Bisex all in mind???? Thinking of crossing over

Hi all, I have been really contemplating crossing over from curious to total bisexual. I am wanting to know from others out there that have done it and crossed over. Was the fantasy about having mm or mmf-bisex as good as you thought it or was it a letdown when you actually had the physical act of sex? Or did your first meeting scare you off to were you never went through it? Or did you feel fine about it or guilty in your mind for doing it?

Any feedback from your real life experiences would really help me thanks in advance.

Yes it's better than I imagined... You have to be true to yyourself

If you're "curious" or fantasizing about sex with the same or opposite gender, then you already are bisexual.

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Originally Posted by pole_smoker

If you're "curious" or fantasizing about sex with the same or opposite gender, then you already are bisexual.

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As much as it pain's me to say this... I agree with pole_smoker. LOL

Yes, your already Bi. Yes, it's better than I imagined and yes, I was scared the first time. I was worried of the unknown and that I might not do something right.

The sex was great! I'm not sure but I think bad sex would have been pretty great too. But if it turns out not so great, find someone else and try again.

Don't do more than you're comfortable with. Make sure you both understand where your both at in the beginning.

... And be sure to post how it went and let all of your friend's here know.

Worry about feeling guilt is valid. It's hard to overcome thousands of years of programming. I was lied to...mostly on purpose, I discovered. I am still being lied to for the same purposes. What I felt while I did it (the most natural, UN-awkward, and hot sex) versus my conditioning (abomination, UN-natural, disgusting) had me scratching my head. Either my experience was lying to me, or I had already been lied to. I began my research there, to discover who lied to me and why, Oh boy!
Here's one to think on that gets right at the heart of it. If you believe in such things as the bible (where it must be said, much of the guilt stems), there are approx 31,273 verses, most of which contain many sentences (if just two apiece, we're talking 60,000+). Exactly 5 sentences deal with homosexuality (none at all in the New Testament). Doesn't it make you wonder what those other 10's of thousands of sentences ARE about, since I'm led to believe today that they are mostly all about homosexuality? Just asking? Even the Pope is finally saying, "cool it guy's, their catching on".

"Try it, you'll like it."

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Originally Posted by Swirl

Worry about feeling guilt is valid. It's hard to overcome thousands of years of programming. I was lied to...mostly on purpose, I discovered. I am still being lied to for the same purposes. What I felt while I did it (the most natural, UN-awkward, and hot sex) versus my conditioning (abomination, UN-natural, disgusting) had me scratching my head. Either my experience was lying to me, or I had already been lied to. I began my research there, to discover who lied to me and why, Oh boy!
Here's one to think on that gets right at the heart of it. If you believe in such things as the bible (where it must be said, much of the guilt stems), there are approx 31,273 verses, most of which contain many sentences (if just two apiece, we're talking 60,000+). Exactly 5 sentences deal with homosexuality (none at all in the New Testament). Doesn't it make you wonder what those other 10's of thousands of sentences ARE about, since I'm led to believe today that they are mostly all about homosexuality? Just asking? Even the Pope is finally saying, "cool it guy's, their catching on".

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beautifully said thank U!:)

Thanks Swirl

That is exactly what I am dealing with I'm torn and tormented inside about my desire and urge to suck cock and possibly to be fucked and fuck a man, your comments are very helpful, I too come from a very religious background where I have been told that what I want to do is so wrong.


This religious guilt is what has stopped me many times from going through with crossing over to physical bisex. I even have the support and blessing from my wife to have bisex, she even wants to possibly be there and watch, mm play in porn totally turns her on she gets so wet.


Again your reply was liberating.

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Originally Posted by Swirl

Worry about feeling guilt is valid. It's hard to overcome thousands of years of programming. I was lied to...mostly on purpose, I discovered. I am still being lied to for the same purposes. What I felt while I did it (the most natural, UN-awkward, and hot sex) versus my conditioning (abomination, UN-natural, disgusting) had me scratching my head. Either my experience was lying to me, or I had already been lied to. I began my research there, to discover who lied to me and why, Oh boy!
Here's one to think on that gets right at the heart of it. If you believe in such things as the bible (where it must be said, much of the guilt stems), there are approx 31,273 verses, most of which contain many sentences (if just two apiece, we're talking 60,000+). Exactly 5 sentences deal with homosexuality (none at all in the New Testament). Doesn't it make you wonder what those other 10's of thousands of sentences ARE about, since I'm led to believe today that they are mostly all about homosexuality? Just asking? Even the Pope is finally saying, "cool it guy's, their catching on".

