Register
Results 1 to 12 of 12
  1. #1

    Question how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    i just started college and i'm living in the dorms. naturally i have a roommate. we get along really well, and i think we'll be great friends. one problem, how do i tell her i'm bi? right now i'm acting like i'm all about guys when i'm around her, but secretly, i'm checking out girls too. i don't know how to tell her. she doesn't seem homophobic, but you never know. how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

  2. #2

    Re: how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    She's your college roommate. She's not someone who you want to date or have a romantic or sexual relationship with. Get to know her first as a person and then see if you actually do want to come out to her or not. There's no need to rush and tell her. I know people who came out to their college roommates and their roommate was biphobic or homophobic and told everyone else and made their life and living with them really bad.

  3. #3

    Re: how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    I agree...there is no reason why your roommate needs to know...certainly not right away, before you figure out whether she would likely be hostile vs. accepting. You just met her. Give it some time, and watch and listen for clear signs that she has no hangups around sexuality. If you see clear signs, then it's time to think about whether and how to tell her. If you see any clear signs that she does have issues, and would likely not be accepting, there is absolutely no reason she need ever know...or at least that you need ever tell her. Some people just don't deserve that information.

    Good luck, and enjoy college!!
    I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been. (C. Hoppe)

  4. #4
    Coastocoast
    Guest

    Re: how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    Unless you are at a point where putting the fact that you are bi on your Facebook page for all to see would be OK with you, wait. See how she is, what her thoughts are, how she seems and then make a decision on talking or staying quiet and take it slow. You could be faced with a situation where you might have to come out to your family and the world or transfer schools if things went badly so just take your time. School is just too important to risk and you do not have lot of information yet. Be careful and enjoy college.

  5. #5
    FinkDoodle
    Guest

    Re: how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    I don't see why you have to tell her anything . . for that matter, how do you know that she's not bi and keeping it quiet from you?

  6. #6

    Re: how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    First tell her the reason why you want to tell her. Have a good honest think why that is, and stick to your guns no matter what her reaction will be.

  7. #7

    Re: how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    U dont have to tell.. no reason u should.. its ur affair but...well.. u could do as I did... just own up and say "I'm bisexual btw..but it's ok.. don't worry.. I wont chase u.. ur str8 so its ok..." Of course that may not quite be the truth.. as my flatmate found out once she took up residence.. months and months of lust... lots of flirting mostly on my side.. but not all... rebuff after rebuff.. determined girl she was...it wasn't my intention to get serious, It was just fun I was after and some luffly times with a very nice attractive girl.. but our kismet is written and so...

    ...if u are out and sexually active with ur own gender as I was... she is going to know something is up when u bring a girl home (if u do) or are spotted snogging at a bus shelter (as I was) or get phone calls at home from various girls confirming dates (as happened) or she spots u chatting on this site getting raunchy with a girl (as was frequent.. we shared my PC)... if u live with someone.. it isn't that always easy at times to hide what u are...

    ...7 years later she and I are happily married and testament to the power of soft music, low lights, mucky chat, plonk and 2 people who just get along famously and are in love... Dont fight kismet... it will always win in end...
    Last edited by darkeyes; Aug 27, 2012 at 8:18 AM.
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  8. #8

    Re: how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    I have to agree with everyone else, Sweetie. Your sex life is your Own business, and not necesarily on a need to know basis. If she would be cool with it, that would be great, but if not...you dont want the stigma of having it get around to some Phobs that you're "That Bi Chick". You know how people are. They can either love you for who you are, or be the biggest homophobic buttheads on the planet. If she opens up in time and freely shares her sex life with you, then proceed on..IF you feel comfortable enough to do so.:}
    I'll tell you what I tell all of My students: Have fun, play safe, learn Big..:}
    Cat
    I'm tryin' my best to leave a loving foot print on the hearts of the folks who's lives I touch..longly, or briefly..:}
    Minx

    Women and cats will do as they please, so men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
    Robert A. Heinlein

  9. #9

    Re: how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    My two cents are pretty much the same as most of the others. Don't tell her at least not yet. You are just starting college and you just met this girl I assume, so just give it time to see how good of friends you two become. I am sure in College, there may be a few parties that two of you will be going to. You could wait til one of these times to say to her that you find women attractive, then if it doesn't go the way you want, you can always say you were drunk and don't remember what you said.
    The most wonderful thing would be for her to warm up to you and she tells you she hopes you don't get mad but she likes girls as well, and then you can either jump her, or not respond.
    Good Luck, you only have 4 years to go. (Depending on Major)

  10. #10

    Re: how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    Agree with the rest that you shouldn't feel any obligation to tell her. However, living in close proximity as you are, you may feel more comfortable having it out in the open.

