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  1. #1

    Bi BDSM questions...

    I felt the thread about fantasies and what form they take raised some other intriguing questions; such as how many of those who identify as bottoms fantasize about bondage scenarios? How many bottoms are active in BDSM play? Was kink always your preferred mode of play or, like me, did it take years before you found the thought of being made another's helpless sex toy appealing?

  2. #2

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Come on!....nobody wants to chime in on this?

  3. #3

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    What's the question?

  4. #4

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Would love to be bound and used repeatedly. Not active but would love to find someone to play with. I think I have always had a natural attraction to it but it has gotten stronger as I got older. Especially an interest in being dominated by a man.

  5. #5

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    I've had some fantasies early on in life about BDSM. Not so much into it myself, but as a way of turning on someone else who enjoys it. My one almost BDSM experience from long ago, and a more recent inadvertent experience kinda got me to lose whatever enthusiasm I had for the idea.

    Back in the early '80s I was seeing a girl. She came over to my place and we had sex one day. After it was over we were having pillow talk when she mentioned she'd always wanted to handcuff a guy and have her way with him. I told her I'd be happy to go along with that. She seemed really stoked and appreciative, telling me no other guy she'd known would ever do it. That felt good as we really didn't get along all that well. Maybe we'd found a common interest, or I had something valuable to offer her?

    Not that I was really into being bound, but if it would turn her on, sure.

    Not long after that I was at her place. She had a vicious dog she kept in the back yard. I'm sitting on the couch and she brings the dog in on a leash. It's growling and snapping at me as I'm sitting there. I asked her to take the dog back outside. She kept coming closer with the dog on a leash. Despite my requests to take the dog outside, she kept edging closer to me saying, "What's the matter? Is she scaring you?".

    She seemed to enjoy seeing me bothered by her dog. Ok. not bothered, but scared, but I'd lost it and once you lose it with a dog there's no recovering from it. She finally took the dog back outside, chastising me for being such a sissy. Well, you can imagine there's no way I'd let her handcuff me after that. Who knows what she might do? She really seemed to get off on scaring me and being in control. I didn't like it at all.

    We broke up soon thereafter by mutual agreement. Not sure what her reasons for wanting out were, but the dog thing was just part of mine. Maybe a big part.

    The second time was a few years back. In fact, the last time I hooked up with a guy.

    I'd advertised on Craigslist M4M as a submissive that wanted to please a guy, or something along that line. A guy replied to my ad that happened to live just a few blocks from me. I went over to his place and right away he was all dominant and ordering me around. To make a long story short, he wouldn't let me suck him unless I did things just so. It even involved some light slapping.

    At one point he broke with the tough guy routine and asked if I'd mind if he put me in shackles as "punishment". I went along with it but the whole thing was a flop. Apparently when I described myself as submissive he assumed I meant in some BDSM role. I only meant I was willing to do whatever he wanted. within reason, of course.

    I guess I should have said something to him about the misconception he had. He never let me finish him off. Kept saying I wasn't sucking right. Finally we both gave up and he got all nice and I went home. Almost scary, in a way, not enjoyable but no harm done. That was that and I haven't seen him since.

    Haven't had the fantasy since, although I still wouldn't mind a little of it if it would turn the other guy or gal on. I don't think I'd ever do a blind hook up with someone who wanted BDSM, though.
    Last edited by fredtyg; Apr 20, 2014 at 10:58 AM.

  6. #6

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    I love BDSM! As the dom tho. IMO it's my way of making up for all those times I've seen hot sexy blokes who I've wanted to do WTF I wanted with them....over the years.
    I can be completely disinterested in sex.......until I get the soft cotton ropes around their arms and legs tied to each leg of my bed. THEN.....all that buried lust comes out and I make them pay for all that buried frustration. In a VERY nice way btw!! It's just about pleasure and control for me.
    The subs like it just as much as I do, and are perfectly happy to oblige!l They love the feeling of 'helplessness' and the lack of responsibility for what I do with/to them.

