Confused. Lost. Help please.

[Long Duck Dong]

ok, I am very inclined to ask your counsellor what internet site she copied her cert from.......cos her attitude is the same attitude I have seen in a number of counsellors that have the attitude that you belong in the * too hard * basket and you do not make them look good....

ok my dear... the bible is a book of words, but its not god, god is that feeling in your heart that tells you that things get hard but its not your time to go... god is that feeling you get when you walk out into the sunlight and feel it on your skin and you feel so warm, god is that music you hear that makes you want to be able to cry out all the pain and hurt and be at peace, god is that perfume that you smell and think how nice it is......
that is god..... he is the one you will swear at and yell at and tell to go shove christianity so far up his onmipotent butt that he has the old testament in his left eye and the new testament in his right eye........ and god is the one that will just put his arms around you and hold you to him every time you say, thank you.........

god is the one that will look at all the people that judged you in his name, and he is the one that will say, I love giventofly, she is honest about who she is and what she is, her heart is clear and pure..... who are you all that you judge her in my name.....

now, god comes to you again, with new hope, new dreams and the chance to fly..... so embrace that man with both arms and hug him tight..... cos when you say you love it, it will be with all the honesty and openness with which you have shared with us....strangers on the net, in a forum, that now are friends and supporters...

when you think of yourself as a lowly woman, you do not see the lady on the pedestal standing above the masses, and crying out, about how you are not imperfect, you are not superwoman, you are trying to understand why god loves you so much when you are you..... well the pedestal is gods hand, rising you up above all those who would seek to pull you down.... cos the others that need to know that they are valued and loved so much, need to see you and the others like you, so they can come forth and say, thank you... thank you so much.......

you are somebody that is a light to all those lost in the darkness cos you are honest, open and you.... and god loves those who speak from the heart.... cos those whom listen, will hear and come forward........and its by the light of your heart that those whom are false, will be shown.........

I think you will understand.........

know in your heart that god is whom ever you wish to see god as.... as it doesn't matter, cos god sees your heart, not your body... and that is your best way to see god.... not as a being but as all that makes you laugh, smile, cry.... and want to share with the world.... cos it comes from the heart....

[Falke]

giventofly11:

It's too bad you couldn't talk to Mrs. Z about this. She would have some helpful advise for you, being that she is a Ohio farm girl as well. In fact, she lived just down the road from you...

Anyhow, sounds like things are getting better. Just remember, you are not alone. Further, there are people here who will listen and understand what you are going through. Also remember that those who cannot accept you as you are is not a friend.

[dseven]

It just makes me really mad that religion does this to people, we can't do anything about what we feel, I'm an atheist, but to put it in your way,
"God made you this way, you can't fight it, you can't do anything about it, god wants you to be bisexual and he wants everyone around you to love you and respect you for who you are. If it really is a loving god, then he wouldn't make you bisexual if he wasn't going to love you."

Look, you need to speak with your brother, tell him that you made a mistake, if you can, talk to him directly, face to face. Tell him that you are bisexual, and that you love him and respect him no matter what. Hug him, cry, and laugh, because a new part of your life, has just begun, you don't need religion to live, you can use it as a guide, but you are the one who has to ultimately choose your way, no one can choose it for you.

You need to reconcile with your past before you can look ahead. And remember, just because you made mistakes in your life, it doesn't mean that you are a horrible person. A horrible person is one that acts badly, and doesn't care or even thinks that it's okay to act that way.

And also remember that making mistakes is human, learning to let go when someone harms you and learning to apologize when you wrong someone, its godlike.

Don't be afraid of letting go old friends and finding new ones, of course it's not easy, but a true friend, is one that supports you no matter what, that makes you feel better when you are feeling blue. I was in a group of friends that I didn't really like, I was afraid first of letting them go, I was afraid I was going to end up alone. But right now I'm in a very close group of friends, and I love each one of those bloody bastards and bastardettes XD.

Smile, life is too damn good to be worring about what other people think, you are not alone, hang onto the people that makes you feel good and let go the ones that make you feel bad.

A big big hug and a whole lot of kisses.
Dseven.

[R. R. Wayne]

giventofly,

Thank you for coming here and baring your soul. You have received some fine advice. Hang in there. Come back often. You sound like a wonderful young woman. You will find the right person. Just give it more time. Immerse yourself in your studdies. Try to have fun and to find intellectual stimulation at OSU. We need more good young people like you in the world. I am pulling for you. Keep us up to date to the extent you are comfortable in doing so.

Now that's an order from a 72 year-old-bi-guy.

[elian]

Hmm, wow - so many people giving good advice I think.