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Originally Posted by pole_smoker

If you're "curious" or fantasizing about sex with the same or opposite gender, then you already are bisexual.

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Sorry, but I disagree with pole_smoker. I was bi-curious and finally did something about it. Had a chance to suck and be sucked by 4 guys, but the experience really didn't do much for me. You can be bi-curious, but the only way to really find out whether you will want to stay with that lifestyle is to try it for yourself. Guilt is part of it, of course. Religious upbringing is part of it. But sexual urges are what they are. You really need to find out for yourself, and if you find you like it, more power to you. But you don't honestly know, and can never be true to yourself, until you try.

something that is often over looked is that the verses in the old testament, did not exist until the king james version of the bible was created in the 19th century.....and the old testament is part of the old covenant, the time before jesus died on the cross for our sins and giving us freedom from the old laws... so in a way, the talk about how homosexuality is wrong according to the bible, is based around an aspect of the bible that no longer applies to humankind and the people that tend to use the old testament to judge others, are actually showing how little they understand the nature of jesus on the cross.......

I am not a christian either..... but I agree with people that do say, that they will face jesus when they die and be judged by him alone, so why are we sitting in judgement of others, in direct violation of the bibles teaching that we do not sit in judgement of others or their beliefs, lest we be challenged on our own failure to stand true to our own beliefs......

that aside.... I had opposite and same sex contact before I knew about sexuality and all the * rules and regulations * and even now, I ignore the * rules * that people try to create regarding who can be or do what *.....

for me sex has been a case of I can take it or leave it, it does not really matter what other people think of what I do because I really do not care.....and the idea of sex with males, females, trans and intersex gender etc is a natural part of me..... if I want to be happy with somebody, then I will be..... what does cause the most issues for me, is the people that want to get in my face about it.... I am trying to leave behind a past of using my fists to solve issues, so I now tend to avoid people that want to push the issue with me......

am I wrong for being who and what I am ? hell yes, the world is full of critics, I even breath the wrong way according to some of them........ and I can spend the rest of my life listening to them, or ignoring them...... and yes while I may not always agree with the way people live their lives and the things they do in the name of bisexuality, I tend to look at it from the point of view that what they do, does not affect me directly..... ( except for people misunderstanding my sexuality and the way I live, because of the actions of others that has created a image of bisexuality that is not really true for many of us but true of some of us )

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Originally Posted by cwatt1

Sorry, but I disagree with pole_smoker. I was bi-curious and finally did something about it. Had a chance to suck and be sucked by 4 guys, but the experience really didn't do much for me. You can be bi-curious, but the only way to really find out whether you will want to stay with that lifestyle is to try it for yourself. Guilt is part of it, of course. Religious upbringing is part of it. But sexual urges are what they are. You really need to find out for yourself, and if you find you like it, more power to you. But you don't honestly know, and can never be true to yourself, until you try.

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I was uncertain after my first experience which did not go too far if I was truly bisexual and it was not until years later when I explored it again and after I performed oral on a guy did I decide I was bisexual. Until I looked it in the flesh, did it and was OK with it later (I was not in the first hours afterwards, thanks to religious guilt and upbringing) did I go from being bi-curious to bisexual. It was not a conscious crossover decision to be bisexual even though the act with another man was, it was the fact I was still attracted to men after trying it.
I know a younger woman who identified herself as bisexual for many years but had never had a physical encounter with another female. She and I had discussed it many times and I told her there was one way for her to find out and it was hands on. She finally had an opportunity with a woman she felt attracted to, who was bisexual, they clicked and went out casually a few times before deciding to take it to the next level. I got a call from her the following day and she told me she discovered she was straight. I asked her about it and she told me that it just seemed off for her. She did cum when her friend went down on her, the woman was genuine but her mind was elsewhere during the process so she could get herself there. She said when she went to return the favor she would have ended it in the first minute had she not been curious so long and wanted to make sure she gave it a complete chance. She said there was no hygiene issue, the woman was sweet but had she not felt obligated given the situation she would have gotten dressed and went home. It was awkward for her later because she was just not interested in the woman and felt no connection to women at all even though the women she had been with was clearly interested in a relationship with her.
Wanting to be Jewish, Catholic or another faith does not make you that faith unless you practice it, it is real for you and you believe it. In my experience being bi-curious did not make me bi until I saw that the attraction was real after putting it to the test.

