About those "No Shows".

[Shazam]

I assume most persons who have attempted to actually and physically meet someone whom they've met only on-line has been disappointed because the other person failed to "show up" at the agreed upon time and/or place. It has happened to me a couple of times; I have never been a no-show myself. I thought it might be fun to examine their causes for not showing or, better yet - to explore the attitude and/or behavior "the rejected or stranded or abandoned one" should adopt upon realizing the other is a "no show". I can only assume this issue has been discussed before, but . . . . as the chat room is down; what else are you doing? Comments?

[Melody Dean]

Good topic.

I've never been a no-show. I've only been actually stood up once, and it was a miscommunication on day. (I believed him, hell, eventually I married him!)

I have had a problem with expectations before. Where I suggest a day and time, get a "maybe" or "let me check" back, then don't hear from them until after that time has passed. I never quite know how to take that. Or they cancel but don't reschedule, but still say they want to meet up.

[bikurinpa]

Good topic.

I have had a problem with expectations before. Where I suggest a day and time, get a "maybe" or "let me check" back, then don't hear from them until after that time has passed. I never quite know how to take that. Or they cancel but don't reschedule, but still say they want to meet up.

That does not take a rocket scientist to figure out, but they think it does, u gave them a date and time, and they stall u off till just past those times and dates, it is just a cowards way of saying they are not interested! They knew what they were doing! once they done that to me, they earn a hefty click onto the "ignore " list and then they can have fun finding any one else who is serious. Which is VERY slim!

[Melody Dean]

That does not take a rocket scientist to figure out, but they think it does, u gave them a date and time, and they stall u off till just past those times and dates, it is just a cowards way of saying they are not interested! They knew what they were doing! once they done that to me, they earn a hefty click onto the "ignore " list and then they can have fun finding any one else who is serious. Which is VERY slim!

Normally, I'd totally agree! But why, after stalling out (for lack of a better term) do they still even pursue? And I have had one who did end up meeting later and it turned out wonderfully.

[Hypersexual11]

For some reason, when the time comes to go meet a guy, if it's been a couple days since we e-mailed, I usually have no desire to go thru with it. What sounded super hot then, doesn't now. I know how awful it is to be stood up so I 'suck it up' and go meet. I dont know if anyone else gets that feeling but I can see how easy it would be to just blow it off. Once I meet the guy, its fine but getting there is rough.

[bikurinpa]

if you decide to not want to meet, be honest and email or call him and plainly say "not interested in meeting" instead of just go blank and let them drive to the described location and you b a no show. Myself I would not plan a meeting without a good phone number to contact just before leaving.

[cuttin2dachase]

I agree with bikurinpa. I have met only 3 or 4 men without talking to them on the phone first. The only 2 no shows I ever had were guys who later emailed me and said they got lost trying to find my place even with GPS directions to it. They were both married guys who didn't want to reveal their mobile phone numbers or call/text me even though I emailed them my mobile #. I told them they could hide their mobile # when they called or texted, but they were just too paranoid about their wives checking on their call/text history or that I might be indiscreet and save their mobile #'s and then call or and text them at home. If either had just trusted me and called or texted, I could have given them more precise directions. Now, unless I have met a guy before or chatted enough with a new guy I'd like to meet via emails, live chats and phone calls/texts, I never give directions to my home. Instead I meet him at a nearby restaurant bar for a beer and have him follow me home if we hit it off. He is usually as excited as I am and can't wait to finish our beers and follow me home ! There have been a couple of guys who got cold feet about following me home, but at least they showed up. 2 of them stayed in touch with me and we met and played a week or two later.

[bikurinpa]

I would not meet without a good means of commu, I would want to get a phone number so have communication in event get lost or something go wrong, I never worry about anyones number on my phone, for it is simple to "delete" after we are done meeting! Restricted number calling is a strike 3, I figure I trusted him to give him my number, he should trust me, I only keep a number if we agree things work out, and we going to meet again, If not, the number is deleted before i get back home.

