness in whatever brings you joy and pleasure. If you are a good person, you will be judged based on that. Not by what you enjoy in the bedroom.

Cheating on a spouse or partner is never a good thing.

Hojo87, just do what these men can't or don't do and come out as bisexual to the woman who you're dating, as it's the only right thing to do, and it's bad to keep such things to yourself or just not tell someone who you're in a relationship with or dating. When I dated women and had relationships with them I came out to them as bisexual since I knew and that's my sexuality.

[tenni]

Hojo
Bisexuals do not tend to have a lot of success with closed minded Christian moralistic monosexuals.
You may want to try to get a relationship work with this woman but the odds are against you. It will probably require you to suppress who you really are as a bisexual man and "pretend" to be a heterosexual monosexual. You may believe that it will work but many biguys have had difficulty. Since you are just discovering your bisexuality and have not been with a man? or a woman? you probably need more freedom than this woman is willing to give you to explore your sexuality.

Be careful of preachy moralists who speak about imposing monosexual values with regards to monogamy on to you. They are concerned about other people's lives and use "cheater" a lot to refer to how others decide to live their lives. Bisexuality is a wide range. You may be perfectly happy in a heterosexual monosexual monogamist relationship and jerking off to same sex porn may work for you. However, as bisexuals, out attraction changes and it is difficult to predict the intensity of same sex activity needs that you may require ten to twenty years from now.

Be very, very careful about entering into a relationship with this woman at this point of your sexuality discovery path. Finding a bisexual woman may be your best option or an open minded sexually liberal monosexual person(male or female) Good luck on your self discovery journey.

[pole_smoker]

Hojo
Bisexuals do not tend to have a lot of success with closed minded Christian moralistic monosexuals.
You may want to try to get a relationship work with this woman but the odds are against you. It will probably require you to suppress who you really are as a bisexual man and "pretend" to be a heterosexual monosexual. You may believe that it will work but many biguys have had difficulty. Since you are just discovering your bisexuality and have not been with a man? or a woman? you probably need more freedom than this woman is willing to give you to explore your sexuality.

Be careful of preachy moralists who speak about imposing monosexual values with regards to monogamy on to you. They are concerned about other people's lives and use "cheater" a lot to refer to how others decide to live their lives. Bisexuality is a wide range. You may be perfectly happy in a heterosexual monosexual monogamist relationship and jerking off to same sex porn may work for you. However, as bisexuals, out attraction changes and it is difficult to predict the intensity of same sex activity needs that you may require ten to twenty years from now.

Be very, very careful about entering into a relationship with this woman at this point of your sexuality discovery path. Finding a bisexual woman may be your best option or an open minded sexually liberal monosexual person(male or female) Good luck on your self discovery journey.

He's already in a relationship, or dating this woman, and he has had sex with women.

Yet again you're claiming that people who say it's not good for a bisexual person to lie and/or cheat on a partner or spouse are advocating monosexual values-which is not true, or are against bisexuality/bisexual men, which is again not true. People of all genders and sexual orientations are not into having someone who they're in a relationship with cheat on them, and this even includes people who are not heterosexual who have agreed upon an open relationship, and who have certain rules for that relationship and what equals cheating in that relationship.

Secondly, not all people who are Christian, or even monosexual are against bisexual people, aren't OK with a male bisexual partner or spouse, or do not want to be in a relationship with a bisexual person like you claim. You're deeply closeted about being bisexual, and don't like women or have issues with women...so it's not surprising that you would not know this, or that you would think that people who are monosexual or even female are the "enemy" and that bisexual people should not come out to a female partner or a partner that's female and heterosexual.

[Hojo87]

Came out to my girl today. First words out of her shocked mouth: That is so HOT!. We are currently looking at this site together. While she is heterosexual, she says she like the idea of being with a guy who swings both ways. Going to keep it between us for now. Thanks for your help.

Thank yall for being so supportive of my bf! - jj

[pole_smoker]

Came out to my girl today. First words out of her shocked mouth: That is so HOT!. We are currently looking at this site together. While she is heterosexual, she says she like the idea of being with a guy who swings both ways. Going to keep it between us for now. Thanks for your help.

Thank yall for being so supportive of my bf! - jj

Good for you. It was only the right thing to do. You can always have her make an account, or if you want add her onto the account you have like some people do.

[tenni]

Hojo
Good. If she seems open then she is far from narrow minded, moralistic. The issues may arise are hopefully few.

I think that you are wise to keep your sexuality to a few people. The most important people to "out" yourself are you and your partners. The rest of the world is not involved and it is really none of their business.

It looks like she is open to you being sexual with another man? That can be a self esteem experience and confusion about your masculinity or not at all. It will probably not be smooth sailing and many questions for you to resolve.

One issue may have to do with whether you want her present the first time that you are naked with another man. Some bisexuals do want their partner there while others feel that it is a personal journey that they would be comfortable with doing on their own...at least the first time. She may want to watch you with another man...involved with the other man as well....you report back to her as to what happen and it turns her on ..you have super sex with her afterwards...lol Many issues for her and you to resolve. Good fortune.

[JaredT77]

Hey Hojo87, that's awesome that you came out and told your girlfriend that you are bisexual and she's supporting you! Those are the best women out there, the open minded women. I don't believe in the term "monosexual." My fiance is straight or heterosexual, I would never call her or anybody else monosexual. Anyways, she is a open minded heterosexual woman and she has found two guys so far for when I move to Kentucky. She basically wants guys to fuck me and she wants to participate in mmf threesomes. While I am living in Florida, she is encouraging me to find men to basically fuck me. She just wants me to be happy since most of my years being bisexual, I have never felt free before. I was afraid, like you, of people finding out especially when I served in the military before the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy was lifted.

I was 20 years old when I discovered I was bicurious and now I am 37 years old. I still believe in God and I'm a Christian Methodist. So is my fiance. I don't believe in the Bible because mankind wrote the Bible. I don't believe going to church makes you a better or worse person. But I still believe in God and He is looking out for me. These are my beliefs and I'm not trying to press my beliefs on anyone else. I don't like people preaching to me and this one person that I went to school with called me a sinner because I enjoy sex with men. She was studying to become a pastor but after that conversation, I have no interest in ever talking to her again.

Almost 18 years ago, I discovered that I was bicurious and I never told my parents. Now here I am looking to hook up with guys for a possible friend with benefits or fuckbuddy type relationship and my parents have no idea. They have had no idea that I have had sex with other men. A few guys have fucked me bareback and I would never recommend sex with men without a condom unless you were in a relationship with him. I am lucky that I never caught a sexual disease and have been tested during my 14 years in the Navy. But never know, just be careful. You don't want to catch something from a guy and then pass it to your girlfriend. Be bisexual and but be smart too.

[julyguybill]

I was straight for much of my like I was married to a woman she was always unhappy and mad refused sex to me in fact the last 7 years we slept in separate rooms. as human beings we have desires and I guess needs.so I did not want to cheat and be an adulterer. I heard about a park went to it met a nice guy he gave me oral sex what a relief and release. I would feel a little guilty but kept going back about every few weeks then one day I met a guy I really liked a lot then I wanted to return to him the pleasure I received and that day I realized how much I enjoyed sucking guys too. so now just enjoy men so much just like to feel them in my mouth and make them cum.