PDA

View Full Version : Do older men turn bi???



loveatl
Jul 7, 2010, 4:54 PM
Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

tenni
Jul 7, 2010, 5:48 PM
From my experience, you have hit upon many of the reasons. Society is more open to exploring and discussing sexuality today than twenty or thirty years ago. Therefore, younger people are more open to exploring what was once more of a taboo more so today. They may explore comfortably what was once forbidden. Emotional expression between younger men may be less restrictive than it was for older men in their youth.

I also suspect that there is something that happens to men as they mature after 40. There can be a huge shift in values. Perhaps a boredom of traditional sexual expression and a desire for excitement may become factors. Mid life values change from a twenty year old not just sexually but some may question how they will live the remaining years of their lives. The significance of sexual expression may change for some. Physical and emotional needs and desire may change. The body's responses changes sexually for some. Sexual urges may change and to add to it a more openness to explore. The drive to orgasm may change from an urgency to appreciating the journey of sexual body interaction becoming more important. A man may become more in tune with his body's erotic sensations beyond his cock.

There may also be psychological experiences of disconnect and isolation from other men. As many men experience the "dream" falling apart, they experience marriage break up. The role of women's lib may cause a man to question many aspects of traditional relationships and their role in society. A change in attitude to no longer see other men as a threat in a competitive way. There may be a desire to regain that connection between men from their early parts of their young life in ways that have been seen as traditionally inappropriate for an adult male.



Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

biguy3113
Jul 7, 2010, 5:49 PM
It does seem to be that older men are more open to it. I do wish the younger generation would wake up and be Bi, lol it would make my searching much easier.

Cherokee_Mountaincat
Jul 7, 2010, 5:54 PM
The role of women's lib may cause a man to question many aspects of traditional relationships and their role in society

Women's Lib??? Whats that got to do with an older man deciding he'd like to try something that he passed on in the past?
I say if you want to experiment and fullfill a desire, and no one will be distressed by it, like say wife, girlfriend, ect, then go for it!
Have fun Sugar.
Liberated Cat:bigrin:;):female:

csrakate
Jul 7, 2010, 5:58 PM
Tenni,
Why do you persist in your assumption that women isolate men from other men??? You constantly make comments suggesting that we insist that they give up their close friendships once we are married....that just isn't true across the board. Maybe it happened to YOU....or maybe it happened to YOUR friends...but it's not something that happens on a regular basis...and it's a far stretch to blame women for the onset of bisexuality in men when they reach older ages.

tenni
Jul 7, 2010, 6:02 PM
Why bless your heart sweetie. If you read my first line, I wrote from my experience.

I've been told this by many men who have had their marriage breakdown. That doesn't omit a man's role in the marriage breakdown or a failure to adapt to societal change but it is a reality from my experience. You do not have to accept it but then you are not living in a middle aged man's body. That is not to say that all men experience this. I know a lot of guys who give up on chics and turn to dicks after divorce one or two at least for awhile. They see it as easier and less complicated. That is not to say that they totally give up on women. For some it is a rebound experience of I wonder what sucking dick is like? etc...lol

Kate
It is not women who separate men from each other as often as it is men who separate themselves from other men more often than not. In some possibilities it is uncertainty or maybe even homophobia. Men are sometimes encouraged to see other men as competitors not all but it can be a pressure in business etc. But yes, I have seen men find themselves isolated other than work and their wives. I have heard men say that their wives do not want them to have friends and that is how the man sees it. It may not be how the wife sees it at all.


The role of women's lib may cause a man to question many aspects of traditional relationships and their role in society

Women's Lib??? Whats that got to do with an older man deciding he'd like to try something that he passed on in the past?
I say if you want to experiment and fullfill a desire, and no one will be distressed by it, like say wife, girlfriend, ect, then go for it!
Have fun Sugar.
Liberated Cat:bigrin:;):female:

Cherokee_Mountaincat
Jul 7, 2010, 6:08 PM
Back'atcha Darlin. I see you have some experiance in this matter, so I'll concede this round to you.
Have a great day Dumpling. :}
Cat

mikey3000
Jul 7, 2010, 6:34 PM
Another good question. I was in my late thirties when I "turned" bi. I had some experiences in my youth, but nothing I craved at all. Then it hit me like a tidal wave. I know why I turned bi, but I want to hear other's reasons first, just in case I'm way off base and start an international incident.:bigrin:

chans152
Jul 7, 2010, 6:44 PM
I feel that a couple of the guys I have talked to were definitely bi because of lack of women. Not to mention they were just bad at everything sex related. They were nice it just seemed obvious once I was with them why they were single and bi.

I can't really speak on more than that as I am young and was bi with a girlfriend.

csrakate
Jul 7, 2010, 6:46 PM
Some men discover that they are bisexual or even gay later in life after being married for decades and living in the closet.

A lot of older bisexual men on this site have said they have wives that are no longer beautiful, that do not have a desire for sex as much or at all after menopause, and many of these men's wives have let themselves go physically with their weight and do not age well.
I am going to withhold my response because I am considering the source....but this REALLY pisses me off!

Realist
Jul 7, 2010, 6:51 PM
I'm 70 and have been bi all my life, but I do know of others who have developed the "Taste" for same-gender intimacy later in life. I can think of at least 3 men, who tried (and liked it) when they were in their 50s and 60s.

I know one older fellow who tried it, but quickly returned to his hetero life-style.

I have a female friend who's first attempted a same-sex relationship was after her husband died. In fact, years ago, when I came out to her, she was aghast at the thought of my being with another man.

She was 70, 3 years ago, when she moved in with another widow! To her surprise, they quickly became lovers. She told me that she is so sorry that she never attempted being with a woman before, because it's been one of the most thrilling and fulfilling relationships of her life.

mikey3000
Jul 7, 2010, 6:55 PM
I am going to withhold my response because I am considering the source....but this REALLY pisses me off!
And they're off!!!!!

