If I give him permission to do be unfaithful he will be able to be open about it? Where's the upside? I do not want a man who cannot be faithful.
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If I give him permission to do be unfaithful he will be able to be open about it? Where's the upside? I do not want a man who cannot be faithful.
I am a monogamous married bi male. I had a couple of experiences before marriage with men, but at the time chalked it up to hormones. I have never desired a romantic relationship with a man. My experiences have been with older men, and I believe my desires are ultimately about male approval than about actual sex. I have given oral and been taken anally once. I have no deire to have them sexually. I find myself just wanting their approval of my performance. I was bullied a bit as a child (I was a small kid) and I did not have many affirming men in my life. I still have the desire to give to a man, but knowing why helps me to seek out better answers for my relationship without being dishonest.
Sorry, I meant to add to my post and add quotes. That's what my ex wife told every marriage counselor we saw. And the judge.
His openness after "permission" is something you and he wold have to negotiate beforehand, I guess. If your definition of "unfaithful" is being with men in secret you have a different consideration from it being not having or trying to have sex with anyone but you. And of course the choice to divorce or not is yours. Or his.
My contention is that love only obligates the lover to himself or herself, to live up to the love, and is not at all directed to what the lover wants or thinks he or she needs for himself or herself. Love, I belive, does not seek to change to beloved to please the lover. I've been married 17 years this time. I've not asked her to change in any significant way. Oh, yes, please put the bottle caps on tight, etc. -- but never "have more interest in sex," or "spend less time with your career and more with me."
No one seems to have considered the fact that people's sexual orientation can change over time, and that the man (or woman) who would not have considerd a same-sex experience at age 25 may feel the desire for it at age 40.
There seems to be an assumption through this thread that someone who feels bisexual desires has a right to act on it, and that the spouse's role is either to give permission or agree to a divorce. In real life, you can't make all decisions based on what the 'small head' wants. Those who are married and bi are going to have to accept the fact that many spouses are going to consider it a 'no way in hell' thing. I personally am married to someone who is willing to accept my bisexual desires, but many other spouses consider it a deal-breaker.
Thats me, totally in love with my wife and ery emotionally attached to her, but rave cock all day long and never crave any emotional attachment to my male lovers.
I'm new to posting but I've been lurking a bit. My husband told me a couple of years ago that's he's bisexual. It had been such a burden on him all his life and had caused some serious depression issues. Did it shock me? Well, yeah, it did. Did it make me love him any less? Nope. Did it make me more insecure in our marriage? A bit. Sometimes. It's an unknown and something I surely had not expected him to tell me at the table over coffee. But frankly I was more relieved than anything else. I'd much rather face a bear I can see than wonder where that bear is in the darkness! He'd been so sad for so long it was anticlimatic to hear the reason. My first thought was, "is that ALL???" I find it sexy. I think it's hot. I don't know exactly why, but I suspect it is more the intimacy of the sharing of something he'd held so close to his heart for so many years. (I could also just cry at the thought of him feeling he had to hide something that was a part of him for so long out of fear of rejection or judgment.) We've talked about threesomes but I just can't wrap my head around it for many reasons. The main one being I am just flat out jealous. I don't want him having sex with another woman (no, guys, not even if I'm there with 'em. He's SEEN me, I'd have to try to pry my way in between him and the new girl or guy). I think watching, participating, or knowing he was with someone else would fundamentally change the way I thought of him and not in a good way. Him being bisexual doesn't make him a different person from the one I married at all, him having sex with other people would. And don't start that "he needs to address that part of him" and tell me I shouldn't expect him to change. We all change and we should when we marry. Before we married he was a good looking hunk of womanizing carousing wildness. I didn't do so bad on that score my ownself (not womanizing, but you know what I mean). When we met each other and married we both changed. I've never been unfaithful (not even "in my heart") in all these years and I do not think he has either. He may "crave cock", I've never actually delved into that with him, I think we all need private areas of thought. He's a former smoker, I think he "craves" a cigarette once in a while, too. But he doesn't smoke it. Because smoking it could change his life in a bad way. Eventually. Just like sneaking around "one little time" might not get him caught, but he'd know what he had done and that would change him at least a bit. Maybe I would have been more open to experimentation years ago, but I've come to a stage in life where I crave "peace" and the knowledge that I have what I want. I think, minus some fleeting thoughts, he has also. I also think that what we read on forums need to be taken with a grain of salt. I doubt everybody who brags on their escapades are always telling the truth. They may be telling it the way they wish it had been. By the way, I think Jamie and Handover are just damned cool!
