Male bonding and the road to sharing

**handlebar** · Oct 11, 2009, 9:49 PM

As a married bi-curious male,I have always desired a male bonding pal. Whether online or in person, I have searched for such an elusive friend. Alas, it usually ends up with the other man wanting a full out relationship or just sex only,which I'm NOT desirous of.
An intellectual man that also desires the same for chat,sharing life,running,hobbies, etc and occasionally would share a sharing of orgasms manually. No all out sexual relationship.

It is a tough thing to find. Anyone else ever run into this or searched for it?

Women always seem to have it better in this regard. Their nature makes relationships easier and intimacy a natural and more "accepted" thing in todays society.

Oh well. Someday.

**Kitsy** · Oct 11, 2009, 10:32 PM

Yeah I think I understand what you mean too.... For some reason most males either don't seem interested or seem too interested sexually... Though I suppose if you are bisexual, you're generally thinking about the sexual nature of things... Thinking of experimenting sexually and such... When you're just starting to come to terms with it at least... The sexual side seems to be the biggest issue it seems...

I never really run into the relationship issue with a man, though I personally prefer to have some sort of relationship before I really think about sex, but that could be a deep friendship really, doesn't have to be full thing... Oh well, I don't get loadsa offers anyway... I'd really love a close friend, male or female right now, someone I could hang out with... Maybe cuddle... I sure there someone somewhere...

I'm sure that women sometimes have trouble too though, even if not as much as men, but they do seem to be able to bond better though...

Oh well I ranted enough I think ^_^;;

**sebax** · Oct 11, 2009, 11:05 PM

Originally Posted by handlebar

As a married bi-curious male,I have always desired a male bonding pal. Whether online or in person, I have searched for such an elusive friend. Alas, it usually ends up with the other man wanting a full out relationship or just sex only,which I'm NOT desirous of.
An intellectual man that also desires the same for chat,sharing life,running,hobbies, etc and occasionally would share a sharing of orgasms manually. No all out sexual relationship.

It is a tough thing to find. Anyone else ever run into this or searched for it?

Women always seem to have it better in this regard. Their nature makes relationships easier and intimacy a natural and more "accepted" thing in todays society.

Oh well. Someday.

don't worry man, you are not the onlyone out there... many poeple here share the same desire you do.. its just a matter of time...
hey on worst case senario you'll have me bugging u...4000 miles away hehe

**sebax** · Oct 11, 2009, 11:16 PM

Originally Posted by Kitsy

Yeah I think I understand what you mean too.... For some reason most males either don't seem interested or seem too interested sexually... Though I suppose if you are bisexual, you're generally thinking about the sexual nature of things... Thinking of experimenting sexually and such... When you're just starting to come to terms with it at least... The sexual side seems to be the biggest issue it seems...

I'm sure that women sometimes have trouble too though, even if not as much as men, but they do seem to be able to bond better though...

Oh well I ranted enough I think ^_^;;

the problem is that the people who are looking for a hook up will throw it in your face.. meanwhile most poeple who dont want part of that and just read the content will get discourage and just walk away from it all. such as i did with the gay.com and other similar sites... it is just a meat market that I just did not want to be part of and did not identify myself. i went to those sites and it was always the same dirty people with the same dirty questions... the problem with being bi and in the closet is that most closeted guys use the internet to escape and have some fun for 10 minutes and then go back to their "normal lives" as if nothing had happen..dont really care to bond with anyone...
but in reality there is more of us outthere who are willing but it seems that there is nobody else... eventually it will happen...
I came to this site by mistake 3 days ago and now i'm hooked

**mooon** · Oct 12, 2009, 1:23 PM

Yes, I have a similar experience.

Almost every married guy is on the DL. He is usually looking for just sex, anything more and he feels in danger of exposure. Even most of the CLR guys are on the DL. And I don't need the drama. I am out to my wife.

All the gay guys are afraid to be involved with a married guy, beyond just sex. It is too much heartbreak if they might fall in love.

The out and bi guys are in short supply.

I find that my friendships with straight guys always seem to have limits. And yes, the women seem to have a much easier time bonding. They are not so programmed to compete as are us men.
There is a good article on this phenomenon at [URL="http://cwolf2.tripod.com/buddyship.htm]

I want a deeper friendship, and sex too. And not just "manual". Bromance?

I'm working on it. It seems to take a lot of patience. There are a lot of jerks out there. But there must be someone near me that thinks the same way.

**_Joe_** · Oct 12, 2009, 2:10 PM

Interesting thing, as that's what I seem to be looking for all this time.

I know I'm not the only one looking for the same... but being married, and with kids, alot of folks are either looking for sex or so paranoid it can happen I don't even get a chance to get to know them and vice versa.

What's worse is when I have in the past met a few guys that were accepting of the situation, after talking for awhile we simply don't click - or just one of us does and then it's awkward as well, you have to say "hey you're a nice guy and all but I just don't feel a friendly-click here to bond with you"

* sigh *

**Donkey_burger** · Oct 12, 2009, 3:03 PM

I'm female and it's hard for me, too.

I'm on the autistic spectrum and have social phobia and speech issues, so yeah, that makes difficult! I often end up listening into conversations, as I don't converse well at all.

So yeah, some females have problems making friends, too.

DB

**mikey3000** · Oct 12, 2009, 3:27 PM

No, by no means are you alone. As another bi married guy who's out to his wife, I'm looking for the exact same thing, a deep friendship with occasional benefits too.

