Life isn't Fair

[Pasadenacpl2]

I wanted to start a thread rather than jacking another one. In another thread, Fran said:

A sad view of our future Pasa. For our resources are ever more limited and more of us to share them.. or fight over them.. pay your money take your choice..

I agree. Though, it's not sad. Same as it ever was. You either learn to live in the real world, or you set yourself up for disappointment your entire life.

"The Princess Bride" (the novel) has a wonderful section that is instructive for us. It goes to the heart of just about every argument we have, Fran. Please read the whole thing.

And I remember once we were having iced tea on the Neisser porch and talking and just outside the porch was their badminton court and I was watching some kids play badminton and Ed had just shellacked me, and as I left the court for the porch, he said, "Don't worry, it'll all work out, you'll get me next time" and I nodded, and then Ed said, "And if you don't, you'll beat me at something else."

I went to the porch and sipped iced tea and Edith was reading this book and she didn't put it down when she said, "That's not necessarily true, you know."

I said, "How do you mean?"

And that's when she put her book down. And looked at me. And said it: "Life isn't fair, Bill. We tell our children that it is, but it's a terrible thing to do. It's not only a lie, it's a cruel lie. Life is not fair, and it never has been, and it's never going to be." Would you believe that for me right then it was like one of those comic books where the light bulb goes on over Mandrake the Magician's head?

"It isn't!" I said, so loud I really startled her. "You're right! It's not fair." I was so happy if I'd known how to dance, I'd have started dancing. "Isn't that great, isn't it terrific?" I think along here Edith must have thought I was well on my way to being bonkers.

But it meant so much to me to have it said and out and free and flying - that was the discontent I had endured the night my father stopped reading, I realized right then. That was the reconciliation I was trying to make and couldn't.

And that's what I think this book's about. All those Columbia experts can spiel all they want about the delicious satire; they're crazy. This book says, "life's not fair" and I'm telling you, one and all, you better believe it. I got a fat spoiled son - he's not gonna nag Miss Rheingold. And he's always gonna be fat, even if he gets skinny he'll still be fat and he'll still be spoiled and life will never be enough to make him happy, and that's my fault maybe - make it all my fault, if you want - the point is, we're not created equal, for the rich they sing, life isn't fair. I got a cold wife; she's brilliant, she's stimulating, she's terrific; there's no love; that's okay too, just so long as we don't keep expecting everything to somehow even out for us before we die.

Look. (Grownups skip this paragraph.) I'm not about to tell you this book has a tragic ending. I already said in the very first line how it was my favorite in all the world. But there's a lot of bad stuff coming up, torture you've already been prepared for, but there's worse. There's death coming up, and you better understand this: Some of the wrong people die. Be ready for it. This isn't Curious George Uses the Potty. Nobody warned me and it was my own fault (you'll see what I mean in a little) and that was my mistake, so I'm not letting it happen to you. The wrong people die, some of them, and the reason is this; life is not fair. Forget all the garbage your parents put out. Remember Morgenstern. You'll be a lot happier.



At the heart of every argument we have, Fran, is this concept. I understand that no matter what I do, life is not fair. I accept it, and am happy. I don't get upset when life isn't fair. You rail against it being unfair. And while I respect people who strive for fairness, I understand keenly that this is not the way the universe works.

Pasa

[Pasadenacpl2]

Pasa

[darkeyes]

At the heart of every argument we have, Fran, is this concept. I understand that no matter what I do, life is not fair. I accept it, and am happy. I don't get upset when life isn't fair. You rail against it being unfair. And while I respect people who strive for fairness, I understand keenly that this is not the way the universe works.

Pasa

In a way we are remarkably close in this, Pasa.. I too accept that life is unfair, I am generally a pretty happy person, and get upset about it less than you think. I do not accept however that it need be, and believe with passion that we can change it and are changing it.. we have changed it very substantially throughout the history of humankind.. it is certainly less unfair in many ways than it was 50 years ago, and considerably less unfair than it was 50 years before that.. and a century before that etc etc etc..

The universe is not something over which we have any control.. it is neither fair or unfair.. it just is. Humanity however is something which we can do something about, as we have century after century, when we have both improved the human condition and also for the better, its temperament.. I do not accept what is unfair, in respect of human beings and their frailties, and argue and work to improve its compassion, its sense of fairness and to eliminate as best we can all of its worst most base instincts.. because we have an instinct does not mean we must follow it.. we have already lost many instincts which marked out our kind, and dulled others. Why can we not do so with the remaining base which still exists within our species? Thats the real difference between us Pasa... I believe we can change what we are and make ourselves better. We have substantially done so throughout our history... and if we survive as a species, we will continue that great change in what we are.

