Define Bisexuality

[Desert Dragon]

Fellow Bisexuals,

I am preparing to give a speech concerning the definition of bisexual. In my research, I am finding many workable definitions. I would like to ask you how you define bisexual. As important as it is, I would like to stay away from how you practice bisexuality, or how you feel bisexuals should behave. I would like to ask how you know you or someone else is bisexual. What is your definition of bisexual?

Thank you
Laura

[Visexual]

Hey Laura,

Well, there is the Kinsey scale to consider but..., and this is just my opinion so take it as such.

I think there are a lot of men and women who just refuse to admit they are gay, for many reasons. These folks are really just having heterosexual relationships to cover the fact they are really gay.

I met one guy who was truly bisexual. In other words, he was equally turned on by men and women, if he found them attractive. It just didn't matter which.

Me, and I believe most men who are considered bisexual, are really just plain sexual. And, along with that, we love to push boundaries. I could never be content to be monagomous with just one woman, or one gender. I don't find men nearly as attractive as women but I love going outside of social norm. Plus, there's just not the potential for drama with other married men as there would be for other married women.

OK, as I previously mentioned, that's just my humble opinion. Good luck in your survey!

Big hugs,
Rich

[Long Duck Dong]

lol I define bisexuality as the ability to be emotional / mentally and /or physically attracted to and / or intimate with people of the same / opposite gender and I do include people that are trans and intersex in that... as I take people at their word as to what gender they are... not what definitions they are supposed to abide by

to me, that can cover anything from friends to sexual partners, so its a broad spectrum aspect I use... or in simple terms the freedom to define oneself without the need to fit into a box defination

how I see somebody else as bisexual, is simply because they tell me they are, they do not need to clarify it with a explaination as to how they fit into the classification of bisexual... and so a person that is monogamous and calls themselves bisexual is as real a bisexual to me as a person that is poly and free loving and calling themselves bisexual....

I also see bisexuality in the context of a person that can be both male and female mentally, emotionally and / or physically, IE intersex people and the people that encompass both gender roles as often they are capable of sex with both genders as a female and male role....

[Annika L]

In spirit I agree with LDD.

A person is bisexual if they have the capacity to be sexually attracted to and/or romantically love both males and females.

[Annika L]

I think there are a lot of men and women who just refuse to admit they are gay, for many reasons. These folks are really just having heterosexual relationships to cover the fact they are really gay.

Certainly there are such people. I also think there are many bisexual men and women who identify as gay (or straight), because they've been programmed to believe that you can only be attracted to one sex or the other, and same-sex (or opposite-sex) seems to be the greater attraction for them.

(Of course I also believe there are plenty of "genuinely" gay and straight people around as well.)

[tenni]

In spirit I agree with LDD.

A person is bisexual if they have the capacity to be sexually attracted to and/or romantically love both males and females.

I think that to understand the essence of bisexuality would be to add to this the aspect of fluidity of attraction.

A person is bisexual if they have the capacity to be sexually attracted to and /or emotionally attracted to both males and females with the understanding that these attractions may be fluid. The person may be attracted with varying intensity towards males or females over their lifetime.

[sailin]

This says it best.

[Annika L]

I think that to understand the essence of bisexuality would be to add to this the aspect of fluidity of attraction.

A person is bisexual if they have the capacity to be sexually attracted to and /or emotionally attracted to both males and females with the understanding that these attractions may be fluid. The person may be attracted with varying intensity towards males or females over their lifetime.

I agree completely with the importance of the concept of fluidity and/or cyclicity of attraction to an *understanding* of bisexuality. But I think it clutters a *definition* (in my professional world, definitions must be completely precise and as concise as possible). The expression "capacity to be sexually attracted...." allows for the possibility of such attraction to be present or not at any given time.

[dickhand]

My own definition would be sexually attracted to both sexes . Period .

[Gearbox]

My own definition would be sexually attracted to both sexes . Period .

That'll do for me too.

[darkeyes]

My own definition would be sexually attracted to both sexes . Period .