Kate, have to defend the guy's opinion, cause he is absolutely right. Many, many people let themselves go after marriage. Happens all the time.

just4mefc
Jul 7, 2010, 6:59 PM
Some men discover that they are bisexual or even gay later in life after being married for decades and living in the closet.

A lot of older bisexual men on this site have said they have wives that are no longer beautiful, that do not have a desire for sex as much or at all after menopause, and many of these men's wives have let themselves go physically with their weight and do not age well.

OMG this is a load of crap if ever there was one. Men want to suck the dicks of other men because their wive's let themselves go? Yup that is it, They don't say the wife is not fun anymore think I will fuck my secretary or hit on her sister, nope the say give me some man love. I know, their wives are at the point where that little mustache starts to grow and then don't tend to it. Then the guy say wtf if she is gonna look a guy I might as well go some dick!

Who has said they are now bi because well "she didn't age well" name one. Let alone lots.

Good laugh though :bigrin:

csrakate
Jul 7, 2010, 7:05 PM
And they're off!!!!!

Kate, have to defend the guy's opinion, cause he is absolutely right. Many, many people let themselves go after marriage. Happens all the time.

Mikey...I have no intention in getting into a fight with that fellow or anyone else.....so your "And they're off" comment was not necessary.

As a woman who has experienced menopause, who has had to suffer through a hysterectomy and diminished sex drive due to both situations, I find it sad that many men, the poster included, can be so cavalier to think that these are the reasons a man's attention turns to the same sex. This is not something a woman chooses. As a matter of fact, it is highly frustrating to be unable to achieve orgasm after years of being able to do so and to do so multiple times....it's highly frustrating to not get that special "tingle" when your husband touches you. But it is not a permanent situation and with a little time and a lot of understanding, this too passes.

I struggled to do what I could to keep my husband satisfied during this time of our lives and I guess I am just damned lucky he didn't decide to bail on me when times were tough. We worked together as a couple to keep the love alive...and now that the struggle has passed, we have a fabulous sex life that would rival any. Don't be so quick to place the blame on the menopausal wife or the middle aged woman....it's not fun for them either....believe me. Can't men just accept that maybe...just maybe...they have decided to try their bi side because they are older and they don't want to die without having ever tried??? Couldn't it just be that the desire just deepens over time...Does it HAVE to be because they have an overweight, undersexed wife????

tenni
Jul 7, 2010, 7:10 PM
You know it is interesting about sexual drive. Sometimes a guy may lose it for awhile but I heard stories about really old guys fully demented still wanking. They were completely unaware that a nurse or whoever came in...wank..wank...lol:eek::tong:

The nurse that I knew never stated that women did that though? Maybe, guys are just horny toads all their lives...lol I just wonder if I will be a demented 80 year old wanking in my room oblivious to others....lol..oh my..embarrassed now for future errors.. I can not see me sucking dick though...getting my dick sucked yes. I never know though what I might do.

I've also heard that medical people are surprised to discover that some people both men and women have strong sexual urges very late in life. As far as a partner letting themselves go, it can happen both ways. It doesn't make sense that would make a guy seek out dick but that would not surprise me. I won't write why...cuz it will cause a lot of stir.

csrakate
Jul 7, 2010, 7:15 PM
You know it is interesting about sexual drive. Sometimes a guy may lose it for awhile but I heard stories about really old guys fully demented still wanking. They were completely unaware that a nurse or whoever came in...wank..wank...lol:eek::tong:

The nurse that I knew never stated that women did that though? Maybe, guys are just horny toads all their lives...lol I just wonder if I will be a demented 80 year old wanking in my room oblivious to others....lol..oh my..embarrassed now for future errors.. I can not see me sucking dick though...getting my dick sucked yes. I never know though what I might do.

I've also heard that medical people are surprised to discover that some people both men and women have strong sexual urges very late in life. As far as a partner letting themselves go, it can happen both ways. It doesn't make sense that would make a guy seek out dick but that would not surprise me. I won't write why...cuz it will cause a lot of stir.

A fun fact, Tenni....especially with the introduction of Viagra, there is a major increase of STD's in nursing homes. Seems the old folks still do it...and do it quite often and with many different partners. Doesn't sound they they are too demented to find their way to the bed LOL!

mikey3000
Jul 7, 2010, 7:23 PM
Kate, please note that I specifically did not indicate any gender. Both men and women are guilty of letting themselves go.

One woman I know, an old high school friend, has put on over 150 lbs in her first 10 years of marriage (just turned 40, so menopause is not the cause) and her husband is disgusted by it. And with the weight came a foul attitude. He has gone with her to doctors and what not, but she doesn't see the problem. She likes herself as she is now and is not going to change, says she feels empowered now. Actually she blames him for getting her pregnant twice. Blames the weight on the pregnancies. Is that right? She has turned him off women so completely now that he prefers the company of men. Yet he's still the same weight, and takes great care in his appearance and grooming.

So when he hit on me, we fucked like wild in their back yard.:bigrin:

just4mefc
Jul 7, 2010, 7:49 PM
That is because the men who have affairs with other men during middle age and say that it's because their wives no longer want sex and let themselves go are bisexual or gay and are not heterosexual despite being married to a woman.

If these men were straight they would not go have sex with men or want it instead if they were going to stray they'd have sex with women like you wrote. I never said that these middle aged married men that have sex with men were hetero or straight to begin with.

csrakate and other women here do not want to hear this fact or accept that some women do lose their sex drive after kids and menopause and let themselves go but it does happen and it is a reason why men both bisexual and straight decide to have affairs on their wives.

Lots of closeted Bisexual married men have the idea that "Hey my wife isn't wanting sex anymore after menopause, having kids, and letting herself go. I've always been curious about what sex with a guy is like, or I want to try it again since the last time I did it with a guy I was younger. What she does not know won't hurt her! It's just sex!"

