Boyfriend who seems to run back into the closet(long!)

Me (fem, bi, strong pref for men) and bf met 3 years ago. He was predominantly gay(homoflexible as he said), when i met him. Wore make up, dis drag. Beautiful boyfriend. Very out to everyone for years. We went to school together and i confessed my "secret" crush a day before i graduated... I tried to
Make a funny saying i realize he's gay, But for some reason he asked me to grab coffee with him as a date. Well? I suppose. That night we ended up staying out together till the sun rose.(talking, walking on the beach, watching a movie, eating out and having a great time laughing). I think that was a surprise that came to both of us, how well we got along). From that day on we were, well, together? We ended all of our other endavours with other people and became exclusive thereafter. He has been wih girls before bu it has been a whiiiile, so sex the first time was awkward, then it got better and better and better. He has never cum during sex, or with any other patners. Hes had sex with men, which he said he didnt like because bottoming hurt and toppi gwas gross, mutual masterbation was weird. And finally after few sex sesh and getting comfortsble with eachother he satlrted cumming. And he always started to want it. He felt weird w my pussy first, but the loger we done stuff the more he started to like it. I was not that comfortable with him completely yet, scared he may get grossed out about something, but he seemed to love the wetness the softness and the feel. Couldnt get a taste for oral yet. 6 mOs went by and i could not get over the fact that "some day he may leave me for a guy", and it always seemed to come out somehow that i was completely stable in this relationship worrying hed just go back to men. He would always reassure me that he doesnt want guys and one day. He took me outsiide before i was about to leave his house, sat with me in my car and said " i need to tell you somwthing"... He turned o me and smiled and said " i dot want to wait any longer to tell you, i love you.".... And handed me a key to his house w a key chain that said i love you. Despite that, it didnt induce calm into me, about him and other men. Its always subconcipus wheter i likenit or not. And i somehoewproject that onto him(not in any crazy way, he can just sense it by the way i talk and say things). So a month after the love confession he wanted to talk again, this time subject was differenr. He said that hes scared that what im worried about might come truee, that somehow my worry makea him worry too. What if. At thia point we did not want to risk eachother, eachothers hearts. We wanted to remain in eachothera lifes no matter what. And so we mutually decided to go apart. That night i asked him through bitter tears how did he think he love me? In what way? And it was the most interesting answer ive recieved to this day. "like romeo loves juliette"... And so i left his homw planning on some day, when both of us have healed, we are able to re-egnite a friendship.
Only a few weeks went by before we decided we were "ready" to be friends. Which right away turned into hooking up and hot sex. This was very confusing. But it was clear we were not geting back together at the fear of things failing misserably. He hated his apartment and i lived in a large home which my mom has left
Me upon her move. He decided to move in with me(as roommates!) We still sometimes would hook up and have sex and share with eachother things sexually and talked about all of our fdirty fantasies. When we did, the Feeling in the air was "i want to fuck you", def not friendship. He eventually loved eating my pussy and wod do it cause it would turn him on so much, he got comfortable with my womanly parta completely and totally, it seemed. As the time went on we were close as hell. But we both were trying things on the outside of our friendship. We eventually stopped having sex. Although our closeness remained. Our dirty talks, cuddling and sleeping in eachothers rooms, lots of hugs, and rough play of pinching and spanking(as if there was this energy we had for eachother that was pent up inside). It felt like there was always more, but i knew there couldnt be. We both were trying to date, although i could tell it botheres him and it def bothered Me. Yet still, we pushed ourselves to move on. 9 long months went by, everything remained the same, but tiny by tiny we were trying to grow apart(still remaining intemately close as friends). I started to realize how distructive to
My intimate life this close friendship started to become. But, i loved him. And i would do
Anything to keep him close. 9 months later, on a holliday, at a friends party, we for drunk. And our crazy close intimacy turned into full On we cant keep our hands off eachother. We spent that wholw night having sex and playing with eachothwr making out and even told eachother we loved echother. That night came and went. A week later we wrnt to a gay club, where i introduced him to a guy who despirately wanted to be introduced. That was the night he hooked up with a guy for the "first" time. The more they ran around making out with eachlther the more it started to hurt. The more i knew i never was over him, and the more i wanted to end our close friendship. The more i knew how destrucrive it has really been. I spent that whole evenig secretly crying. The next day i cpuld not even