I am a member of the unitarian church, and my 84 year old neighbor lady asked me "I don't know how you can call it a church if you don't believe in Jesus!!?"

I am a member because it is a liberal, accepting, supportive community that doesn't TELL people WHAT to believe, it encourages them to do the spiritual work that it takes to FIND OUT what THEIR beliefs ARE. If God gave us free will then I don't want to worship in a place where you have to be afraid to ask questions.

I thought about my neighbor's question for a long time, and I never did get to tell her my answer but it is simply this. God is not in the building, or in the book, or in the sermon, or even in the ideals of the institution. The divine is in my heart, arguably right where it belongs.

All of us are human giventofly, forgive your friends if you can. Life doesn't come with instruction manuals and everyone is just trying to find their way. Your counselor too is human, she can only do the best she can within the framework of where she is at this moment in time.

I hate to sound like a broken record but I've said before that I think the worst thing that religious institutions have done is to separate humanity and God - to say that we are down here (points) and "he" is up there (points) and there's nothing you can do about it. I disagree, I think that grace is always available and that ultimately we go through these trials and tribulations to become more compassionate - just like God.

When I stopped thinking of my relationship with God as parent/child (an angry old white guy on a throne) and more like a loving partner..that made a world of difference to me personally.

It doesn't matter to me whether you are bisexual or not, I just hope that some day you will find someone who loves you - if I could be there now I'd give you a hug myself. I prayed for you, and I'm glad that you found a new friend in your life. It might be a mistake to say that my prayers were answered - this man is probably only human, just like the rest of us - but enjoy his company and his friendship while you have it.

Relationships can suck, you put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable, it is a part of life and I think my life is richer having cared for people, even if those relationships didn't always turn out the way I planned.

Did you see the links in the prior pages? Your friends probably haven't seen Archbishop Tutu - I would LOVE to hear a sermon in HIS church. Someone who suffered through the racial prejudice of apartheid has a whole other view on the way God is. He COULD have been very cynical, but he chose to forgive.

There was a rabbi who once figured that God could either be all powerful, or all loving - but not both at the same time. I am inclined to agree - I think that the divine is a loving and compassionate force but cannot or will not do things such as change the physical weather..

[elian]

Mother Theresa was right, satisfying the hunger for bread is so much easier than satisfying the desire for love and acceptance.

giventofly, your strength to continue is an inspiration to others, even one candle in the wind can inspire someone who feels alone in the dark..imagine what thousands of candles could do?

God is wise enough to appear to each of us in the best way and time we know. Even if you do not believe in a spiritual god, there is the bounty of the Earth and the physical laws that nourish our bodies in the same way that compassion nourishes our souls.

I lament that so many people seem to struggle to know what it means to share that love with others, and I am elated when someone finds that strength and knowledge within themselves. Life is too short to live with anger, spite and regret - If you love someone make sure they know about it today.

http://www.starstuffs.com/prayers/10com.htm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dkP_vWEXHo

[Emotional Masochist]

Wow... Honestly wow. giventofly welcome to this site. As you can see it is full of fantastic caring people. They have been a great help to me and i am sure they will be here to help you.

I can't say i have any insight into suicide and cutting. I do have a few friends who have done it in the past and one who is does it now. I couldn't help them, but i did tell them all one thing. "It is your body and your right to do with it as you wish, but know this I love you and if something happens to you I will be hurt. I ma here for you. I wont condemn you for your thoughts or your actions, but forgive me if i cry a little as i hug you.." Like them it is your body and your mind. I don't know your situation or why you do it, just that I wish you didn't. Nothing more nothing less.

One more thing though. I read in one of your posts that you write. Honestly I think this is something you should use to help yourself. When I was in gr12 i got kicked out of my school and the day before i started at my new school, i got into a car accident and basically couldn't walk for a while. I became depressed. I had no social life at all. And basically dragged myself around my school and left didn't bother with anything else... but one thing i learned then was that i could write. I loved it.It became my voice, my strength, my confidant, my release. I used it to empty my mind. I releeased my thoughts onto the paper. When it was there I could understand it, I could feel it, i knew it and it made more sense. My writing became the beacon that brought me back to life.Maybe you could use your writing to help you in a similar fashion.

As for friends I can tell you that personally i can honestly count on one hand my friends.There was a time i only had three, but now i look and it has grown to five. The truth is I have my pillars my three pillars i use to support myself. The other ones are just side supports that have been added as time went by. Everyone else i know is a mere acquaintance. Someone who is here now and can simply disappear tomorrow. This is not something i look at as a bad thing. I have found those i trust and have brought them into my inner circle. I use them to help myself get through everyday as it goes. The rest of the world are friends that i hang out with and see every once in awhile.

