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View Poll Results: How do you view bisexual.com?

Voters
268. You may not vote on this poll
  • Primarily a community; secondarily a dating site.

    184 68.66%
  • Primarily a dating site; secondarily (if at all) a community.

    31 11.57%
  • Neither...to me, it's something different altogether.

    53 19.78%
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  1. #1

    Dating site or community?

    So I was hit harder than I thought I would be by learning (in a related thread) that Drew, this site's owner, considers this to be a dating site. I felt stupid and a bit taken in: after all, it *does* say it's the "Bisexual Community Site", not the "Bisexual Dating Site"...but apparently, this is just code...as some others have asserted (and with which I have mistakenly disagreed).

    Now I certainly understand that there is overlap between these two concepts. Dating goes on in any community, and likely any dating site inevitably develops a sense of community.

    But to me, there is a definite distiction to be drawn between a community site that happens to support dating, and a dating site with a sense of community.

    If this is indeed a dating site, that makes sense of a lot of unwelcome comments I've received in chat, in pm's and in the forums...and I hereby apologize to being snappish with members who assumed I was here for what the site is actually for...it was my misunderstanding.

    As I have never been here to date, I have disabled my profile (and sheesh, do I feel stupid, always being somewhat puzzled as to why profiles here are called "ads"), and I'll probably be a bit less present here than I've been over the past 5 years. As I said in the other thread, perhaps it's time to shop around a bit more for the community I was looking for. Since the forums do contain good information and discussions, I'll probably still check in now and then.

    But I thought that it was worth asking this question, and I'll be happy to read any discussion that follows from it.
    I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been. (C. Hoppe)

  2. #2

    Re: Dating site or community?

    In the almost 6 years I have been a member of this site, I have gotten together with another member exactly once. That one time was not a sexual experience, rather, it was meeting another guy for dinner and discussing our bisexuality and how it fit in with our respective marriages.

    I view the site more as a discussion site. It certainly has more varied and in depth discussions than any other site I have encountered.

    Pappy

  3. #3

    Re: Dating site or community?

    The site is whatever each member wishes it to be.
    For some, it's primarily a site to maybe meet like-minded people and take it where it goes.
    For others, it's purely a place to share thoughts and learn that "you are not alone."

    Personally, I am very much in the second category - I have no interest whatever in hooking up with anyone on-line on any site in the totality of the web.
    Not my thing; but for those who do - keep doing so and I wish you well.

    But I have thoroughly enjoyed learning and sharing in the forum - as I said, knowing there are others like me. That I am not peculiar.

  4. #4

    Re: Dating site or community?

    I don't much care which label is used to describe this site; I'm just grateful that it's here in the first place.

    To me, it is family, friends, good times, a sense of community and wonderful caring, crazy, humorous people.

    Perhaps, if I'm lucky enough, I might actually find a date... BONUS! (not that I am actively searching).

    "To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage." -Lao Tzu

  5. #5

    Re: Dating site or community?

    I only come here for the discussions, not in expectation of meeting anyone for a date. Try viewing it like a multi-plex cinema with several films running at once, only go to see what you wish and ignore the rest.

    I don't participate in many of the threads because they are of no interest to me, I have however met people I liked whilst I have been involved in the discussions, and also some that I didn't, as such it reflects life in general.

    If it were purely a dating site, there would be no need for these forums but in common with other sites as diverse as AOL or Yahoo, it has provision for members to complete a profile with information about themselves, if they so wish. This need not be for purposes of dating, it can simply be a case of wanting to know a little bit more about people we meet and become friendly with.

    Often they reveal details about themselves in discussion during the course of the many diverse topics, it doesn't mean they or I wish to date. Simple geography would preclude that in most instances anyway.

    So I for one, would be sorry if you decided to leave. I enjoy reading your contributions to the threads, besides which, you have the key to the rum locker, and all this reading makes for thirsty work.

    As for Drew, I suppose he wishes to make this site as diverse and appealing to the members as he can, nothing wrong in that. Just take what you want from the menu offered and disregard the rest.

  6. #6

    Re: Dating site or community?

    .com has always been a dating site.. but dating is not its sole purpose.. it has been about drawing bisexual people together and those who have an empathy with bisexuals, such as husbands, wives, friends, lovers of bisexuals and to be there as a community for those people to chat, to exchange ideas, and to glean and pass on information.. if it was not a dating site, why else would their be ads for people to view, just as like any other dating site?