    Am expecting my BDSM bud tonight. He's a big ex-fireman/bouncer and could crush me like a grape if he wanted.lol He gets much more pleasure feeling dominated tho....TF!
    "You're like my yo-yo, that glowed in the dark. What made it special, made it dangerous. So I bury it, and forget.":Kate Bush

  7. #7

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    I am not dominant by nature and had only ever been a roleplay dom to my 1st wife when she was in a roleplay submissive mood. When I first started meeting bi married men, I was surprised at how many of them had fantasies of being dominated and controlled by another man and at how many of them had fantasies to wear panties and other sexy female things during the experience. The thought of having a willing male sub turned me on, panties or no panties. Although my several sub male partners (and I) did not desire hardcore BDSM, light bondage, spanking, nipple/cock torture, command/control/discipline/verbal abuse and 'forced' oral sex were a turn on for all. We discussed limits and boundaries before meeting and stayed within them. This type of play is immensely erotic and the mm sex is intense for dom and sub, but only if trust is established beforehand. It's been a while since the last of my last dom roleplay experiences, but my cock still gets hard thinking about them ...

  8. #8

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Can we keep this going....I'm really curious to hear what all you have to say?

  9. #9

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Keep in mind that BDSM is an acronym for four different affinities: Bondage, Domination, Submission and Masochism. (Some say Sado-masochism.)

    I think the dominant/submissive aspect of it comes into play regardless of your sexual orientation. Whether you like to be tied up, spanked, or engage in any other "kinky" play is simply a matter of a consensual agreement between responsible adults. I am definitely a dom / alpha male, but that doesn't mean I want to tie up everybody I encounter, or that I expect people to "do my bidding." In my experience, a successful domination / submission play session can be made without one ever having to raise a hand or pick up a rope.

    I actually began my sexual journey as a switch, and found out that my submissive experiences actually empowered my dominant side. I never found the helplessness aspect of being a bottom to be arousing. In my opinion, a submissive should never be "completely" helpless. If they are not in a position to get what they want, the scene isn't going according to plan. There's a reason we call this "play." The lifestylers and master-slave couples may disagree, but to each his/her own, and for me, it is all about fun and getting your rocks off. :-)

  10. #10

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Pretty interesting....any subs want to chime in?

  11. #11

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Ok, I'll chime in.....

    Confirmed bisexual here, only dabbled in BDSM with women (and not very well trained women at BDSM). My fantasy would be to have a MF couple to explore a variety of scenarios.....both male subs serving a Femdom, MF subs serving a Maledom, me as a sub serving both as Doms, etc. It all tickles the "turn on" part of my brain. I have yet to meet that couple though.

    My wife enjoys only an occasional mild spanking, and thats it. My girlfriend will sometimes act the Femdom, put on the strap-on and fuck my ass, but she is somewhat unrefined in the role of being a Femdom and struggles with embracing the role.

    BDSM is something that (for me) requires a certain headspace to be in. Someone can't just out of the blue bark out commands and expect me to be turned on, I have to be (for lack of better words) seduced into the mindset of being a sub for me to really enjoy it. I can understand when women say that they can't just jump into sex, they need to be "in the mood". I get that.

  12. #12

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    I'm a Dominant who had the rare and unusual experience of having been mentored by a real life Master when my wife and I were experimenting with bondage and Dom/sub play. He never physically interacted with us in the bedroom, but he took us both under his wing as it were and taught me the old school ways and etiquette of being a Dominant. He was a guest in our home many,many times and what I learned from him changed my life in many ways. What he taught me about the why's and where's of a scene and the mindset of the submissive actually cemented our marriage as I learned to look at and regard the woman who I still to this day dearly love.

    As in so many marriages, nature plays that ugly trick called menopause and my wife lost all interest in sex. Things were like this for a few years and despite my pleading and suggestions, it is still that way. I'd suggest that nature isn't as perfect as many would like to think it is, because a lot of husbands find themselves sitting there with their dick in their hands and deprived of one of life's greatest pleasures - sex.

    Like many husbands, I finally gave in to urges that had been suppressed for most of my life and began to seek out another man to have sex with rather than a woman. It just seemed less like cheating if I found another guy and what would be a long search began to find the right guy. My standards were high and actually would be considered unrealistic by many people. But eventually, I found the right guy - still a m/m virgin, in a long term marriage, submissive, established and stable.