The original post was do older men turn bi and you said they do because the women are ugly. The sex drive or no sex drive of wives has nothing to do with bi curiosities, totally absurd.

mikey3000
Jul 7, 2010, 7:56 PM
The original post was do older men turn bi and you said they do because the women are ugly. The sex drive or no sex drive of wives has nothing to do with bi curiosities, totally absurd.
Why??

just4mefc
Jul 7, 2010, 8:52 PM
.....
Any woman who purposely withholds sex from her husband or who refuses to eat right and exercise, get help for a low sex drive, or who refuses to even acknowledge that she has these issues or talk about them is not helping matters and is playing sick mind games with her husband.
.....


Dude seriously you need help. ROFLMFAO. I am sure this attitude is a real hit with the ladies lol Of course I have been to this circus before and know who I am dealing with, some clowns never stop crawling out from under the same damn car. But you sure do make me smile :bigrin:

just4mefc
Jul 7, 2010, 8:58 PM
Why??

Why what Mikey my man? Why is it absurd that men turn "bi" because their wives are ugly? If it were as simplistic as this, we would have no need for hookers nor "the other woman" now would we? OMG it just makes me smile so much. I want a situation comedy about this. Perhaps featuring GW and Barbara Bush. GW says "I slept with Chaney because you are not as sexy as you use to be. I think you made me a Bisexable or sumthin" TOO DAMN FUNNY

mikey3000
Jul 7, 2010, 9:08 PM
It worked for Mimi Rogers. She got tired of dealing with men (three marriages) and is now a lesbian, or are you going to say she was closeted all her life?

Why do you find it so hard to accept that some people have such bad experiences with the opposite sex that they try pitching for the other team? Many others on here have discussed the fluidity of human sexuality, so why can't someone choose to try the same sex? Or should we not have that choice and just pin it on genetics? There will always be a need for hookers and "other women", as long as marriage exists, but for some, it is a valid choice to try the other side, and I say all the power to them. And for some reason, I expect that men and women will differ on this topic, so let's see if I'm right.

wrzwldo69
Jul 7, 2010, 9:20 PM
Why what Mikey my man? Why is it absurd that men turn "bi" because their wives are ugly? If it were as simplistic as this, we would have no need for hookers nor "the other woman" now would we? OMG it just makes me smile so much. I want a situation comedy about this. Perhaps featuring GW and Barbara Bush. GW says "I slept with Chaney because you are not as sexy as you use to be. I think you made me a Bisexable or sumthin" TOO DAMN FUNNY
This topic is finally getting serious
I vote for a show where Bruce is explaining to Demi why he keeps going over to Brads house:)
Without being serious
let us doofers describe how we got this way, its a good discussion non deserving of a shutdown - much more offensive attitudes out there
we all might learn something
let's own our own sexuality

just4mefc
Jul 7, 2010, 9:26 PM
It worked for Mimi Rogers. She got tired of dealing with men (three marriages) and is now a lesbian, or are you going to say she was closeted all her life?

Why do you find it so hard to accept that some people have such bad experiences with the opposite sex that they try pitching for the other team? Many others on here have discussed the fluidity of human sexuality, so why can't someone choose to try the same sex? Or should we not have that choice and just pin it on genetics? There will always be a need for hookers and "other women", as long as marriage exists, but for some, it is a valid choice to try the other side, and I say all the power to them.

Whoa there buddy get off your High horse and smooth your feathers. I was commenting on a specific claim that men become Bi because the woman was ugly. I did not say any of this other crap you are trying to applying to me. Did I mention Mimi Rogers? Did I question the fluidity of sex? NOPE. If you read any of my posts you would know I personally feel we are all born bisexual as a species and life nurtures us to choose the ends of str8 OR Gay. So of course I know anyone at anytime can discover what I would call their true self. So I echo your words "more power to them"

I am responding to my favorite clown on this site who always beats the same damn drum. Gets banned, puts on a new nose and then crawls out from another mini car only to have the exact same bit. He makes me smile with his absurdity.

cornholejoe
Jul 7, 2010, 9:54 PM
all the older guys i know turn bi so they can suck a dick and get it in the ass because they like it the ones i do it too i also do there wifes in threesomes that is the only i will do bi is in a threesome

mikey3000
Jul 7, 2010, 10:31 PM
Whoa there buddy get off your High horse and smooth your feathers. I was commenting on a specific claim that men become Bi because the woman was ugly. I did not say any of this other crap you are trying to applying to me. Did I mention Mimi Rogers? Did I question the fluidity of sex? NOPE. If you read any of my posts you would know I personally feel we are all born bisexual as a species and life nurtures us to choose the ends of str8 OR Gay. So of course I know anyone at anytime can discover what I would call their true self. So I echo your words "more power to them"

I am responding to my favorite clown on this site who always beats the same damn drum. Gets banned, puts on a new nose and then crawls out from another mini car only to have the exact same bit. He makes me smile with his absurdity.

My high horse? Smooth my feathers? Trying to apply "crap" to you? LOL! I thought I gave my opinions, not at all quoting you. Really. I can think for my self. But I'll take the following poster's advice and not get drawn in to a squabble.


This topic is finally getting serious
I vote for a show where Bruce is explaining to Demi why he keeps going over to Brads house:)
Without being serious
let us doofers describe how we got this way, its a good discussion non deserving of a shutdown - much more offensive attitudes out there
we all might learn something
let's own our own sexuality

Ok, I'll go first. For me it is being surrounded by females my entire life. My dad died when I was very young and I had no one to step in as a positive male role model. I was raised by my mom, an older sister and an aunt.

