are same sex tendencies, chosen, or are people born this way? your opinion matters
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are same sex tendencies, chosen, or are people born this way? your opinion matters
If I slap someone, that person either likes it or doesn't. Same with sexuality, but different factors are involved. Can be upbringing, may be hormones, something, but it isn't chosen. Either ones likes men, women, or both.
Interesting issue and probably no solid evidence for either.
Same sex attraction is one thing that gays and researchers have explored. I suspect that those factors are different for bisexuals than homosexuals. With bisexuals there are many self reports of an ebb and flow aspect to same sex attraction. It seems to vary over a lifetime as well. People also report that they do not feel that they are in control of their same sex attraction. Some report that the flow can alter so that there is no opposite gender attraction as part of a pattern.
Others report that the same sex attraction is non existent for their adult life until around 40 years old..mostly reported by biguys. Some report early childhood same sex experiences that influenced their same sex attraction whether the person is gay or bisexual. Environment may impact same sex activity and its starting points but the answer is unresolved leaning more towards same sex attraction being a natural development. Also, discussion of same sex attraction in today's society probably reduces taboos that may have prevented a more open exploration of same sex even if it is decided that it is not the base of a person's sexuality.
With all this variation in attraction, it seems unrealistic to believe that bisexuals have any control over same sex attraction. Whether it is genetic(nature) or nuture(something in the environment) has been an on going discussion about many aspects of humanity. Gays have put forth a strong argument to reject environment and politically state that same sex attraction is innate. Personally, I suspect that the variation and fluidity of sexual attraction in bisexuals is innate and develops over time and intensity as far as the same sex attraction.
Interesting question; I hope more thoughtful replies follow.
I may have been bisexual at birth. One of my most vivid early memories was getting spanked for kissing both girls and boys at a birthday party, when I was 5. (I had been warned before)
Never could grasp my parents' reasoning, that I could kiss all the girls I wanted to, as long as it wasn't against their will, but I was surely going to HELL, if I kept kissing boys!
I never understood why it felt perfectly normal for me to be attracted to both girls and boys, while others were diametrically opposed to same-gender sexual interaction! That was long before "If it feels good, do it!" was coined.
I knew what I liked and didn't care a bit who, or what, others liked....I was just doing what felt natural to me.
I have always been bisexual. I seduced another boy into having oral sex with me when I was 5. Even today, I am frightened when I think about what the punishment would have been if I had been caught. At that time, it frightened me enough not to continue boy-boy sex and I did not resume until very much later in life. Fear of extreme punishment did not change me but did alter my behavior.
I think both...i have friends that are just gay period, born that way, and others that discovered it later, and plainly enjoy the lifestyle
Tough question to answer. I think it is a bit of both though I don't pretend to know. The tendency has to be there but there also has to be a willingness to indulge it. Then there is also the matter of being willing to take the risk which depends on the circumstances one grows up in & lastly there must be an opportunity.
I came of age in the early 70's in a rural mid-west setting. You were either "normal" or a "faggot". We didn't even know bisexuality existed. I was always very sexual even as a child & I wonder if the social mores had been those of today if I wouldn't have become actively bisexual much sooner. The first man I was ever attracted to was a young asian man in the mid-70's, but I was too wracked with fear to act on that attraction. I was in my 30's before I was strong enough emotionally to truly acknowledge fully that I might be anything other than "normal". My interest in same-sex grew at that point (in a rather narcissistic way) out of my admiration for my own body. (I was quite a sexy hunk!) I began to think things like; "You know, if I knew a guy who was as sexy as me with a cock just like mine I think I would enjoy sucking it!" But, I still waited until my 40's to begin acting on it. Being bisexual has been more of a blessing than a curse in my life.
How does one determine the root of anything that anyone is sexually attracted to?
i can't tell you day one of my attraction to other men. Hell, my attraction to females, I can only trace back as far as kindergarten, and the cute little blonde haired girl. But why then, and why her, no clue... Oh yeah, and back then it really wasn't a "sexual attraction " since I didn't even know what sex was back then.
There are almost as many different reasons for someone being bisexual as there are people. Certainly some people are tilted that way at birth. I've talked to people who are attracted to men because of having a cold, unaffectionate father. In my case, some of my reason is that my brother and I would "help each other" when we were kids. As an older gent, I've run into many seniors who started to get attracted to men when their wives gave up sex. I've also been friends with people who were introduced to it in the military or prisons. These places tend to turn out lots of what we could call "situational" bisexuals.
Personally, I tend to favor the argument that most people are born capable of having intimacy with either sex but societal taboos tend to cancel this out. Unfortunately, this viewpoint is viewed as a huge danger to the gays and lesbians, who seem to think that they are somehow coded that way and refuse to consider any other possibilities. I can see the political reasons for this but I don't agree. A man who marries, has satisfying sex with his wife for 30 years, produces three kids, and then meets a man and falls in love, isn't gay, he's a card-carrying bisexual. And anyway, why does it matter if it's a choice or not. It's our @#$% bodies and we can damn well do with them what we want.
