Does this sound bi to you?

I know that a lot of people say not to focus on labels, and that labels don't matter, and while I kind of agree with that, being able to label myself would help a lot in figuring out what I want.



When I was little, I remember noticing and thinking how attractive people were, both male and female. For example, I loved the Professor on Gilligan's Island because I thought he was so cute (haha), and I only read the Samantha "American Girls" books because I thought she was the prettiest. I had a "crush" on a boy in second grade, and another one on my closest male friend in fourth/fifth grade, but other than that, I didn't really get many crushes in elementary and middle school. I remember thinking that was really weird, and picking a boy at church to pretend I had a crush on, in case anyone asked. Around middle school, I started to notice how hot women's bodies are and that I could be turned on watching the lesbian scenes on late night Cinemax. However, I was kinda a little horndog, so I watched the straight scenes all the time too, and was turned on by those, maybe to a slightly lesser extent. However, it was around middle/high school that I realized that the male body itself doesn't turn me on. Like, shirtless guys? Nothing. Shirtless women? Oh hell yes. However, I never had any kind of crushes on girls. I wasn't really social with friends or interested in dating in high school. I started to get really into music, though, and developed crazy crushes on these celebrity musicians (all guys).



This lasted until college, when I started meeting guys I was really interested in. I had one major infatuation that didn't end up going anywhere, but I was so hung up on him it ruled my life. I then started actively seeking out boys because I wanted a boyfriend so badly, and when I finally got one, I felt like my dreams were answered. From the moment I met him, I wanted him. I thought he was attractive and I wanted him to ask me out so badly, The courtship was so much fun, and I felt like i was floating all the time on cloud nine. When we did get together, I was thrilled. I wanted to spend every second with him; I wanted to touch him and kiss him and make out with him forever, and I was so physically turned on by him. This is what confused me, however. I had always known that the female body could get me going and the male body couldn't, but here I was, super aroused just sitting next to him. It's like his whole entity turned me on. I remember being slightly concerned at one point that his body didn't turn me on, but I felt like it was such a miniscule issue at the time because I was so into him in every other way. I couldn't wait to have sex with him, and I really enjoyed it for a few months. It started to get a little boring after a few months, but I still enjoyed it and desired it because I loved him. After about a year and a half, I stopped getting turned on as easily, and started worrying if its because I'm gay. We're still together at this point, but I'm not sure I still love him. I do usually still enjoy (sometimes very much!) having sex with him, but I very rarely am the one to initiate anymore.



Now, when I think about women, I feel so warm and fuzzy. I felt warm and fuzzy about men too, but not as completely as I do with women, and I know it's because of my attraction to the body. I have no experience with a woman, but I imagine it would be so much more intense and intimate than with a man. I very rarely masturbate, but if I do, usually imaging the female body is what does it for me, though imagining a specific man I have a crush on doing things to me can work too. I feel like a lesbian because my arousal to the female body seems so powerful and immediate, but my feelings and attractions to certain men felt SO REAL I can't imagine they weren't. Is it possible to be so in denial that you can fake incredible infatuation feelings, serious arousal, and the feeling that you're so happy with a man?



I know this was unbelievably long, and I apologize. If you got through it and have any kind of insight, I'd really appreciate it! I just can't seem to decide if I'm bisexual or a lesbian with severe denial.

As a man, this is one that I can't even take a bite at. The reasons behind motives, a mans vs. a womans, that is, as vastly different in many ways. To note; females are more mature than men and much more emotional in discerning motives. I believe that if men were as emotional and mature as women, there would be less acting out on inate curiousities. With that, I will give way to the more sensible of the two sexes. Good luck.

As I always do with questions like this I start out with a definition of bisexuality. Bisexuality is an attraction to both genders in a sexual and/or romantic way. You can have different levels of attraction (these levels of attraction can ebb and flow over time) and different types of attraction to the different sexes. For example I am a bisexual woman who is attracted to men in a romantic and sexual way, while I am only attracted to women sexually.

I see no problem with labeling one's self. I have no more issue labeling my sexuality as I do with labeling myself as a woman, an artist, or whatever. It is just as much a part of you as other things are and I don't get the big deal people have with labeling yourself. It helps you sort things out in your mind and it helps you come to terms with who and what you are.

Now, I only think that you can decide what your sexuality is. No one can tell you what you are or are not. Think about what bisexuality is and decide if the definition of it fits you. If I had to call it I would say that it sounds to me that you are a bisexual, but there is no way I can know for sure.

It sounds to me you have more romantic attraction to women while with men you have a sexual attraction and a slight romantic attraction. I could be wrong, but that is how it seems to me. I hope that this has helped.

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Originally Posted by lmorg98

I know that a lot of people say not to focus on labels, and that labels don't matter, and while I kind of agree with that, being able to label myself would help a lot in figuring out what I want...

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You get the "Best First Post of the Month Award"! :)

Okay, there is no such award. But seriously, hell of a post!

- Drew :paw:

I would say that you are bisexual, but that's just my outside view looking in. I have been with my husband for 10 years, but I am definitely sexually attracted to women, (a fact that he appreciates!) I couldn't really see myself in a relationship with a woman, but who knows, at this point, I can't see myself in a relationship with anyone aside from him. For me, gender isn't an issue, I am turned on by both sexes. Even in my dating years, I never had a relationship with another female, just physical encounters. Sometimes I think that because of the gender roles that are assigned to us by society, the opportunities for relationships that are presented to us are more traditional, and if we want to find something outside of the "norm" (I am saying this without judgement), we have to go looking for it.

Jobelorocks is right. Only you can define or label your sexuality. Now if it were me to label it? I would say Bisexual with a interest in men, but your interest in women is stronger. For myself personally/ I'm straight up Bisexual, I have both romantic and sexual interests in both women and men. However, as Jobelorocks said: You can have different levels of attraction (these levels of attraction can ebb and flow over time). For me at times, my attraction is stronger towards women, at others towards guys and at even other times it comes in as an equal tie. I've had relationships and sexual encounters with both, and I enjoyed them. In the end its all in how you feel. I know that's difficult, but that's where you have to start. Discover how you truly feel, then go from there.