Update on the Bi BF

[Emunahd]

Hello, all!

I would like to thank all of you who answered my posts, and who also sent me private messages. They meant a lot!

I finally grew up, and broke up with my BF. Last night, actually.

I realized a few things, and CherokeeMtnCat, one thing you said awhile back hit home. You will understand in a moment.

We had been together almost 2 years. During this time, he cheated on me about 4-5 times with men that he met on a gay cruising site. I found out about these "sessions" because I inadvertantly stumbled upon the website on his computer. Once that happened, it became a trust issue, and I kept looking, and the more I looked, the more I found.

Cherokee said the fact that I was doing that, alone, was a HUGE sign that this relationship was not healthy, and she was absolutely RIGHT!

I sat him down TWICE and said I was open for him to be Bi, but he had to be open with me. Both times he emphatically denied anything, and both times I knew better and felt betrayed and disappointed. And scared about the possiblity of STDs! (happy to say I am free of any of that, thank goodness).

We had an unusual dynamic from the start. I am a single mom with 2 kids, who values her alone time and family time. He has lived alone for many years and wanted his free time. It turned into him only wanting to see me every other weekend, and that just wasn't cutting it - and add to it the idea that he may have been cruising and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I am not a snoop by trade, and I have learned so much and grown so much through all of this. While my head knows, unreservedly, that this is the right decision, my heart does hurt.

Again, this forum has been such a help to me as I navigated through this process. Thanks again to those of you who cared (you know who you are) and HAPPY FRIDAY!!

[Darkside2009]

Well, I see my postman more frequently than that, so it doesn't sound as though you are losing much.

Personally, I can't stand liars, so if you can't trust him and he might be putting your health at risk, that is reason enough for a parting of the ways.

In time you will find someone to love, and care for you and your children, this is but your first step on that journey. Good luck and God Bless.

[Emunahd]

Darkside, thanks for the laugh! The "seeing the postman more than that" comment cracked me up!

[Realist]

Now you're starting out fresh again.

You learned a lot, made some notes in your little book of "What not to do next time" then, stepped out into the world again.

Good for you........you will survive and after the pain is gone, you'll be fine.

You're an intelligent, loving lady, and someone will surely understand that and cherish you, for who you are, soon.

[Emunahd]

Thanks, Realist. Your support is so helpful! I am feeling pretty miserable, but I know time will heal. Just have to get there.

[Long Duck Dong]

unfortunately, you have encountered a person that can make a persons impressions of bisexuals, a negative way..... and your ex's behievour is the type of behievour that has given bisexuals a bad rep......

its a shame, but its the same thing I *preach* about in the site here.... there is two people in relationships and they both matter, not just the bisexual.....

hopefully, you will hang around the site and make friends, there are some awesome bisexual and non bisexual people here that would make awesome friends and who knows, you may find mr right, in the site or thru the friends you make..... be he bisexual or not..... and that is the type of thing I would love to see you post.......

heart ache and heart break is never a nice thing, so I am gonna to prescribe, 2 hugs, a gentle kiss, a few good laughs and a good cry.... and the love of ya kids..... and a post in a few days to say that you are coping and doing ok..... signed Dr duck.....

[Gearbox]

As far as I can make out, you'll get less heartache by not being in the 'relationship'. If you can call it a 'relationship'?

You need to up your standards of partners lovely lady, and I hope you don't waste your time like that again.
(I know it's not that simple!) Best wishes.

[tenni]

I think that you have made the best decision for yourself based on what you wrote.

As far as hanging around this site, this is a site for bisexuals. Unless you are specifically looking for a bisexual woman, man or triad to have a relationship with, there is no real reason staying on this site. It is best to let bisexuals discuss our own issues amongst ourselves.

Best of fortune to you in your life.

[**Peg**]

...As far as hanging around this site, this is a site for bisexuals. Unless you are specifically looking for a bisexual woman, man or triad to have a relationship with, there is no real reason staying on this site. It is best to let bisexuals discuss our own issues amongst ourselves...

WHOA there ! not true at all tenni. There are any number of str8 folk here who are caring people regardless of their label, myself among them, and we have a lot to contribute to the community within.

Emunahd: I support you in your decision to leave your b/f and IMO you are very welcome here until/unless the owner of this site says you are not (which won't happen).

**Peg**

[darkeyes]

I think that you have made the best decision for yourself based on what you wrote.

As far as hanging around this site, this is a site for bisexuals. Unless you are specifically looking for a bisexual woman, man or triad to have a relationship with, there is no real reason staying on this site. It is best to let bisexuals discuss our own issues amongst ourselves.

Best of fortune to you in your life.

Lets get it right Tenni.. this is and always has been a site for people of all sexualities who have an interest in bisexuality.. it is by its nature predominantly for bisexual people but there are many who have had bisexuality touch their lives in one way or other.. the site was intended for all who have something to say or wish to know something about bisexuality. It is about people of all sexualities mixing and gaining understanding as well as having some entertainment while doing so.