    Long story short, he became my boi and after a couple of years, he suggested that I find another new guy to bring in because he knew that I really wanted sex more often than he could give it to me. So, after another long search, I initiated a new guy and see him now on a fairly regular basis. He was reluctant to admit at first that he liked sucking cock but I've been seeing him now for almost three years and each time that we are together now, it just gets better and better and he allows me to take him just a bit further into submission and he loves the bondage, sensory deprivation and CBT. He has developed into an enthusiastic and very capable cock sucker and boi and last time, he consented to his first real anal penetration with up to three very well lubed fingers as he lay on the bed with his legs spread and held up by ropes and pulleys that were attached to some eye bolts in the ceiling that are reminders of my kinky times with my wife. Another time or two, and he will want me inside him, I have no doubt. We sixty nined and while I have never been a real fan of sucking cock, I do like his and I took and swallowed his load for the first time. It's no secret that when a Dom swallows a boi's load, that a bond is formed and the trust level rises a few notches on the boi's part. I have developed the opinion that given enough times together, his already waning interest in women sexually will only grow until...

    There is at this time, the possibility of a new pet coming into the stable and this guy shows every sign of wanting only to be used and to serve and be turned totally. One of its last emails said this - and these are its exact words - "Yes that is what it wants the most to be reduced to just an object for men to use for pleasure.If Master was to share or loan out it would only be a dark urge come true. My clitty is leaking") it, as I refer to him now since he indicated that he wants to serve as a sub slave and be considered a possession, is supposed to be here at my home this coming week for its indoctrination and the setting of rules, guidelines and parameters. I will never suck it and it has indicated that it will serve and service who ever I direct it to. I've known it for a few years and nurtured it and its finally ready to surrender itself. it was here last summer and sucked me, leaving with my seed in its belly which I thought wasn't bad considering that it had never had cock before.

    I have sucked both of my bois and the enjoyment level, such as it is with me, depends on where I am at in my mind and how well the boi has done during the scene. There are times when I feel an actual hunger for cock, but mostly, I prefer being sucked and my bois enjoy pleasing me with their mouth because they know how much it pleases Master. It has occurred to me that once a man has sucked cock, there is no turning back and that desire for homosexual contact only grows and becomes stronger as he ages. This lifestyle is something of a curse but oh, the pleasures... I never engage in casual sex and neither do my bois, so we can play bareback and enjoy it all as it was meant to be enjoyed, The trust has been built and no one wants to lose what we now share because such a relationship as we all share is a very rare thing IMHO. faggot, as it is called, will be a welcome addition and having enjoyed both bois at once recently for the first time, I can only wonder what another threesome with faggot added in will be like? The threesome was awesome - could it possibly be better?

  13. #13

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    "Once a man has sucked cock there is no turning back and that desire for homosexual contact only grows and becomes stronger as he ages." Are you referring to homosexual contact in general or for playing the submissive role specifically? You yourself have sucked cock....did it lessen your dominant tendencies any? I'm a bottom....I think I've known I was a bottom from the first time I sucked a cock to completion. If not from that moment certainly after I was fucked for the first time. I never equated that with being a sub until I started viewing BDSM porn and identifying with the subs. I figured there must be something really great about being tied up and used sexually because at the end of those videos the subs were positively GLOWING with pleasure. I'm curious to know what that feels like.

  14. #14

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    For me, I get incredibly turned on when imobilized and teased/fucked in front of an audience! By a man, woman, or both!

  15. #15

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Ok, so the impression I'm getting so far is that bottoms seem to have some sort of predisposition toward being a sub in a BDSM scenario.....not surprizing, I suppose. I guess my question should really be; If ALL subs are bottoms, are ALL bottoms submissive?

  16. #16

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    this one is....

  17. #17

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Anyone else?....

  18. #18

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    I'm a total submissive, and 100% bottom

  19. #19

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    So any theories as to why the submissiveness? I know a fellow (and I'm sure his case is not unique) who, although a bottom, has absolutely ZERO interest in being tied, flogged, spanked..etc. so to put it down to a natural outgrowth of being a bottom is, I think, too simple an explanation. I've always regarded sucking a cock or taking one in the ass as a submissive act....subordinating one's own pleasure (at least the pleasure of an orgasm) to satisfy another's. Perhaps some bottoms regard it differently....perhaps they see themselves as being in control of the top's pleasure and for them being topped is actually a power trip, in which case being tied up would take away from that feeling of control. I can only tell you that my feelings when with a man are of immense gratification at being the object of HIS desire....an ego trip more than a power trip.....but I don't quite know where the bondage and so on figures in????

