Bisexual Married Men Bashing

[sdf123]

Lately, Ive seen alot of posts that have gone above and beyond to bash married bisexual men. Id just like to say that the gift in our being bisexual is the variety -- we have choices, we have options, we have POSSIBILITIES that others do not understand. I am not going to make someone feel horrible for "cheating" on their wives--we dont know the nature of their relationship, nor do we know what their situation is. Maybe they are indeed in the closet, maybe they are selfish, maybe their wives know, maybe their wives dont care, maybe no one in the relationship gives a damn anymore. Who are we to rip apart someone else's life? I understand that we all have an opinion. But I think it is unfair to call out all bisexual married men and label them as cowards. Some of us are polyamorous; some of us are monogamous, some of us are so many things. We don't fit into the common mold and if you are bisexual and don't know that critical factor by now....you're the one that the rest of us should be feeling sorry for and NOT the other way around. There's more than two choices and I think as a true bisexual, that point alone should transcend every part of your lives. No one has to be one of anything. I support and admire many of our married bisexual men. That is the richness of who we are..the layers and juxtapositions and contradictions.

[Lunatic1966]

Could not have put it better myself.....

[Boats]

Hear, Hear. Well said

[BonesPA]

Great Post. Absolutely agree! Thanks!

[Dukota]

Agreed.

[mtnguy]

Great points and very well said!

[WebothBbi]

You're spot on and the name calling is uncalled for. Each of us is unique, that's what makes life so rich: the diversity.

[RustyPete]

I'm in the amen pew with you. I already have a conscience and I don't need another one!

[Polar Bear]

As a bi married man, I have seen the attacks against us. I have also seen bi married men use bisexuality as a justification to cheat on their spouses. I'm sure they have a perfectly good reason. Frankly I don't judge them, but on the same token I will not participate in those "hook ups" or NSA sex meet ups simply because I don't respect their choices. Thats not a judgement, that's self preservation. Domestic disturbances are the leading cause of murder and assaults. My wife and I self disclosed all of our skeletons prior to being married. We also practice open and honest communications. We also happen to be poly so in our situation it is vitally important to communicate before acting upon.

[fredtyg]

Maybe I'm not here enough anymore but I don't recall seeing much of that. About the only thing along that line that rubs me the wrong way is comments- usually from one side of a couple or another- ragging on someone for "cheating", but even those comments aren't very strong or widespread. Those comments rub me the wrong way mostly because that particular couple seems to have a decent situation. Puts me off a bit when someone who has theirs rags on someone who doesn't.

[JaredT77]

I never bashed bisexual married men but the men that were never honest with their wife with their sexuality preferences then cheat behind their wife's back. I'm done with this topic and don't care about the topic anymore. Keywords are unfaithful, dishonest, and cheating.

[tenni]

The fact that bisexual women are less discriminated against than bisexual men is a problem for bisexual men. The fact that a man is bisexual and married can be a problem. In my opinion it is logical to include a basic bisexual morality where having more than one partner is acceptable. The word Polyamory is a negatively loaded word in my society. Yesterday, the word was used about a religious sect that practices multi partners (one man and many women) and some of the partners are basically children is a problem. It seems very difficult for my society to be accepting not only of bisexuality but that it is appropriate to have more than one partner whether the partner is a closed loop, friend with benefit or fuck bud etc.

Some people are too quick to judge like the OP states. Some people tend to lump bisexual men with all kinds of negative adornments. I agree that more tolerance is helpful on a bisexual site.

[Ja&Ve]

Since it got moved out here, I will paste my response from the blog:

for the record there are lots of awesome bi hubby's on this board. Mine is one of them.




We're not bashing married bisexual men. It's the cheaters that are being bashed. No one has a problem with who you are. It's how a lot of them act that creates the problem and the bad perception.and to be fair, I hate cheaters of ANY persuasion.

