Bisexual, bicurious, or heteroflexible?

[AnnaD31]

I keep coming across all of these different terms to define sexuality, and there seems to be several definitions of each. The more I read, the more confused I get. What is your take? How do you define bisexuality, being bicurious, and the newer term, "heteroflexible" or "mostly straight"?

[ranger1]

I'm not sure why everything has to have a label. I like woman, i like men. A lot seems to be the person, the place , the mood. Sexuality is something I want to explore both ways without a label. Just saying

[Realist]

Ranger pretty well defined how I feel, too.

To a novice, my interpretation would be explained as:

1. Bi curious: Interested, drawn, tempted, but not yet experienced.
2. Bisexual: Drawn to both genders, experienced, functioning on a Kinsey scale...more, or less gay, or straight.
3. Gay: strictly attracted to same gender.

As far as I'm concerned........All of the other labels are variations and complications of the above.

[WebothBbi]

I'm in agreement with Realist. And labels suck. You like what you like, as long as it isn't illegal (minors, corpses or animals) and it's consensual, it's beautiful and fun. Just my opinion

[fredtyg]

In the past I've enjoyed discussing the various tastes and sexual preferences people have. The problem is those preferences and tastes are so varied you can run yourself in circles trying to figure them out. I finally came to the conclusion it shouldn't be that complicated, if only because there's no way to define each and every sexual preference. That Kinsey Scale goes too far as far as I'm concerned.

Not that long ago I decided it should be broken down to as simple of terms as possible, thus my two classifications of bi oriented people:

If you've never had sexual relations with the same sex, but think you might like to and wouldn't mind trying it, you're bicurious.

If you've had sexual relations with the same sex- even once- and would be willing to do it again, you're bisexual.

There! Simple, isn't it? I know some might bring up a guy who has never done m2m but knows he'd do it in a heartbeat if given a chance. Wouldn't that be considered bisexual? Sure, but what difference does it make? I think my breakdown is as complicated as it should be since people can label themselves however they please and we'd go nuts trying to figure out every variation of human sexuality.

[NakedInSeattle]

"Bi" is the short label. The long label is "married gay guy that still loves the female form and eating pussy."

[Visexual]

I've always found women appealing. I still get that little feeling when I see a good looking lady. I've never gotten that feeling when seeing any man.

But I really enjoy talking to men more than women. Now I love flirting with women but I prefer a good conversation to be with a guy. And, if the guy shares my bisexual interests, even better!

I don't believe in labels. I love to kiss women and will kiss a man. I love to eat a man and will eat a woman. I love to fuck a woman and will fuck a man. It's really about what's available, isn't it?

[SilkyHoseLover]

The long label is "married gay guy that still loves the female form and eating pussy."

Couldn't disagree with you more on this. I've read a lot of comments here from men who say that there primary attraction is to women and that there is only a limited degree of affinity towards men. And that attraction is often limited to a subset of sexual activity, frequently restricted to same-gender oral pleasure or receiving anal. That doesn't sound full-on 'gay' to me.

I'll be the first to stand up and admit that my limited experiments with another man during sex play reflect bisexuality, but there's no way in the world that I'm gay. I don't seek emotional connections with men, have no desire for the trappings of romance with them and don't look at a guy on the street and wonder what he'd be like in bed. Those are things that are restricted to women, in my world. My attraction is situational -- put me in the room with a nice guy and his naked cock, and I want to play with it. For me, it's purely recreational.

[tenni]

Heteroflexible seems like an overanalysis of attraction to both genders.

Perhaps, you must have a basically equal attraction to both men and women in which the attraction is being capable both physical and emotional to be considered bisexual. That is not how the term is defined though. All the peeps who have any degree of attraction to both genders are simply bisexual whether you do anything about it or not. Expressing the term bisexual negatively, if you are not repulsed by thinking about intimacy with both genders sexually or emotionally, you are bisexual.