I agree with bikurinpa. I have met only 3 or 4 men without talking to them on the phone first. The only 2 no shows I ever had were guys who later emailed me and said they got lost trying to find my place even with GPS directions to it. They were both married guys who didn't want to reveal their mobile phone numbers or call/text me even though I emailed them my mobile #. I told them they could hide their mobile # when they called or texted, but they were just too paranoid about their wives checking on their call/text history or that I might be indiscreet and save their mobile #'s and then call or and text them at home. If either had just trusted me and called or texted, I could have given them more precise directions. Now, unless I have met a guy before or chatted enough with a new guy I'd like to meet via emails, live chats and phone calls/texts, I never give directions to my home. Instead I meet him at a nearby restaurant bar for a beer and have him follow me home if we hit it off. He is usually as excited as I am and can't wait to finish our beers and follow me home ! There have been a couple of guys who got cold feet about following me home, but at least they showed up. 2 of them stayed in touch with me and we met and played a week or two later.

[berryhard]

I have been on both side of a no show. Sometimes it's just a matter of a change in plans and married life gets in the way. I have had the occasion where I was going to meet a guy and suddenly my wife has other plans and given she doesn't know I'm bi and planning to meet a guy to suck cock I am not able to meet. I always let the guy know, usually they understand but sometimes they don't and they get mad. When I started out on this path to meet guys I have no-showed on occasion out of pure nervousness, total cold feet. Or some times I just had a bad feeling about how it might not be good. Now that I've met a few guys I feel I can tell if they are good to meet and safe and am more comfortable about meeting. Now that I've sucked cock and see how amazing it is it makes it easier to meet a guy. When we are both married and busy it can be challenging to make that first f2f meeting though. Once that is done it gets easier. So when a guy no shows u be understanding, there is a lot going on and it's not easy. Yes a few guys are just cock teasers but I think that's rare.

[BiCuriousVAN]

I haven't had any no shows, but a few late cancellations. I tell them my schedule and what will work for me and I have had a few who say yes, but then when it gets close to getting together, I don't hear back, until after or the day before to find out no. The few I have met, know my schedule, we work out a time and meet. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find a date that works for both, but if they are game, we will find a time, if they really aren't into it, then they won't find a time.

[PeninAZ]

GUILTY!
I'm a no-show, I've tried Adam4Adam on my phone so many times, but I either get discouraged quickly by the lack of interaction or I get scared of meeting someone, or I simply can't find the proper time/place. One guy actually invited me to "play outside," not that I'm so against exhibitionism, but out in the open desert in a private place away from view of cars? Can anybody say ID-Discovery? I suppose it's more a fear of disease also, I don't want to pick up something bad, but I suppose that's a risk I'd have to take anyway. One of my New Years resolutions for 2015, however, is that I'm not going to say "No" to life anymore. I'll try to be smart about it, but I am "getting some" this year!

[JaredT77]

I always get those guys that either or both have roommates and they don't want to fuck while their roommates are home and they are always busy working. I can't host at all but it's so hard to find somebody that can. Then I get guys that just flake out for no reason. Then there are those that suck at a conversation online. Enough with the fucking small talk! What are you looking for as far as a hookup or relationship type.

There was that one guy that got upset with me for asking if his partner would mind if he fucked me while his partner was home. I tried apologizing but he continued to bite my head off so I told him that it was a bad idea and sorry to have bothered him. He told me that I had only myself to thank for not meeting him so I replied that I was thanking myself for not meeting a asshole like him and blocked him. He got pissed and blew up my cell phone with 41 phone calls using NO CALLER ID. Total whacko.

[cuttin2dachase]

I agree with an earlier poster. The worst kind of no show is the guy who contacts you, then he & you chat a bit and you feel like he's a guy you want to meet, then he just disappears and doesn't answer your emails or chat requests. The way I see it is that it's better for a guy to flake out on me early on rather than later when I might've gotten my hopes up for a meet and he's a no-show. Good riddance to him, I delete his email address and chat handle, no more time is wasted on him and I move on to seeking other prospects. For that reason, I don't divulge my mobile number to a guy unless our emails and/or live chats have convinced me that there is sincere interest on his part. The result is that I don't meet men as often as I'd like to, but because the fakes weed themselves out, the men I do arrange to meet in real time do show up for the meet.