[JaredT77]

Maybe we should have titled it "Cheaters bashing"

[2bi2Bboring]

When I first found this site I was delighted, a community of bisexual people who are supportive of each other and function as an actual community. As I got more familiar with it, I began to see the flaws but those flaws exist most anywhere where sex is the main topic. Bisexual married men are not immune to human failure any more than any other demographic group. Some of us are beautiful people, some are unscrupulous cads. On the whole, I have found that we are no more or less susceptible to flaws than the rest of society. I have found a lot of really wonderful people here, a few exceptional examples. I have found many I wouldn't give a plugged nickel to talk to again, most of them begin their conversations in chat with the line, "a/s/l?" These folks tend to be hit and run speed wankers looking for a quick j/o session before they're off to bed. Which has it's merits, but not my own cup of Earl Gray.

That being said, the vast majority of us are here to identify with each other, we want a place to belong. Our motives are different because our lives and circumstances are different. I'm tired of the judgement being passed around like a collection plate in church, if I wanted judgement, I'd go to church instead of coming here. It is an unfortunate and inconvenient truth that SOME here are unfaithful in their relationships. Others want to talk out of one side of their mouths with judgement for others and then openly admit they have dipped their wick in the same pool. Some have been less than judicious about their criticism of others and feel justified in doing so. The truth is, we are subject to enough judgement by the outside world. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting someone willing to stand on their soapbox and beat us on the head with our sexuality. I'm over it, and I didn't come here in the first place to hear what I can hear on a plethora of swinger sites or 50 other sources of bi-bashing. I'm tired of trying to be the voice of reason, I'm tired of this subject as a whole. It seems matter how I try to moderate the vitriol, the shit storm keeps flying around me. So....

Sdf123, I agree with you, there are good guys and good gals here. That's all I have to say about that! I'm over it!

[jem_is_bi]

I am not into married men bashing or cheater bashing at all.The only thing that marital status means to me that that they will likely be available for play at 5:30 AM until 7:05 AM on Sundays and between 10:13 and 10:55 AM on Tuesdays every 2 weeks in July and August and they cannot host and I need to live nearby.I am sure that after a while restrictions such as those go away for those that actual get their dreams fulfilled and that makes me happy for them not sad or judgmental of them.

[Visexual]

OK, yes, I’m married and I have sex with other men.

That said, I don’t cheat on my wife!

We’ve been married for 42 years now and have had a great sex life for most of those years.For the past couple of years she has just not wanted intercourse of any kind.We still hug, kiss, and sometimes will do some fondling but that’s all and she’s very content with only that.

We have both had sex with other partners in the past through some swinging activities so, having sex with other isn’t something either of us would condemn the other for doing.

She knows of my bisexual interests and has said she’s fine with it.She even suggested, numerous times, that I go see a bisexual friend that we met through cybering with other couples 15 years ago.

OK, all that explained, I only have sex with men that she knows I’m friends with.Now, sure, I become acquainted through sites like this but before any sex at all I know the guy, my wife knows I know the guy, and my wife has even met the guy at least once.So, it’s not like I’m sneaking out without her knowledge.

I’d love to be able to experience sex with a woman again but I know she’d hit the roof if she found out.If she found out that I’d had sex with my current bud, she’d probably either say she thought so or she’d say she was surprised but, either way, she’d be cool with it.

So, no, I don’t feel like I’m cheating on her at all.My friend and I help each other enjoy sexual release and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.We enjoy spending an afternoon drinking beer and discussing politics or religion and we also spend other times sucking each other’s cock!It’s all about sharing enjoyable times with a buddy!

Should I tell her I’m having sex with him?I could but I just wouldn’t be comfortable with it.It’s probably the main reason I haven’t driven up to my Internet friend’s town.Because she’d know I’d had sex while I was gone.It’s just something that neither of us would want to discuss.

