Originally Posted by
tenni
Hi Okalalola
Your post is an intriguing story. Based on what you wrote, you have felt societal pressure to conform to traditional masculine behaviour especially concerning wearing non masculine clothing.
Most certainly. The local culture is diverse, lots of openly LBGT people in the area, but there's still a lot of religious zealots and other people who are vocally opposed to the "gay agenda" whatever that is, and that pressure percolates down through the community, so I prefer to keep my activities and thoughts about sexuality private, or rather anonymous.
I am wondering if you see yourself as masculine over all? Does putting women’s clothes on change your self perception from when you put on masculine clothing? Do your mannerisms change or is your behaviour remain traditionally masculine?
I only dress up for autoerotic activities, so far anyway haven't found a companion yet, so there's not really speech, and therefore no mannerisms, but that's an interesting question because I wish to find a friend who crossdresses also, and I haven't really thought about speech mannerisms. I play around a bit with body language, but for me it's more of a kink, or fetish than about identity, and it's lighthearted fun, not serious. The flipside of wishing to avoid harassment and having judgemental people gossip, etc is it's kind of fun doing this in secret knowing neighbors and others wouldn't ever guess I was getting dolled up. It bothers me that people still have this stern serious attitude about all things sexual, but crossdressing in private seems to add an element of comfort or ease to not caring what the world outside thinks.
The few CD’s that I have been involved with remained masculine in my perception of them and their mannerisms. They were minimalistic in how much traditionally female clothing that they wore. I guess a little went a long way for them? (plus I made it clear that I was comfortable more if they wore masculine clothing but would accept some feminine clothing like stockings and slips.) When asked they seemed to refer to that wearing traditional female clothing made them feel good but not whether it made them feel feminine or masculine. They knew that they didn’t look feminine due to their body. Yet, it seemed to be role playing as feminine? One seemed to enjoy the texture of female underwear.
I guess it'd be more of a performance with someone else around, and I'm not sure how comfortable I would be about acting the part necessarily, but alone I just let my mind wander wherever it takes me, and I have worked on the look with wigs and makeup, but it's not something that matters that much to me, kind of an absurd hobby I guess. It's fun, makes me jovial.
You mention that putting on women’s clothes sets up an environment. What is that environment? (a place where you may act feminine?)
A fantasy environment of the mind. Not the proper word, environment, I suppose but I couldn't think of anything better.
What do you mean that you might meet a CD who would not be insulted?
TS pornography is what attracted me initially, but as a closeted trans-attracted man I thought it would be insulting to ask a TG person who was out to sneak around with me. But as a closeted CD I think there must be other people similar to myself, and I wouldn't be insulted to be asked to sneak around. I don't want to give anybody the feeling that I'm ashamed of their sexuality or mine, yet I also prefer to not be scrutinized or bothered by people who have no business knowing about my sexual desires, activities, etc, I don't mind sharing here to further understanding, but it's nobody's business but mine and people I decide to tell.
You mention that your sexual attractions is to both women and men. Are you sexually attracted to transexuals who have not transitioned? Are you attractions impacting your self perception as masculine?
I'm attracted to women, m2F transgendered, both pre and post op, and crossdressing males for the most part. But I've played a bit with men who do not crossdress and I enjoyed it. But since I started trans-attracted and have yet to play with a cd or tg person that's the strongest interest, probably because I had ruled it out but fantacised about it a long time.
Like another poster replied, I'm masculine but not macho. I don't really care about the perception. I don't have feminine appearance(normally) or mannerisms and I mostly have worked in traditionally male vocations, which is one source of social pressure to avoid being public/open about it. I never felt insecure or confused about my gender, but enjoy this because of it's novelty and whimsy and the garments are sexy.
Thanks mnjack. I'll get back to you.
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