Register
Results 1 to 25 of 25
  1. #1

    How to pick-up men?

    I'm 50 and had my first m/m experience 4 years ago or so. All via the internet. AFF, Squirt and Craigslist. Sure, I could go to a bathhouse. Could go to a gay bar. But am I missing something about finding someone without technology or the obvious places above?

  2. #2

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    The trouble with picking up men in your day to day life is that both have to be certain that the other is bi or gay and up for it.
    AND 'hetero' men flirting with you doesn't help either! If that's what it is? I can't even be certain that it IS flirting, that they are hetero, or mean anything by it.
    Who's going to jump in and say, "I'd like to have sex with you. You fancy it?", like blokes do very easily on-line.
    "You're like my yo-yo, that glowed in the dark. What made it special, made it dangerous. So I bury it, and forget.":Kate Bush

  3. #3

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Yeah, it's not like you can be working on your car in the driveway and say "hey, mike, can you pass me that 3/8 socket, and by the way, can I suck your cock?"

    I have often pondered the same issue. If it ever happens for me, it will likely be a chance encounter on a business trip at a hotel bar. My town is too small to go fishing in ....

    That being said, I have yet to find myself in that situation where I'm wondering if a person is coming on to me.
    Last edited by BiCherry; Jul 25, 2014 at 3:12 PM.

  4. #4

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    That's the one thing about internet hookups. There's no question what you and the other guy want. Not so easy at all when you're dealing with people in person. Isn't that one of the big questions you read in these sorts of forums: "How do I know if he's interested in guys?", or something along that line?

    One advantage of gay bars and bathhouses is that just by being there you have a pretty good idea the other guys are there for pretty much the same thing. A big advantage is you can see, talk and otherwise get an idea of who (or what) you're dealing with before you decide to go further with him. I've had a couple unpleasant surprises with tech related hookups.

  5. #5

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Couldn't disagree with you more about gay bars and bathhouses. The are no advantages to gay bars, bathhouses and glory holes. Those of us old enough to have lived through the onset of "the plague" of HIV remember that those three kinds of places were the primary vectors for the spread of HIV. If you want to visit a gay bar to chat, flirt, have a drink, fine. If you want to spend part of your day in a bathhouse, great. But in either case, bring along a printed copy of your test results, ask your fuckbuddy for a copy of his, or use condoms, nitrile gloves and impermeable dental dams.

    HIV is staging a comeback. Be careful out there.

  6. #6

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Quote Originally Posted by BiCherry View Post
    Yeah, it's not like you can be working on your car in the driveway and say "hey, mike, can you pass me that 3/8 socket, and by the way, can I suck your cock?"

    I have often pondered the same issue. If it ever happens for me, it will likely be a chance encounter on a business trip at a hotel bar. My town is too small to go fishing in ....

    That being said, I have yet to find myself in that situation where I'm wondering if a person is coming on to me.
    Funny! If it worked, I would work on my car and do more yard work.

  7. #7

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Quote Originally Posted by mas8092 View Post
    Funny! If it worked, I would work on my car and do more yard work.
    lol mas me too....i guess i gotta mow the lawn now....

  8. #8

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    I was going to say a Fireman's carry, but it was sort of a joke.

  9. #9

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Perhaps I have no gaydar. There has to be something I need to show I'm interested or read he is interested.

  10. #10

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    LOL at the idea of working in the yard and offering a BJ.... I cut my yard today, and NO ONE came over to offer anything sexual!
    Maybe next week.

    As for Gaydar, I have a pretty muted ability, and even then it is only a suspicion, Too many years trying not to make judgements and assumptions. And if there is anything like a bidar... forget it!

    Maybe we need an app for that?

  11. #11

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Being very closeted, outwardly straight looking and acting, and wanting to protect that image and project it to my family, friends, co-workers and even strangers, I would never actively or openly seek other men in my everyday public life. If I am at work or a grocery store, mall, restaurant bar or other public place, I will be scoping out the women, admiring pretty faces, nice figures and nice hair without a sexual thought of any of the men I see. My secret stays my secret, except to the bi men, women or couples I meet online who are lustily looking for me for the same reasons I am looking for them. When I am seen here on this site or other adult sites, you can be very certain that I am looking for like-minded men and their cocks for fun and sex. It is a nice bonus if I chance upon a bi-male friendly str8 or bi woman or mf couple in my secret search for cock. Bottom line is that I only "pick up" men online. I will meet prospective sex partners, whether they be male, female or couples, in public places for drinks or coffee, etc. but only after we've connected online and have a mutual desire to actualize our online fantasies of meeting and taking things from there. There have a been a rare few times when I felt so comfortable that I invited a strange man to my home or accepted an invitation to his place without first meeting publicly. I can honestly say that I have never had a bad mm experience from an online hookup, only a couple of kinky, weird ones and a couple of forgettable ones which were one-time things.

