My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years now. We agreed that we're probably have been "made" for each other.
I loved him to death, and I loved the fact that he seems to love and cares about me the same way.
He told me that he believes he's bisexual several months ago, and the news shook me inside, but I pretended to be 100% okay with it.
I truly care about him, and wanted our relationship to last. I do really wanted to learn more about his bisexuality; I do wanted to have a conversation about it, and we did, but it has never been a comfortable one, or a fully one. He would always get so moody when I asked questions, and he would claimed that I was being doubtful about his faithfulness.
Months later, the news sank in, and I was starting to accept the idea of him being a bisexual, and forgetting about how much it matters to me even. However, a few weeks ago, he told me about his "Transgender fetish". He believes he's bisexual because he has feelings for pre-operation transgender. He wouldn't mind having a sexual affair with a woman that have penis. It is his fetish, he said.
He said that it doesn't matter if I am against or doesn't like his fetish side :/ because to him, gender shouldn't be everything, and that people should never judge people by their sexual orientation, (which I agree toward some degree, and i did try my best to stay open-minded) but when he said that gender doesn't matter to him, my heart was crushed into pieces.
I tried to be supportive, but I am dying inside. It might sound so childish, and i'm not a homophobia, but this really breaks my heart [for some reason]. I guess... the whole thing is too much for me to handle.
I guess... the reason why I'm getting so worked up about it ... well.. i don't know how to fully describe it, but one thing I know for sure is that I am overwhelming.
I did try to ensure if he actually is a bisexual since he never has done anything with a man. The answer I got was, "Yes, because I am also attracted to men who pretends to be a women."
It hurts. It really is. I don't know the REAL reason why I am not okay with this kind of fetish, or maybe i'm trying not think about it as if its already killing me inside knowing about it alone.
I must admit that I do see him differently, and the news is scaring/ worrying me. Yes, I do love him, he was the only main reason I smile and he's the reason why I pushed myself through the past years because I know that I am somewhat his motivation too, but the day he told me that, I felt like everything is gone, my motivation, my life...
I'm probably sounding so dramatic right now, but please try to climb on my skin and walk around it for a bit.
I'm also apologizing in advance if I had offending anyone, it is not my intention to offend anyone in any ways.
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