    You might try throwing out some subtle hints and see how she reacts. Perhaps commenting on a good looking girl you both know? Something like, "She's quite the hottie!". That may seem rather "outish", but if she seemed bothered by it you could just say you're an admirer of bodies, both male and female. Anything wrong with that? It's fairly obvious, but at least you have an way out if you get a hostile response.

    Even more subtle would be expressing support for some LGBT issue you see on TV or the newspaper. If you see something about same- sex marriage you could express support. If she comes back as totally opposed to it, that probably means she's uptight enough about the issue that you don't want to be out around her. If she's supportive, I'd say she'd probably be accepting of finding out you're bi.

  11. #11

    Re: how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    Quote Originally Posted by ballerbeauty View Post
    i just started college and i'm living in the dorms. naturally i have a roommate. we get along really well, and i think we'll be great friends. one problem, how do i tell her i'm bi? right now i'm acting like i'm all about guys when i'm around her, but secretly, i'm checking out girls too. i don't know how to tell her. she doesn't seem homophobic, but you never know. how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?
    A nice card and a box of chocolates might go well!

    Seriously, you've gotten some good advice so far. Telling her shouldn't be necessary unless:

    1. You are interested in her. But that may be a bad idea. It's hard to live with someone you are not in a committed relationship with and balance dating them as well as others.

    2. You are going to use your room as a playhouse and she will be able to see the show. In that case, shocking her the first time might be more fun.

    3. She will be in a position to observe or overhear your private communications. Being careful about access to letters, computer and cell phone is always advisable.

    4. Your dates, of either sex, stop by your dorm or room and your roommate can observe your interaction with them. If you don't have public displays of affection with your girlfriends, what will any observer think?

    Have to agree with the other posters. You really need to find out her true feelings about alternate sexual orientation first. If you are in the closet, the less people who know the better. If she has any reservations about alternate lifestyles, be careful. As others have said, the wrong person can make life miserable for you. If that wrong person is a roommate it could be even worse. It might be bad enough if she becomes antagonistic, but there is always the possibility of coursework or books coming up missing, etc.

    Guard yourself well and be slow to release such personal information.

    Pappy
    The hardest part is not finding out who we need to be, it is being content with who we are.

  12. #12

    Re: how do i tell my roommate i'm bi?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cherokee_Mountaincat View Post
    I have to agree with everyone else, Sweetie. Your sex life is your Own business, and not necesarily on a need to know basis. If she would be cool with it, that would be great, but if not...you dont want the stigma of having it get around to some Phobs that you're "That Bi Chick". You know how people are. They can either love you for who you are, or be the biggest homophobic buttheads on the planet. If she opens up in time and freely shares her sex life with you, then proceed on..IF you feel comfortable enough to do so.:}
    I'll tell you what I tell all of My students: Have fun, play safe, learn Big..:}
    Cat
    Cat, you always say it best... It is your own business and no one else's... However, if you do feel the absolute need to inform your roommate, well then, hit her up with opinionated questions... Breach it through questions dealing with politics... For example, "what's your opinion on gays in the military?" or gay marriage questions. Those are always good ones... You can say that you're doing some research or something... Not far from the truth (really)... Then let it rest and make an informed judgement. Who knows, in the perfect scenario for you, maybe you'll find out that your roommate is bi as well... But that's just speculation and hopes that you will have the perfect and wonderful college/bi experience... But overall, I have to agree with everyone here... Proceed with caution!!! This is your education that we're talking about and you don't want to ruin that...

 

 

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Back to Top