So in short, it was a total lack of male affection growing up, then once again finding myself surrounded by women later in life, that triggered me "turning bi" in my mid thirties and thus my search for male affection. Yeah, I know, Freud would have a ball with me, but I don't care. I like me. I found what was lacking and I fixed it. No harm, no fowl. BTW, this transformation happened rather quick, just a few years ago when I was 37.

wrzwldo69
Jul 7, 2010, 10:39 PM
my dad died early and we never enjoyed an adult relationship
sometimes i wonder if that is part of it - though i am not drawn sexually to older men
i will go back to evolution and biology- if it got us from protozoa to discussing this in a relatively short period of time
what is it doing today
nature or nuture???

twntexas
Jul 7, 2010, 11:02 PM
Well, like many other older bi guys I've talked to, I had sexual experiances with a friend as puperty was setting in. At 16 though we were both into girls and nothing else. Later in life though, I guess afer 50 or so, my desires shifted more to the things me and my buddy used to do. I read some were that as men age thier testosterone levels decrease to levels simular to the ones they had at puberty. When testosterone is down, estrogen, though more a costant, has a larger effect. Could be the reason.

nudistbione
Jul 7, 2010, 11:29 PM
My own personal story is that as a younger guy 14 I received orl sex form a man and contiuned having guys service me orally till I was about 25. Then after many years of marriage and an a divorce in the works I meet a bi couple on AFF and from there meet more bi guys. I myself do not suck but do enjoy the way a giuy can make me feel ..

jem_is_bi
Jul 8, 2010, 12:09 AM
Mikey...I have no intention in getting into a fight with that fellow or anyone else.....so your "And they're off" comment was not necessary.

As a woman who has experienced menopause, who has had to suffer through a hysterectomy and diminished sex drive due to both situations, I find it sad that many men, the poster included, can be so cavalier to think that these are the reasons a man's attention turns to the same sex. This is not something a woman chooses. As a matter of fact, it is highly frustrating to be unable to achieve orgasm after years of being able to do so and to do so multiple times....it's highly frustrating to not get that special "tingle" when your husband touches you. But it is not a permanent situation and with a little time and a lot of understanding, this too passes.

I struggled to do what I could to keep my husband satisfied during this time of our lives and I guess I am just damned lucky he didn't decide to bail on me when times were tough. We worked together as a couple to keep the love alive...and now that the struggle has passed, we have a fabulous sex life that would rival any. Don't be so quick to place the blame on the menopausal wife or the middle aged woman....it's not fun for them either....believe me. Can't men just accept that maybe...just maybe...they have decided to try their bi side because they are older and they don't want to die without having ever tried??? Couldn't it just be that the desire just deepens over time...Does it HAVE to be because they have an overweight, undersexed wife????



Your explanation is definitely correct about me and I have never been married.

I have always been bisexual (significantly more toward gay side of bisexual) all of my life. But, I never did anything about it until I was 58 yrs old. In spite of the lack of sexual satisfaction, I was happy with life and believed that acting on sexual my feeling would not increased my satisfaction with life. Further, I suspect it would have significantly reduced happiness, given social and family imposed penalties. So, I have no regrets about my choice, much of what I very much treasure in my life would not have happened if I was actively bisexual earlier in life.
But, at 58, the thought of never having sex with another man before I die started causing nightmares.
Now, I have had the same male partner for almost 5 years.
Now, sex is absolutely fabulous.

But, I am not out to family and friends. Although, I am sure some friends know because I do not limit my life to avoid detection. So, will my sexuality cause me problems? Yes, I am sure it will cause significant problems at some point.
But, I have good dreams now and I won’t die without knowing the joy of having sex with another man just the way I was always suppose to have sex, maybe from the time I was born. With some luck, he and I will be special for each other until the end of one of us.

Cherokee_Mountaincat
Jul 8, 2010, 1:40 AM
lol Guys..and lady Kate. Look at the wording, and see where it was leading. Do you see the pattern there? I wondered when n2 was gunna show his true colors and he did. And he pulled people down with him. He accomplished what he Always does...stir up trouble.
Not All older men are gunna 'turn' bi or gay, same for us women. Not All of us are gunna run out and turn lesbian on accounta bad marriages and menopause or turn into Cougars. That's sterotyping and profiling.
Ya'll have some great opinions, so lets discuss, not cuss...ok? :}
Cat

Long Duck Dong
Jul 8, 2010, 1:53 AM
lol Guys..and lady Kate. Look at the wording, and see where it was leading. Do you see the pattern there? I wondered when n2 was gunna show his true colors and he did. And he pulled people down with him. He accomplished what he Always does...stir up trouble.
Not All older men are gunna 'turn' bi or gay, same for us women. Not All of us are gunna run out and turn lesbian on accounta bad marriages and menopause or turn into Cougars. That's sterotyping and profiling.
Ya'll have some great opinions, so lets discuss, not cuss...ok? :}
Cat

if guys turn bi cos their women folk are supposedly no longer perfect..... does the reverse work as well...... ladies become bi cos they get tired of lacklustre 2 minute sex with a half limp dick attached to a man with a beer gut ?????

seriously, there are many older people that have come from a generation where sex was never discussed....and into a generation, where its discussed, studied, photographed, videoed etc....... and they have the freedom to start to be who they are.........
that to me makes more sense than n2b&d's theory that his blow up doll developed wrinkles

citystyleguy
Jul 8, 2010, 2:31 AM
...well i cant say that i have come across any thing that in anyway supports this thread headliner, other than the old adage that men will do all sorts of radically different things out-of-character when they hit middle age. as to the crap about women being the cause, that male-centric excuse is a whole load of shit!!! like mel gibson on his anti-semetic, racist ranting can be blamed on alcohol!!!

if it is a to believed that men now reaching their 50's and suddenly being bitten by that bi-bug, well as someone said further up in the thread, it may come from growing up in an age that said men are men, and anything else should be shot that doesnt walk, talk, and fuck like a straight dude (hell, straight in those days referred only to a ruler, or a plumb line, sure as hell not any reference to sexuality!).

as for myself, i grew up as a young dude totally confused; i got a hard-on for my song leader girlfriend and her gf's, as well as by my swim buddies; at that time the only other recognized sexuality than straight was gay, so what the hell was i???? slowly, as i realized that everything at large was as screwed up as i was, didnt know what the hell they were talking about, etc. i said f ' the lot of them, and dove right into what is now nicely titled bi-sexual; so nice of the world to give yet another label, hope it makes them sleep well at night.

as for me, give me a guy to love, indulge, screw with like rabbits, and give me a woman for the same, the rest of the world can spend their time making tidy little boxes, adorable little labels, figuring why after a lifetime, someone slams on the brakes, does a big u-turn in the highway of life, in order to try something else!

all i ask is that for those who are in your life, you talk to them, include them as much as they can accept in your new life, and do the right thing, as needed, for them.

well that's my :2cents:

now it's time for this older dude to fine me some guy and.... :eek:

magari
Jul 8, 2010, 7:23 AM
I satisfied my bisexual desires for the first time when I was 49...I had always been curious, but had never actively searched it out, as I was completely satisfied with my wife.