  12. #12

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    It would b nice if could rely on these sites to find men, but the problem is , especially this area here which I think is the worst, is so many are on these sites just to b/s and play games. I had very little success here. I think guys only want to act serious when they are horny for a man, then get their rocks off then they are done. I tried this site, CL, silverdaddies, adam4adam, squirt, men4sexnow, manhunt even adultfriendfinder, SLS, and all been full of BS'ers or lots of abandoned profiles.
    Last edited by bikurinpa; Aug 4, 2014 at 1:42 PM.

  13. #13

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Okay, so I mowed the lawn ANNNDDD worked on the car. {looks around} nope, no hits. I wonder if I have to wear one those shirts that you tie in the front, with short shorts, flip flops and getting all sudsy while washing the car...... Gach, cough, cough, now there is an image to have burned in your mind.
    Interesting thread as it hits on a number of subjects. I can give up on gaydar or bidar. I didn't get laid until I was in the Air Force. I found out later that this girl I was hot for had the hots for me. I had no clue. I don't know how to read stuff like that. Unless someone is straight up with me, I haven't a clue. I was one of those socially-awkward kids, though for some reason, popular.
    I have never tried a gay bar, bath house, or glory hole. I guess more for the reasons stated. I am not a one night stand kind of person. I want to know you before we have sex. Of course, then once we do, I am ready to get married. LOL.
    My reasons for not going from bi-curious to totally accepting being bi:
    1. Married. Wonderful lady, just zero sex drive and due to medical, sex is painful so no sympathy sex either.
    2. Disease. I have never had an STD and don't want to start now.
    3. Dangerous. If you come out to the wrong person, it can get you beat up or killed. Too many homophobes out there.
    4. Too little time or money. I am always running around and have a lot of work to get done around the home, so very little time to go "on the hunt". No money left after child support, so no money for dinner out or hotels and such.

    So it all stays a fantasy for now.

  14. #14

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    I have absolutely no idea about how to recognize men I would be interested in having sex with or a relationship with. I have had gay friends but they were significantly effeminate acting, which did not bother me but did not cause me to desire them at all. I have visited a gay bar and felt totally out of place there.I am not at all female acting or female thinking.I am very happy to be male. My sexual partner is definitely very much a male like me, well, even more so; I love that so much.

    If it was not for the internet, I would still be having nightmare about dying without ever having sex with another man.I would never had meet him without the internet.I am now very happy that I have no sexual regrets and that is all thanks to the internet.

    JEM

  15. #15

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Quote Originally Posted by bikurinpa View Post
    It would b nice if could rely on these sites to find men, but the problem is , especially this area here which I think is the worst, is so many are on these sites just to b/s and play games. ...I think guys only want to act serious when they are horny for a man, then get their rocks off then they are done. I tried this site, CL, silverdaddies, adam4adam, squirt, men4sexnow, manhunt ... and all been full of BS'ers or lots of abandoned profiles.
    Add gay bars and bathhouses to that list...but that's because all those sites/places cater to "gay" men. That's the difference between being gay and bi. Gay men want sex on their terms, the way they enjoy it and the hell with the other person, and that's pretty much it. Bi people focus on the experience of the group, weather its two people or more.

    In trying to figure out how to pick up bi-men, (or bi-women) try focusing on weather the person is a "people person" (for lack of a better term). I've had good luck ...looking for someone (or couples) who likes everyone happy. Its not a full proof technique but it works 30% of the time for men and 45% for couples. At a swinger party, a couple who ask a single male to play with them behind a locked door...the odds the guy is bi go up to 95%.

  16. #16

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mike2922 View Post
    Add gay bars and bathhouses to that list...but that's because all those sites/places cater to "gay" men. That's the difference between being gay and bi. Gay men want sex on their terms, the way they enjoy it and the hell with the other person, and that's pretty much it. Bi people focus on the experience of the group, weather its two people or more.

    In trying to figure out how to pick up bi-men, (or bi-women) try focusing on weather the person is a "people person" (for lack of a better term). I've had good luck ...looking for someone (or couples) who likes everyone happy. Its not a full proof technique but it works 30% of the time for men and 45% for couples. At a swinger party, a couple who ask a single male to play with them behind a locked door...the odds the guy is bi go up to 95%.
    Actually, I think that is totally unfair. I have met gay men who were fit your description of 'people person' and interested in making it a good experience for everyone. Most of the supposedly bi-men I have met fit the "way they enjoy it and the hell with the other person" profile. From the gay couples I have known, I would be inclined the portions of caring people tend to favor the gay where those that claimed to be bi were just out for a trip on the down-low.

