What Bimen need from other Men?

The following are quotes from a bisexual man on another site.

"WHY the hell are we attracted to men? What's the use? What's the purpose? It certainly is not for reproduction. If it's just for sexual pleasure, then why are we not satisfied with women?"

"...the nature of our sexual attraction to men is the need for intimacy. A deep friendship with another man. A real connection of trust, compassion and affection."

"...experience has shown that this is true for me: if I develop strong, close, and healthy friendships with males, my need to do anything sexual with them will diminish. "

"Another thing about sex, besides it being fun and a release of a build-up of sperm, it's maybe just a way we use to tell a guy that we really like him, that we trust him, that we enjoy and need we be close to him sometimes. When you get horny, it means you are excited. Excited about this closeness."

What are the thoughts of other bisexual men on this site?

Interesting, I think what I say will probably not be the most popular opinion but I'll say it anyway.

Kinsey scale allows for all kinds of degrees of both sexual attraction and emotional attraction.

Personally, I believe anyone with a Kinsey rating of 4, equally into men and women, is capable of actually forming a partnership with a male that will lead to marriage. Does that make him gay? No. It simply means that he found a partner, regardless of sex, that complements and completes his life.

There are some men I think protest too much about not having feelings for other men of a romantic nature, they are only interested in the genitals, not the mind or the rest of the body.

I have myself listed as a Kinsey rating of 4 and that is how I am. The partner I found to complete my life and complement just happens to be female but it doesn't change the fact that I am still capable of emotional attachments to males as well as females. I just choose not to act on those attachments because I am a one partner at a time kinda person.

Aidan

WOW, what utter crap...where was this chap from?
Sex is good but does not rule my life. The chap is treating bisexuality like a disease- take two pills and you are cured.

Most bimen "want" different things out of their life,same as women.. I think this is almost as difficult as defining how men or women tick.

Sorry the "chap" is the one in original thread, not aiden.

I posted this here efore somewhere, but I'll post it again...


"It is not the alienness of the homoerotic that sets some straight men's nerves on edge; it is it's very familiarity. Men can only learn to be men from other men, in a pedagogy as intimate and tender as the bond between lovers. That day in front of the mirror (helping the young groom tie his first tie) was one of my earliest inklings that I too could be one man initiating another into the masculine rites.

That day also taught me something about my own masculinity. It opened up the prospect that I, who grew up a notorious sissy, might grow into that manhood that all men seek in one another, gay or straight. Age, that capricious conjurer, bestower of breasts on grizzled old men, might also confer masculinity on those men who have learned to live without it, as their mildness mellows into quiet authority. A gentle boy is called a sissy. A gentle man is called... a gentleman."

Tying the Knot
by Robin Metcalfe

For me it's about sharing a bond with another man, the need for love, affection and acceptance from a peer. Something that I never had growing up.

sex is sex, love is love and respect, trust and honour is what I show and share

I can be friends with a person without having to sleep with them.... hell I have a whole platoon full of people I didn't sleep with and by god I respected them....

what I read from the OP, is a person that is trying to put bisexuality into a box instead of on a canvas with many different shades and tones..... and honestly, it sounds like a person that may be more gay oriented than hetero oriented... and its not the way I generally see bi oriented people talk

the other issue, is that it ignores casual hook ups and sex with strangers in toilets, bushes and other areas for sexual satisfaction with no strings attached

personally, if I like a person, I will talk with them..... I do not need to fuck the people I like, but it helps if I like the people I fuck

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Originally Posted by bigbadmax

WOW, what utter crap...where was this chap from?
Sex is good but does not rule my life. The chap is treating bisexuality like a disease- take two pills and you are cured.

Most bimen "want" different things out of their life,same as women.. I think this is almost as difficult as defining how men or women tick.

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Not sure if you're referring to tenni or the author he cites. As far as the author he cites, I do not gather him to be saying what you suggest. Tenni, I'm not quite sure of yet. That may be how he desires it as well. I'm not inclined to form opinion based on limited perceptions. At times tenni may read one way to me, other times he's the complete opposite.

In this case I think tenni was inquiring from other bi men about their views of bisexuality. He may have been attempting to guide a discussion to further his and our own understanding. Or he may have been fishing to see who enjoys emotional aspects of being with men, to use as fodder for attacks. I don't think the latter but in such an open forum and not granted tenni's own inner context, there are any number of reasons for such discussion.

"When the waters are murky, don't cross the river. You may slip and drown." I quote this merely to provide the context I see here, which is murky at best. I'd welcome such discussion possibly. Please stop churning the waters, though. I can swim but pulling others out is taxing.