Coast
I partially agree with you and cwatt. I think that you probably do need to "try it" to make up your mind. I think that we have to remember that bisexuality involves not only physical attraction to both genders but also emotional attraction to both genders may make you a bisexual as well. It is possible to be emotionally attracted to both genders and not enjoy oral sex. You still may be bisexual but generally I think that most people make the decision based on physical sex with both genders in order to decide that they are bi. It also can take years as others have said before you identify as bisexual.

I do think though that those who call themselves labels other than bisexual i.e. "heteroflexible" are cutting the cake slice too thin.

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Originally Posted by abc123jd

Hi all, I have been really contemplating crossing over from curious to total bisexual. I am wanting to know from others out there that have done it and crossed over. Was the fantasy about having mm or mmf-bisex as good as you thought it or was it a letdown when you actually had the physical act of sex? Or did your first meeting scare you off to were you never went through it? Or did you feel fine about it or guilty in your mind for doing it?




Any feedback from your real life experiences would really help me thanks in advance.

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So is this just about sex? Or do you actually want to have a long term relationship with a male or a couple?

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Originally Posted by tenni

I think that we have to remember that bisexuality involves not only physical attraction to both genders but also emotional attraction to both genders may make you a bisexual as well.

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I don't feel a physical or emotional attraction to guy's. I'm not sure that would for another woman either though, or maybe I just wouldn't allow it.

ebony

I am not truly sure if it is just sex or that I want to have LTR with a man or couple. And I do not want to throw another tangent into this thread. But after caredful thought over the last few days, maybe in my case it might be one other thing.

You see I was a victim of male childhood sex abuse was molested multiple times from 5 to around 9 years old. Maybe I am like a moth to a flame wanting adult m/m sex that could also be it The events of the CSA, looking back confused me for sure .

I do not to know enough about psychology but that may be it. To where maybe I was born straight but the environmental aspects of CSA by a male makes me want to have mm sex, and the aspect of mmf sex where the woman likes seeing mm sex. And her liking it affirms in me that it is sub-con level ok to be with men and it doesn't make me any less male in her eyes.


Please everyone do not get mad for me bringing p he CSA. What do you all think?

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Originally Posted by AGuyIKnow

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Originally Posted by tenni

I think that we have to remember that bisexuality involves not only physical attraction to both genders but also emotional attraction to both genders may make you a bisexual as well.

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I don't feel a physical or emotional attraction to guy's. I'm not sure that would for another woman either though, or maybe I just wouldn't allow it.

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I think it would serve us to separate romantic attraction/love (the emotional component of a relationship) from sex (the physical part) when forming our sexual identities. Dan Savage labels the two qualities as being "bi-amorous" or "bi-sexual". We can be biamorous, bisexual, or both together.

I'm about a Kinsey 3 when it comes to sex, but only around 1 regarding love or attraction.

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Originally Posted by bi-poly-sailor

I think it would serve us to separate romantic attraction/love (the emotional component of a relationship) from sex (the physical part) when forming our sexual identities. Dan Savage labels the two qualities as being "bi-amorous" or "bi-sexual". We can be biamorous, bisexual, or both together.

I'm about a Kinsey 3 when it comes to sex, but only around 1 regarding love or attraction.

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Who cares what Dan Savage says? He's not any sort of actual expert on sexuality, and he's actually highly biphobic.

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Originally Posted by pole_smoker

Who cares what Dan Savage says?

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A lot of people.

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Originally Posted by pole_smoker

...he's actually highly biphobic.