Look at him. All these emotions finally were out and i didnt know where to shove them. So i decided that its time to talk. Its time to tell him he cant flirt with me, we cant talk so intimately, we Cant sleep and cuddle in eachoters bed. And we def could not break down and have sex like we did a week before. I had to set rules and let him go, otherwise i would never Be okay. He was extremely distraught during that conversation but he understood and seemed to agree. I told him that oyr closeness would end that night. 2 nights later, he came to
Me and asked if i wanted to watch a movie with him in his bed. I thought tht was very Piculiar after what we had just talked about, i agreed because i wanted to See what was up his sleeve. During the movie i could sence hia nerves. But as thw movie went on the tireness got the best of us. We fell asleep. Interesting. The next day while he was in the shower his long time best friend texted him and i read that text. "after that conversation," he typed, "how can i tell Her i only want her, how do i take everything back and tell
Her i want to be with her?"... It all made sence. Why he invites me to
Watch a movie. I was extremely glad i read those texts because i had time to
Think and prepaire of whether i wanted to answer those feelings bacj or just keep things where they are.... I decided that if weve spent all this time apart (10months at that time), as mostly friends with no sex and with sex, he had time to think, and obviously grow, i would try this again. Especially because now we werw so much
Closer and knew eachother so much better. Forward two years, now our relationship has been wonderful, loving, great sex lives, close friendship, open communication, and a baby girl on the way. Now, i know he loves me and wouldnt go cheating on me but forward him as a person into this day, he threw away his drag clothing, he stopped wearing almost all make up, and he's more masculine then hes every been in his life. (altho he will always be a feminine guy). I question him on whether hia Supressing who he is? He assures me this is who he wants to be ans what makes him happy. He still doea cool make up sometimes, but i used to
Play with him and refer to him as "my girl"(when we first started dating", now if i call him that hell get hurt and offended, and tell me hes not a girl he's a man. And i can tell he is trying to be like a normal guy. He has forgottenany ass play, although he lovea my ass and liked to rim it, and finally says he wants to do anal(remember he thought it was gross w guys hes topped before), but he saya
"Im a woman" (whatever that means). I really wanna rim his ass but he wont let me, being all self concious about it. I tell him, "but i let you do it to me?", and his answer.. "well your a woman"(like somehow my hit doesnt stink lol??) i offer pegging, no, he only wants a mans penis up his. I offer
Fingering, maybe someday. His doesnt want any ass plau, when all he did when we were friends is watch gay and bi porn.(mostly gay!). How can he not want any ass play if before he did? Is he supressing himself? What! When he tells me things like "your a woman", first off
I feel like hes refering to some frail flower or something not the sexual being i am, and two i cant help but feel
Discriminated agaist because of my gender? And this is where
I always worry, again. Oh great, so i cant provide a penis, now i cant even give
Him finger pleasure, nothing. Only
Vaginal sex. Or he's been increasingly
Wanting to stick it into my ass. (btw, he was a bottom when he dated men), now hes exclusjvely a
Top and says nothing is meant to go in your ass. Yet he likes when i touch his asshole(when its clean). I asked him if he wanted to have sex with a man before
We had out baby. That resultes in a huge
Fight! Hes happy with me and no he doesnt wanna go sleep with anyone, why wouls i ask such thing. I feel
Like hes supressing his gay side and the other night we had a serious
Conversation. He said he was, he said ita easy and he knows hw
Can only do one or the other. I offer that somedat we can have a 3some. Thats awkward for him. As he said to
Me the other night, "i dont like the thought of me, you, and a gut. I like me and a guy or you and me. Ans i am not okay with you fucking a guy either, if your thinking about it
You better just break ul with me", i told him okay, but donr supreas your gay side from me, and he said"why not?" how does that side do me any good? I am happy this way, why cant you just let me stay this way and be happy? Do tou realize what you want me to do? You qant my side to come out, my gay side that doesnt like you, that side does not want anything to do with you, it wants to wear high heela ans talk about boys. Is that what you want?" "no but i just want you to be honest with yourseld, and instead of supressinf it, embrace it and dont be ashamed of it and become more closed off(especiallt sexually!!). I said maybe in the future we can have an open relationship. He said "no! I cant just, go back and forth."...(i felt like that meant once hes with man he wont want me...?). So i guesa for any gut (or woman) who was willing to read my story, tell me from your point of view what is going on with him? Is he goinf bck into the closet ? Or can a man really be happy like he says... And men who are married, what are the chances(from yiur experience) that after many yers my bf will wonder about men again.

