Scared and I dont know what to do

For starters, I've always considered myself straight. But in the past year or two, I've been aroused and turned on by gay and bisexual porn. I even went as far as experimenting and received a blowjob from a guy. I really hated it during and after it was done. I also have no desire to be in a relationship with a guy and DO NOT want to be gay or bisexual, I can't emphasize that enough. I have depression and often feel lonely and things like that. I long for a relationship and good sex with a woman. So I'm wondering if maybe the loneliness and depression have something to do with this all? I just need some advice cause like I said, I don't want to be gay or bisexual..

Talk to a friend, family member, or if you're badly depressed talk to a counselor or therapist.

You might as well face it that you are bisexual, and just accept it.

First of all take a deep breath and relax. You don't have to be anything you don't want to be. What depresses you? Is it the fact that you have these attractions to men? Is it being lonely? I think answering those questions is very important. If you like women go find one. Work at it ad hard as you can. If you find one and she makes you happy, good for you! If you don't find one right away and feel yourself attracted to men I think you might want to look at that.
If you find it repulsive I think therapy can be a way to deal with those feelings. I hate to hear someone sound so upset over a sexual experience of any kind. Remember you are you. Nothing can really define you our pigeon hole you into anything you don't wanna be. You're a man and probably a string man. Know that about yourself and don't let anyone, including yourself beat you down our make you feel weak. Be strong and confident and make choices you're proud of. Don't do things and then cry around about it! Own it and move onward and upward buddy. What doesn't kill you makes you the fucking king of the mountain!

Depression is fairly high in bisexuals but that doesn't necessarily connect you to thoughts of same sex fantasy leading to depression. Some people have fantasies that do not work in reality and that is possible for you. As others have suggested don't stick a label on yourself if it doesn't feel good at this time. Explore your depression if it has been long term with a counsellor. The sexuality aspect can be examined during your time with a sexuality knowledgeable therapist.

please please, see a counselor, or someone in the mental health field, you are NOT crazy or mentally disturbed, right now you are dealing with depression, and, other issues, talk to a professional, they can help sort out your feelings, I felt disgusted with myself the first time I did something like you, but I enjoyed it, I was depressed (badly) a all kinds of crazy thoughts rushed into my head, the next day, I was trying hurt myself mentally,

if you need someone to talk to im here for you just post and let me know






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First of all, I agree - don't panic..you are worthy just the way you are..

There is more than one type of love, and more than one type of attraction. Romantic/Emotional/Physical/Platonic..etc..

I remember growing up, I really didn't think of myself as gay or straight as much as -horny- .. I wanted to feel good, and I wanted to make other people feel good..quite a lot growing up as a matter of fact. I'm not so sure there wasn't a round, slender object that I didn't try to insert into myself as some point growing up. Not that I'm a nympho (especially now) but I was very curious and horny growing up and it felt good.

So I have to wonder if you haven't had sex in a while, maybe that is the attraction.. Straight guys probably think about penises a lot more than you'd imagine.

I went to a bookstore and I hated the experience - the whole place was dirty, stains on the walls, folks smoking like fiends.. that was just not the place for me..and nothing I did there felt right. I still knew that I liked men very much - the physical evidence of an erection that went along with certain thoughts was proof enough of that.

Did you hate the feeling during the act, did you hate the oral sex? Did you feel remorse?

For a long time I had feelings of guilt that the fact that I was happy being in the arms of a man. Then I felt remorse over the fact that I could be who I really was on the weekend, but then had to go back into the closet when I left my boyfriend.

I finally came to the conclusion that I could either be myself, and be happy - or try to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to and be miserable. The thing is, what you think people want, and what they actually believe may be two different things. When I came out to my parents I was so worried, but they accepted me for who I was.

In the right situation you may find that you feel differently.

I studied the buddhist concept of "Lovingkindness" for a while (http://amzn.com/157062903X) - it was a good lesson in forgiveness and self worth. For some reason Christians just don't seem to do "forgiveness" very well..which is weird - because that is all evangelicals preach. I am bringing religion into this because a lot of times it is religious teaching that makes LGBT people feel unworthy.