Well, Void
Note that some of the quotes use three dots which indicates that there were words before or after the quote. Maybe the lack of context is presenting a confusing understanding? The quotes are from a bisexual married man who was responding to another bisexual man who was confused and puzzled about his attraction to other men.

I wondered how other bimen on this site saw their needs being met from being with other men sexually or otherwise. What is it about a man that attracts you to him and what do you get from beyond sexual release from being with him that a woman is not able to provide? The quotes do seem to come from a man who is interested in relating to other men beyond a dick or one time thing. I think that his statement about examining it beyond a biological reproductive aspect makes an indication that he is questioning why men have sex with men when women are available. He is a bisexual man who is capable or recognizing a need that women can not fulfill. In his other unquoted words, I definitely get that he loves his wife but acknowledges that she can not be all to him. He needs more than her.

I acknowledge that not all men experience this but for those who do, an honest post would be appreciated. It would really be helpful if we could create a positive atmosphere for an open dialogue though.

I need sex.
I need someone to love.
I need sex.
I need to be loved, even if not overtly.
I really need the sex.
I really love the other stuff.

What Bimen need/want from other men…..simply put pleasure.

If what you’re doing gives you pleasure you’ll do and want to enjoy it again and again.

It could be in the form of giving pleasure.

It could be in the form of receiving pleasure.

It could be for the pleasure of turning your nose up to society by doing some thing they look down upon.

No matter what the reason if you’re enjoying it does it matter why?

I'll reply further later. For now I can say part of my attraction to men comes from the same as women. I enjoy being able to relax with someone and know they won't ditch at the drop of a hat. I also enjoy the sex for the sake of itself. Suppose I'm seen as an oddity in a way as preference is sex with someone loved. For me intimacy requires trust and to get to trust love follows.

Need to scoot, work calls.

I agree with Void.

I have never cared much for impulsive, mindless, sex with strangers, or platonic friends. Having said that, the longest I've ever had a male lover, was a fellow who I was with for 10 years. The relationship was not romantic, but it was mutual and we did care for each other. We did know about every idiosyncrasy about each other, before we were intimate, too.

I need to care for a person, know their likes and dislikes....pleasing them is as important as being pleased. I love being in love. How can you achieve that, if you don't have empathy and care for them, first? I want to know that whatever we do is something they want and need as much as I do.

I understand that some want non-committal, non-romantic encounters, only, and I can't condemn them for what they want. And, I'm sure there's plenty of takers for that, too.

It's just not for me.

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Originally Posted by tenni

The following are quotes from a bisexual man on another site.

[I]"WHY the hell are we attracted to men? What's the use? What's the purpose? It certainly is not for reproduction.

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Neither is hetero sex, most of the time. Unlike (other) animals, humans have no mating season. We're ready for it any time though of course having babies all the time is not an option. Clearly God has other things in mind than mere reproduction.

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Originally Posted by tenni

If it's just for sexual pleasure, then why are we not satisfied with women?"

"...the nature of our sexual attraction to men is the need for intimacy. A deep friendship with another man. A real connection of trust, compassion and affection."

"...experience has shown that this is true for me: if I develop strong, close, and healthy friendships with males, my need to do anything sexual with them will diminish. "

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Not my experience. If there's a romantic undercurrent the urge by no means diminishes with the deepening of friendship. If the attraction is one-way, of course, it fades with time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tenni

"Another thing about sex, besides it being fun and a release of a build-up of sperm, it's maybe just a way we use to tell a guy that we really like him, that we trust him, that we enjoy and need we be close to him sometimes.

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Er, yes, but this is also true of sexual attraction to women, and of the platonic joys of blossoming friendship.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tenni

When you get horny, it means you are excited. Excited about this closeness."

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Smells like over-rationalization to me.

Notlost
You write an interesting perspective but I had really thought from the lovely writing that you did about your attraction to a partnered man that you would have indentified with the writer the most in particular this section?

""...the nature of our sexual attraction to men is the need for intimacy. A deep friendship with another man. A real connection of trust, compassion and affection."

I agree that I didn't quite agree with his perspective about a diminishing sexual desire if the friendship was strong. I agree with you on that but the second paragraph seemed to reflect your thoughts with regard to intimacy, trust, compassion and affection between men. The question is about what do you as a biman need from a man..not a woman. In fact, what is it about men that you have needs from them that women can not fulfill.

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Originally Posted by tenni

The question is about what do you as a biman need from a man..not a woman. In fact, what is it about men that you have needs from them that women can not fulfill.

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Interesting question. It's something I ask myself, what makes my sexuality sway to this side or the other of the Kinsey scale. Seems to me that I am more inclined towards other men when I feel weak or needing direction, and that when I feel more at home in my masculinity I become more hetero. When I fall for a guy I have an archetypal experience of rediscovering a lost brother, when I make love to a woman I feel deeply connected to my body, my manhood, my potential to sire a child. It's also deeply archetypal. They're very different feelings and one can not substitute for the other.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tenni

The following are quotes from a bisexual man on another site.

