Advancing levels of bisexuality

[Hypersexual11]

I always described myself as oral bi and understand there are many variations of bisexuality. I have noticed some changes over the years, slow and subtle. There was a time when I was with a guy I had to make sure he came first. The instant I shot, I was looking for my shoes and felt a strong need to get away. I was not interested in getting him off, in fact the thought of having to deal with cum was nauseating. I rarely came during man to man sex. That never bothered me as I wasn't there for my sexual satisfaction other than to satisfy my strong desire to suck and swallow others.

I used to fantasize about eating my own cum while jacking off but never could go through with it once I came. Early on I could suck my own dick and shoot in my mouth. Years later when I couldn't do that any more I would shoot my load in my mouth, but could never swallow it.

Lately I noticed that changes have occurred and they were slow in coming. Where I used to like my wife to peg me maybe once every few months, and even then for a short time, now I look forward to it nearly every week. My aversion to come is nearly gone. I have a fwb who is in the same boat I was. Once he comes, I sense the strong level of discomfort from him. I make sure I come first with him. Once I come, I have no problem sucking him off. I'll admit the first minute or so I may be thinking more about a sandwich, but my desire for come recovers really fast and by the time he is shooting, I'm loving it.

My wife and I were in a long fuck session this week. Lots of variations from her pegging me to me DPing her with one end of her realdoe in my ass. We ended with her holding my legs over my head and stroking my cock while aiming at my mouth. I hadn't come in a couple days and am a really heavy comer. I must have shot 6 full shots into my mouth during one of the most intense orgasms of my life. I didn't even think about not swallowing that load.

So do our desires advance? Do we just get used to it all and stop caring about certain things? Maybe whatever chemical is released at orgasm making us hate sperm goes away? I would appreciate thoughts or comments on how your desires have changed over the years. Have your desires increased? Decreased? Remained the same?

[loftycraig]

im lifelong bi sometimes feel very gay

[sysper]

i think we're all capable of having our sexuality change over our lifetimes. when i 1st started to get bicurious the desire for guys came & went. i felt real guilty & kinda ashamed especially after i came after masterbating & thinking about guys. but over the years i began accepting my bisexuality & the time spent fantasizing about guys increased. i still feel guilty sometimes after cumming, but i'm open to the idea of gay sex more. in fact i think my curiosity has come to a point i can't go much farther nemore & i'm considering finding my 1st guy more seriously. i feel a bit @ peace after admitting to myself i like guys or @ least giving myself permission to like guys. neways i think homosexuality is something for me to explore @ this point in my life. i don't really know what to expect but i feel more determined than ever i need to try it. i might go farther into it, or i might try once & take some notes & never want or feel the need to go for it again.

[cw1860]

I feel the same as you at times, I'm just starting out exploring with men, but I've always been secretly curious; I've fantasized about sucking cock being fucked in the ass, I've used dildos and vibrators since I was old enough to know how 13/14, messed around with a couple of neighborhood buddies at age 11 just touching and some sucking. but nothing else. Was married for years now divorced thank you menopause....But that now leaves me free to explore some long suppressed desires. Yes I'm feeling weird, conflicted at times as I sill desire women, but now I find myself desiring cock, sucking at first, 69, fingering and toys, but those desires have grown to wanting to be penetrated anally and fucked hard, I'm still very attracted to women, but I'm becoming less and less inhibited towards sex with men.

[sysper]

I feel the same as you at times, I'm just starting out exploring with men, but I've always been secretly curious; I've fantasized about sucking cock being fucked in the ass, I've used dildos and vibrators since I was old enough to know how 13/14, messed around with a couple of neighborhood buddies at age 11 just touching and some sucking. but nothing else. Was married for years now divorced thank you menopause....But that now leaves me free to explore some long suppressed desires. Yes I'm feeling weird, conflicted at times as I sill desire women, but now I find myself desiring cock, sucking at first, 69, fingering and toys, but those desires have grown to wanting to be penetrated anally and fucked hard, I'm still very attracted to women, but I'm becoming less and less inhibited towards sex with men.

well hope our increasing interest leads to some peace of mind....& goodtimes

[Visexual]

I guess what I’ve always enjoyed is sucking a cock and feeling it ejaculate in my mouth and swallowing.

I’ve tried the more gay side too and it was OK.Intimacy with a man just isn’t the same as intimacy with a woman for me.

The best was when I was enjoying a long term threesome with a couple that I’d met.Having her alone was always wonderful but having him with us even better.

[pole_smoker]

It's all bisexuality, if you are bisexual. It's just someone's personal preferences as even some gay men and lesbians, and even straight people are mainly into oral sex.

[phalluster]

Rejuvenating this old thread. Would love to hear from other men who are married and have that barrier to advancing. How do you navigate that?

[KDaddy23]

What we do when it comes to (a) having sex and (b) having sex with men... ebbs, flows, and even changes. I had to learn how to not want to haul ass after busting a nut and to not get bent out of shape making the other guy cum and he's looking to escape. I know why that happens but it's something that, again, I learned to not let it bother me and to keep right on doing... something until they get off and now, we both can rush home to get the cat out of the dryer. What we like can change; there can be something that we previously didn't like but now we do. These things aren't as static as we seem to think they are because we are always changing as a sexually active person and as a bisexual one. Like, I used to love being fucked... then I didn't and then, eh, okay if I was really close to the guy and soemtimes not even then. There was a time when I wouldn't suck an uncut dick and could barely stand to touch one... and now, they don't bother me.