Being BI and accepting it can be quite complicated. Add in your religious background and it hurts even more. I thought about myself for a long time. I took my time about it. And honestly someone here gave me this answer a while ago. NO ONE BUT YOU CAN TELL YOU, THAT YOU ARE BI. This being sad you asked for "how exactly do we know our sexuality?" Personally I knew when i learned that I was attracted to both sexes, i could sleep with them, and I could love them.An though i was sure of this. it took me a while to come to terms with what that means to me. I am still struggling with it. I am a BI because i know i can be with either male or female and not care about their gender.That is my method to ascertain my sexuality..
What i do with that information is still undecided Till i find true happiness.

God is the beauy in all things. Wen you see it and understand it, it will be easier to understand. But god is you and everyone else in the world.

All i really wanted to say is that you are a wonderfvul person and I respect your values and your beliefs. I hope all goes well for you as they did for me.

I am off to bed.

Sleep well
Dream well
Live well

[ro5884]

God loves you the way you are. A few years ago I gave up beating myself up for being bisexual. I'm older and almost died from a heart condition, and learned life is way too short to judge myself or others. All the time spent worrying didn't fix anything. I told several people I was bi, and for the most part it didn't change my relationships. My friends appreciated the honesty and the courage it took to come out. But for the most part your sexuality is not really a topic most care about or want to hear about. And your sexuality is for you, not them.

Accepting yourself is a great gift. The world will keep turning if you accept or condemn yourself, so why not give yourself acceptance? You would do it for someone else, why not for you?

[elian]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB_ST...layer_embedded

[falcondfw]

VERY nice Elian.

[elian]

Just passing on a link from a friend. I think it's cool they let them do that in public..

[tenni]

Elian
That was wonderful!! Thanks for passing that on. It was clearly an "inside job"...

[keladry]

you know I care dearie...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwtcwQwgdsA

I'm sure you've heard this before... but it's true

You are More.

[giventofly11]

Thank you ALL... sorry I haven't been keeping updates on here. The links are amazing, I especially love the Flash Mob and I'm going to look into this Trevor Project.

Something I just don't understand though is why strangers care so much... You don't even know me. I am thankful that you care, but I don't understand why. If any of you knew any part of the things I've done or the perfect life I've ruined... I'm just a sob story, really.

Though things have taken a turn for the worse. Suicide has definitely been in my thoughts more, and I'm giving into the dark tricks my mind is playing on me. I haven't cut, which is a good thing, but I think it's because I haven't cut that I haven't had my "escape" so therefore suicide is creeping into my brain more and more.

[falcondfw]

Thank you ALL... sorry I haven't been keeping updates on here. The links are amazing, I especially love the Flash Mob and I'm going to look into this Trevor Project.

Something I just don't understand though is why strangers care so much... You don't even know me. I am thankful that you care, but I don't understand why. If any of you knew any part of the things I've done or the perfect life I've ruined... I'm just a sob story, really.

Though things have taken a turn for the worse. Suicide has definitely been in my thoughts more, and I'm giving into the dark tricks my mind is playing on me. I haven't cut, which is a good thing, but I think it's because I haven't cut that I haven't had my "escape" so therefore suicide is creeping into my brain more and more.

We may not actually know you in real life, but almost all of us, at one time or another, have been in your situation or a similar one to one degree or another. We are trying to save you from making the same mistakes we did.

[elian]

I am NOT an Evangelical Christian but born again may be the best way to describe what you are going through. We are born into this world helpless. If you enjoy being (or are forced into being) an independent person learning to depend on others isn't the most pleasant thing. It can take a while to see the beauty but it is there.

We all make mistakes, if we don't make mistakes we probably aren't really learning. Many people have been hurt but hold tight now to compassion, equity and love..that is where true power lies. When you learn to forgive yourself and love yourself, that is a blessing.

None of us are angels, you don't necessarily have to do spectacular or dramatic things, do what you can, where you can, to the extent that you can. You ARE worthy of the gift you have been given.

[keladry]

firstly, people care because you are PERSON. so we care. People care about other people, we're like hardwired to do that.

I agree with falcon that part of it is... it's like gonna sound weird but we like ARE you. in some way. We're all different, but share a lot of the same things.... there are a lot of things in common in the human experience, you know?

And finally. I care because I like you. Get over it. :P

[doofus]

never EVER BE ASHAMED........OF WHO AND WHAT YOUR ARE .......
X

[elian]

I cross posted this to keladry's thread, but maybe it will help you too giventofly..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f07d9Ss8Va4

[Long Duck Dong]

Thank you ALL... sorry I haven't been keeping updates on here. The links are amazing, I especially love the Flash Mob and I'm going to look into this Trevor Project.