I thought I found it a while ago, but it ended disasterously. He fell hard for me and I couldn't give him what he wanted, a life partner. I never hid anything from him right from the start, and things were going well at the beginning, but emotions got envolved, and we got caried away. When he realized that I would never leave my wife and children, he grew very despondant. I tried my hardest to smooth things over, but he still couldn't cope. He dumped me shortly after I came out to my wife for him.

What I want from a man is affection without ownership. But that seems almost impossible. Men, gay or straight, like possession. So I lick my wounds, put my heart back in my pocket, and move on. Maybe some day I'll find a guy who wants the same friendship as me. Till then I make good friends on the net at places like this and just keep looking for my Mr. Right.

Good luck to you!

**_Joe_** · Oct 12, 2009, 3:57 PM

Damn needy emotions always fucking up an otherwise good thing ><

**bluejack** · Apr 9, 2011, 9:41 PM

I totally recognize how you feel. The need to share a connection with another guy that is part buddy and part lover. To do things with, as a real friend with benefits. I am glad that I found this site and it makes me more sure of who I am and my own sexuality. I will always love women, but I am so glad that I can have the other side of me that enjoys men as well. I will be anxiously looking forward to my new found journey of exploration.

**Realist** · Apr 9, 2011, 10:54 PM

I am heartened to see men with a desire to have relationships, friendships, interactions with mutual interests..............and yes, sharing sexuality, too.

As one who has never been interested in one-night stands, anonymous sexual encounters, or platonic relationships with men, I feel vindicated to see that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Good luck, guys. Hope you all achieve your goals, soon!

**bunvotey11** · Apr 10, 2011, 4:42 AM

There are quite a few of us out there, but it seems we are spread apart, and in a minority.

For my experience, I've found that there are a lot of guys that just want to dominate. To use you for satisfying their sexual desire. I may wear panties from time to time, but that doesn't mean I want just any guy to climb on top of me.

There are those guys that have only two words to say at a time. How can I get anything from that? I need something to work with. I feel like I'm giving up something, what am I going to get out of the deal.

Now I know some of what it's like for women. I've read some of the stupid CL ads or casual encounters (m4w). I am amazed that anyone actually thinks that someone real will respond to their ad.

**harley469** · Apr 10, 2011, 9:39 AM

im with yall!! i want a freind and a fuck buddy !! butt one that is tr8 enough to meet eachothers familys and not pose a threat! im not looking for love!! alrteady got that with my wife.. i need the companionship of male (best freinds) kinda

Harley
Kissimmee fl

**mike9753** · Apr 10, 2011, 3:07 PM

What a relief to hear that there are other guys out there who are looking for the same thing. I have moved around a lot - overseas for years at a time and now back in the US. So my earlier friendships in the US have moved on, got divorced, relocated, found new social outlets, etc. So I find myself relatively friendless, except for my wife's friends. There are a few couples but I find I like the women as friends better than their husbands.

Coupled with this situation, I have re-discovered my interest in occasional m2m encounters. So I thought I had a brilliant idea. I would begin to look for guys, either bi (harder to find) or gay who might be interested in developing an acquaintance at first and allow that to evolve into a more intimate relationship.

But what I have found are the following problems:
1. Many guys are only interested in sex, and not always safe sex. i.e Too many think that oral sex is 100% safe and while it is usually safe, there are no guarantees and I am not one to gamble. Life is too short.
2. Guys interested in a "love affair", but not friendship. They are very lonely and dependent.
3. Guys interested in something happening immediately, and not willing to exchange some thoughts and to allow things like trust to grow. And anything having to do with with sex, requires a degree of trust.

I envision a relationship with a guy where we might watch a football game or movie together, share a beer or two, talk about politics, trash a politician or two, share a dirty joke, and maybe now and then engage in some sexual play. We might both enjoy nudity and porn. But there would be enough trust between us that we'd be confident that neither one of us were having unsafe sex with others.

And I have a few requirements as well, but I don't think they are too restrictive. I am looking for a friend who has a reasonable view of life, a good sense of humor, accepting of others, does not take himself too seriously, can be anywhere from 40 to 65. Other physical characteristics can be flexible depending on chemistry.

But I have not found anyone even close. However, I will keep looking. This thread has given me additional hope.

Mike

Mike

**Bicuriousity** · Apr 10, 2011, 11:26 PM

Mike i totally agree with what you are saying

The worst part is after yoy have chatted with someone for a long time, cammed and phoned them, then finally meet for an encounter and they just cum and leave you. I have heard these tales from my girl friends over the years, but know it first hand now and it feels lousy.

I am ready to give up on m2m because of this.

**mikey3000** · Apr 11, 2011, 9:43 PM

Man, do I hear what everyone is saying. Someone earlier posted a GREAT article on male bonding, and I think it got lost, so here it is again.

http://cwolf2.tripod.com/buddyship.htm

It really hiy home to me on why men have such a hard time finding friends. But take heart. It can happen. I found mine. He's like the brother I never had and he makes me feel so good. It's not all about the sex, but about the companionship and closeness. To have a man in my life makes me feel whole. Funny but he snatched me up just as I was comming out and I couldn't be happier. And my wife loves him too. So take heart, it can and does happen!!!

I found my guy here. I hope I'm allowed to post the link for you all.

http://www.straightacting.com/phpbb3...b6338d4555fa16