  17. #17

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    I've been hit on or propositioned by men in all sort of places. Just be aware, and it will happen more than you think.

    If you just want NSA sex go to a bar, sex club/bath house, or post an ad on various sites. Or sign up for one of those hook up phone apps like grindr.

  18. #18

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Quote Originally Posted by pole_smoker View Post
    I've been hit on or propositioned by men in all sort of places. Just be aware, and it will happen more than you think.

    If you just want NSA sex go to a bar, sex club/bath house, or post an ad on various sites. Or sign up for one of those hook up phone apps like grindr.
    Not just every one can "read the signs". Not smart enough to b able to pick up on clues.

  19. #19

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Such a shame that there has to be so much deception. Hopefully the days where LGB can court each other publicly like heteros do isn't too far off. I bet all this subterfuge results in a lot of mental complications for a lot of people

    My advice is to use body language. The way you stand, or sit/relax in, how you look someone over, eye contact, etc - all can send a lot of messages. If you're too shy it wont work, if you're too intense it may creep someone out. You've got to strike the balance that says "come hither"; confidence is key. If you're shy, consider getting some therapy sessions on how to break that, because shyness won't do you any favors in dating unless you happen to be trying to attract a complete nerd (which is perfectly ok!).
    Last edited by cbb83; Sep 18, 2014 at 10:27 AM.

  20. #20

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Quote Originally Posted by cbb83 View Post
    Such a shame that there has to be so much deception. Hopefully the days where LGB can court each other publicly like heteros do isn't too far off.
    It's already like this for bisexual and gay/lesbian people in many states, and countries including the United States.

  21. #21

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    I think "state" is a bit over-generalizing. I'm from a state where the LGB community is very prominent and I'd still come under a lot of fire if I were "out" about it, and lose a lot of business opportunities. Some segments of the population in some areas may be accepting, but a great many are still very far from it.

  22. #22

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    I have to agree with ccb83, They're is a lot of people who are just not Ready to accept anything but Heterosexuals. Being a Married Man and Bisexual with 3 Kids can get Rather Complicated sometimes. I wonder who would see me for just me, and who would run away because my Sexual Preferences.
    We all need a little bit More, It's Human Nature.

  23. #23
    Coastocoast
    Guest

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    It is very difficult for many of us. I am a single parent and it is near impossible to find anyone looking for the same thing given the fact that my occupation and community are not friendly towards non-heterosexuals. I am not looking for casual sex or to pick up and bring home men from bars for an instant hookup. I am looking for a regular ongoing relationship with someone who is in a similar situation or at least a man who is not married or attached. Bars and craigslist seem to be full of men who are open to the same sex, but most are looking for casual sex, many are married or have girlfriends and want something on the side and I am not. I have gotten so few responses from single men that would send a second email without saying where and when that is is discouraging. I hear many people say just tell the world and although that may work for them I need to make a living and support my kids. I wish the world was different but it is not.

  24. #24

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Quote Originally Posted by cbb83 View Post
    I think "state" is a bit over-generalizing. I'm from a state where the LGB community is very prominent and I'd still come under a lot of fire if I were "out" about it, and lose a lot of business opportunities. Some segments of the population in some areas may be accepting, but a great many are still very far from it.
    I doubt that would happen. There have been totally out bisexual, gay, and lesbian politicians, and business owners for decades in the United States and in other countries.

  25. #25

    Re: How to pick-up men?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bigjn64 View Post
    I have to agree with ccb83, They're is a lot of people who are just not Ready to accept anything but Heterosexuals. Being a Married Man and Bisexual with 3 Kids can get Rather Complicated sometimes. I wonder who would see me for just me, and who would run away because my Sexual Preferences.
    I can relate. When I was going through my divorce during my last marriage, I was under a psychs care. She was the one who basically told me it was okay to be me. I had lived most of my life being what others wanted me to be. Well, she offered that I should try to be with a guy to find out for sure. However, my divorce was not amicable and she was out to try to keep me from my kids. Fortunately, I had a good lawyer that got me better visitation rights than most men get. However, the question has never been answered as I kept those feelings hidden. I eventually met my current wife and initially there were sparks enough to start a forest fire, but not for the past five years. She still loves me very much, but has zero want or desire for sex.

 

 

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Back to Top