Something I just don't understand though is why strangers care so much... You don't even know me. I am thankful that you care, but I don't understand why. If any of you knew any part of the things I've done or the perfect life I've ruined... I'm just a sob story, really.

Though things have taken a turn for the worse. Suicide has definitely been in my thoughts more, and I'm giving into the dark tricks my mind is playing on me. I haven't cut, which is a good thing, but I think it's because I haven't cut that I haven't had my "escape" so therefore suicide is creeping into my brain more and more.

why do strangers care so much.... cos we can......

I am a stranger to many people, I used to do counselling and therapy work, and I was a stranger on a couch, talking to strangers off the street, but we were all so similar, so imperfect, so human that we could relate easily....

in the forum, I am a stranger on a webpage, yet we share so many experiences, laughs, tears and memories,.....

we may be strangers but our paths are often the same.......

[_Joe_]

I am scared, ashamed, confused, lost, and horribly depressed. I'm in denial, yet something about telling myself that I'm bi gives me relief for the feelings I've had towards girls.

The first and foremost you need to do is simply ACCEPT that this is you, and that there's nothing wrong. Sorta like saying you don't like your ankles. You can't change your ankles, they are what they are, and you need to simply accept it and keep on going.

Years on here, and sometimes I do get upset I'm this way, thinking life would be easier if I wasn't this way, but then I remember this is who I am, and keep on going. You did the right thing coming here talking to the rest of us that have been where you are now, to some degree.

[BiBedBud]

Dear giventofly11,

I have not read this entire thread, but I feel for you. From what little I have read of the above, you are getting some good advice, and you ought to act on at least some of it. Understand that you have options that can lead you to a better understanding of yourself, and a better place altogether. I think, that will in all likelihood, involve at least a few new friends; which is what I’d like to write about.

There is no written-in-stone rule that says you have to stand by your friends no matter what, if they are the kind of people who will not stand by you. Friendship is a two way street, and why you would keep close company with people who would damn you to hellfire for how you feel, is quite frankly, beyond me. If your friends are not accepting of who you are, then you don’t actually need them in your life.

Find some new friends – it’s gonna be easier than you think, and it’s certainly easier than living with the ones you’ve got now.

Understand that I am not suggesting you ‘confront’ them or bring the situation with them to a head. If you don’t think they’ll accept you when you ‘come out’ to them, then why put yourself through all that emotional turmoil? It can’t be worth it, to set yourself up for their judgement. You don’t need that stress, and if they’re the kinds of people who would stress you out over something like this, then they don’t deserve your friendship.

All I’m saying is that you could use some new friends – hopefully ones that will be better for you. Another thing you’ve got to understand is that in your interactions with your counsellor, you are essentially a ‘patient’, and what you really need IMO, is a friend, or better yet, a collection of friends. It’s fine to rely on professional help (although, I would suggest you find a fully-credentialed mental health professional, rather than someone whose claim to the name of ‘counsellor’ is based in part on his/her adherence to a dogmatic belief system, and who is intent on keeping you ‘within the flock’).

So, to recap: Make some new friends – ones who won’t judge you for being you – even, dare I suggest, some non-Christian friends. As you grow closer to them, and spend more time with them, you won’t be so worried about what your judgemental Christian friends will think of you, if and when they finally realize who you really and truly are – because right now they’re friends with the you who doesn’t really exist, and that’s not fair to either of you.

PS: If you find comfort in pain, I suggest you study martial arts at a reputable dojo (martial arts studio). You’ll get your dose of pain under supervised conditions, you’ll learn how to defend yourself, and you will build your self esteem and your confidence at the same time. In all probability, you’ll make some friends too – and they’ll appreciate your capacity to endure the hurt. I’m being totally serious here – do yourself a favour and find a dojo and just ask to sit and watch a few classes. If this is something you’d consider, feel free to PM me and I’ll try to set you in the right direction, as to what kind of martial art would best suit you. (NB: I’m not in Ohio, but if the places you are considering have websites, I’ll review whatever materials you point me to. I can explain more than most, what the relative suitability of various martial arts forms are. I think this could really do wonders for you, if you’ll just consider it with an open mind.)

Whatever you do, love yourself first.


PPS: I've just now read your profile -- GIRLFRIEND! YOU'VE GOT OPTIONS, BELIEVE ME!!! I am certain you'll manage if you only give it a try. Ohio State University will definitely provide many new opportunities for you to make new friends, get involved in activities that interest you, and probably even learn some martial arts, if you want to. Chin up! Things are looking up for you! Best wishes, BBB