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  1. #1

    Post Straight girl & Bi guy.....

    I just don't know what to do...
    I'm a straight girl who is crazy about her bi male best friend. We have everything in common and all people around us don't see why we aren't together. They think we're pretty much married (Noone knows about his feelings for guys..) We know so much about each other... we're very close. A long time ago, just after I found out about his sexuality, he said that if he wasn't bi- I'd be his first choice for a girlfriend? So I suppose he'd made a decision to be with guys? Back in the day he identified as gay and not bi I believe so I figured he was gay-leaning bi and I just let everything be and diluted my craziness to an appropriate level. Friends seemed good. I wanted a relationship with a straight guy.
    Over the last year though, our inappropriate friendship has involved a lot more physical closeness, and closeness allround... He's kissed me a couple of times and there's been some intimate bed-sharing. Now, I honestly love this guy so much now (I mean... I'd actually take a bullet for him. Scary but true) and as I write this I sort of know my answer maybe?... Um, Should I really let myself get into an even more complicated relationship with him? I just don't know what to do when he kisses me... what if our friendship gets ruined? The most important thing to me right now is- I can't live without him! So, on one hand- I love him this much so I should take a chance right? or Its not worth messing with our friendship so I shouldn't let things happen?

    Would love someone else's thoughts.....

    Bi guys, what do you think he's thinking?
    Straight girls, what would you do in this situation?

  2. #2
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    Re: Straight girl & Bi guy.....

    talk with him, tell him how you feel...... as my first impression is not so much his sexuality and attraction, its his respect for you.... he values you more than he is saying and it shows in the way he is caring for and about you

    so talking with him and telling him that you feel very strongly towards him, is a way to open the doors to seeing what could be possible between you both.... as we often do not think about the unseen issues.....

    unseen issues can be things like the fear of hurting you if he goes back to a gay / mostly gay lifestyle.... can you handle a bisexual partner... is he ready and able to live in a relationship with a lady... will the relationship be open or closed, etc etc.....

    as for losing the friendship, I would be surprised..... there are times that friendships are ruined by turning them into relationships, but there are also times that some relationships have evolved from good friendships, and are more stable and long lasting....

    either way, by talking with him, you both open yourselves op on a personal level and it can reveal a lot more about you both, than you may realise, so yes, my advice is talk with him......
    Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions.
    Gilbert K. Chesterton .


    It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.
    Gilbert K. Chesterton


    Innocence is a form of insanity and self delusion

  3. #3

    Re: Straight girl & Bi guy.....

    Thank you so much!

    Your post was very helpful

  4. #4
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    Re: Straight girl & Bi guy.....

    Is he "seeing" men or women and being sexual with them during your friendship? You don't seem to know. Ask him out right.

    What type of "intimate bed sharing" has gone on between the two of you?

    a/ Did he touch your breasts or vagina while deep french kissing you? Was he sexually aroused and you could feel his erection against your body?

    or

    b/ Was it more along the lines of lying in bed arms around each other hugging and gentle kissing (no tongue)? While lying in bed you discussed intimate thoughts about life and your goals?

    If it was "a", then you may have a chance of developing a physical sexual love relationship. If it was "b", your chances of developing a full sexual love relationship are less likely.

    I agree that talking to him about what you want as a relationship between you is needed.

    I don't think that it is a matter of respect as to why he has not become more sexually involved with you though. He does respect you, but he is not willing to become sexual with you.

    Sexual intercourse would have happened by now if he wanted to have intercourse. He is more than not holding back because of something inside himself about himself.

    In that case, since you have developed stronger than "friendship" emotions towards him, ask yourself what you really want with him. If it is to have a full all out physical sexual emotional relationship, put your cards on the table and see if he is willing to have sex. If not, you know what to do but probably will find it hard. You need to separate from seeing him for awhile and find another man who is interested in a sexual love relationship rather than a platonic friendship. Then, start to see him again as a friend. That's just my opinion based on what you wrote. I may be wrong.

    Good luck to you and I hope that he does become sexual with you and you have a great life together.
    Last edited by tenni; Jun 23, 2011 at 8:10 AM.

  5. #5
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    Re: Straight girl & Bi guy.....

    Sounds to me like this great guy is very interested in you and was giving you an out . He probably realizes that some women find it difficult to share affections for a man , especially with other men . If that is not a problem for you , I would say go for it ! Just my !

  6. #6
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    Re: Straight girl & Bi guy.....

    If he loves you as much as it sound like you love him and he will always play safe. Go for it! You need to know the guy he is seeing and hold them both accountable. I'm sure there will be bumps but there are in any marriage.

  7. #7
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    Re: Straight girl & Bi guy.....

    I have been good friends with people of the opposite sex that I have slept with. Even my wife has been good friends with them.

    Jump him and take what you want!!

  8. #8
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    Re: Straight girl & Bi guy.....

    It sounds like you both respect each other very much. It sounds like something totally worth giving a shot to.

  9. #9
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    Re: Straight girl & Bi guy.....

    I am 100% straight would never and could never be with a woman. My husband is Bi, I only found this out 3 years ago, I had to get it out of him. lucky for him i have always loved the idea of two guys together, so we have mmf which we both enjoy but we have our rules we play together or no play at all. We are very happy together.

 

 

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