"WHY the hell are we attracted to men? What's the use? What's the purpose? It certainly is not for reproduction. If it's just for sexual pleasure, then why are we not satisfied with women?"

"...the nature of our sexual attraction to men is the need for intimacy. A deep friendship with another man. A real connection of trust, compassion and affection."

"...experience has shown that this is true for me: if I develop strong, close, and healthy friendships with males, my need to do anything sexual with them will diminish. "

"Another thing about sex, besides it being fun and a release of a build-up of sperm, it's maybe just a way we use to tell a guy that we really like him, that we trust him, that we enjoy and need we be close to him sometimes. When you get horny, it means you are excited. Excited about this closeness."

What are the thoughts of other bisexual men on this site?

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Tome it is all about the sex. Have felt this way since my late introduced it to me at 22. Of course I will not have sex with a man that I do not like. Same goes with women. Sure I can suck on a toy she is wearing. She can peg me with it. However I can not feel the heat that I cause in a man in the toy. I can taste his juices or feel it as h pumps them into me, not so with a toy. For every time I have had sex with a man I have been with a lady 100s of times. I do not question that fact that I also like cock. I simply enjoy it when it comes my way.

For me men have a different kind of "Energy" that is very balancing for me. Also I like to be Dominant with a man.

With men I prefer to be submissive and be told what to do, or just have things done to me. With women I like to take the lead for at least half the time.

Both of them already know their parts and what is expected of them to live up to provinding the other man pleasure.After all that is what it is all about,we are all looking for that mind blowing sexual experience that was better than the last we had.It is what keeps us going.A little friendship and someone to have a drink or dinner with does not hurt either.

All I really want from guys is to suck their cocks and swallow their cum. For relationships, I prefer women. I also enjoy sex with women. Not really all that hot to be sucked by a guy, but love it from a woman.

For me it's the physical connection. I enjoy the company and the lack of games...it's just sex for the most part with a side of relationship. Simple and easy.

i enjoy the touch and feel of another human being (male and/or female). On a woman, i love her scents and the touch of her softness, and the way she reacts to my touch and actions. On a man, i think it's more of a taboo thing (having a man's cock in my hands, or better yet in my mouth). touching his body in places where one's hands should not be! the best parts are hearing him moan to the point of exploding into my mouth. that, and having a man insert himself into my ass is the is the ultimate!

The idea that we have to put labels even on our sexuality is a lot of bull, I am a true blue COCKSUCKER, That I enjoy the feel of a hard dick in my mouth, I feel symbiotically linked to the strength of the male, I can also maintain a heterosexual relationship, the gentle feel of a woman her caring, softness, invigorates me. In the army I enjoyed receiving BJs then one day I gave one and it started, being on either side (feeding or service) there is no physical attraction just the transfer of power and total release, straight buddies are sharing, and straight married mates are looking for suckers that are just other dudes to service them. Kinsey, I think may be out in left field today. I have several so called str8 bud that enjoy getting sucked but have no inclination to suck cock, other are open to share giving service. I also have female friends who enjoy my munchimg on their pussies and one is lesbian who a frien of hers introduced us.

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Originally Posted by AlphaBottom

The idea that we have to put labels even on our sexuality is a lot of bull, I am a true blue COCKSUCKER, That I enjoy the feel of a hard dick in my mouth, I feel symbiotically linked to the strength of the male, I can also maintain a heterosexual relationship, the gentle feel of a woman her caring, softness, invigorates me. In the army I enjoyed receiving BJs then one day I gave one and it started, being on either side (feeding or service) there is no physical attraction just the transfer of power and total release, straight buddies are sharing, and straight married mates are looking for suckers that are just other dudes to service them. Kinsey, I think may be out in left field today. I have several so called str8 bud that enjoy getting sucked but have no inclination to suck cock, other are open to share giving service. I also have female friends who enjoy my munchimg on their pussies and one is lesbian who a frien of hers introduced us.

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You're the only one that's 'out in left field' here today. You're one of those typical closet queens that needs the silly pipe dream fantasy that you are with a hetero/straight guy and that he's letting you suck his cock, or sucking yours. :rolleyes: Meanwhile you bash and claim that men who are out as bisexual are 'full of a load of bull' all while you live within a locked closet. Those of us in the know, realize that if a man is actually hetero/straight he's not going to have sex with another guy or let him suck his cock, and an actual lesbian woman, that knows she's lesbian or a dyke is not going to want or allow a man to eat her cunt. :rolleyes: