Oh, shit... I didn't notice the other day but this thread was started over a year ago. Jan 11, 2011. The girl who started the thread hasn't visited the site since Jan 18, 2011. We've all been responding for like two day's now giving advice to a girl that hasn't been here in 14 months. She only made like three posts to the forum in total then just disappeared.
I don't know about you all but I feel like and Idiot now... Still I wonder what became of the situation between her and her bf.
Hi from a bi male,
Here is my two cents: you two should participate together. If he wants to be with a guy you are there, and you get to participate too if you want. You may find a guy or girl you want to be with, he should get to participate as well. The more the merrier. I truly believe the more you share the closer you will be.
jbfree269
i find it intersting to see how many different opinions there are on this subject. i am actually a bi woman in a marraige witha straight man.. which there isen't a lot of on this site.. but i do aggree that it basicaly works the same way for both bi men and bi women. On the one side u emotionally connect more with one sex and want to have a long term relationship with them.. possibly even marry. On the other side u tend to sexually be more attracted to the other sex. This is my theory. I definitly attract more to women, but there are some times where i attract to men too. Could i emotionally connect and want a relatinship with a woman?.. sure with the right person, but it is defiitly not something that happens often. Generally i attract to women and think nothing more than just having a sexual interaction with them and leaving it at just that.
I do think that's fully possibly to do.
If someone decides to be in a relatinship witha bi "person".. than they definitly have to weigh out the pros and cons of that relationship. Can they do an open relationship?.. is a possibility to do threesome or at other toys to make it more enjoyable. I do not think it's possibly to just suppress and stay monogomous forever though. I have been monogomous to my hubby for several years.. but it hasen't been easy and the temptation to cheat is even more. I have also talked to many people who say their monogomous as well but i don't actually beleive anymore that it works.. "over time". The temptaion always comes back.
I am also in the process of figuring out whether it works for my own relationship and can we reach a happy medium for both of us and it is really a tough journey.
I think that u "needs advise in SC".. seem like a good person and u figure out what works best for you and your relationship. Try to think about it in the future as well and be honest with yourself about what u may be open to and able to put up with. Long term over many years.. u may not want to put up with him screwing other people.. especially if u have kids. I think it's better to be truly honest iwth yourself and also let him know it's okay to be honest too. He's probably really embaressed about the whole thing, but eventually he's going to need to come to a point where he's entirely honest iwth u about his needs .. if he's going ot think about marrying u.
I did find all the opinions quite helpful to even my own problems. I think it's great when people are blunt about these things sometimes.
Artsy..
oops.. i just read axton's reply.. oh well.. it's a very nice thread.. with many good opinions.
The title "Just found out.....", is a bit misleading a year later.Wonder what happened though.
Hi PinkOriginally Posted by pinkink91
I think that it might have been worthwhile if you had started your own thread as your situation is similar to the OP but maybe posters might want to focus on you as you brought this old thread up.
I do not understand why you consider that sharing cell phone and email messages makes your relationship very open? To me there are trust issues if not possessiveness issues based on this need. We don't know who initiated this approach but it doesn't really seem to me as trusting. One of you may have attachment issues based on what you wrote imo. I wonder if it is you? I'm going to take that position and so forgive me what I'm writing now is based on that the decision to share so much as a means to create an open relationship has come from you. This seems to have existed before your b/f said that he was bisexual based on the idea about emails etc.
Feeling that you are not "good enough" for your boyfriend is expecting that you must fulfill all of his needs and vice versa. Reduce the pressure on each other as that is probably not a reasonable expectation of each other. If you love him, let him fulfill his needs of having sex with a man. If you and he found the strap on works that would be different? Consider it a loving expression of your affection for him to accept this need of his to be sexually with a man. You may find that difficult unless you shift some of your expectations of what a relationship is.
He loves you or hopefully he loves you. Does he say that he loves you? A bisexual man can love you but still need same sex activity inorder to meet his needs and to be happy. Not your needs but his needs. You are aware of jealousy but you may have to look a bit more at yourself. If you continue on your present path you may drive him away further. He may not feel comfortable about discussing his sexuality with you presently. It can be hard and threatening for a bi man to do so with the stigma attached to masculinity and same sex activity. If you are open and relaxed that may help both of you. He has begun to put up walls about his privacy rather than feeling comfortable to share more. It will take the two of you communicating clearer.
You may want to talk to him about some rules of his engaging in sex with men. Not just the sexual safety reasons but what you need to know about what he does. That may take a time or two of him sharing what happened to decide. Do you need to be present when he has sex with other men or will that create more anxiety that you are not able to do it for him?
The section that you write that you don't believe in sex outside of the two of you and what may be possessive issues may mean that he is not for you. If you can not love him enough to let him fulfill his same sex needs, you may need to walk away in order to be comfortable. Both of your needs may be too diverging now.
You will make your own decisions and I may have not got a clear enough idea from your post. Forgive me if that is so.
Good luck
Last edited by tenni; Mar 7, 2012 at 2:05 PM.
I just wanted to tell you tenni, That is one of the most thoughtful, well put posts I've seen on this subject. I couldn't have explained it so well myself, but you, however, hit the nail right on the head.
I would be careful, as the bisexuality is about his sexual needs and desires, and in cases like that, he will be motived and guided by his sexual desires, and can become one sided at times.most bisexuals that open up and allow their partners to participate in the bedroom ( just the two of you, if you have a desire to try it ) tend to be more open and honest with their partners and the relationship can be stronger and handle harder knocks.
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I'm a bi out male and married 32 y/o my wife knows no else does neither. I will say that his tendency to wanna be with a man being occasional he said every three years could very will be true. He will want to be with a man the question is will you be ok with it. From expeirence my urge to be with a man is only sexual It was like a light switch where it would turn on and off but now that my wife knows and is ok with it the urge is there to stay. I dont think he would leave you and will love you more than you can imagine for understanding him and staying with him.
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