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  1. #1

    How did you discover you were bi?

    Hey there, folks. I apologize in advance for the massive post, but it's the Internet and that's allowed, darnit!

    I'm a new member, and also a new bisexual. I found out/discovered/realized I was bi about a week ago. What a trip. I've been lurking through the site, talking to a bisexual friend of mine, and generally been trying to reacquaint myself with my sexuality, and found(I'm sure not surprisingly) that the more I talk about it, the better/more comfortable I feel.

    I don't know if it's a common thing or not, but I pretty much found out within the span of two minutes. See, I've lived up until this point thinking I was straight, and having a pretty good time of it. It's just that every few months or so, I'd have a homoerotic dream, or maybe see a guy and wonder what it'd be like to be in bed with him. I figured that everyone thought that every now and then, and brushed the dreams off as weird dreams. They were still disconcerting, and I'd be a little anxious until I'd see my g/f again or something, and have my heterosexual desires reinforced.

    Finally I had another dream last week, was feeling really weird, and did some soul-searching. After a bit, it occurred to me I could be bisexual. But how to be sure? One can't base something like this on dreams alone.

    So I thought it would be pretty straightforward to try and masturbate and focus on boys this time(did I mention I was a guy? I'm a guy.) Well, let me tell you that's a fast realization. I was elated, and confused, and relieved all at the same time.

    And the ensuing days have all been kind of like that, too. It's been a bit of a roller-coaster ride. I'd be fine one minute, anxious the next, then happy. Things have been calming down as they go on and I get more used to the idea, though.

    I mean, I know things won't feel normal right away, but is it partly because I didn't have any length of time where I just didn't know, and had time to prepare myself that I wasn't straight? Is it the shock of just finding out so fast? Has anyone else found out like that? What was it like for you?

  2. #2

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I discovered I was bisexual when I read a book.... lol..... and that was a few years after I have had sex with a male......

    I will explain, I had never heard the term bisexual until I was mid teens, and so I * developed * as a bisexual, * untainted * by any expectations of what I should be doing, thinking , feeling, as a bisexual

    to me, it was just a aspect of interaction between people.... a * supply and demand, want and desire * aspect..... it was not until I started to associate with LGBT people that I began to find out about the * rules * of bisexuality.... and even now, I do not fit the mold of a *normal * bisexual.....

    when I learnt that the two terms that applied to me, were bisexual and ( more correctly ) pansexual, I was like, ok I am bi / pansexual.... big deal.... nothings changed other than the label
    The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

  3. #3

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    Obviously, the thoughts and dreams had been there for years, but when first confronted by a man making a pass at me, I ran. That was when I was 17 years old. The thoughts and dreams persisted through 18 years of a 27 year marriage and two children.

    Then, while on an assignment in London, working with a man I'd known as a colleague for 10 years (and who was openly gay) on a very difficult job, I was in his hotel room, just down the hall from mine and we were reviewing the days work. It had gone very well, and as we closed the book on the job a high-five turned into an embrace, the embrace turned into a kiss and the rest is history. It felt right and it felt natural. My only regret is that it took so long.

  4. #4

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    Well I guess it was when I found myself on my knees with the business end of my friend's cock in my mouth when I was around 14.

  5. #5

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    When, as a couple, we had a lovely impromptu FFM experience and I enjoyed her more than he did. With that realization, I began to understand some of the feelings and confusions throughout my life were because of my attractions to both genders.
    Kitten
    The smallest feline is a masterpiece. -Leonardo DaVinci

  6. #6

    Smile Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    Been thinking for a long time without thinking it, on the back burner I guess u can say! LOL! After my last girlfriend it came to the front burner & i acted on it, now i love it ! GUESS I WAITED TO LONG!