I won't demur from this definition.. but can one who is attracted to a single part of the anatomy of those of their own gender, yet as such has no general attraction to that gender either physically, sexually or emotionally..can such a person be properly considered bisexual? Many on site have written how, as an example, they only like to suck cock, be sucked by a man or even just masturbate, either mutually or otherwise... yet have no real feeling for, or attraction to the person or any other part of the person, and want nothing other than to suck cock.. or be sucked.. or indulge in masturbation.. can that be considered a degree of bisexuality Or simply part of sexuality which is something apart.....

[RustyPete]

I agree with DH, Gearbox and Dark Eyes. Is this not why we use the Kinsey-rating for ourselves?

[tenni]

I agree completely with the importance of the concept of fluidity and/or cyclicity of attraction to an *understanding* of bisexuality. But I think it clutters a *definition* (in my professional world, definitions must be completely precise and as concise as possible). The expression "capacity to be sexually attracted...." allows for the possibility of such attraction to be present or not at any given time.

You want a clean uncluttered definition for bisexuality? Since when was bisexuality something that fit into a box?...lol
I think the point that the fluidity aspect of sexual attraction is something that needs more air time. The more that I read people's experiences the more fluidity seems to be a key aspect of bisexuality. So many partners of bis seem to say that they accept bisexuals but in reality it is only if the bisexual behaves like a monosexual and are attracted and behave as being attracted to one gender.

[Annika L]

many partners of bis seem to say that they accept bisexuals but in reality it is only if the bisexual behaves like a monosexual and are attracted and behave as being attracted to one gender.

This is a fabulous point, and extremely well-stated...I think it gets at the crux of a lot of relationship issues that bisexuals have. *Definitely* agree that this notion needs more air-time.

I don't think it belongs in the definition of the term. And it's not that I *want* an uncluttered definition of anything. This is about definitions, not about bisexuality. If a concept is in fact definable at all, the most useful definition will only define the term. Let discussions of the concept follow the definition, if you will, but the definition should not attempt to discuss...only to define.

[darkeyes]

So many partners of bis seem to say that they accept bisexuals but in reality it is only if the bisexual behaves like a monosexual and are attracted and behave as being attracted to one gender.

You are right, tenni, yet many are accepting of another's sexuality but wish them to remain exclusive whatever that sexuality is as remain exclusive to that partner themselves... even bisexuals themselves often expect their partner to be exclusive to them whether that partner is bisexual, gay or heterosexual.. it is a personal thing rightly or wrongly which every person and every pairing must decide for themselves how to be...

[Gearbox]

I won't demur from this definition.. but can one who is attracted to a single part of the anatomy of those of their own gender, yet as such has no general attraction to that gender either physically, sexually or emotionally..can such a person be properly considered bisexual? Many on site have written how, as an example, they only like to suck cock, be sucked by a man or even just masturbate, either mutually or otherwise... yet have no real feeling for, or attraction to the person or any other part of the person, and want nothing other than to suck cock.. or be sucked.. or indulge in masturbation.. can that be considered a degree of bisexuality Or simply part of sexuality which is something apart.....

Men who only like cock or like getting blown by a man are still sexually attracted to a male IMO, for what he has or what he can do. Too bad they are not also sexually attracted to their elbows, but no great loss.lol

Or simply part of sexuality which is something apart.

This is interesting tho. I'm sure that some enjoy sex with same gender coz it is 'dirty'/taboo and THAT itself floats their boat. Not that they admire or lust over same gender in a physical sense, but they lust after that taboo nature of having sex with them. It's exciting!
You put any mix gender couple in a relationship long enough and they'll venture from vanilla into kinky sex. They'll at least tap into their fantasies to make it more exiting. IMO the more sexual a person is, the more willing they are to explore even the smallest of sexual curiosities, and you can't get much more sexualy iconicly powerfull than a big hard cock.
The good old "Oh this is naughty!", sexual kick is to blame for a good many explorations IMO.

But does it mean that you are not of a sexuality if you are only acting out of 'naughtiness'?
Could we rule that the only true definition of a sexuality is one that is fully 'locked & loaded' from birth and encompases ALL aspecs of sexual attraction to either or both genders?
Would a 'kink' that mimics those definitions be ruled as 'impure' and not qualify you to be truly cross-sexuality?