Drew has never said at any point that this site is restricted to bisexuals.. has he not included in the profile section a box where we can inform the rest of the site whether we are gay bisexual or straight??? U remember it? Drew uses the Kinsey scale for that.. no member.. including myself who has stated they are not bisexual has ever been booted from the site for that reason.. nor shall they ever be...

This site is not for the convenience of Tenni or anyone else.. however much you wish it to be... so change your tack and speak to the boss if u want it changed.. I'm sure Drew will gladly point you in the direction on the way out... until something is said to the contrary by the owner of the site and he changes the rules, don't u dare tell any other member this is for bisexual people only... I have no objection to you saying how you think the site should be.. we can argue that out.. but not how it is when what u say is arrant bollox...

[elian]

I'm glad you are working through this Emunahd, you sounded very unhappy before. I'm sure that change is never easy but hopefully it will work out for the better in the end.

-= Tenni =-, as far as I am concerned this person can stay here, as a matter of fact if she was ever forced to leave through no fault of her own I would probably leave this site as well, and I *AM* bisexual.

If you want equal rights for bisexual people, then you have to be willing to have tolerance of others. If you can't speak respectfully but also listen to the voice of straight, lesbian, gay, trans people then how do you ever expect to have the kind of dialog that will promote basic human rights regardless of sexual preference? I would rather make room for them to interact with us, because most of the time they usually don't come here with hateful, derogatory troll speech. Even if they do, you still get that one in 100 like Emunahd who needs some reassurance..to me it's worth putting up with the trolls to help the people who are genuine.

Whatever hurt you have suffered can you please let us help you work through it? You always seem to be in pain. Would it make any difference if I could just hug you, not let go and not say anything at all? I dunno..this site doesn't seem to be about "hook-ups" so if it's not..I'm not sure what other reason it is here for..

[csrakate]

As far as hanging around this site, this is a site for bisexuals. Unless you are specifically looking for a bisexual woman, man or triad to have a relationship with, there is no real reason staying on this site. It is best to let bisexuals discuss our own issues amongst ourselves.

Best of fortune to you in your life.

Who died and made you Bisexual.com King, Tenni? She can stay around for as long as she wishes.....I don't recall seeing any rules that state she has to go now that she has broken up with her b/f.

Get real, Tenni...you need to stop alienating those in this world who may very well be there for you in the future. I know you think that non bisexuals stick their noses in the bisexual mix of things, but this lady has done nothing to deserve being shown the door.

Emunahd....please feel free to stay and enjoy this site as you wish. You are welcome and will be treated accordingly.

[falcondfw]

I think that you have made the best decision for yourself based on what you wrote.

As far as hanging around this site, this is a site for bisexuals. Unless you are specifically looking for a bisexual woman, man or triad to have a relationship with, there is no real reason staying on this site. It is best to let bisexuals discuss our own issues amongst ourselves.

Best of fortune to you in your life.

Tenni,
You were the main reason I left this site several years ago. Your BS crap "feud" with Long Duck Dong at the time got way too personal and you acted like a rude ass then. Nice to see things have not changed much. Do you own this site? Are you even a moderator? Then what the hell gives you the right to decide who stays and who goes? I hope Drew cans your ass just for being a true ass.

Falcon

P.S. Way to make friends and influence enemies. The youth of today can learn so much from you. Like how NOT to behave.

[Emunahd]

First of all, thanks again for the support.

And, as far as what Tenni said, I happen to be bisexual myself, I'm ever so not worried about it! That being said, I GREATLY appreciate the defense. It made me feel protected, which I really need right now.

LDD, you hit it on the head, he is the type that give all of us a bad name. How much more fun could a relationship be, than to have two people who care for and support each other, also able to branch out and explore all their sexual desires in a safe manner? That could have been us, and he fucking blew it. As sick as I am to my stomach, this was right and I will live. I think. Lol!!

[falcondfw]

Emunahd,
I hope you don't mind, but I looked at your profile. And I have to say that your ex is a true idiot. I hope you won't mind the comment, but you are hot! I have no doubt you will land on your feet after this. Good luck to you.

Falcon

[Darkside2009]

This is a Public Site on the Internet. It is open to all, no matter what their sexual orientation, it is not a club for members only that have paid a subscription fee to join.

As long as you abide by the rules the owner of the site has stipulated, then you are as welcome here as any other member. No one, I repeat no one, but the owner Drew has any authority to ask, or require you to leave.

The particular member who inferred otherwise is incorrect, it is not their site to dictate terms and conditions.

There are people on this site who agree and disagree about any given topic under the Sun. It is this exchange of opinion and thoughts which make this site so interesting.

If you care to stay here long enough, and I personally hope you will, you will see that the members come from a myriad of backgrounds and beliefs. We seek to learn something from each other and in return contribute our own small fund of knowledge and experience. In the hope and belief that in the act of such sharing, we can recognise our common humanity.