  7. #7

    Talking Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    in a threesome with a man and his wife about 2 years ago liked it ever since

  8. #8

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I was interested in men (boys) since I was ten and one of my friends grabbed by crotch while we were wrestling. I grabbed his and I was hooked on men. We wrestled a lot until I moved away. I didn't do anything else with men, other than fantasize, for a very long time. In the meantime, I discovered girls (women) when I was 14.
    g

  9. #9

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I started playing with a male cousin when we were 12 or so . Back then it was our secret fun . Didn't know the correct term for it was bisexual for quite some time after . As soon as I did , I knew that was me . My first woman was the woman who would become my wife the day before I turned 18 . Played with my cousin into our late 20s . Lost the wife after 30 years and 30 days to an anyurism .

  10. #10
    twntexas
    Guest

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    Quote Originally Posted by mikie6 View Post
    Well I guess it was when I found myself on my knees with the business end of my friend's cock in my mouth when I was around 14.
    Well, kinda like Mike, I discovered I was bisexual at about 13 while laying on my stomach on a squeeking bed as my best freind drove his little boy weiney into my ass.

  11. #11

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I came to the realization that I was bi and accepted it fully in 1998. Prior to that, I had all my life desired both sexes and indulged in play with both. But for the majority of that time I was in turmoil over it. Except for when I first became active in my teens and into my very early 20's, I would always feel guilty and "wrong" for my urges for the same sex. Of course, it didn't help with the fact that some of my male/male experiences were negative as many guys I indulged with just didn't understand that I was interested in women too and more so with them. Since the majority of guys I played with during those years were gay, how could they understand? During my teens and early 20's I didn't really think anything was "wrong" with my indulgences.

    But as I got older and married (though my first wife accepted me being interested in sex with men), I began to feel confused. It was for other reasons that we parted ways and we both were quite young at the age of 20. Anyhow, it became too much for me to handle emotionally; not because I was interested in men emotionally which was never the case nor is now, but because I had this idea that if I was going to be involved with a woman, then it should be enough for me and I shouldn't desire anything else. But every time I was involved and deeply in love (though some would argue against that), my desire to have sex with a male would always surface and I couldn't shake it. My desire for sex with males was just too intense. So, I fought against it and tried to deny it but the more I did this the more intense the desire for it.

    Finally after many years of struggle I decided to try and understand it and quit fighting it. When I went in that direction and decided to be honest with myself and others about it, everything changed for the better after that. Of course I don't advertise to the world about it though most of my closest friends know. But I made peace with it all and accepted that even if people who didn't know found out, I was not going to let it destroy my well being. I knew I could handle it if they had a problem with it and accepted that they were the ones with the problem; not me.

    Finding a life partner who understands and accepts this has proven difficult. But as has been pointed out by my counselor and various bi friends (couples, male/female and single), there are women who are accepting of it and understand. Since I am only emotionally and sexually attracted to women, it is with a woman I would want and have this kind of situation with. The interest with men though powerful, has always been primarily sexual. This is veering away from the original point of this topic.....

    So, to close, since I re-discovered I am bi, I have been much more content with my life. I think the only thing that is bothersome from time to time is not having that deeper connection that means so much. But I have accepted that it might not ever be. Yet, I will remain true to myself. Because if one can't do that, then one can never be connected in an honest way with anyone.
    Last edited by ErosUrge; Jun 14, 2011 at 12:16 PM.

  12. #12

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    It never occurred to me not to have sex with someone I liked..... So I guess I was born bi and have always considered myself so.

    I started with my best friend at about 11 (though I'd wanted to be naked with other kids as long as I can remember and before I had any idea what to do :-).

    It started with the "I'll show you mine..." to "I can do that..." (while jacking), to "Would you ?", "No Way!", "OK, whip it out and let's try..." (sucking) and we were together for 7 years while we also started with girls (it was always great to know that if we struck out on a date, there was always a relief blowjob waiting back in the 'hood :-)

    We did get up to 5 boys in a suck fest a few times in High School..