Do I rail? Possibly.. I can certainly get het up about things... but if I do, I do out of a sense of injustice and outrage at things which are unfair, things which need not be unfair, but which in time, I firmly believe we shall stop being unfair... and if I do rail against things.. that isnt all I do... for I work and expend a lot of time, effort and money in trying to change things for what I believe is the better.. and as best I am able, endeavour to be constructive while I am both railing and working to achieve my dream of a better humanity and a fairer world...

As we are, we can change...

[darkeyes]

Pasa

*laughs*.. u noticed, Pasa...

[MarieDelta]

I think most adults do recognize that life isnt fair, at least I do, the question remains what do we do about it?

Do we sit around and hope things get better? Do we grab what we can and run for the hills with our loot? Do we actively try to engage the people and / or government to make changes? Do we allow people the greatest amount of freedom and hope that they give something back?

It doesnt seem that there are any perfect answers. And the problems seem to keep mounting up as resources become more limited.

No mater what we do, there are bound to be people who disagree with it.

Just my two cents worth...

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Re: Life isn't Fair
Whats the point of this thread and the part from the stupid book?

What makes it stupid? And whats with the rude statement? Just because you dont understand something doesnt make something stupid. Keep reading, you just might learn something.
Cat

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

LOl Pasa-honey, I dont think our trolls look That good...snicker
Bad Cat

[MarieDelta]

I think most adults do recognize that life isnt fair, at least I do, the question remains what do we do about it?

Do we sit around and hope things get better? Do we grab what we can and run for the hills with our loot? Do we actively try to engage the people and / or government to make changes? Do we allow people the greatest amount of freedom and hope that they give something back?

It doesnt seem that there are any perfect answers. And the problems seem to keep mounting up as resources become more limited.

No mater what we do, there are bound to be people who disagree with it.

Just my two cents worth...

In addition those who believe in an afterlife may be more inclined to be content with the way things are here in this life. Those who do not may be more inclined to push for change. Again, this is only my opinion.

[Gay2Bi]

Yes, life isn't fair. It isn't fair in many ways. My personal situation (which I haven't really shared because it's, well, personal) is a perfect example: I was laid off in January of 2009; two weeks later, I lost my father to cancer; I haven't been able to find a job since and now my mother, just a few months shy of retirement, is getting laid off. It's highly unlikely she'll be able to find a replacement job at her age, and we're really not sure what's going to happen, so we're playing it by ear at this point. So, yes, life really sucks sometimes. Nevertheless, I have a quote that I keep posted that sums up my approach to things:

"Some men see things as they are and ask 'Why?' I dream dreams that never were and ask 'Why not?'" - G. B. Shaw.

Which, to me, means that just because things are the way they are now, doesn't mean they have to be that way in the future. More importantly, just because "this is the way it's always been done" doesn't mean that it's the only way to do it or that it's the best way to do it. Progress is all about building on what works and letting go of the things that don't - even if those things are "traditional."

As Fran pointed out, we have been making progress in correcting injustices, although unfortunately that progress has been measured on the scale of generations. For me, when I see an injustice (or just something that doesn't work as well as it could), I don't simply sit back and say, "Oh, well, that's the way things work; some people win, and others have to lose." I say, "Blow that for a game of soldiers, I'm going to do something about it." Naive? Probably. Idealistic? Certainly. But I'd rather try to make the dreams real than just accept that "that's just how it is." Will I succeed? Who knows? But when I'm on my deathbed, I'd rather be able to say that I tried to make things better and failed instead of looking back on all the things I could've done but didn't.

As a wise woman once sang (based on another quote): "If you're not part of the answer in your own way, you're part of the problem."

(I keep thinking of the Catholic idea of sins of commission versus sins of omision: Sins of commission are acts that you choose to do that have negative consequences, while sins of omission are those things that you could've done to help but chose not to. Both are considered equally bad. Even though I'm an atheist, I can see the wisdom in this: you're just as guilty if you can help but don't.)

(Sorry if this seems like a rant; given the circumstances, I'm not feeling my usual chipper self. So take everything above with a grain of salt. And send me a hot dancer boy to take my mind off things. Or cash. I don't care which. )

[darkeyes]

In addition those who believe in an afterlife may be more inclined to be content with the way things are here in this life. Those who do not may be more inclined to push for change. Again, this is only my opinion.