I have to say that this strikes right at home for me, i was married for 15 years, and always had the urge or what i thought was fantasy to be with men, i never told my ex-wife, even after our divorce. I have had many girlfriends since then, and have told them of my desires, which ultimatly lead to our relationships ending after a period of time. I have had some that "thought" they would be ok with it, but in the end they were not..I have had two experinces with men, and both times i was were very turned on by it and enjoyed the experince, i guess i can say that i like to emotionally be with woman, but sexually i feel like i truly love being with a man, i feel my sexual desire for woman fading, really a tough thing for me to accept and deal with, nout sure how to handle it really..
I commend you for standing by your man, just not sure about him changing, i am sorry, i have had very strong bi-sexual feelings for a long time and have acted on it a few times, and have tried really hard to kill those urges and tell myself that it was a faze that i do not need that anymore. I really do not know the easy answer, because i understand how you feel also, maybe you can explore something together, not sex with other people, but maybe you can do things with him that would satisfy some urges..Its tough, thats all i can say
Isn't "doing things with him that would satisfy some urges" pretty much what we all do after we marry or commit to someone? Isn't that basically what giving that blow job even with a stuffy nose or having sex after a godawful day at work when all you want to do when you get to bed is hide under the blanket so nobody can talk to you but HE/SHE is horny? Or, let's face it, isn't that what we do after we know somebody has started his engine earlier (either a movie or in person) so we have an early night and finish what the other person started? Susie Cute, sales rep, can flirt/start all she wants to make that sale, when he gets home it's MY turn to finish that line of thought for him. Or Mack Muscle at the oil change place can do the same thing,, same results. There's all kinds of stuff to do if you're imaginative and a little on the goofy side with a willingness to play and a great imagination.
I am so sorry. And so embarrassed and my feelings are hurt. I didn't realize I was being offensive to you people by posting on here. Tenni tells me this is a closed group for bisexual men only and to not post here any more. I had no idea that was the case. I'm new here and I would never have crossed her (his?) line had I known that. I will go away now.
First, don't worry about what Tenni says, the only person who has any say in who posts what on this site is the owner, Drew. Ignore him, you're life will be better. Welcome to the site, you have as much right to be here as anyone, do not let what anyone says keep you from posting your questions and your thoughts concerning your life with your bisexual partner.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mickie
Another MWM that has not come out to his wife and, as of now, I do not plan on it.
This thread fits me pretty well. I love women emotionally and sexually. I am connected to my wife in so many ways and we are soulmates. But, I had 2 experiences with men before I married her and think about them a lot. They were both married men and it was scary, but I bottomed for both of them and loved it. My ex and I had many MFF experiences, but I never came out to her. I am sure now that she would have been into it. It was my fear that stopped me. I do not get turned on by looking at a man, except when I watch porn and think of the two guys I was with, BTW, I was not with them together ;) I could not be emotionally attached to another male in the same way I am with women. My wife and I have an Ok sex life, but it is not usually enough for me. She does play with a strapon and now a RealDoe sometimes, but I really have to ask for it. Sometimes when we make love, I slide my cock up against her and make it look like it is her penis. We are very passionate, but she really mainly likes it vanilla, which is mostly fine with me, but sometimes I would love more.
I have just updated my profile since I have decided to try to find another MWM like me in Los Angeles, who have maybe had a couple of experiences, or none and have decided they want to try it again in a very discreet, safe and sane way.
Thanks for starting the thread ;)
From the OP
"The point of this thread is that it is for those who decide not to disclose to their straight wives and have considered it the best approach.
The point of this thread is about the segment of bisexual men who have emotional attachment to women but only physical attraction to men.