[tenni]

We're not bashing married bisexual men. It's the cheaters that are being bashed. No one has a problem with who you are. It's how a lot of them act that creates the problem and the bad perception.and to be fair, I hate cheaters of ANY persuasion.

This type of judgemental attitude is something that I find difficult to understand????

First, it is sexist as there are many cheating wives and women in the world. Some of these cheating women are bisexual while others are gay or heterosexual. If you do not like how a person acts then do not interact with them. This works regardless of gender and lifestyle. The addition of the words "any persuasion" coats your negativity with sugar. To spend energy stereotypically and negatively judging others is a waste of your life energy. Hate is an emotion that you should try to reduce expending. You do not know the individual and you are not involved sexually or socially stfu and move on with your own life. This type of blanket hatred was used and still is used by some people to condemn others due to race, religion, sexuality, disability, etc. Hatred and bigotry should have no place on a bisexual site. Tolerance, genuine empathy and kindness should be encouraged.

[JaredT77]

Yes you are right and I have been cheated on while on deployment. She cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend. You are also right that we do not know the individuals that do cheat. This is a topic that is like a nasty scab. It will never heal up because people are always going to pick at it. I don't like cheating spouses but it's not my problem. I don't recommend cheating because eventually you could be caught by the spouse and it won't be pretty. It's none of my business what people do on here.

[elian]

You don't quite get it do you? It's not the bisexuality I have a problem with - it's the dishonesty. Trust is a huge part of a relationship for me, if I can't trust you then we might as well not even be in a relationship. I don't have any problem with third party relationships where all parties know and consent to what is happening. That is the way you avoid disease and potential hurt feelings. If you ask most wives (cause I see it echoed on here) it wasn't really the sex that bothered them, it was the fact that their husband hid himself from her.

Another person was describing a divorce her daughter was going through and the fact that the daughter and her husband were not sleeping together, someone suggested he was gay and my response was - even if you are gay you still don't treat the people you love the way this guy was acting all through the divorce - basically taking it out on his little girl and making it really hard for his wife to raise her (the guy is always travelling for business so whether he wants to be there on not, he can't.) Every little vindictive childish action he takes makes it worse and worse.

That's not to say that I don't have sympathy for men who are struggling because their wife is not interested, or they have a family to raise and want to be there to support their family - or they found out much later in life that they really are attracted to men but come on guys - being bisexual is not a free pass. I guess people do it, but I could not imagine hiding such an integral part of myself from the person I love most in the world, the person I'm supposed to be able to trust with my life, for very long.

If you're BOTH cheating then fine, but at least be honest about it - and now I suppose you can tell me all to go to hell..I do have a lot to learn and I know that in the real world relationships are messy.

[Ja&Ve]

You don't quite get it do you? It's not the bisexuality I have a problem with - it's the dishonesty. Trust is a huge part of a relationship for me, if I can't trust you then we might as well not even be in a relationship. I don't have any problem with third party relationships where all parties know and consent to what is happening. That is the way you avoid disease and potential hurt feelings. If you ask most wives (cause I see it echoed on here) it wasn't really the sex that bothered them, it was the fact that their husband hid himself from her.

Another person was describing a divorce her daughter was going through and the fact that the daughter and her husband were not sleeping together, someone suggested he was gay and my response was - even if you are gay you still don't treat the people you love the way this guy was acting all through the divorce - basically taking it out on his little girl and making it really hard for his wife to raise her (the guy is always travelling for business so whether he wants to be there on not, he can't.) Every little vindictive childish action he takes makes it worse and worse.

That's not to say that I don't have sympathy for men who are struggling because their wife is not interested, or they have a family to raise and want to be there to support their family - or they found out much later in life that they really are attracted to men but come on guys - being bisexual is not a free pass. I guess people do it, but I could not imagine hiding such an integral part of myself from the person I love most in the world, the person I'm supposed to be able to trust with my life, for very long.

If you're BOTH cheating then fine, but at least be honest about it - and now I suppose you can tell me all to go to hell..I do have a lot to learn and I know that in the real world relationships are messy.