    Dating is not the primary purpose of the site.. the way it has been created has probably ensured that it has become a secondary function, although over the years we have seen posts by people who are extremely frustrated and annoyed about that.. some of us do become annoyed that it is not only about dating.. but bisexuality just as any other kind of human "ity" is not all of what bisexuals are about..or those who support and empathise with bisexuals.. of course it is a dating site.. Im not sure quite how successful it is, but there are those who have dated and even married through this site.. but it is and always has been far more than just a dating site.. in a sense its' strength in being a community site may have detracted from its succcess in the dating field.. but if it was simply a dating site and nothing else, it would be much less than it is..
    Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you.

  7. #7

    Re: Dating site or community?

    As I have repeatedly said in many prior postings----to me this site is a true "community site" for anyone with an interest in bisexuality in all its permutations.

    Before coming here---I was very reticent about the subject--I had found many places on the web that were chat rooms that related to "bisexuality"---at that time I got my internet via AOL and they had many chat rooms on the subject---but all of them put me off because they were all basically places that guys met to either do cyber sex, want to cam if ya had one, call for phone sex or if in your town----actually meet as soon as possible.

    There was no talking about the subject in terms other than those things--you sure could not talk about things like thoughts, fears, concerns, etc.

    Even this one chat room at the long gone Webchat Broadcast System site----which was one of the coolest places to chat thanks to the technical aspects that site offered that I have ever seen on the web even to this day---it died by the early 2000s----the bisexual room on that site was more geared to hook ups, cyber and what have you.

    I looked for several years to find this site---for some reason it never came up when I did searches about bisexuality--but somehow I stumbled across it via another website when someone on that one mentioned it and provided me with the address--I guess I shoulda just tried typing that in--but as I do recall--there were some other sites at that time that had almost the same spelling--you had to actually chose at this one page that came up to get here or at another site that was also a bisexual.com.

    I do hope that with the changes that are said to be coming here----it retains the community aspect and does not become another "dating" site like AdultFriendFinder and BiCupid are.

    Annika --I do hope that you continue to hang around---there are so many who used to come here no longer do--or sadly---some left "the mortal plane" and are no longer around to come here even if they still liked to do so.
    "Injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere..." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

  8. #8

    Re: Dating site or community?

    I've met more than one person here in real life and I've appreciated all of those people. However, there aren't that many people from around the same geographic location. I consider it to be a community site because I hang out more in the forums than the chat area and people seem to ask questions and interact with each other with enough respect that it seems more like "family" to me. Even the comments laden with innuendo are usually done lightly.

    There are so many OTHER sites, (craigslist for example) where people just looking for "hook ups" can advertise, I like the at least semblance of interest in bisexual issues and generally intelligent discussion. When I first started posting here there was still the comic strip, "Choices" .. Most strict dating sites might not have that. I'm not saying that people shouldn't use the site to meet one another, indeed I believe there is also a "personals" area to facilitate that, just no folks from my locality there.

  9. #9

    Re: Dating site or community?

    I met my GF, here, in 2008.........was hoping to find a male lover, but things have turned out better than I ever hoped.

    I've been so thankful that I joined; it has really changed my life!

    Thanks, Drew..

  10. #10

    Re: Dating site or community?

    This site is unique, as far as I know. I just keep coming back to it. I think the fact that it contains serious discussion about subjects such as fidelity yet has openly sexual ads is quite amazing - it means that it addresses bisexuality in the broadest possible terms. I don't often post but it keeps me sane.

  11. #11

    Re: Dating site or community?

    flyer
    I basically agree with you.

    Annika
    I'm sorry that this new perception for you has affected you. I have always respected your intelligent, articulate and analytical approach to your posts.

    I would like to point one thing out to you as far as your poll validity. Your primary or only responders will be from people who use the forum(read and/or post). It will be missing key responders that you seem to be unaware of. That response will not be there from a large number who use this site for hook ups...sorry not always falling under a date category. (mostly men btw) They don't tend to post in the forums that often. I am a bit surprised that you have ignored the section in the middle above the forum called new and updated profiles in your area and profile. I read user names and in the profile section guys asking for sex a lot.

    We joined this site just about the same month and year. Contrary to darkeyes statement, I used this site primarily to check out guys for the first three years that I was a member (different user name). As a hook up site it may not be the most successful but it is other things as well. It has only been since 2009 that I began to be visible to those who post in the forums.

    That should give an indication that others use this site for different reasons. It is a multi use site. I don't consider it a truly bisexual site and therefore do not see it as a bisexual community.(using the geographical meaning of community )

    Among other things, it is a internet discussion site and bisexuality is it primary topic in the forum. If you have found affiliation here, stay and enjoy it. Things really won't probably change that much for you unless this new information overwhelms you. Your wisdom would be missed.

  12. #12

    Re: Dating site or community?

