How to Have a Great Relationship and signs of a healthy relationship....

I know a relationship provides me with great happiness, but mine is still challenging. Everyone wants to be in a great relationship. What are some tips you find to making your relationship great.

I understand the number one answer is communication is there anything else outside of this area that make relationships great?

Honesty-first with yourself and then with the others.
Respect-for yourself and others.
mutual attraction (people attracted to the same interests, not necessarily to each other).

I've been with my husband for 15, married for 11, and personally think we have an excellent marriage. Here's some of the things that I think help us.

We have always talked about the what-ifs. We talk about the worst case scenarios when things are good and we're happy and calm. That gives us a chance to logically plan things out before emotions are involved. Now, if we ever separate (I don't see that happening), we know what we'll do, how we'll split things, who will live where, who takes care of the cat, etc. I'm the sole earner for our household, so I have things in place for him to still have enough to live on even if something were to happen.

A long time ago, I realized that I wanted him to be happy no matter what. So if he were to form an attraction to another person, I'm willing to share. If he wanted to be with that person exclusively, then I'd want him to go. I want him to be with me because he WANTS to, not because of any obligation or dependency.

Sure, we have our problems. Sure, we sometimes argue. But, I always try to think, in the grand scheme of things, does it really make a difference? Yeah sure, it drives me nuts when he doesn't, say, put the seat down (he actually does that, but it's a relatable example), but it takes less time to just put it down myself than argue about it. When we do have bigger issues, we always come back later and talk about them after we're calmed down so we can work out a compromise so we don't have that issue again.

Sometimes, we fight because we're stressed and moody and the other person just happens to be there. We're both really good at coming back later and saying, "I'm sorry, I was in a bad mood, I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

I don't call him names or speak in generalities. For example, I would never call him a jerk or lazy, but instead say, "It frustrates me when..." The language is on the act, not the person. I try not to talk down about him to my friends, and if I do say something, I always follow it up with something I love about him.

People change. I think the key is to learn and grow together. Over the years, I've taken on hobbies that don't interest him and vice versa. But we support and encourage each other to explore those things, and give each other the space to do them.

So I guess, ultimately, a good relationship is a state of mind that you both have to be in.

Melody makes some great points. What I see over and over is 2 loving people marry and less than 10 years later, it ends. When we marry, we have expectations. When I was married less than a couple months, I pointed out to my wife that there were some things not happening around here that always happened at home. She said right then and there that if I want to live at home, then go there. Here it's different, deal or leave. She was not going to cower to a man and change who she is just to appease me. Then, on the other hand, there is me. I have a long list of issues. She has never asked me to change. She never asked me to stop smoking cigs or weed, never told me I was fat, always pointed out my strong points. When she learned I was bi, she jumped right in to help me, never asked me to stop doing anything other than cheating on her. I can do that. I honestly feel that the secret to a long relationship is tolerance and forgiveness.

A relationship will always be a challenge. One trick is to watch people not in a relationship. Who is happier? Meet the challenge as long as it doesn't change who you are. (too much)

This is a great thread, and worth revisiting often. I haven't yet read through all of it, but what I have read, I've liked.

To throw in my two cents, even though I am currently single............


Me and one of my former girlfriends both noticed that 'crankiness' often occurs right before a fight/tiff can break out between us; and that this crankiness is often the result of not having eaten enough. Neither of us were packing a blood sugar meter, like a diabetic would carry; but I'd bet that this low blood sugar => crankiness => fight/tiff dynamic is definitely a major factor in much friction, particularly between men and women.

My specific advice: Ladies, if you're gonna try to drag your man through the shopping mall, make sure he's got something in his stomach. Gentlemen, if it ain't working for you with the back rubs and foot massages, it might be because of her crazy diet or how she abuses her metabolism. LOL!

I don't mean to be sexist, but seriously folks, if you wanna put us in the right mood, snack food is always welcome and helpful (it don't matter if you're a guy or gal).

I could well imagine same sex relationships have similar issues.

1. Communication (inclusive of translation dictionaries i.e. I can say 'the other day', mean ten years ago, yesterday so wife asks)
2. Willingness to be spontaneous
3. Honesty, respect for self, loves
4. Ability to admit wrongness, humility
5. Humor
6. Empathy

Seriously, Melody Dean, you should teach classes or something like that! A LOT of folks could benefit from practicing what you're saying.

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Originally Posted by BiBedBud

I could well imagine same sex relationships have similar issues.

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Nope, they don't.

Yep, I agree that Melody should be teaching courses on how to have viable, loving, relationships! Some of my past relationships could have benefited from her sage advice!

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Originally Posted by pole_smoker

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Originally Posted by BiBedBud

I could well imagine same sex relationships have similar issues.

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Nope, they don't.

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I'm not sure what you mean. Do you believe that same sex relationships are better or stronger? If so, why?

Personally, while there tend to be some differences in the way each gender handles things, I think it all comes down to the people involved. Sometimes you're perfectly suited to each other right out of the box, sometimes the relationship will take work, and I think that gender is only one very small factor in that.

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Originally Posted by M4RealUb2

Seriously, Melody Dean, you should teach classes or something like that! A LOT of folks could benefit from practicing what you're saying.

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Originally Posted by Realist

Yep, I agree that Melody should be teaching courses on how to have viable, loving, relationships! Some of my past relationships could have benefited from her sage advice!

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LOL, maybe I should start an Ask Melody Dean advice column! (I'm kidding. I can only say what works for me, it may not be the right thing for everyone else.)

My father in law told me the day of his 50th anniversary " you have to accept your partners faults". That has helped my relationship with my wife. She already has accepted my many faults.

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Originally Posted by Melody Dean

I'm not sure what you mean. Do you believe that same sex relationships are better or stronger? If so, why?

Personally, while there tend to be some differences in the way each gender handles things, I think it all comes down to the people involved. Sometimes you're perfectly suited to each other right out of the box, sometimes the relationship will take work, and I think that gender is only one very small factor in that.

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I meant that most same gender couples, and even opposite gender couples don't have the issue of low blood sugar that the troll posted about.

Definitely honesty is the key to a good relationship and open mindedness. Communication is always the key to a good relationship. If one of the two is being selfish and also not communicating, then the other is going to feel left out in the relationship.

Trolls do not exist, for everybody's information, they are only fairy tale characters. I never did like the Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit. World of Warcraft suck too.

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Originally Posted by like2bepegged

My father in law told me the day of his 50th anniversary " you have to accept your partners faults". That has helped my relationship with my wife. She already has accepted my many faults.

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Oh, that's a good way of putting it. Maybe not just accepting, but sometimes those faults can become endearing too.