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Originally Posted by PeninAZ
...I have to agree...
Born this way. If it was a choice I would be 100% straight as life would be so much easier that way.
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Originally Posted by JackTexas94
...I think I was born b...but given the choice I don't think I'd un-suck that first cock...I liked it too much...
I sucked my first cock when I was 5 or so. The guy was like 7 or so. He lived next door and showed me how to do it.Quote:
Originally Posted by charles-smythe
He sucked on me first for like 5 seconds, then I sucked him for a few seconds or so.
I didn't like it. I never got any pleasure from it. I don't enjoy sucking cock at all.
That's the reason I find it very strange why so many guys like sucking cock when I didn't.
I don't mind getting head from a guy if he enjoys it a lot. It turns me on I can give my cock to a person and make him/her happy.
However, if the person is doing it but doesn't enjoy it, I get turned off and don't want to get sucked at all. Is this normal?
I always felt "different" growing up - I just did not care to be aggressive the way other boys were..had a hell of an imagination though - I often role played pretending to be different people, some male, some female..some of my young friends even used to play along.
Let me put it this way - it is true, you can CHOOSE whether or not you have sex, but have you ever tried to choose who you fall in love with?
My teenage years were painful, growing up I would have given anything to "be normal" if I could - I knew what the people I looked up to thought about men who liked other men.
I used to beg God, "Why did you make me this way?" The answers I received ranged from silence, to "I'm sorry" to "I had to so you would understand." ..and in a way I do understand - I know what it is like to be on the outside looking in at what other people think of as "normal" - so I am not so quick to judge someone who is a little bit different any more.
Would I give it up now if I could? There are days when wanting what I want is a burden, and it is hard to find folks to date around here...but I was given the gift of an open mind - whether I wanted it or not - it is a part of who I am now..I'm not so sure I would give it away any more.
Someone's sexuality is not a choice.
But sometimes it can take time for someone to figure it out. A gay male friend of mine didn't know he was gay until he was in his mid 20s, and before he was in his mid 20s he'd only had sex with women since he didn't know he was gay and men or the same gender was not available to him for sexual partners, and he said sex with women wasn't bad but he just was not sexually attracted to any woman or the female sex/gender at all.
I've been this way all my life...and as I explained to my once girlfriend, "I don't know how to be any other way-this is who I am; I've tried to not be this way years ago and it didn't work"...and it's true.
Others report that the same sex attraction is non existent for their adult life until around 40 years old..mostly reported by biguys.
Exactly my situation --started having same sex attraction at 41
are same sex tendencies, chosen, or are people born this way? your opinion matters
So many social science classes I've taken taught sexual preference is genetic and fixed . I think that was the scientific consensus of a long time ago; it was wrong and textbooks are slow to change. My last class was in 2009, so maybe they have updated since.
i started becoming curious in my early 20's.......it was off & on for years but over the years it's been steadier.
I first recognized my interest in my 40's.
BUT - as I look back on things from my past, I see things that tell me it was always there, just unlikely I had the capability to recognize it.
I happened across a picture of a naked guy juggling the other day. I had a sudden flashback to a penthouse or playboy from my late teens or early 20's. The photo shoot was of a girl juggling, and two men, facing the other way with their back to the camera, one on either side, juggling, and I remember clearly being interested in what little I could see hanging between their legs... but I was still openly focused on the girl...
It's been here a long time...
Well said Thatcher. I favor your argument as well. Agree with every word.
I first got interested in my 40's also. Never thought I would want a guy to suck my cock let alone suck a cock. However during sex with my wife she started telling me what a turn on it would be for her to see me having sex with a man. While she was stroking my cock she would tell me how much she wanted to watch a man suck my cock. When we were fucking she would put her fingers in my mouth and tell to think about it being a hard cock. I couldn't believe how much this was turning me on. The sex was fantastic. She then surprised the hell out of me when I came home from work one day and she told me she found a bi guy on line that she wanted us to meet for a drink and bring back to the house if it felt right. After a few drinks and more of her telling me how masculine it would be to see me with a man I gave in. I really wanted t do it. We have done it an few times now. On one occasion when she was out of town she suggested I go to a gay bar and pick someone up which I did. When she got home and I told her all the details we had incredible sex. I guess the same sex capacity may have been in me but she definitely brought it out.
If pussy was as available as cock, I'm pretty sure I'd be straight. My overzealous sex drive pushes me into areas that would probably be left unexplored. Plus it seems to need variety and the wife prefers I keep my extramarital sex pussy free.
I think that it is a combination of nature(born that way) and aging altering our sexual attraction in some cases. I'm not sure but I wonder if it is a chemical hormone change? There is no evidence but one wonders. I think that the pressure to conform to heteronormative standards may cause some to repress their same sex attraction.
tenni, you and re of the same opinon