    When I did start with girls, I liked it just as much (I like both sexes equally, but am a bit pickier with men than I am with women; i.e if I was with a guy and girl I liked equally, I'd probably hurt myself trying to decide, unless they would do a 3 -way).

  13. #13

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    Quote Originally Posted by Long Duck Dong View Post
    I discovered I was bisexual when I read a book.... lol..... and that was a few years after I have had sex with a male......

    I will explain, I had never heard the term bisexual until I was mid teens, and so I * developed * as a bisexual, * untainted * by any expectations of what I should be doing, thinking , feeling, as a bisexual

    to me, it was just a aspect of interaction between people.... a * supply and demand, want and desire * aspect..... it was not until I started to associate with LGBT people that I began to find out about the * rules * of bisexuality.... and even now, I do not fit the mold of a *normal * bisexual.....

    when I learnt that the two terms that applied to me, were bisexual and ( more correctly ) pansexual, I was like, ok I am bi / pansexual.... big deal.... nothings changed other than the label
    Aren't you asexual?

    I've read posts of yours where you write about how you were born without a sex drive and how you are asexual.

    What would you consider to be the "rules" of bisexuality that GLBT people claim there are?

  14. #14

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I was having bi sex at around 10-11 with same age m/f friends. I didn't know what that was, but it sort of went away and we were all living as straight.
    I couldn't fit myself into gay. But when I heard of bisexuality much later I thought "Yes! That's me!".

  15. #15

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I came from a community that was very homophobic, so at the earliest thoughts in my life I fought the idea of "turning gay". When I was 17 I was still a virgin and very socially awkward with girls. An older guy picked up on me and I figured any sex would be better than no sex so as long as no one found out I would give it a try. It didn't go as I had envisioned...we just traded blow jobs while parked in his car at night and I was very nervous. Shortly after that I hooked up with a girlfriend and lost my "straight" virginity to a woman and knew that women were what I liked. I thought that the "gayness" was out of my system until....

    A few years later, the girl dumps me and I'm single and horny. A photographer picks up on me and wants me to model (nude and hard) while he fluffs me and finishes me off afterwards. I go along with this but no reciprocation (I'm not gay, remember) and we have several sessions like this until the last time we were together. We were watching bi porn on video tapes (shows you how long ago this was) and I was suddenly curious to try receiving anal. I asked him to condom up and fuck my ass, which he did and I enjoyed immensely. After that day he moved to France and I never saw him again.

    Then I was into a succession of girlfriends, all of whom I was completely heterosexual with. Seemed that as long as I was getting laid sufficiently that bisexuality wasn't necessary. After I broke up with the last GF, went through another dry spell, got a computer and got introduced to the Internet. Yup, I went right to the porn. The funny thing was, the more porn I was looking at I would notice that my focus of attention was not just the pretty girl with the cock in her mouth, but the cock itself was looking attractive to me. This led to gay porn, chat rooms, new ideas and fantasies going off...whoa...I'm not supposed to be gay, remember?

    Well, I knew that I still am attracted to women, but I had to try a man again. I met a guy online, then in person, hit it off and went back to his place. The exact moment moment that his cock was in my mouth I had a revelation...this is right, this is good, I want this! I knew then and there that I was bisexual. Every time I have had sex with either gender since then has convinced me of that. Sex is good. Pleasure heals. Love the one you are with. Fuck what society says and do what makes you happy.

  16. #16

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    The woman to whom I am now married kissed me and I knew that I wasnt just attracted to boys.

  17. #17

    Post Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I had a crush on my fourth and fifth grade teacher. I was rather startled by it, but knew, even then, I was attracted to guys, and had the typical pre-teen crush on Justin Timberlake.

    --db
    Being proud of myself in an ashamed world

  18. #18

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    Quote Originally Posted by BiDaveDtown View Post
    Aren't you asexual?

