V had a bit of a meltdown this weekend

**Ja&Ve** · Mar 17, 2014, 9:39 AM

Yep, I had a crisis moment over my husband's sexuality. More like a "shit just got real" kind of moment.

Stuff kind of hit me hard. The more J has accepted and even embraced this side of him, my anxiety has grown a bit. Then a few things happened over the week (He noticed a guy noticing him at the gym, he had a gay porn alone session and didn't have anything left for me Friday, he told me about what types of guys he found attractive, damn that man is picky! lol). So we have been having some pretty heavy conversations. But Saturday morning it came to a head because he was distracted and couldn't finish during sex. I about lost it. Felt very rejected, and I couldn't stop crying. So finally we had THE talk about where his head (and heart) was at in this process.

I felt a lot better. We had some major breakthroughs and my anxiety level has all but disappeared on the relationship front. I was so afraid of being left behind. But in reality he said he almost feels like I am the one who is moving too fast (me? nah! lol

)Right now, he wants nothing more than for us to explore things by ourselves as a couple.

However, this weekend he was just having a major SSA moment. So I pegged the hell out of him while watching bi porn together. and now he feels much better.

Those who are out to wives, did they go through these kinds of phases too? I sometime feel like I am going a little crazy. I am normally so strong, so sure, so self confident. But sometimes this whole thing makes me feel so fragile, so unsure, and even so unsexy, despite the reassurances. And the love, oh god how I love this man. It wrenches my soul.

We will get past this. I already feel soooo much better. Our communication is golden. No question has been off limits and he has answered me honestly and fully, even if I didn't like the answer. He is opening up more, sharing his fantasies and he has been soo loving.

I just thought I'd share. I figured if anyone knew what I was feeling it would be all of you.

Thanks

V

**newlynymphos** · Mar 17, 2014, 10:17 AM

My wife knows I play with guys on the side

I do wish she would peg and rim me more often, but she's still discovering kinks and desires, while I think I may be getting kinkier! I'm pretty picky when it comes to my men too! Another conundrum: my wife and I are both generally subs, and enjoy a dominant man! This is very nice in MMF 3somes though

I'm sure we may hit a hurtle some day (she's known of my bi-sexuality since we started dating

and swinging also around that time

), but so far, so good

**Ja&Ve** · Mar 17, 2014, 2:21 PM

I'm glad you wife knew from the beginning. I found out almost 19 years into my marriage. And he didn't tell me. I found out.

Its playing hell with my confidence and self esteem. Logically I'm great. Emotionally, it really can vary by the hour.

**itsnormy** · Mar 17, 2014, 2:39 PM

Prior to marriage, I had only been with one female, a 46 year old who was Mrs. Robinson to my 16 year old teen body.....*S* prior to her I had numerous happenings with kids my age and adult males.

But, before we married, I brought up the subject of my m/m activities feeling that if she could not handle it, there was no point in getting married to only divorce later. So we got down and dirty in a long, long discussion. My wife had her share of men before we married too, tho not as many as I. She felt fairly safe with me and a man together, but another woman was a no-no...we married, I had a male lover for 30 of our 53 year marriage. He drank himself to death unable to handle the fact he was gay. She had her share too, on man lasting almost 15 years before her death...we basically lived the poly lifestyle without knowing there was a name for it...

She died several years ago with cancer. I had mine. Prostate which has basically taken away a GOOD erection, but still puffs up, but did nothing to diminish my desire to suck some cock, be sucked and if a partner is into it, bottoming for some good old fashioned anal sex....

But guys, be open, be honest BEFORE marriage if you can...because she will find out...as sure as the sun comes up in the morning...SHE WILL FIND OUT...so is much better to cultivate her as a partner in all your sex life, cause you don't know, she just might have a little secret too !!!!

**LizaLynn** · Mar 17, 2014, 3:47 PM

Originally Posted by Ja&Ve

I'm glad you wife knew from the beginning. I found out almost 19 years into my marriage. And he didn't tell me. I found out.

Its playing hell with my confidence and self esteem. Logically I'm great. Emotionally, it really can vary by the hour.

Hugs to you. Hang in there, and know his love for you hasn't diminished.

**Ja&Ve** · Mar 17, 2014, 3:59 PM

Thank you. Actually if anything he loves me more. So intense sometimes. It's almost scary.

I think ink it's just getting used to things, wrapping my head around it etc. I can have fun, and be really into things, then look back and feel really uneasy. It's so bizarre. I want smack myself upside the head. Lol

i keep saying in a year I will look back, laugh, and wonder what I was afraid of.

**Cherokee_Mountaincat** · Mar 17, 2014, 6:26 PM

Big hugs Honey. What you felt was a natural reaction, and its very understandable. Just relax and know that you are the love of his life, and that sex with another man is just that..its sex. Be the anchor that holds you both safely ground, and you'll be fine. :}
Hugs and a smootch to the cheek.
Cat. :}

**Ja&Ve** · Mar 17, 2014, 6:33 PM

Thanks Cat.

