Originally Posted by
NeedsAdviceInSC
Thanks to all so far for the advice and especially the support. I will call myself out here and I know that I will sound like an ignorant, naive, fool but I'm pretty sure that I have/am about situations like this. I apologize if anything that I say offends anyone, I sincerely do not mean offense or harm.
I have about 3000 things running through my head about all of this. I honestly didn't "understand" that some guys (not to leave out you girls, but just trying to put my own situation into perspective) could just randomly want a bj or whatever else from another guy, go back to being with their girlfriend and be fine. No strings, no emotion, no relationship, and only once or twice a year, etc. I guess I've led a pretty sheltered life & I'm aware of that. I have had numerous friends that are gay, one being one of my best friends, and I'm perfectly fine with that. I'm the type of person that wants and needs to understand EVERYTHING about a situation and so far my boyfriend has been honest and open with me, although he is very uncomfortable talking about it.
I am the only person that knows among all of our friends, family, etc. There is no one else that even has a clue, except the guys that he's hooked up with and they're strangers. He's never had to talk about this with anyone and while it's hard for me, I know it's hard for him too. He thinks I'm asking too detailed of questions and wants to not involve me at all so I won't get hurt or offended, but in my mind I would rather know that wonder. He isn't hiding anything from me and answers anything I ask, but I know it's hard.
I keep looking at him and imagining him with another guy. It doesn't freak me out or gross me out or turn me off to him or being with him, but it's almost like that's all-consuming now. I haven't told him this because I think he would assume I meant something negative by it. I don't - negative or positive. It just is. Almost like I'm still trying to wrap my head around every possibility that's going on.
As for the cheating situation, I have always felt that if there is anything going on outside of a committed relationship, then it is cheating. However, I have never dated a bi guy before so I'm tyring to consider if that changes my perspective a bit. I don't like it one bit, but I know there are things that he apparently needs that I can't give him. Again, he has reassured me that he doesn't want to be with anyone else, male or female, and wants to eventually marry me. From a straight perspective (maybe not just because I'm straight), I don't understand how those "urges" can't just be suppressed. I feel like if I asked him to not do it anymore, he would tell me ok and then I would always wonder if it was going on behind my back because he was trying not to hurt me.
I know I"m rambling and if you've made it this far, I thank you! Bottom line - I love this man and I love our relationship, or what I thought was our relationship.
Can anyone offer me any insight into the "emotional" part of what he may be feeling? Are there really no feelings involved? Can people really just have a blow job or sex with a guy and then come home and be fine with their wives/girlfriends? Again - I'm not trying to offend anyone. I am self-proclaimed dumb when it comes to this and I want to understand. Both for me & for my boyfriend.
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