    I've read posts of yours where you write about how you were born without a sex drive and how you are asexual.
    What would you consider to be the "rules" of bisexuality that GLBT people claim there are?
    people are born without sex drives... a sex drive is a hormonal change that happens later in life ( puberty normally )..... so being born without a sex drive, is normal for people...... and the sex drive in people ebbs and flows over the years, its also normal.....
    so for all intents and purposes I am a normal person... as asexuals are not a alien race......and nor are hyper sex drive people, who are at the other end of the scale

    1) that I have to be sexually active to be bisexual ( posted in this site a number of times and only applies to me apparently, not any other non sexually active bisexual )

    2) that as a bisexual person, I am not allowed to be monogamous ( apparently again, that applies to me only as posted in this site a number of times, other monogamous bisexuals are ok )

    3) that as a bisexual that was sexually active for a number of years and was sexually active with my partner when she was with me for 3 months, 2 years ago, my opinions are invalid cos I lack a sex drive.... ( as posted in this site a number of times and again only applies to me, not the other members that have talked about thinking they are asexual )

    the list goes on, but thats just in this site, that * rules * are stated.....

    so why was I sexually active when I was asexual ???? its called conforming to the *standards *.......
    Last edited by Long Duck Dong; Jun 14, 2011 at 11:57 PM.
    The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

  19. #19

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I have always liked to see other boys in the locker rooms, while pretending not to stare and admiring their cocks. Even when watching porn or sex photos, I am always first attracted to see the male package before looking at the girls.

    Over the years, there are certain males that just make my heart dropped whenever I meet them. I don't know how to explain it or describe it.

    It was not until a few months ago that I finally admitted to my own self that I do like both. Hence I am BI

    Never really been with any man tho...

  20. #20

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    Very basically - by putting my face between another woman's legs and finding it was just fine - loved everything. It answered questions in my psyche and I had no guilt.

    Then on returning home the next day, and had wonderful sex with my husband.

    guess that qualified!!!

  21. #21

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I actually found out I was Bi when I was 14. Before that I thought I was actually gay. I was into boys a little older than me and I even was taken by a decent sized guy. When I turned 14 I started noticing girls and wasn't sure exactly what to think because I never heard of the term bisexual.

  22. #22

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I was 13 with a friend who was more curious that I was. He suggested we try oral. I was nervious but figured what the heck we are best friends. I still remember him unzipping his pants and watching him pull out that python of a cock. I enjoyed feeling him in my mouth and him watching me suck on him. I also remember he was the first one to tell me what cum was because as I was giving him oral and he pulled out he was worried about cumming in my mouth. I had not not personally started cumming yet. He told me what it was and what it was for. After that day we played a few more times and even tried anal. Neather of us knew that lube was important to anal so we didnt get very far because it hurt. After that I was confused about who I was suppost to like and thought it was ok to like boys or girls. Three years later I would have my first full experience with a girl and enjoyed the hell out of it. Right after my first time with a girl there was a rumor that I was gay going through the high school that I was in. It totally devestated my social life. I went through times where I thought, "what the hell... they think Im gay anyway." and started to allow myself to think about men when I was masterbating, which I did alot of. A few years passed and I finally was old enough to go to adult stores and really didnt know what the "Video Arcade" was about. I purchased some tokens and went in to the darkened little room with the TV and the chair. I sat down and started watching porn. I didnt notice there was a hole at the time but I looked over finally and someone was putting their fingers in the hole. I figured out what it was for. Finally in college there was a man I knew from high school and saw at a gas station one night after bar hopping. He was wondering what I was up to since high school and I invited him over to my house to sit and talk and have a drink. When we got to the house I went to the kitchen and got the drinks he met me in the doorway and put his hand on my chest and started kissing my chest. I let him. Still really unsure how to react to this attention I had really never had before we got naked and I wanted him to top me figuring this is what all gay men did. He would do me then I would do him.... I was wrong on that account. After he got his he said he was too tired and wanted to go home. I had been used. I kept all this to myself for years. I got married when I was 23 but still had wants and needs to do things with men. I would find creative ways, by using items around the house or my wife's toys, to take care of these thoughts. Finally, last year in November I couldnt take it anymore... I wanted to be out with my wife so she would know what I wanted. We were not have much sex and I needed her to know that I was Bi. We sat down. Talked about the situation and she was good with it. She is much less concerned about me leaving her for a man than if I had sex with other women. She even went with me to purchase toys of my own and has helped me use them. So now I am more than allowed to play on my own, which is great, and wants to watch me some time with another man. To that effect she has decided that she is Bi-curious herself and would like to find a couple that we can both have some play time with. So really for 19 years I have held back.... I have my first meeting with a guy I met the other day on a website today... But thats how it all started for me
    Not everyone is a Dip.... Just those with closed minds.

