Confused

**Proud** · Jun 25, 2011, 9:04 AM

I am so confused right now, I have been married for almost 12 yrs now it took me almost 9yrs of that 12 to come out to my wife,she is very supportive of me and has even let me move a bf into our home for a while, well anyways we have an open relationship, we always play safe, my problem is about a week or so ago I had a lady friend over and things got pritty hot, but i couldn't perform with her, it just wouldn't get hard! I have no problems with this with my wife or men, has this ever happened to anyone else?

**DanniNeels** · Jun 25, 2011, 9:33 AM

I'd have to say it is guilt. Was your wife there? Did she give the ok?

**Realist** · Jun 25, 2011, 10:54 AM

Proud,

Maybe it's performance anxiety. I was, and have talked to others who have been, afflicted with this malady from time to time. But the worst for me is as follows:

When I was in my early 20s, fresh out of the Army, I was surprised by an extremely appealing older lady's obvious attention to me. At social gatherings she'd corner me and let me know that she had interest in some sort of "connection".

During our conversations, I she let me know she was virile, multi-orgasmic, and required vigorous interactions from a lover. Her husband was unable to keep up with her, so he allowed her to play, discretely.

I was in good shape, extremely virile, and had the ability to perform at length. Up to then, most of my lovers, both male and female, never had to worry if I was going to last long enough to satisfy them. I recovered quickly after orgasms, and easily adjusted to my lovers' rhythms.

However, I was awed by this lady perosna! She may have been one of the most beautiful women I've known, and her body was a voluptuous work of art...to put it mildly. I don't know how many erections I had while talking to her and dreamed about her almost nightly.

But, when we finally got time alone and retired to her boat house, I came completely un-glued! She undressed as I watched, revealing one of the more stunning physiques I've ever seen. But, no matter what she did, I was unable to perform ........and she finally gave up, advising me to leave! What a defeat!

Part of the problem was, I surmised was, she did NOT want any foreplay, or oral sex, which I was more accustomed to beginning with.

She wanted to be taken roughly and fucked viciously. She wanted to be man-handled and forced into different positions and maybe even restrained. I've never enjoyed being like that. She did not LOOK like one who needed rough handling.

I was out of my league and over my head, and I knew it. I could not dance to her tune and there never was another opportunity.

I'm not saying you're over your head, have performance anxiety, or anything of the sort, just that's the way I reacted to her. I was humiliated and felt defeated, like Napoleon at Waterloo! What an ego-crusher that was!

From this experience I learned that each of us have limits and, as Clint Eastwood says...you gotta know your limits!

**Proud** · Jun 25, 2011, 11:30 AM

Yes the wife was here and she had given her ok, perhaps you are right it was anxiety,or guilt.

**Realist** · Jun 25, 2011, 11:37 AM

Don't give up...gaining trust, becoming more familiar, sharing other interests, may help you all to reach that level, where you will click.

If I'd had that opportunity, I'm sure the lady and I could have achieved our goals......... but that didn't happen.

I only had one chance to get it right, and botched it!