[bictguy14]

This was me today...was supposed to meet someone this afternoon...however something came up...thus is life being marrief and bi...i was so looking to get fucked too

[Fzmr9t]

For some reason, when the time comes to go meet a guy, if it's been a couple days since we e-mailed, I usually have no desire to go thru with it. What sounded super hot then, doesn't now. I know how awful it is to be stood up so I 'suck it up' and go meet. I dont know if anyone else gets that feeling but I can see how easy it would be to just blow it off. Once I meet the guy, its fine but getting there is rough.

being on the DL, I sometimes "chicken out" because something inside just says "no, not tonight". But I am sure to call or text the person I'm supposed to be meeting to let them know that it isn't going to happen there's only been one instance where, when the initial meeting didn't occur, there wasn't a 2nd meeting

[JaredT77]

being on the DL, I sometimes "chicken out" because something inside just says "no, not tonight". But I am sure to call or text the person I'm supposed to be meeting to let them know that it isn't going to happen there's only been one instance where, when the initial meeting didn't occur, there wasn't a 2nd meeting

I'm the same way too. Something that sounded real good at the time doesn't sound too great when the moment comes. So then there are times where I do chicken out and I honestly have no regrets about it. I might have done myself a favor because you never know with meeting a stranger online for sex. It seems like with online dating, if the guy isn't fucking you then he's fucking somebody else.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way.

[charles-smythe]

I assume most persons who have attempted to actually and physically meet someone whom they've met only on-line has been disappointed because the other person failed to "show up" at the agreed upon time and/or place. It has happened to me a couple of times; I have never been a no-show myself. I thought it might be fun to examine their causes for not showing or, better yet - to explore the attitude and/or behavior "the rejected or stranded or abandoned one" should adopt upon realizing the other is a "no show". I can only assume this issue has been discussed before, but . . . . as the chat room is down; what else are you doing? Comments?

.
...I suppose that I've been lucky...I've hooked up with 100s of guys on line & there were so few no shows to be unimportant...

[Christopher South]

I have been the "victim" of no-shows, but only a couple. One guy never answered back and the other gave some BS excuse.

I have to admit that I did one no-show myself. Actually met the guy and had coffee with him and arranged to meet at his hotel 5 days later. It was a time when I was having a rough time in my marriage. In those 5 days I talked to my wife and hashed a lot of things out. We were still in a bad place and on the given day I actually drove to the guy's hotel and sat in the parking lot thinking about what I was about to do. I decided it wasn't a good idea right now and drove away. I emailed him and explained why I did what I did and he was understanding (he was married, too). Things didn't go as well as I hoped with my wife and I kick myself for passing on the opportunity. The guy was a perfect match physically, sexually, logistically (he was in town for business for three months and staying at a hotel a 5 minute walk from where I worked).

Never did a no-show again.

[tenni]

bump up due to troll

[charles-smythe]

I assume most persons who have attempted to actually and physically meet someone whom they've met only on-line has been disappointed because the other person failed to "show up" at the agreed upon time and/or place. It has happened to me a couple of times; I have never been a no-show myself. I thought it might be fun to examine their causes for not showing or, better yet - to explore the attitude and/or behavior "the rejected or stranded or abandoned one" should adopt upon realizing the other is a "no show". I can only assume this issue has been discussed before, but . . . . as the chat room is down; what else are you doing? Comments?

.
...I think the main reason for 'no shows' is looks...I know a lot of my friends lie about what they are going to wearing so they can check out the other party before they meet...I they don't like the other persons looks...they walk...not really cool...but what they do...

[Alex2200]

When i set a meet, I assume they not show up. So i agree to places i enjoy so i ok when they not show.

[charles-smythe]

When i set a meet, I assume they not show up. So i agree to places i enjoy so i ok when they not show.

.
...smart...

[MNPervert]

I'd say about half of men I try to meet are no shows, and about a third of the women. I do give them the chance to explain themselves before I block them on whatever site we are on.

[cuttin2dachase]

I came very close to being a no-show several days ago through no fault of my own. I had made a date to meet a guy on the outdoor patio of a restaurant/bar for a drink, face-to-face chat and a look-see to see if there was mutual attraction. Our plan was for me to follow him to his nearby home if we hit it off. That is my standard method of meeting a new guy. When I can host a new guy for the 1st time, we meet at a restaurant bar right up the street from my home for the drink/chat look-see and come here to my home to play, just.