  23. #23

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    When I was around 10, I had an older boy over for a sleep over. While laying in bed that night, we would feel each other's bodies over exploring each other including masturbating each other which lead to sucking each other's cocks and finger banging each other's butt holes. I would not do this again until my adult hood when I was involved with an older married couple. The guy obviously had the hots for me and got down along with his wife who was sucking the hell out of my hard cock and preceded to join her and took turns with her finger fucking me. I haven't seen this couple in years. For a long time before this incident, I was ashamed of doing it as I was often harassed by other students at school about being a fag, and was the butt of every gay joke. Now I could care less. I looked at the old Salem cigarette ads from the 70s and fantasize about the women posing for the ads and would often fantasize about the men posing for the ads as well. There were some hot looking Salem guys as well as them hot looking Salem gals. I guess that was why I liked smoking that brand of cigarette. I'm more into the bi scene now then when I was younger as I am less ashamed of it and am more willing to do it.

  24. #24

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    when i caught myself looking at all the hot track runners on both the guys and girls team in high school, that was around 10th grade for me

  25. #25

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    An ex girlfriend started rubbing my asshole while giving me a BJ one night. I started grinding myself onto her fingers and by the time I came she had 2 fingers burried as deep as she could. Within a week we had her an 8 inch strap on that she was pleasuring me with. I knew from that point it was only a matter of time before I had to know what the "real thing" felt like. She wasn't into men being bi so after we split up I went to a local bath house where I sucked my first cock and eagerly let the guy fuck me.

  26. #26

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    Fairly recently. I always knew I was different, growing up, in my heart I treated girls like sisters and boys with romantic lust. In my teen years I spent an awful lot of time and energy trying to "prove" to myself whether or not I could be happy being "straight" or "gay". I thought I would hold off on the married w/klds thing until I knew I could be faithful to a straight wife.

    It's very painful in this world sometimes to confront being LGBT but I thought I could live with it if I could just figure out which gender I liked more. Boy was I in for a surprise. It was very confusing when I'd look at the male members of cross country track team running down the road with my tongue hanging out the car window and go home and still be turned on watching a young lady rubbing herself to orgasm. In the horniest of moments I still love watching or helping people pleasure themselves regardless of gender.

    Having grown up in a very conservative rural area it was by reading posts on this site that I first realized that attraction and gender did not HAVE to be "black or white" but that there was a whole spectrum.

    Not worrying about the labels is harder to do than it looks, but I'm trying anyway.

  27. #27

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I was pulling 2 sided jokes on a friend of mine that I worked with not even thinking about the answers. I was asking things like if you had a gay man jump on your back would you beat him off? I also asked If you got on a bus full of gay guys would you get off?
    Finally it was closing time and he was done with his work helping me with some of mine. I was sweeping and getting ready to mop when I looked back at him and asked "Does your mom know your gay?" His jaw dropped and he said "Who the hell told you?!!" I was stunned and all I could quietly utter was "I was only joking with you." His head sank for just outting himself.
    I had grown up in a very strict religion but always told to accept others. I had also thought of men as being attrictive and even had dreams of hooking up with them. Same with women. so I did some soul searching and deep thinking while mopping, looked back at him and said "If it helps you any, you just helped me realize I am bi." He nods his head and said softly "Yes."
    So since I was only 17 at the time and couldn't go to the local bar, he did introduce me to the community a little. I also came out to the school counciler and she recommended me to a youth center for GLBT and their friends. I am lucky that I had such great support.
    I love being bisexual. Your like Hanna Montana, you get the best of both worlds.

