Would you like to tell your spouse when you’ve been with someone?

[Visexual]

My wife knows that I’m bicurious.She knows that I keep in touch with a bisexual friend that we met when we were cybering together.She’s suggested, many times, that I go visit him.I always mention that, if I did, he and I would likely have sex.She just smiles.

I would love to tell her about my local friends and what we’ve done together.She’s always been the don’t ask/don’t tell type.At least I know that, if she doesn’t already know or suspect, if she found out there’d be no drama.

She knows the friend I’m currently having sex with.In fact he and his wife and us are having dinner together next week.I’ve found that only having sex with men that my wife knows I’m friends with just makes it less of a chance for drama.And if certainly makes it easier to see each other.

[Hypersexual11]

For years I saw guys behind her back, cheating if you will. (go ahead and attack me dear readers) I would have loved to tell her as well. Now that she knows and is ok with me seeing guys, she just wants to know about it. She even likes to hear the details while we have sex. Should make it easy right? Well, what it has done is to keep me from doing anything. Knowing that I will be telling her about whatever I do has been keeping me from doing anything. I met a guy thru the 'strictly platonic' section of craigslist. He was free during the day and looking for a friend to hike with. We hit it off nicely, he is gay, he told me that if I ever had the urge, to go for it. We've been together several times and I haven't done anything except hang out with him. It drives me crazy to know that it is right there, for the taking. I think it's driving him crazy as well. He won't make a first move on me and waiting for me is probably driving him crazy as well. If we keep hiking in the same place, it's just a matter of time. There are several very secluded spots on the trail. I just feel like by doing this and telling her, it's like I'm failing her, or disappointing her. It's all in my mind but what can ya do? Thanks for the post Vi it always helps me to get this stuff out.

[elian]

Hehe - if your wife is TELLING you to go visit this guy then you know she is okay with at least this one particular person, would it be that much of a stretch to tell her how much you "like" this other local person? Of course I can say how she'd react ..

My wife knows that I’m bicurious.She knows that I keep in touch with a bisexual friend that we met when we were cybering together.She’s suggested, many times, that I go visit him.I always mention that, if I did, he and I would likely have sex.She just smiles.

I would love to tell her about my local friends and what we’ve done together.She’s always been the don’t ask/don’t tell type.At least I know that, if she doesn’t already know or suspect, if she found out there’d be no drama.

She knows the friend I’m currently having sex with.In fact he and his wife and us are having dinner together next week.I’ve found that only having sex with men that my wife knows I’m friends with just makes it less of a chance for drama.And if certainly makes it easier to see each other.

[Neonaught]

My wife knows my tastes and I used to tell her before I met and played with anyone. Unfortunately there are so many flakes and game players that many of those meetings never happened. We discussed the subject and decided I would only tell her if I actually met with someone. That works better for us.

[ba10016]

After the first time I told her that I sucked a cock, she loved it. Every night before we go to bed she asks me if I sucked any cock lately. If I did, I tell her.

[Realist]

Vexual, You could ask her if she'd enjoy discussing your bisexual experiences. She may be interested, or not. At least, you'd give her that option.

However, she may rather not know anything about it. As long as you're respectful, considerate, and caring with her, she might be satisfied to not think of your other endeavors.

My GF knows I have an intimate male friend, but seems to not have much interest in what we do. If she asks me a question, I'll tell her honestly about it, but but otherwise keep what he and I do to myself.

She apparently knows you are seeing someone and I suspect if she wanted to know more, she'd ask you.

Only you can possibly know if telling your wife is the right thing to do, or not.

[void()]

Vexual, You could ask her if she'd enjoy discussing your bisexual experiences. She may be interested, or not. At least, you'd give her that option.

However, she may rather not know anything about it. As long as you're respectful, considerate, and caring with her, she might be satisfied to not think of your other endeavors.

My GF knows I have an intimate male friend, but seems to not have much interest in what we do. If she asks me a question, I'll tell her honestly about it, but but otherwise keep what he and I do to myself.

reads wisdom, nods in agreement, points to words above and smiles

[Long Duck Dong]

lol realist summed it up for me....... any partner of mine has the right to know and be told... and the right to decline to know and be told.....and I will answer any questions as best possible....tho for me, I would perfer a partner that likes to be involved but i do not ask the same for myself, I would not have to be involved in their own intimate activities

[Waylon]

The wife is not in the loop nor would she care but my girlfriend loves the fact that I am bi and oral with certain men. Last time we were together she begged me to cruise and pick up a cool guy so she could watch. I used her kinda like bait when I drove thru the park n ride and the guy I (we) ended up with got to play with her tits while I gave him a blow job. She really got off on watching me and sucked my dick like a champion cocksucker after that.

[CurEUs_Male]

I've always been honest about these feelings, thoughts and desires, with my wife. She was there the first time I tried anything, and has an open invitation to the future, although she is not interested (and would rather the bi thing would just not exist). I'm in a bit of limbo, trying to figure out where things can/should/will go, and maintain a comfort level at home. BUT, with honesty and communication at the heart of our relationship - she'll know if I have any physical activities, and I will always answer any question she asks - she controls the level of detail through questions, so she can stop when she finds a limit...

[pole_smoker]

When I have had open relationships this is what we did.

[ErosUrge]

Vexual, You could ask her if she'd enjoy discussing your bisexual experiences. She may be interested, or not. At least, you'd give her that option.

However, she may rather not know anything about it. As long as you're respectful, considerate, and caring with her, she might be satisfied to not think of your other endeavors.

My GF knows I have an intimate male friend, but seems to not have much interest in what we do. If she asks me a question, I'll tell her honestly about it, but but otherwise keep what he and I do to myself.