I personally believe that the divine knows the difference between a lustful relationship and a loving, committed relationship, regardless of gender. ..and who says you cant have any fun with your life anyway? Although I do think it is important to be respectful.

Your sexuality is a beautiful part of you that can be celebrated as well .. I do know what it feels like to be alone though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3rr4CEHjOk

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Originally Posted by Devilsfan10

For starters, I've always considered myself straight. But in the past year or two, I've been aroused and turned on by gay and bisexual porn. I even went as far as experimenting and received a blowjob from a guy. I really hated it during and after it was done. I also have no desire to be in a relationship with a guy and DO NOT want to be gay or bisexual, I can't emphasize that enough. I have depression and often feel lonely and things like that. I long for a relationship and good sex with a woman. So I'm wondering if maybe the loneliness and depression have something to do with this all? I just need some advice cause like I said, I don't want to be gay or bisexual..

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hi & wow! u were brave to share like that & u have describe alot of the way i'm feeling right now especially with the longing of a women. can i send u a private msg? i'd like an opportunity to share thoughts togather. i think we can have quite a long & meaningfull conversation.

Why don't you find a really nice cock to suck on and then you can ponder why you have these feelings while sucking on it, kind of like a wise man and his pipe!

please, there are some real idiots here, do not get down on yourself because of what some people write.

Another thing to consider is whether something has changed within your body. If you've not been attracted to m2m sex until the last couple of years, perhaps something has happened in terms of blood chemistry. Perhaps there's been a change in testosterone or other substance in your body? I don't know these things, but a real medical doctor might be a good place to start.

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Originally Posted by mnTIMIDguy

Another thing to consider is whether something has changed within your body. If you've not been attracted to m2m sex until the last couple of years, perhaps something has happened in terms of blood chemistry. Perhaps there's been a change in testosterone or other substance in your body? I don't know these things, but a real medical doctor might be a good place to start.

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People are sexually attracted to the same gender because they're bisexual, or gay/lesbian, and not because of hormones, human CNS chemicals, changes with their body chemistry, blood, etc.

Haters gonna hate. Even ones that ride or wanna ride nice Italian motorcycles. ;)

You guys say chemical changes in the body don't matter but I have seen a bunch of threads on here from older men with possibly lower testosterone, and possibly less interested wives.. So the best I can say is that I don't think there is any one factor, but probably a combination of things that influence a person in their life.

I personally think that the tendency was always there, and environment and a few experiences in my life were like flipping a switch - when I realized I actually liked being submissive it was like flipping a switch. ..by the way, that doesn't mean I am a door mat, and it doesn't mean I'm into abuse..but it does mean I enjoy cooperation more than conflict. Of course my first sexual experience was more traumatic than most, but oh well.

I had hid my bisexuality for years and racked with emotional distress caused by this. I recently came out to my wife after 20 years and she was very understanding she has supported me through this time. But my feelings are not clear I tested the bisexual waters as a young man.the emotional turmoil that not accepting my bisexuality has caused me too almost commit suicide I felt as though I had nowhere to turn and no one to talk to. I am just now coming to terms with my bisexuality and reaching out to others for guidance and help with understanding the feelings that I'm currently feeling.I hope you can come to terms with your sexuality As I am coming trying to come to terms with mine

Devilsfan10,

So sorry to hear you are confronting these issues on such uneasy footing.

I would suggest you try to separate these two issues, and address your depression before you try to figure-out your sexual envelop. Only when you’re feeling better about yourself and your lot in life, can you approach the trickier topic of turn-ons and turn-offs.

Seeing a counselor or therapist might be a good idea, if you can find someone good; but I would suggest there are a number of very important things that you ought to try first, including; getting more exercise and better sleep and nutrition; especially during the winter months, spending more time in direct sunlight (without sunglasses); as well as eliminating stressors and depressors, such as bullshit that pisses you off, reducing or eliminating alcohol intake, and for that matter…..