[Annika L]

Anna, definitely learn (and think) about the Kinsey Scale for sexual attraction. Sexuality is not a ternary system (gay, straight, and bisexual)...it's a continuum, where (using Kinsey) 0 = straight, 6 = gay, and everything else in the middle is a muddle, more biased toward same-sex or more biased toward opposite sex. And worse, these numbers aren't fixed, but can fluctuate during your lifetime (for some bisexuals, they fluctuate by the hour, some by the day or week, some by the year or decade).

With that in mind, I offer:
Bisexual: having attraction toward more than one sex, at least to some degree (at least with certain kinds of sexual activity), whether or not experienced or "practicing" (basically Kinsey 1-5).
Bi-curious: historically identifying as Kinsey 0 or 6, but becoming aware of attraction toward whatever they haven't yet experienced...basically in a state of recognizing they may be bisexual. They could be right or wrong about that (i.e., they may experiment and find that they are in fact not bisexual).
Heteroflexible: identifying as primarily straight, but considering themselves open-minded about at least certain sexual acts (e.g., a "straight" woman who might enjoy kissing another woman at parties, or a guy who might let himself be urged by his wife to fellate another male under certain circumstances, but hadn't previously been fantasizing about such a thing). I think of these people as being likely Kinsey 1's or 2's...something above 0, but below 3 basically.
Mostly straight: pretty much the definition of Kinsey 1's and 2's (so there can be quite a bit of overlap with heteroflexible here...these labels aren't all disjoint).

In general I do *not* find that "labels suck". If we didn't have labels; if we didn't make distinctions and create language around them, the human species wouldn't be nearly as advanced as it is (for better and worse).

But I find that a lot of these labels exist because either (1) someone doesn't want to admit to themselves or others that they might be bisexual (or even gay); and/or (2) someone is uncomfortable with the (unfortunate and inaccurate) stereotype that all bisexuals are effectively Kinsey 3's (this is the only reason for "heteroflexible" for instance...these people are bisexual, but don't want to use that word, because they feel it would imply that they must be equally attracted to both sexes, and that is far from their reality...and in this sense, I completely agree with tenni that it's an overanalysis).

[Long Duck Dong]

thats about right, annika......between the bisexual and straight / gay, there is the grey area...... its a bit like I am not interested in drinking, I may try drinking but pass at the moment, I am curious about what this drink tastes like... and I drink..... then we go into the the areas of drinking, I am a social drinker only, ( 1-2 ) I enjoy a drink 3 times a week or more ( 3)

when we remove the ability to define a persons sexuality according to how they feel, we end up wth We do not drink or we drink 3 or more times a week..... and so the terms of bi curious and hetero flexible are often not really defining our sexuality, its defining a more detailed understanding of how we think and feel..... IE I am straight ( grey area removed ) I am attracted to males and females sexually...

and if we remove the grey area of defining ourselves, then we remove 2/3s of what defines us as unique people, and pushes us into the box that people use when they judge other people IE: gay males may enjoy any aspect of anal, oral, kissing, hugging, holding, masturbation and all or none of them, and puts them all in the box of gay males like anal ... and thats the same thing that a lot of the anti gay / same gender marriage people used as a weapon against same sex marriage.....

Imagine a world without the kinsey scale, or the ability to try before you buy, or the option to try a dish of food to see if you like it or not.....

the need to label or be labeled, is not important but the right and ability to define ourselves with different terms, most certainly is ?

[tenni]

Straight guy looking to get cum in my throat
I’m a straight guy and looking to try sucking a cock, I want to feel someone cum in my mouth and get off from it. Open to rim jobs and all just have never had anyone fuck my ass before so not sure about that one yet.

This is an ad that I read.

Sure the guy is straight...

There should be a category for " those in denial" right after heterosexual. Now maybe that is a synonym for heteroflexible..lol

The guy wants cum down his throat, wants to rim another man and maybe get fucked...yet he sees himself as straight..duh dumb arse..

[Annika L]

Straight guy looking to get cum in my throat
I’m a straight guy and looking to try sucking a cock, I want to feel someone cum in my mouth and get off from it. Open to rim jobs and all just have never had anyone fuck my ass before so not sure about that one yet.