We had kids late in life and she had an early menopause. Her sex drive diminished completely, and child rearing kept her exhausted while I was a workaholic. Opportunity for sex disappeared.

During our 40s we aged quickly and we saw our parents become physical wrecks with old age.

I honestly believe many older men, realizing their own demise, turn up he heat on their own sexuality and turn to other women, prostitutes, or other men...whichever is easiest to hide.

The internet has made man to man contact available and easy. Mornings when I'm awake and my wife sleeps, I have wandered to male sites to satify my visual curiosity and chat rooms have led to clandestine trysts.

I have met so many men with a similar story to mine...I'm amazed that it has not become more discussed in the news.

And BTW, I have worked with alot of young people and they are so much more open to bi/gay experiences than I was at that age.

just4mefc
Jul 8, 2010, 1:09 PM
if guys turn bi cos their women folk are supposedly no longer perfect..... does the reverse work as well...... ladies become bi cos they get tired of lacklustre 2 minute sex with a half limp dick attached to a man with a beer gut ?????

seriously, there are many older people that have come from a generation where sex was never discussed....and into a generation, where its discussed, studied, photographed, videoed etc....... and they have the freedom to start to be who they are.........
that to me makes more sense than n2b&d's theory that his blow up doll developed wrinkles

ROFLMAO :bigrin:

Cherokee_Mountaincat
Jul 8, 2010, 3:03 PM
LMAO LDD, you are So bad. D and I were discussing something similar concerning blow up dolls...Oh lord, now my ribs hurt from laughing..
Cat

tenni
Jul 8, 2010, 4:23 PM
"It is one thing to examine the claims of X in a responsible way by calling attention to .... scientific criticisms, it is quite another to violate the key humanistic principle of tolerance."

"We would protest the lack of respect for alternative views in a democratic society."

http://www.centerforinquiry.net/blogs/entry/a_disssenting_view_about_blashphemy_day/

Bi_Druid
Jul 8, 2010, 4:38 PM
Probably already been said but...

YOU DO GET YOUNG BI MEN TOO!
I'm only 26, and been out to myself as bi since 20, but realised I was bi since as long as I can remember really.

I would only guess it's as much a sign of the times thing - people tend to be more open about sexuality these days.

csrakate
Jul 8, 2010, 4:42 PM
"It is one thing to examine the claims of X in a responsible way by calling attention to .... scientific criticisms, it is quite another to violate the key humanistic principle of tolerance."

"We would protest the lack of respect for alternative views in a democratic society."

http://www.centerforinquiry.net/blogs/entry/a_disssenting_view_about_blashphemy_day/

So you wish for us to tolerate the rantings of a troll who purposely made misogynistic comments regarding women being the cause of older onset bisexuality? You call the fact that we were repulsed by his statements as intolerance? I call it defending women against the rants of a troublemaker. We all know he did this on purpose...I do not defend the rights of others who purposely put down an entire gender just to stir up dissension.

tenni
Jul 8, 2010, 4:49 PM
It is not what your wrote Kate that the quotes are for. It is for what was written after. A person may disagree with another person without labelling them and blaming their thoughts because they must be X or Y. That rational has been used fairly frequently here to quiet dissenting views. The quote is a general quote asking for real tolerance and not tolerance for those who agree with you. It is one thing to politely disagree with another person and another to ridicule them personally for holding that view.

loveatl
Jul 8, 2010, 5:49 PM
Let me throw this out there from my expierence---Having done the traditional thing of girl friends,wives(three), I find that the excitement really does get less as you get older. When you first start dating, and having sex, it is all great and exciting, then comes marriage, and you look for ways to spice it up, public places, sex toys, whatever your choice. Then you get sort of "been there done that" and she doesn't want to get "really out there" anymore. So you look for that outlet that might give you that excitement. Maybe you could have an afair, but unless she's bi, or 19, once again it's the same.
Don't belive it has so much to do with a woman's look, as it does what she will do, or not do?? If I could find a woman willing to do the bi, group, role playing thing, I could look over a lot.if she could look over my flaws...
And guys, have you looked in the mirror lately??
So finally, the one thing left to fill our urge to have that excitiment back, we turn to playing with our own??

loveatl
Jul 8, 2010, 5:52 PM
Probably already been said but...

YOU DO GET YOUNG BI MEN TOO!
I'm only 26, and been out to myself as bi since 20, but realised I was bi since as long as I can remember really.

I would only guess it's as much a sign of the times thing - people tend to be more open about sexuality these days.

You are right on it, times are so much different now,

53bimale
Jul 9, 2010, 6:45 AM
Very interesting thread.
For me, I am 58. I have been bi all of my life.....I donot understand "turning bi". It has always been in my mind. The first guy I saw naked, I had sexual feelings about...likewise with females......I was very young when all these feelings were happening......and my family constantly drilled in me, how wrong it was for men to want men sexually........and I had no understanding of why it was wrong...it felt good when I thought of sex with men or women......They had no clue I was "bi". I would have had heck to pay if they did know......
But all I can tell you is I wanted sex with men and women.
That is the way I have been since my first remeberances of sexual thoughts......and still is that way today....
I can not relate to older guys turning bi. I have never been anything else.....
I am a true bi, in that I love sex equally with male and female...I love both......
That is just me......