Often there will be disagreements and bickering, but in the process we learn something about each other that might give us pause for reflection in the future. It may be that moment of reflection that causes a change of attitude or opinion, a realisation that we are all in this World together, for better or for worse.

For my part, you are welcome, enjoy the facilities, such as they are, and contribute as much or as little as you wish.

[slipnslide]

Isn't hypocritical to suggest that a group of individuals seeking broader acceptance in the world put a wall around themselves only letting bi people inside?

[Emunahd]

Lol, no I don't mind! Made my day! Thank you, kindly!

Emunahd,
I hope you don't mind, but I looked at your profile. And I have to say that your ex is a true idiot. I hope you won't mind the comment, but you are hot! I have no doubt you will land on your feet after this. Good luck to you.

Falcon

[Emunahd]

I'm not going anywhere regardless of my sexual orientation. I have made enough friends here to be comfortable, and I am quite tolerant. To each his own! Who'd have thought that my little situation would have created such controversy? I also think it's funny how much attention we really pay to each other. I've said from the start that I am bi, so I was a bit surprised to be labeled as heterosexual, but really don't care. What's a label, anyway? We are all here for our own reasons.

That's why I haven't responded to Tenni. I really didn't take what he said in a bad way. He is entitled to his opinion. What was funny was the assumption that I'm not a member of the tribe. I knew he was wrong, so blew it off. All the lovely folks who defended me are my reason for being here, and for staying here. You guys rock!

[falcondfw]

I'm not going anywhere regardless of my sexual orientation. I have made enough friends here to be comfortable, and I am quite tolerant. To each his own! Who'd have thought that my little situation would have created such controversy? I also think it's funny how much attention we really pay to each other. I've said from the start that I am bi, so I was a bit surprised to be labeled as heterosexual, but really don't care. What's a label, anyway? We are all here for our own reasons.

That's why I haven't responded to Tenni. I really didn't take what he said in a bad way. He is entitled to his opinion. What was funny was the assumption that I'm not a member of the tribe. I knew he was wrong, so blew it off. All the lovely folks who defended me are my reason for being here, and for staying here. You guys rock!

Class is welcome anywhere. We won't go into the opposite of class. lol

[NeonSwing]

Thank you for sharing your experience; many of the replies are applicable to events and issues I'm currently facing.

And I would add to the comment of an earlier post....what person wouldnt hold on to a partner who is accepting of their sexuality and desires? I've dated many women who were openly bisexual, as in tell me on our first date, but when I reciprocate and share my bisexuality, been rejected....

Ah, anyway. I hope your next romantic interest is much easier, love shouldn't be work.

Taylor

[Emunahd]

Taylor, that's a bummer. It isn't easy but I am sure it could be done. With communication. And honesty. What else is there?

Thank you for sharing your experience; many of the replies are applicable to events and issues I'm currently facing.

And I would add to the comment of an earlier post....what person wouldnt hold on to a partner who is accepting of their sexuality and desires? I've dated many women who were openly bisexual, as in tell me on our first date, but when I reciprocate and share my bisexuality, been rejected....

Ah, anyway. I hope your next romantic interest is much easier, love shouldn't be work.

Taylor

[NeonSwing]

Yes, it can be done! Over the past year I've met and befriended three couples via a social for bisexuals that was hosted at a home here in Vegas. So I've seen the beauty of two individuals sharing and exploring their sexuality together. When the timing was right I would ask questions about their relationship; everything from how they met, how their relationship developed to the point they could be so sexually open, sharing with each other about their bisexuality, what they needed from each other, and especially issues of security, jealousy etc. I have become very impressed that the people in a relationship at those socials were some of the more secure souls I've met and it all flows from your point: communication!

Now for me it's a timing issue. As I wrote in my previous post too much open communication can itself be a bad thing. My experience is that bisexuality among women is generally socially acceptable, while the same disposition in a male is seen as off- guys should either be 'straight or gay, no room for gray.'

[HzyJD]

Hey Emunahd,
That's tough, I hope you're feeling better. You gave your bf so much opportunity to be open and honest but it just seemed like he wanted things his way or no way.
I'm actually feeling a little guilty that my hubby isn't getting much time to play out his desires at the moment. A 7 month old baby and running a business, we putting all our remaining energy into keeping us happy.
We're having fun checking out some Aussie bi and swinging sites, cams & chats. I suppose we gotta get what we can!
Hope you and your kids are good
HazyJD

[Emunahd]

Thanks, sweetie - I was thinkng of you the other day, and wondering how the new family dynamic is going! Sounds cozy. xo

Hey Emunahd,
That's tough, I hope you're feeling better. You gave your bf so much opportunity to be open and honest but it just seemed like he wanted things his way or no way.
I'm actually feeling a little guilty that my hubby isn't getting much time to play out his desires at the moment. A 7 month old baby and running a business, we putting all our remaining energy into keeping us happy.
We're having fun checking out some Aussie bi and swinging sites, cams & chats. I suppose we gotta get what we can!
Hope you and your kids are good
HazyJD