She apparently knows you are seeing someone and I suspect if she wanted to know more, she'd ask you.

Only you can possibly know if telling your wife is the right thing to do, or not.

Always admire Realist's wisdom...
My girlfriend knows I'm bi and told me when we first began seeing one another that she accepts it and wouldn't want me to change at all. However at the same time she has expressed that she might feel insecure if she knew I had or was having sex with a guy. So I have pondered several times, what would I do or what do I do? I have a couple of friends who expressed to me (no, not the potential sexual partners) that it would be best to keep it to myself so as not to upset her. Since she expressed that she accepts my bisexuality and wouldn't want to change me, that in itself is reason to feel okay about any sexual encounter I would have with a man and even if in secret. There is a bit of a contradiction in what she has said though. There was one time where she expressed she didn't really want to know when or with who and then later expressed that she would expect me to tell her. Naturally, I have thought it best to not say anything at all and continue without her knowledge. But after years of living in secrecy with other women in my life, I had pretty much decided I didn't want to live in secrecy anymore whenever the urge hit for me to have sex with a man...it's a tough call and I still am not sure how to handle it. Ultimately, I wouldn't want to make her unhappy but at the same time, I don't want to be unhappy either. If that happens then it will be detrimental to the relationship in the long run.

[Visexual]

I know this is probably about as in denial as can be but…,

I would feel so guilty if I were to have a one-night stand with a woman.I would even feel guilty if I were at a strip club and played with a stripper.

But when I have sex with my male friends, I just don’t see it the same way.And, honestly, my wife wouldn’t either.She’s told me so.

The absolute best would be if she joined me with them.But she’s made it clear that she’s not interested in that.

[JUSTLUVIN]

For years I saw guys behind her back, cheating if you will. (go ahead and attack me dear readers) I would have loved to tell her as well. Now that she knows and is ok with me seeing guys, she just wants to know about it. She even likes to hear the details while we have sex. Should make it easy right? Well, what it has done is to keep me from doing anything. Knowing that I will be telling her about whatever I do has been keeping me from doing anything. I met a guy thru the 'strictly platonic' section of craigslist. He was free during the day and looking for a friend to hike with. We hit it off nicely, he is gay, he told me that if I ever had the urge, to go for it. We've been together several times and I haven't done anything except hang out with him. It drives me crazy to know that it is right there, for the taking. I think it's driving him crazy as well. He won't make a first move on me and waiting for me is probably driving him crazy as well. If we keep hiking in the same place, it's just a matter of time. There are several very secluded spots on the trail. I just feel like by doing this and telling her, it's like I'm failing her, or disappointing her. It's all in my mind but what can ya do? Thanks for the post Vi it always helps me to get this stuff out.

Oh my, almost like reverse psychology. Not that your wife did something intentional but I guess if you didn't want your mate to have sex, say it is okay to tell you mate about them. That would stop you somewhat. I totally understand how you feel. I haven't had that happen to me but I can understand how awkward that would be for you. Maybe you can come to an agreement that you will say something only if you bring home something unintended like an std but that she should trust you that you would be safe.

I don;t know about you but I am hearing an increasing amount of married guys who are feeling the need to have a close relationship with a guy. Maybe society is trying to tell us something.

[AnnaD31]

Always admire Realist's wisdom...
My girlfriend knows I'm bi and told me when we first began seeing one another that she accepts it and wouldn't want me to change at all. However at the same time she has expressed that she might feel insecure if she knew I had or was having sex with a guy. So I have pondered several times, what would I do or what do I do? I have a couple of friends who expressed to me (no, not the potential sexual partners) that it would be best to keep it to myself so as not to upset her. Since she expressed that she accepts my bisexuality and wouldn't want to change me, that in itself is reason to feel okay about any sexual encounter I would have with a man and even if in secret. There is a bit of a contradiction in what she has said though. There was one time where she expressed she didn't really want to know when or with who and then later expressed that she would expect me to tell her. Naturally, I have thought it best to not say anything at all and continue without her knowledge. But after years of living in secrecy with other women in my life, I had pretty much decided I didn't want to live in secrecy anymore whenever the urge hit for me to have sex with a man...it's a tough call and I still am not sure how to handle it. Ultimately, I wouldn't want to make her unhappy but at the same time, I don't want to be unhappy either. If that happens then it will be detrimental to the relationship in the long run.

Speaking as a straight wife (not every straight wife, obviously), part of me wouldn't want to know because it would be incredibly painful. On the other hand, secrecy creates doubts and will ultimately ruin a relationship, so that part of me would want to know. But again, it would hurt to hear, regardless.

ErosUrge, when you say your gf knows your bi and wouldn't change you, does she understand that to you, being bisexual also means you need to be with men sexually? If she doesn't understand that this is what being bisexual means to you, it's not surprising that she feels the way she does. I would wager that you two need to talk more, and if the two of you can't come to a place where you are both happy, you may not be right for each other.

[zigzig]

I can understand, because my partner is straight, and I have come to a realization that only bisexuals truly understand other bisexuals.

[JUSTLUVIN]

Speaking as a straight wife (not every straight wife, obviously), part of me wouldn't want to know because it would be incredibly painful. On the other hand, secrecy creates doubts and will ultimately ruin a relationship, so that part of me would want to know. But again, it would hurt to hear, regardless.

I really feel for straight wives who are in this predicament. Sort of d-- if you do and d--if you don't. I can imagina how it would feel to know but on the other hand to have it done in secret is almost unforgivable. I feel for all of us cause I know as bi's we are all caught in this complicated problem at one time or another.