There has been no sex outside of our union. And right now it's staying that way. I am WAY not ready for that. It would end us.

**Cherokee_Mountaincat** · Mar 18, 2014, 4:29 PM

Sex with another person can be fun, and Very exciting, Sweetie. But you Both have to have your heart and minds in the game, so to speak. It has to be a mutual want and desire. I recommend it highly, but only if both of you are ready for it, and can accept it for as it is: Its Just sexual pleasures, noting more. And Ve, if YOU are directing the pleasure between your Honey and another man, then its 100 times more exciting, You will be in charge of the action, the safety, the pleasure if you like. Just sit back and watch a play of your own creation take fold in front of you. Its Marvelous. Believe me. I've done this Many times, and it never fails to excite and arouse. Just take it slow and easy. Find someone that you both like and trust, and let it bloom from there. Just relax and have fun, Darlin..:}
Cat

**Ja&Ve** · Mar 18, 2014, 5:07 PM

Thanks Cat. Maybe someday.

**newlynymphos** · Mar 19, 2014, 6:51 AM

I always love it when my wife takes my hand from her pussy, and wraps it around another man's cock! Or moves my mouth onto his hard cock! So hot!

**Ja&Ve** · Mar 19, 2014, 11:30 AM

lol, newly. Way to try and make me feel better.

Nah, I'm doing pretty darn good. We've had some amazing discussions over the last few days, I feel very positive about the way things are moving. For only having been in the know for 90 days, I'd say we are proceeding nicely. It's a challenge to be sure, and I'm sure there will be days when I am going to have fits about things but we''l get there. And we will be better than ever.

**tampakicks27** · Apr 15, 2014, 9:44 PM

Hi Ve,

Could not help but read your other threads.

I see your somewhat open but not ready.

My wife asked me if I needed a man (and I said no - she almost implied permission although she was uncomfortable but I want her 100 % on board) but I told her I wanted a man. Regardless we are waiting 1 year. So I can research the subject fully and be 100 % ready (hopefully).

I feel for your husband and at least your pegging him. Its going to be harder to make my wife do that as she is too submissive by nature.

Your posts are very helpful. You have a 90 day head start and I can see myself running into some of your pitfalls because the reality is that I want a guy right now but will wait nonetheless.

Its encouraging how your marriage gets stronger after the pitfalls. Its also encouraging to see how much you love him.

**Ja&Ve** · Apr 16, 2014, 9:58 AM

Originally Posted by tampakicks27

Hi Ve,

Could not help but read your other threads.

I see your somewhat open but not ready.

My wife asked me if I needed a man (and I said no - she almost implied permission although she was uncomfortable but I want her 100 % on board) but I told her I wanted a man. Regardless we are waiting 1 year. So I can research the subject fully and be 100 % ready (hopefully).

I feel for your husband and at least your pegging him. Its going to be harder to make my wife do that as she is too submissive by nature.

Your posts are very helpful. You have a 90 day head start and I can see myself running into some of your pitfalls because the reality is that I want a guy right now but will wait nonetheless.

Its encouraging how your marriage gets stronger after the pitfalls. Its also encouraging to see how much you love him.

aw, thank you.

yeah, we are doing good. He has absolutely no desire to open up our marriage. I've repeatedly asked asked him about it. He doesn't want drama from other people. He is more into sensation and fantasy. And he is a bit of a techno weenie. So his idea is that is that if technology can give his soulmate a cock to fuck him with, he is happy. Plus he knows how Domme I am and how possessive he is. He knows I would demand equal openness on my side and given our past, that scares him. He is also highly risk averse so that doesn't help. He actually reads the stuff here in puzzlement, saying "none of this really applies to me." He jokes he is a unicorn among unicorns. Of course, I know better, but I will let him figure it out as he goes along.

With regards to pegging, go to ruby Ryder's pegging paradise. She has done podcasts about submissive women and pegging and how to get what you want.
i actually wrote her a letter
and she read it on podcast 81. I'm the one thanking her from the bottom of my heart.

**Drunk Uncle** · Apr 17, 2014, 6:45 AM

Hey there.

Years and years ago when I was *just* beginning to figure out the language I needed to describe what I needed, I read (and re-read) The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton (available on Amazon) and it detailed some of the author's attempts to figure what kind of relationship she was in (it was not conventional by any means) and it felt and feels pretty honest to me.

I'm not sure if it's the answer to all you're up against but it was a great source for me to help me through the early part of what I am now and it really helped when I spoke to (and continue to) the sweet nutty woman that became my wife.

Years ago - and yeah, you're probably right, you will probably laugh all about this years from now - she was *freaking out* when I went off to have some serious M-M-M time but we pushed and talked our way through it.

Marriage affords you that time to process things - what ever they are and that is a great luxury.

For us, it has run the gamut of deaths in the family, arguing about dental insurance (don't ask

) and the cell phone family plan.

Yeah, we'd love to more sexy but there's laundry to do, the yard needs tending to and I still gotta tap (and lick) that sweet ass of hers from time to time, 'cause it's soooo good.

Best to you both.

the Drunk Uncle