There is no doubt that human sexuality is greatly influenced by hormones. Hormones are ‘bioactive’ in miniscule quantities. That is to say: Even very, very small changes in the levels of hormones can often have a large, out-sized effect. Hormones are also notoriously synergistic, which means that the effects of two or more hormones interacting is also out-sized.

Sparing you a lot of detail…. There are a number of synthetic chemicals that either mimic or block the effects of normal sex hormones, and what this means for human beings is just now coming under study. These chemicals make your body believe that either there is not enough of a hormone, or that there is too much. Understand that the danger here is that synthetic chemicals are literally *new*, never having been seen in nature before. This means that all of the organisms in nature, the plants and animals and us as well – we have no biological mechanism to metabolize (break down) or secrete (get rid of) these chemicals, so they get stored in our bodies. Synthetic chemicals are stored by the body, in the ‘fatty tissues’ because many of these chemicals are not water soluble. If we lose weight, often these chemicals are released into the blood, where their effect is increased.

One of these ‘endocrine disruptors’ is actually a class of hundreds of similar chemicals of the ‘phthalate’ class. These phthalates are used in plastics (as ‘plasticizers’ to soften what are actually hard materials), and also as synthetic fragrances. Another example of an endocrine disruptor is ‘Triclosan’ which is a common anti-bacterial, found in many soaps and even toothpaste!

Long story short: If you’re like many American men; you’ve bought-in to some seriously BS products, sold to you by the masters of American industry – the marketing gurus. You’ve bought-in to the antibacterial soap BS, and you spray your whole home and car in ‘Febreze’ or some such “air freshener”. You buy your detergents based on how much you like how they smell; and you’ve got many items of plastic touching your food and your body, all the time. Well, I would suggest that if you’re having odd sexual ideation and feelings and thoughts that don’t sit well with you; it might be the Triclosan in your soaps, and the phthalates leaching into your body from the linoleum floor right up to the air you draw-in as breath.

What to do? Get rid of any ‘scented’ product. (Natural scents are OK, but synthetic ones are all bad.) Eliminate synthetic chemicals from your life, especially anti-bacterial soaps. Don’t microwave food in plastic containers. Don’t drink from any vessel, except for metal or glass or ceramic (no plastic bottles). If you use any soft sex toys, make sure they are ‘platinum cured silicone’ (as all other soft sex toys have phthalates in them).

I mention all this, because even if you do find that good therapist or counselor who really works well with you; if you’ve still got poor habits for sleep and exercise and food; and if you’ve still got all these endocrine disruptors in your body because they’re in your home and your diet; no amount of therapy or counselling will help.

Anyways….. There’s my suggestions. I hope they help.

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Originally Posted by mnTIMIDguy

Another thing to consider is whether something has changed within your body. If you've not been attracted to m2m sex until the last couple of years, perhaps something has happened in terms of blood chemistry. Perhaps there's been a change in testosterone or other substance in your body? I don't know these things, but a real medical doctor might be a good place to start.

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...as in my case my bi tendencies remain dormant for a number of years...but when they came to the surface they were too strong to over look...and once they crop up there is no denying them...for maybe month I agonized about being gay...but having a strong sense of worth...I went with the feelings and gave it a try...what the hell...I did it anonymously through a glory hole so no one would know...that way if I didn't like it I didn't have to do it again...and I didn't like it...I LOVED it...

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I like the first part of this video because it seems to me to be the proper outlook to have about relationships in the world. Being able to trust in yourself and others is hard, but thinking this way, instead of always finding fault or blame gave me enough of a shift to break a cycle of self-loathing where I always felt inadequate because of my past, my sexuality, etc..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIOaJ7g09YM

These are things that I have found over the years, mostly created by other people, that have given me some sort of inspiration in myself and others:

http://smallsphere.wordpress.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31QNiwCL77M ?