If you are such a bisexual man and have something to say about how to deal with your situation, please post it. If not, would you be polite and remain silent.
Let these bisexuals speak without being judged by others not in their situation.
Remember to meet the criteria before responding:
-married bisexual man (or use to be a married biguy)
-did not tell your straight wife before marriage
-have only emotional attachment to women
-a physical attraction to the male body but no emotional attraction to men
......................................
Mickie
I am sorry that you have misunderstood my PM.
I requested in a PM that you start your own thread as you did not meet the criteria for the thread(biman) as repeated above. Your own thread would permit you to create your own topic rather than take this thread "off topic" its purpose. It always helps to read the OP (first post) as sometimes a thread is taken off topic. Your issues would be better dealt with by creating your own thread without creating an atmosphere of "judgement about bi men who met these criteria".
This is the exact wording that I sent Mickie in a PM
"Hi
I am wondering if you would please start your own thread rather than continue posting on the biguys married thread? If you read my OP, you do not qualify. May we keep this thread just for bimen please?
Thanks for being considerate."
I can believe many things of tenni, have many criticisms of him and he can be a pain in arse at times, but I don't believe for one minute that tenni told u that rather that in such rigid terms... he does have some funny ideas at times, and he does have certain strong opinions about the site and who it should be open to.. but one of them is not as far as I have ever ascertained, that it is restricted to bisexual men only.... who it should be restricted to is one thing, and it's format, and how people contribute, and he does have strong opinions on that...but he knows as well as anyone else how Drew has set up the site..Quote:
Originally Posted by Mickie
exactly.Quote:
Originally Posted by DuckiesDarling
excellent post, Mickie. I think a lot of women married to bi men feel the way you do. Well done, and please stick around, don't leave.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mickie
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkeyes
right on Fran and if there is any doubt about who may and may not post in this thread (Mickie you reading this?) perhaps someone should ask Drew to view it and get HIS opinion. I think I know the answer already.
I don't understand why tenni would not want women to respond: we ARE the other half of the equation. Information is power, and seeing the mens' responses in here gives me valuable insight.
Hey !! I have an idea <grin> ... let's ask Kate HER opinion *lol*.
***note to Peg - Until the other Kate chimes in, let me give my two cents LOL:bigrin:**
Tenni may have ruffled some feathers in the past, mine included, but he in no way suggested that Mickie did not belong here. That was HER interpretation or quite possibly the interpretation of some "well meaning" individuals who have issues with Tenni. Mickie's interpretation sounds VERY familiar and it hardly sounds like something one would surmise based on the wording that Tenni has provided us. All he did was suggest that Mickie start her own thread instead of derailing his with her particular problem. Regardless, I think it is shameful that there appears to be a lynch mentality over this "he vs. she" situation and I would suggest that we all let Mickie sort this one out on her own. She's a big girl....she knows she has our support.....and she has every right to be here. Also, Tenni had the right to request that women not respond to his thread, after all...he was the OP and it is his right to try to present a thread any way he wishes....doesn't mean we have to listen, but he has the right to request it. Enough said.
Incidentally, I obviously missed that memo since I also responded in this thread as well.....Oooops!.....My bad! LOL!:tongue:
I fit the description perfectly, I am married with children and I am outwardly heterosexual but I have fantasized about sex with other men since my late teens.
I don't feel any emotional attraction to men but feel a strong sexual attraction to male bodies, especially the erect penis which is just wonderful to look at.
The only person I have shared this with is a former girlfriend who was bi herself and I have not seen her for many years.
I have been sexually inactive for a while now due to my wife's ill health and this seems to have strengthened my desires. I have not done anything about it yet but I love to masturbate to gay porn, especially the more believable amateur stuff. I want to perform oral sex on another man more than anything else but I don't feel much desire to kiss and hug.
I am not sure where to take this as the urges come and go and I have little opportunity to act on them, but at least it gives me an exciting sexual fantasy life.
