Originally Posted by
hasty1
Thank you so much for the common sense LDD.
I already know for my own relationship that these are not issues that concern us, it concerns me however that someone who only knows me only through my posts, and my partner not at all, can state that I can expect cheating from him. He's a unique and wonderful individual, and although there have been wobbly moments they have all come from me and not understanding that he's an honest man and true to his word. You see I have experienced cheating before, but at the time my marriage was to all intents and purposes over and I didn't care, rather hoped he would leave me for her! It gave me an interesting viewpoint to observe a cheating man, the selfishness and the casualness with which it was done. Of course when he realised I knew it all came to an end but it we were all but done by then. Interesting that he still wanted me and our family, and was devastated when we left, he just thought it was okay to take what extra he wanted.
My questions regarding me and my relationship were hypothetical, I don't 'demand' anything of my partner, I wonder what I said that would make someone think that I dictate our relationship? We have talked about things at length and we have agreed boundaries and I trust him to keep to them. Anything outside that agreement would be considered cheating by both of us. I don't 'have' to reject monogamy as gearbox says, my partner and I have agreed an alternative but I don't 'have' to do anything. Setting boundaries is a great idea, for most people the marriage contract is their template, for people like us a different model may be required, but stepping outside that is cheating. Neither tenni or gearbox answered the question of what they would do if they they were in a position of possibly being cheated on. Would they take steps to find out? Would they end the relationship on the suspicion? When you have years invested in a relationship it's not an easy question to deal with.
One thing I do know is that if I had found this site at a time when I was deeply insecure about our relationship and what it meant for us, reading posts that suggest bisexual men have needs that trump their parters, and their partners just had to accept it, may (probably would) have made me feel even more insecure, I may have even left him. Not a good outcome for the bisexual man in this scenario, as there are other factors that make us a strong couple and a good match. I don't doubt that tenni and gearbox are sincere, and that their particular moral compass works for them, but it may not work for all.