    I see it as a community first, but occasionally browse the ads too.

    "Tastes great!"
    "Less filling!"
    ...

  13. #13

    Re: Dating site or community?

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    I am a bit surprised that you have ignored the section in the middle above the forum called new and updated profiles in your area and profile.
    I have no idea why you think I've ignored this part. It's always been there, and it just reflects the latest people who've updated their profiles. I've seen my own name up there each time I've updated mine.

    As to your contention about poll validity, I can only poll people who will respond...all polls are biased in that regard. At least until the next poll is posted, this one will be listed as the "Current Poll"...not just in the forum. But I don't frankly care...I didn't post the poll to prove a point or to see if the site was worth staying at...I can make up my own mind there, thanks.
    I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been. (C. Hoppe)

  14. #14

    Re: Dating site or community?

    To those who write the magical answer of "oh, this site is whatever you want it to be!"

    First, what you mean is "this site can be *used* however you want to use it."

    And to that, I answer, "duh, I didn't need to be told that...I like to think that I'm a fairly intelligent and creative person, and I know I can use a spoon as a knife, if I need to or want to...but that doesn't make it a knife."

    This site *is* what its owner thinks it is. It may be a poor dating site (by many accounts), but that's what it is. Those of you who say the site *is* a community are as mistaken as I was a week ago. This site is, as constructed, a singles bar. There may be good dance music on Wednesdays, and good comedians on Fridays; there may be people here I have fun talking to; but it's a singles bar.

    And I feel as though after 5 years of coming here, and throwing drinks in the faces of people who try to pick me up, I'm suddenly realizing, hey, this is a friggin singles bar! Other places have good dance music and good comedians...I don't need to hang out in a singles bar, if it's not my intent to date...there are other options.

    I also hear the argument that says, "if you don't like what the place is, you can change it!" Yeah, I can. Just like if I really wanted to, I could come over to your house and try to set up a hotdog stand...but I'd have no right...it's your house! This is Drew's site, and if he wants it to be a singles bar (sorry, dating site), then that's his business, and I'll not be the one who tries to subvert that purpose.

    Best to him and to the rest of you.
    I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been. (C. Hoppe)

  15. #15

    Re: Dating site or community?

    Annika
    Did you miss or ignore the next sentence about what I read in the profiles? Such requests for sex have been there for a long time.

    "I am a bit surprised that you have ignored the section in the middle above the forum called new and updated profiles in your area and profile. I read user names and in the profile section guys asking for sex a lot. "

  16. #16

    Re: Dating site or community?

    Quote Originally Posted by tenni View Post
    Annika
    Did you miss or ignore the next sentence about what I read in the profiles? Such requests for sex have been there for a long time.

    "I am a bit surprised that you have ignored the section in the middle above the forum called new and updated profiles in your area and profile. I read user names and in the profile section guys asking for sex a lot. "
    No, I didn't miss it. I didn't consider it relevant. Yes, there have always been people interested in seeking sex here. That's not the problem.
    I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been. (C. Hoppe)

  17. #17

    Re: Dating site or community?

    annika... I have been a admin in online gaming sites, where people have used them as dating sites, cyber sites, hook up sites......and they are gaming sites, not dating sites... but people use them to try to hook up anyway

    bi.com is the same, its not the site that is the issue, its the attitude of people in the site.... and you could state that you are here cos you love ya friends, you enjoy the community and you love to talk with people... and people will still say they are here to hook up and that is what matters, not your feelings, not your opinion and what the fuck are you doing here if you are not here so they can hit on you without showing any respect for you...... gotta love the ignore and block options..... in real life they are called fists and bouncers....

    its like going to a singles bar, some of them are there for the friendship, some are there to hook up... and some are there just cos....... it doesn't make it a hook up bar or a friendship bar or a I am bored out of my tree so I am going to go out for a drink and just interact with people bar

    its not how I see the site, that defines the site for me, its the people in it that have defined the site for me, and cos I am not here to hook up, the dating aspect has been secondary for me, well until I have got unwanted pms in chat from people that have not worked out that we are people and not a automated cyberbot.....

    either way, annika, if you stay or if you go... please do so with the knowledge that you have made me think about myself, my relationship, my own opinions and that is something that no dating site could do... but a genuine person could.... and for that, I thank you so much
    The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

  18. #18

    Re: Dating site or community?

    At least to us this site like most others is what you make of it, we don't waste our time with expectations or getting offended when something isn't as we first thought it was. People spend WAY too much time taking things personal.

    This is both a community AND a dating site, best of both worlds if you as k us. Here you can both find support/info AND a playmate

  19. #19

    Re: Dating site or community?