Biboz49
Jul 9, 2010, 8:26 AM
Very interesting thread.
For me, I am 58. I have been bi all of my life.....I donot understand "turning bi". It has always been in my mind. The first guy I saw naked, I had sexual feelings about...likewise with females......I was very young when all these feelings were happening......and my family constantly drilled in me, how wrong it was for men to want men sexually........and I had no understanding of why it was wrong...it felt good when I thought of sex with men or women......They had no clue I was "bi". I would have had heck to pay if they did know......
But all I can tell you is I wanted sex with men and women.
That is the way I have been since my first remeberances of sexual thoughts......and still is that way today....
I can not relate to older guys turning bi. I have never been anything else.....
I am a true bi, in that I love sex equally with male and female...I love both......
That is just me......

This is my story too with the exception that I didn't know anything about the label "bi" when I was so young. I just thought you were either gay or straight. I knew I liked women so I wasn't gay. Besides back when I was very young I was told it wasn't right to be gay. In my early 40's I had the opportunity to be with a man and it felt so right. I knew then I was bisexual. It confirmed those feelings I've had since I was so young were true. I didn't "turn" bi, I've been bi all my life.

Cinticursub
Jul 9, 2010, 2:37 PM
I had been bi curious while serving in the navy but was way too nervous about the whole thing. In 1972 being bi or gay while serving in the military was out of the question, immediate discharge. It wasn't until 5-6 yrs ago did I come out to my wife that I was bi curious which I would have never done if I didn't have some idea of what her reaction would be. I suppose one of the biggest reasons why so many of us 50+ yr old men are now starting to come out, is because of the internet and the availablility of finding other bi men like us in the same situation and close enough to possibly meet. I was curious for 30yrs.....

Something Else
Jul 9, 2010, 3:37 PM
This is my story too with the exception that I didn't know anything about the label "bi" when I was so young. I just thought you were either gay or straight. I knew I liked women so I wasn't gay. Besides back when I was very young I was told it wasn't right to be gay. In my early 40's I had the opportunity to be with a man and it felt so right. I knew then I was bisexual. It confirmed those feelings I've had since I was so young were true. I didn't "turn" bi, I've been bi all my life.


Discovered my sexual attraction for men was real when I was 33, 5 yrs ago. And it was because of the opportunity of the internet to explore my sexuality that I discovered about it. And learned a great deal more than I had ever imagined!

Unfortunately, I had bought into the model of: you're either gay or you're straight. And because my attractions for women were real and my emotions intense; I presumed my attractions for men were of the mind. With the internet, I realized that I was entirely misinformed.

Perhaps, that's the reason more men today are learning more of their sexuality. Learning that there isn't a one size fits all model for men. You can like women; you can like men; you can like both! :)

buddy1943
Jul 9, 2010, 6:27 PM
I have always been bi but I didn't have much of an occasion to have any encounters.My first encounter was when I was 18 and had just joined the Navy.I was in a small bar in Washington DC and a couple of men in their late forties or early fifty offered to by me a couple of beers.Being young I had no tolerance to alcohol and in very short order I was drunk.They offered to give me a place to stay for the night and they would show me the sights the next day.To make a long story short,we went to their house had more to drink,another friend showed up,I half passed out and they wound up fucking and sucking me for the rest of the night.Needless to say my first anal experience was not pleasant after three guys took turns on me all night but the experience woke something in me.A few weeks later I searched out another relationship and continued doing this for a few years.I finally got married and I was satisfied with a relationship with my wife but when I turned fifty I started to have occasional encounters. I still enjoy a m/m relationship altho it is not as often as I would like.

ohbimale
Jul 10, 2010, 3:07 AM
Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

You can be straight and realize your bisexual side later in life. Or you can be bisexual and repress it until later in life. Or like me you can have been bisexual all your life. I have always been turned on by both sexes. As I aged I realized that I developed loving feelings with guys easier than I did earlier in life. Early in life it was more about sex with guys, but now eventhough it is still about sex with guys, it is easier to recognize that I am falling for a guy if the chemistry is there.

I hope this helps answer some of your questions.

:bibounce:

bibliss
Jul 10, 2010, 3:15 PM
Great thread!... at 49, I can look back with considerable wisdom, experience, and wiser perspective: I first became aware of my bisexual desires and interests in my 20's, I didn't act upon them until my 30's... trial and error, I did find a growing desire to include both men and women in my sexual experiences, and I gradually felt more comfortable seeking out ways to include my bi aspect in some way, shape or form.

Now, in my 40's, I'm more confident and experienced, and I'm more willing to drop the whole story line (my own) that I had no alternative but to accept what I thought society expected of me in terms of expressing and enjoying my sexuality.... discovering that some women are indeed turned on by my bisexuality was a nice discovery... further, discovering that there are other men out there who feel (as I do) very drawn and attracted to women but also very interested in other men in terms of honest and , this was a breakthrough as well...

Now, when I view erotic images of either gender, I'm not at all shy about embracing what I enjoy: beautiful men together with beautiful women!

cliffml
Jul 10, 2010, 4:23 PM
For me I think i've known I was bi since I was 16, but I was much more interested in girls at this time so I didn't pay to much attention to those feelings. As I got to my mid 20's, those feeling started getting more stronger, I started watching Transexual porn and finding it very arousing, then i watched a scene where 2 men had sex with each other and lost my load without even touching myself. I continued to date women til my last girlfriend left me when i was 35. At this point in my life having sex with a man was about the only thing i was thinking about. So i told myself it's now or never and had my first sexual encounter with a man. It showed me what i knew all along since i was 16, i was bi or maybe even gay. Since then i've only been with men, but i am still open to have sex with women. At 43, i'm finally comfortable in my own skin and i'm much happier now.

meflash
Jul 10, 2010, 4:30 PM
After my marriage of 25yrs ended I was 49 & had some bi fantasies mostly about me & another man having sex with my wife did I actively seek a bi man for sex. I did when I was 18 have a male friend same age & we would give each other oral but we keep it to ourselfes. After geting a girlfriend & then married, I had no real urge to have any type of sex with men. I love woman & still would perfer to have a long term relationship with one woman. The frist man i meet for sex was enjoyable & just about sex, I really liked doing oral on him & having him cum in my mouth was great. For the last 4 yrs I have only had sex with men, & one time with a m/f couple the guy was bi & we had a great time but finding bi couples is not that easy. I don't cruise around, I find someone & try to keep it going aslong as I can. My last friend started me into crossdressing & anal & Iam surprised how much I like it. The sex is so straight forward but Iam starting to think more about ending my male sex & find I new female partner. I think finding a woman that is ok with a bimale partner is going to be very hard to find.