IMO it's easier to say that if you are sexualy attracted to both genders (even if you don't like some bits) you are bisexual.

[tenni]

"it is a personal thing rightly or wrongly which every person and every pairing must decide for themselves how to be..."

darkeyes
I don't think that it is a personal thing although I understand what you are aiming for. I think that it is a societal pressure thing. Exclusivity is the basis of many contemporary societies. Now, it really isn't exclusivity as much as one at a time..lol As you know, I just don't believe that it is natural for bisexuals to be exclusive for a lifetime. Therefore, Annika I think that the fluidity aspect of bisexuality belongs in the definition. We shall have to agree to disagree..

[Annika L]

Tenni, I'll not say another word about it if you won't . But for everyone's edification, allow me to distinguish between the purpose of a definition and the purpose of a description or discussion.

The purpose of a definition of bisexuality is to help people to distinguish whether a person is or is not bisexual.
The purpose of a description or discussion of bisexuality is to help people to understand bisexuality: e.g., what it is; where it comes from; what life it like for bisexuals; how bisexuality may differ from other (better known) sexualities; the variety that can exist in bisexuals, etc.

A common format for a discussion of bisexuality would be to start with the definition, so everyone knows exactly who we're talking about, and then move into various other discussion topics...of which I believe you have enumerated quite a few important ones.

The OP claims, interestingly, to be giving a lecture on the definition...hard to know really what that means to her without additional explanation. It sounds more likely that she plans to discuss bisexuality, and plans to use a definition to start the lecture...but I'm guessing there.

[darkeyes]

"it is a personal thing rightly or wrongly which every person and every pairing must decide for themselves how to be..."

darkeyes
I don't think that it is a personal thing although I understand what you are aiming for. I think that it is a societal pressure thing. Exclusivity is the basis of many contemporary societies. Now, it really isn't exclusivity as much as one at a time..lol As you know, I just don't believe that it is natural for bisexuals to be exclusive for a lifetime. Therefore, Annika I think that the fluidity aspect of bisexuality belongs in the definition. We shall have to agree to disagree..

...am not sure human beings are meant to be exclusive at all.. no matter their sexuality... I know they don't seem to manage it every well too often... left to their own devices, and without the restrictive philosophy of eons past as determined by our religious and political masters, I reckon few would be exclusive.. even with those restrictions and the societal pressure placed on peeps, not so many are exclusive now in one way or t'otha r they? Not for a lifetime...

[scapegoat1987]

I agree with most of what's already been said here, and I've posted my favorite definition of bisexuality several other places on this site, so I'll try not to repeat myself. However, I would add that my own bisexual nature has been fluid over time, with me identifying as bisexual first, then as gay for two decades and more recently returning to bisexuality. I might also add that my own personal experience has to do more with being attracted to the masculine rather than the feminine, which is what confused me for years. In other words, I'm attracted to a spectrum of masculinities that include masculine-identified trans persons as well as Butch-identified cis men and butch/baby butch identified cis women. Unfortunately for me, many of the women I'm most attracted to these days turn out to be lesbian, but I keep trying anyway. I'm not so much attracted to the feminine or feminine-identified androgynous or gender-variant peoples. Therefore, I tend to be attracted to men more often than women simply because the norm is for women to be more feminine and men to be more masculine. A person's genitalia is not so much an issue for me in the end.

[Volodya]

What is your definition of bisexual?

Bisexual = homosexual + heterosexual (reverse alphabetical order).

Kinsey Rating Scale: 1 to 5 (Kinsey HM 638).

I would like to ask how you know you or someone else is bisexual.

Not the person, the behaviour of a person is classified.

By observing sexual acts or sexual reactions to sexual stimuli, of course.

The definition of sexual identities (bi/gay/straight) is an entirely different topic.

[softfruit]

Bisexuality: attraction to more than one gender. (taken from the Bisexual Index).

But I figure by now the talk had already happened. How did it go, labenedict?

[Mickbi]

A bisexual is someone that can reach down a random persons pants and be satisfied with watever he/she finds. :b

[Olivia920601]

You will find answers at http://www.bi-sexualdating.com/