need help on a relationship probleme

[ezra bathory]

hey guyz I had a problem that been bothering me for years now and i like your opinion

I meet this guy when i was 16 through a friend, hes 24 and had a girlfriend at that time so i mostly though he was straight. Im very open about talking sex with my friendz so he eventually find out that I was bi. And then one time he invite me to his appartement to chill, so i went and we had couple of beer and getting to know each other better, but before i was about to tell him that i have to go home soon, he grab my arm and said "do you want to try it with me?" I was suprise and dizzy so I was just like "huh?" but before I reply he just start kissing and we end up having sex and i was sleeping in his place overnight. The next morning he told he is also bi but very discret and just broke up with his girlfriend. he want just sex for the time being so i told him it ok with me.

after that time, we see each other every week for sex. but we also hang a lot and we hand bond a very close friendship, he very caring for me and give me a lots of friendly advice and i once I had a huge fight with my mom and he invite me to spend the week at his place just for the time we cool off, he will talk to me and try to cheer me up, and after a years i start to have feeling for him, i didnt confess cuz i was scare that it would change the whole thing so I keep quit. plus he and adult and i was still in high school so I though mostly it will not work out.
and there this one night after 2 years we was just at the balcony drinking and suddenly he ask me "Do you see me more than a friend or a sex partner?". I got panic and pretend I had to take a call so I went inside, which was lame since my phone didnt ring or vrib and i think he notice... he went inside after a few later and we act like nothing happen.
after that time we see each other less and less, and when he got a new girlfriend, he just say that we need a break, but as soon as he broke up he will call me back, act like that nothing happen and ask me if i wanna come over. I know he just using me for sex but i didn't mind since i thought it gonna be the only thing for him to keep hang out with me and I still love him.
but after a while he just stop calling me or anything I didn't have the courage to call him myself so he lost contact for 3 years.
I still have the same feeling for him even after all this time and I didn't try go out with anybody else.
but just recently. he send me a msg ask me how i was doing and said hes doing fine and everything and now living with his new girlfriend, I didnt respond and he sent me another mail ask if I was mad.
I dont know what to tell him! I know i still love him but it been a long time and thing have change so i dont know what to do anymore.

p.s. sorry about my english is not very good :p

[Long Duck Dong]

hi ezra and welcome to the site.....

I can give you the generic * you should do * speech of chalk it up to experience and what happens when a FWB / FB ( Friends With Benefits / Fuck Buddy ) situation doesn't work out.... or I can give you the LDD custom made, barely street legal, I know its dumb, but what the fuck, version of what I would do.......

so Dr LDD lector, I would love you to have you for dinner.... .. wait... wrong personality......

ok LDD here, stud muffin, in love with my own reflection and ..... generally... too gorgeous for words....... yeah that personality will do....

wearing your heart on your sleeve, means that you are the one that hurts and gets hurt... and while its one hell of a way to live.... some people get * addicted * to that type of emotional pain and they start to live for it.. so that is something that you want to be careful of..... and I do say that as you make no mention of a personal life with any other person except this guy......

it would appear that a chance did come available to tell you him true feelings, but lets be honest, its a fucking site easier to say what ourselves and others would have / should have done at the time but the majority of us would have choked worst than a person with extreme stage fright sleeping walking onto the stage of americas got talent and waking up on stage.....

so you didn't tell him... thats ok, you are only human and now you have ended up in the situation of where he is making contact again.... and if it was me, I would do the * we are friends and talk with him *.. but I would be wary of something....and that is, he may have come out of the closet and is he looking for a 3rd for a threesome with his GF....

remember you may have been a FWB/FB but it doesn't make you a on demand sex machine unless thats what YOU want to be.... and you are happy to let others see you and treat you, that way...

so my suggestion and what I would do myself if I was in that situation, is I would talk with him as a friend, cos he has been a friend and still is....and see what happens.... let his tell me what is going on, what he wants etc... and make my decision from there if I want to be anything more than a friend with him....and then I would say that I have developed feelings for him... and let it go from there....if I mattered to him, he would treat me as a friend at the very least and not reject me because of my feelings and tell me they were not return or shared... or if he has feelings for me and is not interested in a relationship with me, but misses my company and the sex... or if he wants me and his partner ( I would ask that she know about us so that its less messy ) etc etc.....

so the ball is in your court, friend, its your life, you body, your heart and your choice..... but take a lil bit of advice from a grizzled old fart... there are those that sit inside and watch the rain fall and those that grow wings and fly into the eye of the storm...... and while you have one life, you can live and die many times.... its all a question of choice, our choice....

[Realist]

Ezra, I remember having great difficulty when trying to tell a loved one, my feelings.

But, If I were you, I'd tell him you love him, but can't only be his Spare Lover to use in between GFs!

In my mind, this is a destructive relationship and if you continue running back to him, at his convenience, you will never be happy, or fulfilled.

Only YOU know what is best for you, but with the information you gave us, if I were in your place, no matter how much it hurt, I would move on!

Hugs and good luck!

[ezra bathory]

hey thanx for your advice

sorry, I had so much too writte that i forgot most of the important details lol

I also feel there too many ostacles between us to make thing work out between us

we both bi but he more into girlz than guyz while im more into guyz than girlz
he is very discret about his bisexuality and im not
he finish university and have a well paying job(working 40 hours a weeks) while im still struggling with college and still live with my folk

he was never able to tell how he really feel for me. sometime he act like my big brother like, sometime like my best friend, sumtime like my boyfriend(even he use tease me and call me his "favorite whore").
I even ask advice from one hes friend( even i promise him i would tell a soul about our relationship) to know what she think and she told me that he definitley had romantic feeling for me because if is just for sex he would not stick with the same person for 5 years, but the way he throw me out and then take me back make me think the opposite.

I dont know if the fact that he contact me after so many years is a good thing or not....the good part is it may give me a second chance to tell me how I feel, but if thing did not work out like i wish the least staying friend, I know I will feel like dying.