There is a grain of truth in this Marie.. its not a hard and fast rule by any means.. I firmly believe in the concept if kismet, for no matter how much we try, what will be will be, but that doesnt prevent me from using what intellect and free will I may have to try and change things for the better and act as I think best.. for while things may be written by fate.. just as in my lack of belief in a supreme being I may be wrong.. and in any case.. if it is my kismet to do whatever I do in life, I will do it with determination and aghusto..

However a wee poser.. once we have made our choice and done what we have done.. was that not inevitable? We could have made a different decision, and done something different, but we didn't.. and since we made that choice was that choice not always going to be the one we made? Once something happens, can we truly say it was avoidable? Therefore is not life a case of what will be will be and unalterable. Isn't our future mapped out? Isn't our kismet just that? Just as well we don't know our kismet is it not?

[Hephaestion]

".....Life? Don't talk to me about life. Does anybody care that my diodes hurt all down the left side.

....Here I am. Brain the size of a planet and all I do is fetch and carry.....

(much later) ....You go off, I'll just stay here and rust, shall I?......"

(Torn between the above and the TW3 sketch on class with Cleese, Barker and Corbett - "I know my place")

Accepting one's lot? As England becomes more Americanized is the USA becoming more English and developing 'Marvin syndrome'?

There are answers to the world's diminishing resources versus population explosion and unbridled capitalism.

[darkeyes]

Accepting one's lot? As England becomes more Americanized is the USA becoming more English and developing 'Marvin syndrome'?

England has its influence in the USA ok.. but is it becoming more English? I doubt it.. but something to think about... England become more Americanised is a bloody sight less traumatic than Scotland, Wales or Ireland becoming more Anglicised dontcha think?

[Hephaestion]

England has its influence in the USA ok.. but is it becoming more English? I doubt it.. but something to think about... England become more Americanised is a bloody sight less traumatic than Scotland, Wales or Ireland becoming more Anglicised dontcha think?

Sadly agreed.

However we deny emphatically anything to do with McDonalds and Burger King and support any Scots rebellion in this arena. Cannot think what drew my attention to the sign below.

[Realist]

When I think of England, I always think of my paternal grandmother, who was born in Staffordshire, summered in Wales, and never forgot that she was a lady. She was the most polite, caring, and tender-hearted person I ever knew. She was not a push-over, however, and had a resolve that would wear out any bulldog alive.

Her father, my great-grandfather, was a picture of strength, character, and honesty. He never spoke unless his words were carefully considered, beforehand. He'd been wounded, as a young man, while serving in the East India Company. I only learned after his death, that he'd been in severe pain for most of his latter life. I certainly never knew...I doubt if anyone did. Like his daughter, he instilled a vision of England that I still see in my mind, to this day.

If that's not the way it is, now, I don't want to see it in a different light. I'm old, I want to hang onto the vision of the kinder, gentler, images in my mind.

[MarieDelta]

這是它是什麼

[darkeyes]

Sadly agreed.

However we deny emphatically anything to do with McDonalds and Burger King and support any Scots rebellion in this arena. Cannot think what drew my attention to the sign below.

Was in town the other day Heph and spotted Shiv in Mcdonalds munchin' away on a burger and drinkin sum pop... she was hauled outa ther kwika than ya can say Jack Robinson and very unimpressed she wos 2.. seems she had been sneakin inta Mcdonalds wiv 'er m8s for months... she knows wy we don like 'er eatin ther an it wos a wilful disregard of our wishes... so pocket money is stopped for a month an she is banned from goin inta town... nasty ole us huh?

..an no fore ne 1 moans.. not outa a sense of anti 'mericanism.. simply out of a wish that our kids eat decent nosh an don waste ther money in a place whose record as company leaves a lot 2 b desired... an fore ne says.. we don let em spend money in ASDA eitha (Walmart as u lot on otha side of pond kno it) for much the same reasons..

[IanBorthwick]

Sadly agreed.

However we deny emphatically anything to do with McDonalds and Burger King and support any Scots rebellion in this arena. Cannot think what drew my attention to the sign below.

While at the same time defend all those vile formations of "meat" you call sausage.

"Oh Kettle! I hear Pot calling you black again!" :P

[Realist]

AH FRAN!

Nothing becomes more appealing, when you're kid, than something they're NOT supposed to do!

I wouldn't be surprised if that "young'un" develops a craving for all things you oppose!

I can give you a list of things that were prohibited to me, growing up, that became very attractive!

