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  1. #61

    Re: Being bi and being married

    I'm not a sex addict, but I do LOVE sex way more than my husband does. I've been told that my appetite is rather large. And being bisexual does help. Lol we've always had the agreement that I can have a girlfriend at anytime, and now that he's figuring things out, he and I talked and he wants to grow in his sexuality with me there, and maybe eventually he can become comfortable enough that he will also have a playmate if he wants one too. Its all about communication, trust, love, honesty and respect. You have to trust the bonds that you have will be strong enough that you can talk about anything and know that there will be unconditional love and respect for each other, not as a spouse but as a human being and a friend.

  2. #62

    Re: Being bi and being married

    I have been reading through most of these posts here and it is interesting to hear such diverse views on this subject. As bisexual people we tend to be folks who don't follow a set of "norms" that I don't ever really think existed. But tha is just my view.

    One thing I have noticed though is that with regards to marriage, all of these questions revolve around how we all define marriage. And it appears sex is a big part of it all. Being bisexual, you are what you are and marriage will not change that. So it appears that when it comes to marriage, one needs to define what it is to them and their partner (s) and come to an agreement everyone is happy with.

    There is much talk of spouses who lost interest in sex and gave their significant others permission to explore. The question I have is that if the other spouse decides to have sex again and wants to explore other people, would this be acceptable with us? Very interesting discussion

  3. #63

    Re: Being bi and being married

    I got my true love with a bisexual women on dating sites such ashttp://www.bi-sexualdating.com/
    We are ready for wedding next month. Im hoping that you could meetup with someone one day

  4. #64

    Re: Being bi and being married

    Quote Originally Posted by Bimarriedok View Post
    Hey folks, I’m new to this site. Glad to see so many people here. I just thought I’d comment on being both a married man and bisexual. I’ve seen a number of posts already about guys who seemed worried or are/were in trouble with their spouse for their bisexuality. I understand the whole “I’m going to be open” thing. I did that long before I was ever married. So outing myself as bisexual is old news. Its not something that I feel I need to shout from the mountaintop so to speak. And its not something that I feel my wife needs to know about. She’s never asked and I’ve never said. Some might say its that way out of fear, but I’d be quick to ask – why get married if you plan to be with more that that one partner? You can be both bisexual and married. Heteros do it all the time, and gays have been fighting the long fight to have legal marriage. There’s nothing wrong with being bisexual and being married. From the bisexual perspective, you are choosing the one person you want to be with. As a good person would do when getting married – you remain true and monogamous with that one person. I love my wife and I’ve never cheated on her, nor will I. That doesn’t have anything to do with my bisexuality. And because I am married to a woman doesn’t mean that I am straight. There’s nothing wrong with being bi and married. Be bi, but also be true to your spouse.
    …if you’re married & bi…I think you should keep your dick sucking private…there are some things that are no one else’s business…not even your wife’s…

  5. #65

    Re: Being bi and being married

    Quote Originally Posted by charles-smythe View Post
    …if you’re married & bi…I think you should keep your dick sucking private…there are some things that are no one else’s business…not even your wife’s…
    Just wondering why do you have that mentality? I personally don't and neither does my partner; but we've been out as bisexual to all the women and men we dated before we met each other.

  6. #66

    Re: Being bi and being married

    I am glad to see this thread has been bumped to the top again. It is a very common problem.

    In my opinion honesty is the only thing that works. Relationships change as the people in them change. Being unhappy does not make a relationship better. If it has run it's course so be it. It is hard no matter what the choice and I do not judge a man no matter what his choice is. For me it is better to tell her but I am not in his shoes. He needs to evaluate the risks and benefits in his life for himself.

    I was with the same woman for 28 years. She knew from the beginning that I was bi. She insisted in monogamy so I kept my promise and did not stray. I also was clear to her that I was perfectly fine with her having sex with others and it was repeated to her from time to time throughout our marriage. It turned out that she chose to cheat. For the last few years her business trips were to meet with other men and she ended up leaving me for a man she met playing games on Facebook. All she had to do is talk to me about it and things would have been fine. Cheating destroys trust and how do you have a relationship without trust? Sometimes it feels like I wasted 28 years and I know what it feels like to deny part of your sexuallity for someone elses "standards". It sucks! It was the second marriage that where monogamy was insisted on by the women I married and yet it was those same women who could not live up to it. Now at 61 I look back and I cannot think of one relationship where monogamy worked for anyone I have known. This is not something limited to bisexual people, it happens in every kind of relationship. Monogamy was never even my idea or something I wanted but I still did it for them. What was I thinking?

    Now I think being honest about my needs and desires is the best choice. Maybe an open relationship or poly is the only way for me now. Sure, there are far fewer women interested in me because I am bi. Now I look to bi women for a possible relationship even though many of them cannot accept a bi man.

    I meet bi men pretty regularly who are going through the same thing as I have. Most are married and for most of those guys being with a man is something they always wanted to do but didn't for very similar reasons. I always take extra time with them. I do not judge them. For some it is like opening up to a new part of life and being set free. For others they find the fantasy is not for them in real life. Either way it a release of the imaginary chains that bind them.

  7. #67

    Re: Being bi and being married

    Quote Originally Posted by pole_smoker View Post
    Just wondering why do you have that mentality? I personally don't and neither does my partner; but we've been out as bisexual to all the women and men we dated before we met each other.
    …I suppose it’s because I’ve been & seen too many guys get screwed around on by SO…I’ve became jaded…no one can be trusted…so if you’re going to get screwed around on…you may as well relax & enjoy yourself too…

  8. #68

    Re: Being bi and being married

    New here. This is my first post. My situation is a bit different from many because my marriage is to a woman, but I'm bisexual and have been acted on it for about a year with 2 affairs - both men. About 6 months ago, I told my partner. Yes, I confessed. It's been a nightmare since. We're working through this mess I've created but it's not going well. She seems to think that I'm conditioning myself to want men - watching occasional straight porn. And that it could be a midlife crisis. I don't know what the hell is happening. I've been with men before but not for over 20 years. Why it's hitting me so hard now, I don't know. Hate it though. The thing that bugs me is that it feels like I'm 1/2 celibate if I'm not having sex with a man as well as my partner. Does that make sense? People say it's like having an attraction to a blonde but your spouse is a brunette. It's all about who you choose to be with and staying true to that one person. Maybe it is. Maybe I'm overthinking it. I need to stay monogamous and not act on the desire. Not easy.

  9. #69

    Re: Being bi and being married

    I would love to self-identify, but it seems that people are far more willing to accept a bisexual woman than they are a bisexual man. I also think the relationships between bi-men and b-women are different. I had a marvelous girlfriend who was very split between men and women. She could maintain a relationship with either gender that I envied! I am married and have same-sex attraction as you do, and do act on it. My wife knows I am bisexual, but changes since menopause have made her much less tolerant.

 

 

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