"Advancing," in this sense, is important because it's about our sexual growth and, yeah, married guys do have a problem with this. I've known guys to go from handjobs to blowjobs to fucking and it always seemed like a "natural progression" to me but for some, that progression can be "shorted out" because of other things up to and including any changes in what we think we want to do, what we might like, stuff like that. A lot of guys never advance because they're holding themselves back for some reason; many more can point to being in a relationship for the reason they can't advance or progress as they feel they need to. How do you navigate this? The best way you can and, yes, I know this ain't that great of an answer but it's the truth.

Some ways to advance or progress, I believe, is to not let yourself get stuck in place; I've seen guys put themselves into a box that they can't get out of and blame other things for this when, again, they did this to themselves and, sometimes, it's their own preferences that will get them sealed into a small box that will not allow them to advance, progress, or even grow. How do you navigate this? Look at the way you're thinking about things and change them so that you can make advancing easier on yourself - and even if other factors are making it hard. At the end of any day, it's all about what you want to do and/or experience but also why you do as well as the things that just might get in the way of any of this and being determined to not get stuck in place when you know that it's not in your best interest to get stuck in place. You have to think about what you can do to avoid getting stuck so you can be the best bisexual you can be.

The worst thing ever is to be bisexual and in a relationship; it's not your sexuality that will stifle your growth - it's being in a relationship and having to abide by the rules that gives no room for someone to change and doesn't allow for "sexuality changes" in one person or the other. It's a bitch to end all bitches but, again, if you feel that you're stuck and you need to do other things or do them differently, then it's on you to figure out how you can make this happen but, yeah, if you can't, then you can't. My protege complains about wanting more and different experiences than the ones he's been having and when I ask him why he's not doing this - and more so when he's very single - he starts talking about his preferences and has yet to pick up on the fact that he's not experiencing the growth he knows he needs because of them. He understands the logic of revising his preferences so he can do what he wants to do... but he doesn't seem to be able to.


If you set the bar too high for someone to reach, that's a problem. If you're not making it easy for you to do something, that's a problem. If you find your wants changing back and forth, well, that's actually pretty normal because as humans, we are not static - we are dynamic but... shit happens to make one static and, again and usually, they're their own worst enemy where progressing as a bisxual is concerned and, yeah, wives/girlfriends can be a serious impediment to one's growth as a bisexual male.

[papasmurph]

I've experienced this in my own life but also as I observed the changes in how my partners respond to and react to me.
My wife, for example, has become a friend and a co-senior member of our family, but we are not sexual partners and we live our lives independently of one another most of the time.
My men range from guys who want a blow job and I am happy to give them one - but they go their way and I know very little about them, to men who want a more ongoing thing that has potential for a deeper connection if given half a chance.
I have noticed subtle changes in how they learn to relax and enjoy me and what I do as time passes - but it is a balance of not going too far - I seriously think they fear I will get too serious with them = and I have to guard myself, too - but that's up to me to do. Not for them to hold back. Enjoy. One man was jumping up and pushing me away when we first started meeting - he's become more comfortable and actually has learned to let me keep going - one time recently he actually had more than one orgasm - and when he finally thought he was done, he asked me, "what the hell just happened?" This man in my late 40s had never experienced anything quite like that before. Another guy has opened more and more emotionally - yet on guard, at the same time. And he has also become more aggressive in our sex, too. I can handle it. Sometimes I think to myself - what are these men doing? What are their wives thinking. These guys are no sloths - they are good men. They are hardworking men. They are decent men. I don't have sex with losers.
AND while we are on the subject - yeah, I have changed too. I have become more accustomed to taking this submissive roll on with these men. It doesnt' make me less of a man, either. I have come to finally see this has been an underlying pattern in my life that somehow, I did not recognize and/or was not willing to accept.

[KDaddy23]

It's my belief that you reach the "highest level of advancement" when you are 100% comfortable with being bisexual. That moment when you're not even thinking about being bisexual; you go to have sex with a guy and... it's "automatic" in that you're not worrying about too much of anything and your sole focus is to have sex and a damned good time at it. When you have zero fears undermining your confidence and belief in yourself. I think papasmurph is on to something because you can gauge your growth as a bisexual man by the guys you have sex with because whatever stuff might be messing with them doesn't bother you in the least bit.

And, yes, desires can get to higher levels; less inhibitions involved, I'd say. I've always maintained that when you're bisexual, you look at things differently and that includes sex; when you get to a point where you can express yourself sexually and not feeling "weird," that's an advancement, too. It's being comfortable; it's not being concerned when your needs and desires change in any way because you understand that this is just how it is - I like to say that sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't and when you don't, eh, nothing to worry about.

Like papa, I've run into guys loaded with fears. Worried about gettng outed. Worried about what others will think or say if they knew; never learned how to deal with that refractionary period of sex that is a serious mood-killer for men so they cum and head for the hills; worried about things going beyond just sex. I say that when you don't have these fears, you've advanced: It's not just what you do, it's what you're thinking and feeling about whatever you're doing with men and women. It's... a total package kind of thing.

[csreef]

You can dissect Sexuality, (or anything else for that matter) so finely, that you get back to where you started from. Just sayin'.

[hung4you]

Honestly sex with a man is the same as with woman, I feel very comfortable being naked with a man and a woman. I suck and swallow cum as easily as I eat and play with pussy.

[Neonaught]

Honestly sex with a man is the same as with woman, I feel very comfortable being naked with a man and a woman. I suck and swallow cum as easily as I eat and play with pussy.

I am exactly the same. I love being bisexual!