I am not sure what your question is? The post was very long, rambling, confusing, and riddled with spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. Either way you're a bisexual woman in a relationship with a bisexual man and you have a kid together so yeah your relationship can work out if you communicate and are honest with each other. Also it's entirely possible and easy to be bisexual and monogamous as most bisexuals-including my husband and I, are in monogamous relationships.

Twilove
Yes, your post is a bit difficult to understand and so forgive me if I am missing something.

My main idea that came when I was reading is why not let him be who he is? If he doesn't want you playing with his anus, ok don't. Does he sexually please you by doing certain things? Then do what he enjoys and don't worry about whether he is acting gay behaviour or hetero behaviour(wanting only vag sex with you etc.)

I think that you are wise to wonder about what might happen if he wants to be with a man again. Perhaps creating boundaries that you are both comfortable with may help should he be interested in having sex with a man.

Does he love you?(couldn't quite get that ) Stop trying to put him in a box and let him be. (again I may have misunderstood but that is what I get)

Hi Twilove

I'm the straight partner of a bisexual man. We've had a fairly rocky journey to where we are at the moment and I can relate to much of what you've written. What tenni says about creating boundaries is essential, it's clear that he loves you, and that you love him, but relationships do change over the years so knowing how you both expect to deal with certain situations in the future can really help. Don't forget, you're bi too, so maybe in the future that maybe something that you'll want to explore. For us it's that when we do move from our current monogamous relationship it's together with complete honesty, and until that time he and I can rely on us as we are now. I've also noticed that he's not often interested in certain bedroom activities that I'd be more than happy to participate in, that I feel might address some of the desires he has, but it seems to be a fluid thing too. I'd be happy to break out the strap-on, or do anything else he liked, but at the moment something else is going on with our (his?) sex life. I've left it with him that I'll happily participate in most things, but that he has to let me know when he's in the mood. So occasionally I'll say 'is there anything else I can do for you?' or 'perhaps we should get the toys out sometime' to let him know that when he does want to the answer is yes. But I don't push and only do things I know he's comfortable with. I can't complain, our sex life is amazing whatever we're doing.

It sounds to me that your boyfriend is really content where he is at the moment, the pair of you have worked hard to get to this point and start a family, I would say to you believe what he's saying, tell him that you accept it may change in the future and that if and when that happens the pair of you deal with it together, as you have everything else far and get on with your lives. I understand that when you really love someone you don't want to do anything that causes them any pain or suffering, but he seems to have made his choices and is content with them. Also, don't forget that as you're pregnant your hormones will be playing havoc with your emotions at the moment, I'm at the other end of the scale going through menopause, but the effect can be the same. I'm currently getting help for this and my state of mind has settled down immensely, things that I worried and stressed about before have completely disappeared and this may have something to do with the way you're feeling at the moment.