This is an ad that I read.

Sure the guy is straight...

There should be a category for " those in denial" right after heterosexual. Now maybe that is a synonym for heteroflexible..lol

The guy wants cum down his throat, wants to rim another man and maybe get fucked...yet he sees himself as straight..duh dumb arse..

Agreed, tenni. And "In denial" is a label (it's one people certainly apply to others to make distinctions)...it's just (by its nature) not one you'd ever seriously apply to yourself.

[Hypersexual11]

The labels are situational. 'Bi' usually covers most. I like labels when I am looking for a hook up. I am an orally bi bottom. I don't want to meet with an anal bottom because we will just stare at each other.

Concerning the judgmental comments here...Sometimes I have a strong desire to eat an ass. Sometimes I have a strong desire to be fucked. I almost always have the desire to have a cock shooting in my mouth. So I guess I'm gay and just don't know it. I guess the fact that I have never had sexual thoughts about a man other than the one taking his dick out is irrelevant. The fact that snuggling with a man makes my skin crawl is just something I need to get over. The thought of my tongue in another mans mouth turns my stomach but I guess that's just part of being gay.

We see the same stuff over and over. Yet some can not grasp the fact that sometimes....it's just sex. and sometimes....we really like sex, all forms. I see my self as fully straight, with deviations. That view of myself was not an idea formed by me, it's just how it is.

[gotlek]

I totally agree with ranger1.

[aLABiM75 & StrF51]

Most of humanity falls into the Bi category.
If we've learned nothing from the rules of our planet, it's that things fall on a bell curve.
If straight and gay are the extreme ends, then the bulk of humanity falls in between them.

[Annika L]

Most of humanity falls into the Bi category.
If we've learned nothing from the rules of our planet, it's that things fall on a bell curve.
If straight and gay are the extreme ends, then the bulk of humanity falls in between them.

I agree that those who have learned nothing about the rules of our planet believe everything falls on a bell curve.

By your logic then, the vast majority of humans are also transgender and intersexed?

People love to believe that the bulk of people are just like them...it's especially tantalizing to believe that the bulk of society is just like us but not smart enough to figure out that they're just like us. Especially if you feel downtrodden or criticized as a sexuality minority..."hey, not only are your issues with my bisexuality hypocritical, but you're not even smart enough or enlightened enough to realize your own bisexuality...or you're too uptight to admit it!" Sorry...not buyin' it.

[tenni]

Where is there evidence that a bell curve determines that the majority of humans are bisexual?

I recall stats and studies stating that he majority of non heterosexuals is probably bisexuals rather than gay/lesbian.

The majority of humans are heterosexual according to studies that I have read.

Annika is correct that people who want to believe that most people are like them are deceiving themselves. Yes, we are more alike than we are different overall but as far as sexuality is concerned we are not. This type of logic is the same logic that a guy used recently that I wanted anal sex and I just had not come to the realization yet. (reads similar to the position that bisexuals are really gay argument logic)

[2bi2Bboring]

The majority of humans are socially conditioned that heterosexuality is the norm. Being bisexual may actually be the norm but we'd never know because of social conditioning. I agree with Annika, there needs to be a "special" category for those in denial. "Oh, I suck cock but I'm completely straight",is a rationalization. In order for a standard to apply it has to be applied consistently, just because you want to deny you're bisexual doesn't mean you aren't. I can tell myself whatever I want, it doesn't mean it's true. People are more than capable of lying to themselves and do on a consistent basis. While I will agree a single bisexual experience doesn't make you bisexual, the experience remains an experience. Just because I jump in to the air and am weightless for a split second, doesn't make me an astronaut. I had a weightless experience, I liked it, I may want to do it again or not.