    This might be a dating site but it's become a community. And it isn't the first time in history that one thing has unintentionally become another (think of the army as a community). Drew's personality permeates this site and makes it what it is - an unashamedly sexual site populated by people who have concern and respect for one another. Drew might be rightly concerned that it's been hijacked but I think he respects the hi-jackers and their motives. When I go to a party I meet drunk people; I don't get drunk myself and somehow pity them but it wouldn't be a party without them. Annika: lighten up - by being on this site you have helped make it what it is - Drew hasn't tightened the rules to exclude community, he's let it happen. My guess is that he's really saying "The bottom line is that it is just a dating site, but folks have made it something more and I'm pleased with that".

  20. #20

    Re: Dating site or community?

    Although I filled in all the 'Hook me up now! I'm gagging for a fu...' boxes, I had no expectation of actually getting any sex.
    Like with most international sites, I'm tucked away behind a rock where nobody will find me.lol

    I'm here because it's interesting, even when I'm not gagging for it.

  21. #21

    Re: Dating site or community?

    though the site may have been intended as a dating site, it has already proven to be one of both community and dating...

    I think the pre-conceived notions of what should or shouldn't be with anything is a mistake for anyone.....

    Anyhow, I have had many great exchanges in the forum and chat room with people and have on a few occasions gotten together with others. If this place has served the purpose for both, what does it matter how you define it?

  22. #22

    Re: Dating site or community?

    ....for me it is/was a life saver.....it provided me with the opportunity to sit back and observe communications and ideas and similar and not so similar thoughts that I had confused in my mind/life....so it fed my need to clarify for me...and thus become a bit more whole...that being said those effects/affects helped me discover a life/love/sensual soul mate....thus producing a similar smile and happiness as when I was awarded a roll of "root beer" lifesavers.....thus a site that is indeed a "life saver!"

    I find that the communication here whether chat/forum/private messaging is what I embrace....whether that be the intent or desire of Drew or others...is not really the issue for me....as some have indicated that it exists...that we can disagree on its meaning...or created purpose...is why it is here....OK...OK well for me at least....for those that do not agree ..it, this site or any provides a great tool....the click off

    in concluding this I wish to thank all of you that have either by desire or accident contributed to the warmth and understanding I have when I am here or thinking of here.....hats off! I have the fortune to meet very few here but how wonderful it has been...oh no sex just an opportunity to meet a family member I needed to meet...I mean I have sex...well whatever....thanks for another opportunity to attempt to "Pay It Forward" what I have taken from here!
    If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did
    not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.

    -- Charlotte Bronte

  23. #23

    Re: Dating site or community?

    kit here : don't post here a lot here but do read the forums regularly. for us this site is both a dating site and a community. must say i do miss the games .
    raist kit

  24. #24

    Re: Dating site or community?

    Quote Originally Posted by Annika L View Post
    No, I didn't miss it. I didn't consider it relevant. Yes, there have always been people interested in seeking sex here. That's not the problem.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Perhaps you would be so kind as to explain what the problem is. This site is the same one as last week, last month, last year. It didn't seem to bother you being here then, for whatever purpose, why is it bothering you now?

    Secondly, what was the purpose of the poll? To see if others had been similarly 'duped'

    Annika, I would have thought you came to this site because you derived enjoyment from it, and from the people you met here. If that is no longer the case I can understand you wishing to move on, but getting irritated because Drew described it as a dating site rather than a community site is a little bizarre.

    I might go shopping in a mall, it does not preclude having a date in a coffee bar there, even though the owners and builders did not envisage that as its primary purpose.

    Whatever you decide to do, take care of yourself and good luck.

  25. #25

    Re: Dating site or community?

    I don't view it as a dating site, I've been lurking here for years and only recently registered. I'm not sure how much of a community it is but I do appreciate being able to say I'm bisexual without being looked at like I'm on the menu for lunch or scheduled for the loony bin.

  26. #26

    Re: Dating site or community?

    Annika,
    I think you interpreted Drew's off the cuff remark about this site on that thread a little bit too seriously. He never declared that this was a dating site...he merely asked "why not this site" when someone asked about a good place to meet and hook up with like minded people. I know you may feel duped because you don't like the idea of being active on a dating site, but this site is what you make of it. I think it's obvious that I didn't come here to hook up either....I came here for information and once I got what I needed, I stayed around and enjoyed the people that I got to know. Just because some others find it a dating site is just fine with me because it doesn't affect me or my enjoyment of it. I really hope you change your mind. It would be a shame for you to leave over semantics.

    Hugs,
    Kate
    Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

    C. S. Lewis

  27. #27

    Re: Dating site or community?