  28. #28

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    In high school gym showers I started looking at all the different swinging cocks. I was 14 in the 9th grade. I started having fantasy of sucking cock. I was scared some one might find out it was the 70's and not as open like it is now. At 16 my friend next door and I started jerking off together but never any touching, just watching each other jerk. One night I asked if he needed a hand with it. He got very upset and mad so I made a joke of it saying I was kidding. If he asked me I would have sucked him dry. Then at 17 had my first sex with a older girl, she was 22. Then at 20 moved to another state and started going to the adult movie theaters and there was one adult drive-in. One hot summer night at the drive-in I met a guy I'll say was in his 50's. At his car I finely sucked a cock. After felt guilty but wanted more. So at 14 I knew I wanted both sexes but was confused with mix feelings. Oh yea my next door friend and I chat on face book. He asked if I would have really played with his cock. I fussed up and told him yes. He said if it was now he would have let me. Oh well his lost lol.

  29. #29

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    I can thank my 1st wife for leading me to discover my bi-ness when I was 32. We swung with other married couples and she would play around with the other wife to turn on the guys. She always said it wasn't fair that the girls didn't get to watch the guys playing around. It was in a 4some with a bi couple that I felt a man's hand and mouth on my cock. Knowing it would turn my wife on, I went with the flow and returned the favor, to her delight. She suggested that henceforth we seek men for 3somes and I indulged her because I had become bi-curious. She was a wild, passionate, kinky wife and although I enjoyed other women in 4somes, my main thrill was to watch her and encourage her to be a total slut with other men, then make wild passionate love with her afterwards. I could now indulge her in her desire for other men, explore my newfound interest in men and make wild passionate love with her. My bi curiosity evolved to bi from there and I have not regretted it !

  30. #30

    Re: How did you discover you were bi?

    Unlike most gays who say they knew at a young age, I didn't really figure it out until I was about 20. I guess it started before then, though. I'm a perfect example of that Katy Perry song. I kissed a girl, and I liked it! I used to make out with my best friend bc guys liked it and it was harmless fun. We'd fool around above the waste, but we were just party girls and never thought anything of it. Then, I was at a point in my life where I had mostly guy friends, so it became sort-of a habit to agree on which girls were hot and which ones weren't. Even straight girls can do that! I had also been enjoying lesbian porn, but even after all that, I still had no idea. I just assumed I was comfortable with naked women (open-minded and secure with myself) and I liked the porn because I could watch oral, which you don't always see in straight porn.

    Looking back, I've realized I did have a girl crush when I was 20. She was beautiful, and we'd just met but became instant friends. We used to talk about sex a lot, including the possibility of being bi. The thought had never even crossed my mind before! We didn't do a whole lot together, sexually, minus a threesome with a guy friend of mine... But I was awful, I didn't have a clue. We hung out after awhile, even after I met my current boyfriend, but eventually, she moved away. I've tried to contact her, to no avail. It bums me out because I've figured out that I SERIOUSLY wanted that girl, and I wish I wouldn't have been so damn shy! She was amazing. *sigh*

    Last year, my boyfriend let me have a "girlfriend". It didn't work out, but at least now that I've been with a woman, I know that, without question, I am definitely bisexual!!!

    My biggest regret in life is that I wasn't able to figure it out when I was younger. I sure missed out!!
    "I'm not gay, I'm not straight... I'm GRAIGHT!"


    "A bisexual is someone who can put their hand down someone else's pants and be happy with whatever they find."


    "The most rebellious thing a person can do is be themselves."

 

 

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