Fingerchop
Jul 10, 2010, 5:35 PM
This is a very helpful topic and a question I have asked myself. For me, it was a case of "that which you resist persists". I had fantasies as a teenager but only once came close to an actual encounter. I have always felt a greater attraction to women and am happily married. The attraction for me to a man is in being able to feel submissive and more female myself. It is the yin and yang of it that is so great. I waited until later in life to act on it because of shame and fear and inconvenience. When the internet made it easy to communicate anonymously, I found it easier to find interesting people. I am still confused about my identity and enjoy learning that I am not alone.

abcxyz
Jul 10, 2010, 10:09 PM
I apologize to the ladies for the misogynist attitude of the weak males. Some men are not big enough to accept responsibility for their sexual inadequacy. They feel compelled to blame their actions on women. I don't feel men "turn" bi at a certain age. By age 35 I found it much easier to consider sexual behaviors. I discovered how joyful the experience is, on EITHER side of the dick! I believe sexual fears and hangups tend to diminish with age. Eating a fresh cream pie is THE bisexual Eden!

wrzwldo69
Jul 10, 2010, 10:19 PM
This thread kept running through my head all afternoon as I was out wacking weeds - plants not the guy Weed

ps Weed - pls call, missing ya!

It made me wonder are we talking about 50 yr old guys today or ?

What were 50 yr north american guys doing in 1945, 1955, 1965, 1975??
Is this a cultural shift or something that has been us since the caves. when the older males (can't compete in the breeding pool) find deeper (and I am talking very deep) friendship with other males

As a 50s bi male, growing up in parochial school in the midwest (9 siblings) variant sexual behaviour was NOT an issue
since sex did not exist, there was not need for variation <g>

for my kids, (canadian public school) sexual identity is something you are given just as you have blue eyes or brown - not a choice

we learn from our children as much as we teach them anything

perhaps as noted - a more general acceptance variant sexual identity makes it easier for us - current 50 bi males to accept ourselves

For me as others have stated, my bi sexuality is a theme interwoven through life story - but definitely feels stronger now - or maybe I am just feel more able to explore it

just don't tell my kids! maybe the next incarnation.
wudi





Great thread!... at 49, I can look back with considerable wisdom, experience, and wiser perspective: I first became aware of my bisexual desires and interests in my 20's, I didn't act upon them until my 30's... trial and error, I did find a growing desire to include both men and women in my sexual experiences, and I gradually felt more comfortable seeking out ways to include my bi aspect in some way, shape or form.

Now, in my 40's, I'm more confident and experienced, and I'm more willing to drop the whole story line (my own) that I had no alternative but to accept what I thought society expected of me in terms of expressing and enjoying my sexuality.... discovering that some women are indeed turned on by my bisexuality was a nice discovery... further, discovering that there are other men out there who feel (as I do) very drawn and attracted to women but also very interested in other men in terms of honest and , this was a breakthrough as well...

Now, when I view erotic images of either gender, I'm not at all shy about embracing what I enjoy: beautiful men together with beautiful women!

bi_mm_45
Jul 10, 2010, 10:19 PM
I'm 45. I've wanted to have sex with men since my late teens, but I never did until I was 35. I had been married for 10 years and recently divorced. Had the time, opportunity, and no reason not to. Sex with guys was great, but in relationships, people are people, whether male or female.
I got remarried (to a woman) and we've been together since. And now I'm back looking to hook-up with a guy again.

drwilsontx
Jul 11, 2010, 1:07 AM
Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

all of the above. 30 yrs ago when they or we were 20, Al Gore hadn't invented the internet, we had nowhere to go. get married, deny your true orientantion. go to a glory hole to get your fix, or a public park bathroom. learn the secret foot tap. we were always bi, perverts, queers, faggots, sexual deviants! out to corrupt the children of the world. pick your label hell pick 2. now we have an anonymous outlet where we can let loose and try to search out others who share our desires. 99.999% of us are out to satisfy our urges(legally). it's that .001% that cauterize and mobilize the world against us. We are older, wiser and know we are the walking damned if we out ourselves! you punk ass kids have it so easy

donnchristie
Jul 11, 2010, 12:24 PM
I've been bi since I was about 13, and I think that it takes some people alot longer to accept who they are and act on it. But I would sure have missed out on some very good times if I had waited.

wanderingrichard
Jul 11, 2010, 2:37 PM
Real simple: NOPE!! we've always been this way, we mostly just don't give a shit what people think anymore...we're old enough to be who we are and what we are and you cant do a thing about it.

<Grumpy 'ol man voice; dammit wheres my remote???>:tongue::bigrin:

abcxyz
Jul 11, 2010, 9:56 PM
The more I aged, the less effect those protective walls I had built kept pricks from finding my mouth. I was hooked in seconds! I quickly fell in love with being a long lasting anal top, to the joys of more than one happy bottom! My inhibitions gradually eroded over time to the point where I finally found the balls to see if it tastes as good as it looks. I wasn't disappointed!

bikiniman
Jul 22, 2010, 10:18 PM
Discovered my sexual attraction for men was real when I was 33, 5 yrs ago. And it was because of the opportunity of the internet to explore my sexuality that I discovered about it. And learned a great deal more than I had ever imagined!

Unfortunately, I had bought into the model of: you're either gay or you're straight. And because my attractions for women were real and my emotions intense; I presumed my attractions for men were of the mind. With the internet, I realized that I was entirely misinformed.