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You haven't read his latest book, I presume. He admits his earlier views of bisexuality were wrong.

I can relate. I have become "curious" in the last few years. I am not all at attracted to men though - which would seem to be counter to my curiosity.

I love women and constantly check them out wherever I go. By contrast, I never pay any notice to guys.

I have been without a girlfriend for a LONG, LONG time. In the last few years, I have become what might be called "cock curious". I wonder what it would be like to see one up close, possibly hold/stroke one or even feel it in my mouth.

A few weeks ago, I posted in the forum wondering if this curiosity was "real" or just a phase. That is, I never had any such thoughts when I did have a girlfriend. This has me wondering if my long sexual dry spell is the genesis for my curiosity (or perhaps just activated some latent feelings).

I suppose there are two ways to explore this: (1) get a girlfriend and see if the feelings go away or (2) act on them and see if I like it. Being a shy, cautious, discreet individual prone to extreme guilt, I can not see any situation in which I would ever act on my curiosity.

In any case, I hope you are able to sort things out.

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Originally Posted by abc123jd

ebony

I am not truly sure if it is just sex or that I want to have LTR with a man or couple. And I do not want to throw another tangent into this thread. But after caredful thought over the last few days, maybe in my case it might be one other thing.

You see I was a victim of male childhood sex abuse was molested multiple times from 5 to around 9 years old. Maybe I am like a moth to a flame wanting adult m/m sex that could also be it The events of the CSA, looking back confused me for sure .

I do not to know enough about psychology but that may be it. To where maybe I was born straight but the environmental aspects of CSA by a male makes me want to have mm sex, and the aspect of mmf sex where the woman likes seeing mm sex. And her liking it affirms in me that it is sub-con level ok to be with men and it doesn't make me any less male in her eyes.


Please everyone do not get mad for me bringing p he CSA. What do you all think?

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First, I will not apologize for the man who abused you while you were a child. It sounds as though he possibly was the adult in this case. As the adult he ought to have been responsible & accountable for his actions.

That aside, I am apologetic to you for the world in general being f***ed up in so bad a way that children are molested & abused. I can empathize to a point. Never faced molesting but did endure some abuse.

Been bisexual all my life, all 42 years of it. Told my mom about 20 years ago. She said she had suspicions but felt if I needed to say something, I would, and she had brought up a man with a good head on his shoulders. Later on this proved to act as a stumbling block.

Around 5-7 years ago she asked if my step-father had molested me, made me bisexual. I replied that he never had touched me in that sense. Told her I had always been bisexual. She later expressed that she was bisexual herself.

"Gee mom, and you wonder where it comes from? Maybe you made me bisexual by being bisexual yourself?"

All in all, to me, it does not matter why I am bisexual. Do I think it was nurturing, or making what turned/caused me to be bisexual? No. Do I believe or think it was nature or just fate that I'm bisexual? No. Do I think I have a choice to be bisexual or not? No, at least not a full choice, or rather "can a scorpion betray what it is?"

I may choose to act/appear homosexual at times, hetrosexual at others, asexual still yet at other times. I cannot deny that i enjoy companionship/romance with either gender, nor deny i enjoy the sex with either gender. And yes, for me this is inclusive of transgenders. I love people. I also hate people at times. Sorry if that offends.

So, do I think someone else abusing you made you curious? No. You always have been as you are. There is no shame in it either, or there needs not to be.

I think you have to meet yourself. :) Love yourself. :) Then, slowly love others and love them for them. And yes, this requires a lot of heartache, a lot of effort, time, trust. But first, love yourself for yourself. Accept yourself as yourself, be happy in yourself.

What happens if you do not ever f**k a guy in your life from now on? Does the world end? Are you sure? ;) :) Ask the same about a woman. Same answer/s? I bet so. Well, there you are. Hopefully, it is clear that while yes this is important for you, it is not an issue that warrants creation of mountains from molehills. Relax, be yourself and that's all there is to it. Love who you want/need to love, tell anyone who gives you crap about to take a leap or start paying your bills. Try living so that you can face you in the mirror each morning, with a smile and clear presence of heart, mind, soul (if you track to such).

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