    I see this site as one that isn't well-maintained and doesn't have very contemporary features.
    Cum play with me!
    Bi Guy 97015

  28. #28

    Re: Dating site or community?

    I just noticed, that in the header above every page it has the graphic logo on the left side and another graphic on the right side that says "the bisexual community site" in blue letters. Does this answer the question?

    -E

  29. #29

    Re: Dating site or community?

    Voted other. Voted that way because the site has served a purpose as both. It further serves other purposes. One I am finding is use as a means to isolate people. When I first started visiting about six years ago it was much the same. I was told you needed to apply yourself.

    "Get out of it what you put in."

    Have learned over the years coming here, I have an inability to communicate. While I do know this is not completely the case, it does have some validity. I am introvert. Introverts are not at home with lots of social interaction. We find it hard to 'just jump in'.

    I speak, may take forever until I get the words sorted, but I do. And when I speak it is usually filled with meaning, of importance. Not one for small talk. People talk sports, politics, religion. Most of the time I rather not bother. People ask for an opinion. I give it, they get fuming mad.

    "If you really do not want or need to know, do not ask."

    My speaking has cost me a job. It cost me a friend once, too. I'm honest, direct and often damn blunt. Passions rule me and if let, the speaking reflects that. So, I take a while in saying things. I consider how others may hear it, read it, feel it.

    You cannot do that in chat. Often you are hard pressed to do it in the forum. Trolls seem rampant, along with misunderstanding, or people whom simply do not care.

    "We include everybody here, but everybody agrees on tolerance."

    People have forgotten the definition of tolerance here. Tolerance means even if somebody is being an ass you listen to them, accept their right to say it. In six years, there was only one person I ever ignored. They had began to attack personally and not the ideas. Perhaps, I contributed in being a bit of an ass too. The point being, only one person was ignored.

    And there is a great deal of plain out stupidity I read here, and in the chat. But I read it. Some I respond to because it is like a train wreck. Some I do not respond to. Lots more, recently, I've began not responding to. A lot is stuff which I really have no social or economic interest in, nor motivation to have. I try talking about stuff I like, there's not a great deal left for me.

    Used to do a lot more. Hopefully, will be able to get back to fishing, bowling shooting bow, guns. Someday, I might be able to dream again too. Right now, I do not dream. No point. I have a few hopes, am working toward realizing them. But there's no guarantees.

    "You belong here because your one of us."

    I belong anywhere I choose, and that is a proven fact. I have dined with highly wealthy people, some enough so they may as well have been kings. Bellied up to nearly empty slop trough with a pack of miscreant poor folk, too. I can fit, live anywhere. That's what being human is about.

    Oddly, even in taking Kipling's _If_ to heart and being that, I still do not fit here. When I do try becoming involved, cliques seem to drown the me away. And then I lose interest in talking because they move along to something inane, or at least which holds no interest for me. Then again, this may be from being a homebody, practical, having common sense.

    Often think a full frontal lobotomy might help me out. But I'm told it isn't me that is the problem. It is my situation. Then I'm told I'm wholly responsible for it. Sorry, I didn't spend my money to buy out banks in Europe. Oh wait, the leaders I allegedly elected did that. I do not control the costs of education.

    And people think I am not trying to alter my situation. I am. It takes time. I'm frustrated at the time it takes. Then this winds up in conversations, goes nowhere. They come back to it being not me, then my fault. I'm left wondering who made them an expert. And I wind up lost, too, confused.
    And yet again conversation dies.

    "You'll never be alone, you can always talk to yourself."

    That is fine and all. Human interaction is nice though. That's why I came to the door as it were. Six years later, still knocking. Getting colder out. May move along. No one home here, maybe.

    So the site to me can be a window to a larger scale of humanity. Pity I wind up with such feelings about it. Pluto looks nice.

  30. #30

    Re: Dating site or community?

    I vote other.
    Now it is hard for me to vote other because 6-7 years ago I would have voted COMMUNITY..
    I do believe that Drew intended this site to be the best darn bisexual site around, and it was!
    The chat, the forum posts, the editorials, and the web links were #1.
    But in 2007 it stalled.So now only 1/2 of the site works..
    I guess it's good the forums are still here to keep members happy and get them to CHAT.
    Yes chat! This site is were people from the "father" site www.threepillows.com (the site that is keeping this site free) are re-directed to chat.
    So it is a community and a pick-up site.... but mostly other.

    Now if I could only get chat to work.....
    Last edited by bigregory; Dec 1, 2011 at 2:46 AM. Reason: kook
    BIGREGORY
    BI and loving it

 

 

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