Bingo! Spot on Elian!!!

[JaredT77]

They won't get it and never will and that's why it is pointless to argue with them.

[Ja&Ve]

True. Narcissism is an inherent personality trait.

[elian]

This is a really interesting article I found that sort of relates to the topic..the second part of the article is better than the first.

http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

[elian]

I do think that bisexuality is a bona fide state of being with its own unique requirements - I'm not saying that it's easy to be bisexual and in one or more relationships but I think that there may be ways of treating yourself and the people around you in a genuine, balanced way.

Maybe I'm dreaming, who knows.

Heck, I'm single and although I'm feeling much better about my sexuality I'm still not 100% accepting of it. As it turns out, sex, relationships and how we relate to the world can be complex and elicit powerful emotions in people..who would have thought..

This will probably be the last I post on the topic because we are all at different points in our lives, with different circumstances..I can only speak to what I think is the way I would want to be treated and treat others. Part of my strong reaction to this comes from growing up in a divorced household and seeing a lot of insecure men in a position of authority take advantage of people in bad ways. In truth I have no right to judge anyone else.

[Ja&Ve]

This is a really interesting article I found that sort of relates to the topic..the second part of the article is better than the first.

http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

A fantastic read. Every single person should read this. And more than a few marrieds could use the refresher course.

[void()]

In truth I have no right to judge anyone else.

I agree in as much as no one has such a right.

That aside we each respectively to hold our own opinions based on
personal experience. With this in mind, I can attest that your opinion/s
and manner/s seemed balanced and impeccable to me.

This is said without intention of being lip service or homage, merely
because you treated me favorably. There is no denying that you did. My
point here though is you are are quite apt in what you express.

I know you and me have not talked much within the last while. I
understand much of the reasons behind that. We each get busy in living.
Still, I often find myself enthralled with loving you. If we lived
nearer to one another you can be assured I would be the visiting
husband, swapping out nightly or weekly visits between you and my wife.

And yes, this would entail adversity in being fair with you both, and
fair to myself. For the most I am content to act as consort as in days
of old, the stag back at the edge of the wood watching the does graze,
the cardinal bird letting his wives come feed on the seeds. That seems
purely masculine and dominate. You and my wife both know I have bouts
where it is the opposite, I indulge in being submissive.

Still I would be aloof and the gentle shadow following you both. That is
just me, a humbled old soul who is there, who loves. I am discovering
more and more how right you were regarding the kitten incident. Bah, and
you wonder why I love you. It's all about that cute ass of yours.
Riiight. :P

[Curious_blue]

Wow... I don't know where to begin. I have just begun this journey of truth. Admitting to myself that I am at the very least bi curious without trying to justify it. I have come out to my wife and she is supportive of the notion. We have yet to work on anything beyond and I know we shall as we both become comfortable with our admissions ( she is hi curious too).As for bashing married bisexual men honestly I have seen limited examples mostly in internet articles usually. from one of the two other extremes ( gay & straight ). Funny how these opposite sexual lifestyles say that bi men are just more or less gays in training. The whole aspect of cheating ... Going behind my wife's back is unpalatable to me. I have these desires and they can be very strong. However out of respect for the woman I love I just wait and more importantly communicate. I respect her and myself and owe her total honesty. In fact if we never get to the point where she ( or we ) can allow it to happen then I suppose another lifetime then. Another thing I cannot see happening is the "hook up". I wish a friend to spend time with ... Know ... Not just an anonymous tryst. I will say from what I read here today I'm proud to be here sharing these journeys. I wish I knew what was coming next... But then don't we all

CB

[Maybhere]

We are both bisexual and have no secrets. What you do is what you can justify in your mind. We won't put you down but on the other hand we wouldn't care to know you if you are being dishonest.

[goldenfinger]

The self appointed morality police force on this site is a appalling.