  20. #20

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    I don't know. I found I got incredibly turned on when getting body waxing, and some of my tattoos! Pain turned into pleasure Being immobilized, and fondled, you don't know what pleasure zone will be hit, so when a carress, spank, or penetration occurs in that "compromised" position, is incredibly exhilarating and a huge turn on!

  21. #21

    Post Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    No BDSM here, as of yet....
    or the desire to have any, as of yet.


  22. #22

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    For me it was a gradual for me also. Started being with my wife getting me in her panties. After I experienced the endorphins and warmth from a spanking, I was hooked and became more interested.

  23. #23

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...




    ANd more genital ink coming this weekend!

  24. #24

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Very impressive ink Newly. I have one tattoo and while I wouldn't say the process of getting it was traumatic... it didn't titillate me either. Have never really been spanked....other than in the heat of the moment.....nor flogged, waxed, or much of any other sort of pain play. But the thought of being restrained and used sexually makes me drip!

  25. #25

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    It is one of those things you don't know turns you on until you experience it Either you tolerate it, hate it, or get aroused by it Waxing is the biggest turn on, followed by my lower groin and butt crack tattoos Waxing is repeatable, tattoos are a one time pleasure (and some, do hurt like hell, and couldn't wait for the process to be done!)

  26. #26

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    I've never been a fan of tattoos, but I do admire the artwork and the talent of the artists who create them. I just prefer the beautiful appearance of clear, naked skin, especially hair-free naked skin. I think temporary tattoos could be cool -- to set the mood for a special evening, example. But I don't care for the permanence of the real ones. I don't want to be saddled with one particular look for the rest of my life.

    And, I must say, the two pictures of you above, I find very attractive. It must make you feel very vulnerable and sexy to be posed so provocatively. Wish somebody wanted to see me that way!

  27. #27

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Think I'll dip my toe in the water this weekend, try a little light bondage... see how it feels.

  28. #28

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Love ink (obviously!) but love skin too. That's why I prefer tattoos with a lot of "negative space", i.e. Skin space. Shows both the art, and the skin

  29. #29

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    Well been there and done it. Kinda hard to say how I feel about it. It WAS certainly interesting to be restrained and naked. I knew I wasn't really as helpless as I could have been though...my dom slipped the ropes off over my head and feet at the end of our session which I could also have done at any time. Perhaps a more vulnerable position than I was in would have made the difference...might just have to do it again to make sure...lol.

  30. #30

    Re: Bi BDSM questions...

    I've had several BDSM relationships. I accidentally fell into the world when back in the day, I went into an AOL chatroom called F4F Dungeon. I thought it was going to be lesbian dungeons and dragons. boy was i wrong.

    I learned a lot about who I was and what turned me on in these relationships, and I found out that I am primarily a bottom, with an occasional Dominant/Top side. However, I am not by nature submissive. I am very strong willed and opinionated and outside of the bedroom, you better not try telling me what to do no questions asked.

    I've had three failed relationships because of misaligned Top/Dominant bottom/submissive expectations.

    I lived with a male dominant for close to 10 years. The sex was awesome, and we played a lot, and explored a lot of different things. I learned how much pain can be erotically stimulating, I learned how much sensory deprivation can turn off your monkey mind and let you drop into sub space, and allow the Dominant to play you like a musician plays a violin. It's very freeing, and makes for some incredible sexual experiences. But outside the bedroom, he wanted to still keep me on a metaphoric leash with pager and constant check ins and telling me what to do and how to do it and what to wear, and so forth. It just didn't work.

    When I met my current wife, we met as members of the BDSM community, and she played at being a Top, but once we got into the relationship, she was more bottom than I was and almost 100% vanilla. I was already emotionally committed, and physically relocated and hoped we could make it work. What happened is that we just stopped having sex altogether because it was not satisfying. At all. I still love her but our sex life is dead due to incompatibility.

    So, I guess in summary, I am generally a sexual bottom (and more so with men than women -- I like taking the lead with women far more often than with men), but, with an exception for occasional role play, absolutely NOT a submissive personality.
    Last edited by Gypsy_Rose; May 31, 2014 at 8:41 AM.

 

 

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