I feel the same way about "Mickey D's" and "Booger King".......... but in Moderation, I don't think they're harmful. It's certainly obvious that a steady diet of that stuff's not good for anyone.

[darkeyes]

AH FRAN!

Nothing becomes more appealing, when you're kid, than something they're NOT supposed to do!

I wouldn't be surprised if that "young'un" develops a craving for all things you oppose!

I can give you a list of things that were prohibited to me, growing up, that became very attractive!

I feel the same way about "Mickey D's" and "Booger King".......... but in Moderation, I don't think they're harmful. It's certainly obvious that a steady diet of that stuff's not good for anyone.

Its not as such that the food from Mcdonalds is crap.. which it is.. but we all eat junk food from time to time.. and while we encourage the kids to eat decent, nourishing food and have a well balanced diet, the odd bit of junk is fine with us.. cant beat good chippie nosh Realist in that regard.. it is more the company's ethical record as employer and purveyor of "fine foods".. we try to as far as we are able to shop ethically, which rules out companies like McDonalds, Asda and Primark.. but we are aware that it can't be done ethically 100%.. that, and the fact she broke a house rule of where she was able to eat out were the main reasons she wos hoiked out of the place.. we are not harridans, but we do have principles and we do expect our children to live in accord with those principles until such time as they leave home and begin to make there own way in the world.. when that day comes, they can go and spend their money where they wish... we actually have remarkably few house rules for them to adhere to, and there are very few places and stores we expect them to avoid... McDonalds however is one.. yep, kids will be kids, and being kids when they get rumbled doing what they oughtn't they have to face the consequences.. just like we did when we were kids... an' the lil bugger stamps her feet just like I did an all when rumbled.. didn't do me any good either...

...aahh isnt life so unfair???

[Hephaestion]

While at the same time defend all those vile formations of "meat" you call sausage.

"Oh Kettle! I hear Pot calling you black again!" :P

Oh Dear! We have been rumbled.

Someone pointed out that the Walls company make sausages (a process in which 'excess' fat is discarded) and ice cream (which has fat content) and there they rested their case. I remain neutral on the matter.

On serious note there is now pursuit of the high quality sausage (go wash your mind) although cost frequently gets in the way at x5 the common banger. Some sausages should carry a government health warning.

The advantages of the Englsh banger are that one could probably run diesels on the waste and that rain forest does not need to be cleared to make it.

Oooooh! A sly one there.

[darkeyes]

Oh Dear! We have been rumbled.

Someone pointed out that the Walls company make sausages (a process in which 'excess' fat is discarded) and ice cream (which has fat content) and there they rested their case. I remain neutral on the matter.

On serious note there is now pursuit of the high quality sausage (go wash your mind) although cost frequently gets in the way at x5 the common banger. Some sausages should carry a government health warning.

The advantages of the Englsh banger are that one could probably run diesels on the waste and that rain forest does not need to be cleared to make it.

Oooooh! A sly one there.

The great thing about the great British banger is that at their best they are hard to beat.. Walls sausages (ughie) hardly something to be described as anywhere near the best of British... Venison and wild boar sausages are amazing.. and Tesco's do some really good pork and apple and various other goodies.. Cumberland sausage is yummmmmmm.. something I got a taste for while married to my exhubbie.. good beef sausage is triff.. but ifya want a sausage piece (scottish word meaning buttie or sarnie), there is nothing in the world to beat square sausage, especially if placed on 2 slices of something we know as plain bread (Never eat mother's Pride plain loaves.. they r like eatin sawdust). Square sausage, or to give it it's proper name is Lorne sausage.. and if u ever come up with a double entendre when discussing Lorne sausage all I can say is u must have some funny ideas... it is a beef sausage and perfect for making sausage pieces, or butties if u prefer, or sandwiches if you are really odd.. and tastes mmmmmmmmmm... sometimes there is a helluva a lot of fat pours out of it in the cooking, but it remains the tastiest beef sausage you can buy.. not gud for the arse stayin wivvin reasonable bounds... so 1ce a month is about rite unless ya wanna look like Ann Widdicombe on a bad day!!!

..mostly we go 2 a butcher for our sausages... certainly Lorne from a supermarket is crap.. an tasteless.. always a butcher for Lorne.. we find them lufflier, tastier an wiv much less crap in them..

..an alla this yabber bout sausages is makin me starved... lucky me has a luffly lil 12 yo who wants 2 ingratiate 'ersel back inta 'er mummies gud books.. so... SHIVVVVVVV!!!!