I fully understand Anna's confusion, most people here can't even agree on a definition of what it means to be bisexual. It's a great way to start a good debate on here, start talking about defining bisexuality and opinions and conjecture come out of the woodwork. Many are certainly ok with oral sex, but only oral sex with a same sex partner. It eventually gets so convoluted that definitions no longer mean anything at all. The subjectivity route just doesn't work. Kinsey came up with the scale for a reason, incidentally homosexual means AN incidence not 10 or 100 incidences. That constitutes a trend, and a trend has meaning, and if that trend means if there is a naked cock in the room that you have to suck it, you're probably bisexual.
Face-palm

[Annika L]

I'm not sure why everything has to have a label. I like woman, i like men. A lot seems to be the person, the place , the mood. Sexuality is something I want to explore both ways without a label. Just saying

Absolutely. I like furry things. I like small things. I like things with 4 legs. Why do we need words like cat and dog and mouse? It's all so limiting! Wouldn't the world be better off if we could just like what we like without having to overanalyze everything?

[Annika L]

I just read a post in another forum that I loved...really made me think. The real gist was summed up by:

If I say who I'm attracted to, will it be easier?
Masculine men
Feminine men
Masculine women
Androgynous and genderfluid people
Trans-males (including FTMs)

...

I'm attracted to more genders than a bisexual person and less than a pansexual? Where do I fit in?

Basically, this was a male who was attracted to other males, but who was very open-minded about what it meant to be male (so including transmen and gender-ambiguity, but not feminine women or transwomen). Somehow I've never run across someone expressing this combination of attractions (or its hetero analog) and yet it makes perfect sense to me (even though it doesn't apply to me).

To me, this person is the very model of what the word "homoflexible" *should* mean. And "heteroflexible" *should* mean attracted to the opposite sex, but open-minded regarding what it means to be a member of that sex.

Basically I think these are much more worthy distinctions than the usual meaning of "heteroflexible" as basically "bisexual, but low enough on the Kinsey scale that I don't want to identify as bisexual." Blah.

Since heteroflexible is already taken (and by association, homoflexible as well), perhaps the words homo-pansexual and hetero-pansexual could be used? Basically, attracted to half the gender spectrum, rather than just one pole or the other?

But my real curiosity is whether this person's attractions resonate with others here? Are there any other homo-pansexuals? Any hetero-pansexuals? Or is this a very unusual set of attractions? It doesn't feel to me like it should be all that uncommon...I'm wondering if lack of language has kept these people out of our awareness? Does it resonate with any of you?

[Gypsy_Rose]

"Bi" is the short label. The long label is "married gay guy that still loves the female form and eating pussy."

I guess that means as a woman who has been having sex with both genders for three decades that I'm not bi. I'm certainly not now, nor have I ever been, nor ever will be a married guy.

Labels are a convenient way for lazy thinking people to put themselves or others into neat little boxes. Sexuality, like many things exists on a spectrum. Where one falls on that spectrum is generally difficult to define with simple labels unless one is 100% gay or 100% straight. And even that is no simple matter if you introduce gender fluidity.

IMHO YMMV (except the part abt me not being a married guy, that's a fact, not an opinion. lol)

[itsnormy]

the only way I can make sense out of sexual preferences is simple....assume everyone is straight/gay there are straights who enjoy participating in gay activities at times....and there are gays who enjoy participating in straight activities at times....

[goldenfinger]

I was watching a tv show about history of sex, and it said that 30% of men under 30 who considered them self heterosexual has had sex with another male in today's world. Not sure if the study was about Australians or Americans. I think both.

[pole_smoker]

Anna those terms all mean the same thing.

[Olivia920601]

Im bi forever. I just got my true love with a bisexual woman. I would like to share the link whre i found my love.
http://www.bi-sexualdating.com/

[Annika L]

"In denial" is a label (it's one people certainly apply to others to make distinctions)...it's just (by its nature) not one you'd ever seriously apply to yourself.

Wow...note to self: I frequently label myself as "In Denial". I simply don't know what I was thinking. Maybe there's a downside to this sifting through the ashes of old threads thing after all.

[elmwood7]

Label's and definitions are all bullshit anyway. When I came back from Nam they called us murderers and baby killers. I've been back 40 yrs. and haven't murdered or killed a single baby...