That is the sameway I first brought it up to my wife. But it is really hard to find that right guy that we both agree on LOL
Maybe I did jump to a bigger conclusion than he meant. I've just never been on any forum where I was told I "didn't qualify" to post. But thanks to you all for being so supportive. I just thought it might make a difference to some of you married men to realize that while not all of us wives are going to be excited to participate or overjoyed that you want to participate, it doesn't mean we don't love you. I know it makes me feel better reading that, impulses aside, most of you love your wives.
All these same boats.
I told my wife when we were dating that I liked anal stimulation. She said a lot of guys do and she would finger my ass when giving me a blow job. I had been using a dildo on myself for years and I asked her one day if she would like to use it on me and she freaked out. "Only fags want a dick in their ass!" If you want a dick up there then go live with a fag" So I told her sheesh, I was only kidding. And have never brought it up again. She didn't know that I actually had a dildo. She even got upset if I asked her for two fingers. So now, 7 years into this marriage, our sex life has dropped to about once a year, and I fucking hate it. I never get the finger treatment and with all the resentment, when we fuck, she comes but I don't. We are more like roomates who fuck once a year then we are a spouse. So I spend a lot of time jacking off to porn and as straight porn got boring, I started to look at more and more gay porn and love to fantasize that the guy getting his ass stuffed was me. I even find myself wanting to suck another man and have him suck me. And another turn on is watching a guy having sex with a woman while another man fucks his ass. So I have developed into a straight out Bi guy. I have to much to lose outside of the marriage if I was to come out, so I just keep my thoughts to myself and live life. Now I found this site and hope to meet my "Friend" here and we can enjoy fulfilling the void in our Bi side and still keep the marriage and nobody looses.
Me too ! Lol, I love women the look taste touch feel, the emotional compatibility, but... I do love cock ! Not the man , don't get me wrong I would love to make a special guy friend , one who I can chill wit go to the bar with a friend I can laughs and joke with, some one I can trust to keep my sexuality private and have around my non bi or gay friends and nobody knows what we do behind closed doors it does sound like a non emotional thing but it isnt picture your best friend with a bonus, and my girl knows I'm bi but she's not cool with me fuckin antround so its just strickly fantasie
Being that I am not a bi man I wonder, how easy is to just up and leave your wife to be with another man, so I could be fully sexually satisfied. Cause apparently most bisexual men find more sexual pleasure from men, rather than women, or they don't find women sexually stimulating at all. :confused:
Your talking about homosexuals. You wouldn't be a bi man if you only liked men.:)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Bisexual Virgin
Yup. I'm super open-minded sexually, but after 5 years I've realized that fantasies are NOT going to happen with this girl- it's all formula sex. My occasional outlet is online....Quote:
Originally Posted by MrDeville
If I (the Female of the couple) may add, I have to admit that when my husband told me about his bisexuality I actually jumped out of my skin. :yikes2: But from how happy I was. I feel that a man who can enjoy both M and F is amazing. Knowing that my husband craves cock is a real turn on for me. Hey! just thinking about it I can easily have an sweet orgasm.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHedonic
We're either married to the same woman (That would be conveinient) or we're brother inlaws
I realized I was bi in my early teens. Had emotional and sexual relationships with women but just sex with men. I told me (ex) wife after we got married. Hence the reason she is an ex. But now I've hit the jackpot. My current girlfriend was a swinger Before we met and is not only ok with me being bi but is turned on by it and she is exploring her bi side too. We both have high sex drives and play with couples and single bi men too. We regularly go to our local swingers club and have a profile on sdc.com where we are both listed as bi and can meet other members who are also bi. The last 10 months we have been together has been amazing sexually , thrreesomes and moresomes, and I am now comfortable in identifying as bi - all her friends know, not my kids or co-workers. Small steps. And im learning to get in touch with being bi really means to me. I just kissed a guy for the first time last month. Im in my mid forties.
There are women out there who are open and accepting, but I learned that keeping it a secret and trying to disclose after marriage is not the best or the easiest way to do this. My suggestion is to discuss before you get married and if they don't want to get married once they know, then it is probably for the best. Painful at first but much better than years of pain, guilt, shame and deceit. One common thread in the thread (sorry about that) is not IT DOES NOT GO AWAY ! The desire to be with the same sex is there and will return even if one can suppress it for a time and then cause more pain for the spouse.