So anyhow, I gewgled the restaurant address to get an idea of the location, entered it in my GPS and off I went. I was to meet him at 7PM across town in an area I am completely unfamiliar with. Because my GPS sent me on a roundabout backroad route to avoid traffic, I got temporarily misoriented and my GPS also seemed clueless LOL. I stopped at a convenience store to reset my GPS for directions to the restaurant from that location. From there I easily found the restaurant, but I was almost 25 minutes late. What saved me from being a no-show statistic is that we had exchanged mobile #'s and pre-arranged for me to text or call or PM him on AIM if I was running late or something had come up. I was able to text him to let him know I was on the way and give him my ETA. Had we not had a way to communicate, he probably would have left and I'd have believed HE was the no-show. We had a beer, liked what we saw, then went to his place for some very hot oral sex. Short story long and moral of the story is that no-shows hardly ever happen if you continue to communicate up to the point of meeting so that there's no doubt both of you are going to show up.

There are many guys, especially married ones, who can't or won't exchange their mobile #'s with anyone because of snooping wives/gfs or paranoia but almost everybody has a live chat app on their mobile where no mobile #s need be revealed. If they don't have one, the apps are free and they are easily and quickly downloaded from any app store. I highly suggest that if you have not exchanged mobile numbers, at the least be connected to your prospect/s through a live mobile chat app, such as Yahoo Messenger or AIM, etc. I don't make dates with guys who are unwilling or reluctant to chat live or text or talk to confirm or cancel. They are the ones who you'll never hear from again or you'll get an email after you got stood up with a lame excuse as to why they didn't show. If I or a prospect calls, texts or PMs to cancel a meetup before either of us have left home to meet, neither of us can be considered a no-show and hopefully reschedule our date. I don't even consider meeting a guy unless we have a fast and direct way to contact each other to make sure if everything's still a go or not. Also......have a plan in place with a guy. I tend to not want to meet a guy if it's "just for drinks" and there is no prospect of us ending up in bed shortly thereafter. There are exceptions, but the best plan is to not meet unless he or I are able and willing to host or get a room if we hit it off. It makes it more exciting and worth the time to meet if there is mutual anticipation of sex. If the attraction and vibes just aren't there, that's life. At least we both went for it and can part friends with no ill will.

[pole_smoker]

When i set a meet, I assume they not show up. So i agree to places i enjoy so i ok when they not show.

When I was single I never had any "no shows" but I would meet them in public first in a cafe that I liked, or in a local bar or restaurant I liked.

[MontyinHamilton]

I flaked out a few times sort of, met an older gay and out dude and we clicked and agreed to get together again at another date as it was just a meet and greet the first time, was a bit shy and hesitant about moving forward and it wasn't til I was super horny a year later I reached out again and headed over and had a fun time. I let him know I would like to see him again that week if he wanted before I went on vacation and he agreed, I said give me a shout Sat and let me know and he said the same thing back. Guess I was kind of stubborn but I didn't call and waited to see if he would call, I would have went in a second but I figured I'm sucking your cock you can at least invite me over or tell me you want me to suck your big cock again. I never really chase women either tbh, show an interest or I'll find something else to do right was my thoughts on that. Long story short I did reach out again months later when I was brave and horny enough and he agreed then cancelled a few hrs later saying he just wanted casual nothing serious. I told him I just wanted to suck his dick nothing more but he said no thanks good luck. I wish I didn't waste his time talking so much and just followed through after our second meet, I learned my lesson though, if you find a guy you like and want to meet, make the time or fuck off so you don't regret it later, once it's done it's done.

[lancer525]

I had one of these a while back. Became acquainted with him on SLS. He initiated the contact even. He was from out of town, working a short-term contract here, wife and family back home, they were swingers, he was bi-curious, etc... The whole nine-yards, give or take a few inches.

We set a meet, and he didn't show. A few days went by, and he wrote to apologize profusely, that he got "cold feet" at the last minute, and sat in his car watching me go in the place we'd agreed on. Thought I was "really good looking, seemed like a nice guy in the messages and phone call we had, and felt really bad. Could we meet again?" So I agreed, as it was fair to give him another chance. He showed, we had a drink, and I offered to come to his place when he wanted to hook up. He said he'd let me know when he had a day, and off we went. It was over a year before I heard back from him again with the "cold feet" excuse, and I let him have it. Wrote him a really nasty review on SLS, detailing exactly what he'd done. He complained to the site managers about it, and they wrote me asking. I told them it was all factual, and an accurate account. They wrote back a few days later, telling me they'd banned him from the site, because he'd done that to a couple too, and even admitted doing it.

I've been looking for a decent guy for several years now. Still haven't found one. At leas, not one within fifty miles or so.