Perhaps, that's the reason more men today are learning more of their sexuality. Learning that there isn't a one size fits all model for men. You can like women; you can like men; you can like both! :)

I agree with the above and that the availability of the internet is a factor. The internet has enabled me to safely and privately explore my sexuality,

Conran
Jul 23, 2010, 4:16 AM
Hi,
Good discussion.
I think it's simply that men of a certain age feel more honest and relaxed about sexuality. They have fewer reasons to be overly self-conscious or analytical about their sexual needs or desires.

Most men have a sexual attraction or fetish relating to other men, they just don't often admit it or act on it until later in life.
But it is changing. With more info available on the internet more and more men are finding ways to explore their own sexuality from a younger age.

You'll certainly find more young men willing to admit they have a bisexual side or a fetish for something male now than ever before.

I think it always exists, it's just that most men are distracted, scared, confused or feel pressure to hide it between their teenage years and say about 40 or 45.
But like I say, this is changing, thankfully.

bassdesires
Feb 27, 2012, 11:26 AM
I'm 70 and have had a relatively adventurous sexual life. I had a substantial amount of pre-puberty sex-play with girls and boys. As more testosterone flowed, I definitely gravitated to females and suppressed homo-erotic feelings and sensations. As I accumulated more age, experience - and satisfaction, my thoughts more consciously turned to having another male present. Up to now this has consisted of MFM threesomes with a lot of homoerotic play. I particularly enjoy giving oral attention to my wife's lover before he enters her and upon occasion have pleasured both of them with my tongue during intercourse. A couple of times I met one of her lovers here at the house while she was gone and we sucked each other off. (She loved hearing about this!) To me, it feels like letting my natural spectrum of sexuality be realized. 'Ain't hurtin' nobody' and it keeps things interesting....

orallybi4cpl
Feb 27, 2012, 11:52 AM
I am going to withhold my response because I am considering the source....but this REALLY pisses me off!

sorry Kate.. but most everything guys say pisses you off.. oh well

guys consider the source... it takes a bi woman to understand a bi man
hint

matutum
Feb 27, 2012, 1:32 PM
all the men i've met that are 50 plus go to other men because their wives don't like sex or don't want sex that often anymore.One draw back is when the testosterone is gone they run back home like nothing ever happenned

darkeyes
Feb 27, 2012, 1:54 PM
sorry Kate.. but most everything guys say pisses you off.. oh well

guys consider the source... it takes a bi woman to understand a bi man
hint
Wot bollox

tenni
Feb 27, 2012, 3:13 PM
sorry Kate.. but most everything guys say pisses you off.. oh well

guys consider the source... it takes a bi woman to understand a bi man
hint

Although I tend to agree with your general idea about bisexuals with bisexuals it isn't always true.

You're dead wrong. Kate is a jem and a jewel on this site with a great amount of understanding and compassion for bisexual men.

chook
Feb 27, 2012, 3:52 PM
Sticking to the original question asked.......Do Older Men Turn Bi,Personally I really dont think there is anyone in here actually qualified to answer this although there seems to be a trend for older men to either turn bi or experiment for whatever reasons it is evident that most of the answers or opinions given here are mainly about personal experiences, which in turn always end up in a shitfight because as usual some lovely people in here just love to shove their opinions down other peoples throats.......Anyway thats how I see it.

Cheers Chook :tongue:

BatCox40
Feb 28, 2012, 5:47 AM
How can you turn bi ?
There is no such thing as turning bi. Your sexual orientation is what it is from childhood. The only difference is that "coming out" to express it has been a recent thing. In the past, anyone had to be straight even if they weren't....have straight relationships, hide all sexual desires towards your own sex etc. Older men have found that men can "come out" nowadays in society more freely as they couldn't do it all those years ago. Quite often some bisexuals get mistakenly labelled for being homosexual when they are in school, college, amongst straight friends etc and become a subject of ridicule or mockery. That in turn, makes them feel too uncomfortable to "come out" till later on in life.

Gearbox
Feb 28, 2012, 6:02 AM
Well I blame/thank the net for helping me with the same sex part of bi. Before that, I had no chance of finding a gay/bi male that I'd 'make love to'. I always was bi though.

darkeyes
Feb 28, 2012, 7:51 AM
Sticking to the original question asked.......Do Older Men Turn Bi,Personally I really dont think there is anyone in here actually qualified to answer this although there seems to be a trend for older men to either turn bi or experiment for whatever reasons it is evident that most of the answers or opinions given here are mainly about personal experiences, which in turn always end up in a shitfight because as usual some lovely people in here just love to shove their opinions down other peoples throats.......Anyway thats how I see it.

Cheers Chook :tongue:When I was still interested in guys I never knowingly had sex with a bisexual man. In my age group and even 10 years older than me I just didnt know any. Plenty gay guys, but never men under about 30 or 35 prepared to admit to being bisexual... this isnt true now, and know a number of bisexual guys some open, some not, some younger than me.. several much younger... I suspect that changes in attitudes have helped this along.. but most that I do know are older.. much older than me, very few of whom say they knowingly suppressed their sexuality when young, but that it came upon them as they grew older... is it that men, I have begun to wonder, are tuned to their sexuality changing as they get older? Or is it just that conditioning and upbringing suppresses their nature and it is only with maturity that their natural wants and desires begin to express themselves?

orallibido
Feb 28, 2012, 8:18 AM
I ask myself the same question a lot. I'm bi and have known since i was in my early 20's. I'm in my early 30's now and still have a very difficult time finding other bi guys who are close to my age. I've also wondered if it's widespread or just the area I live in.

NjbiGuy01
Feb 28, 2012, 9:29 AM
Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another. Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends-- Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now? Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

I've been bi since my teens. Mentally, I first viewed it as an outlet for my excess horniness as a teen. Just a bunch of jocks jerking and eventually that evolved to sucking and fucking with one close friend. Eventually, I had the chance to play with couples and suddenly found my niche. I always like bi porn, where a woman was a "bridge" or an "enabler" for two men pleasing her while they pleased one another. Inside, I've always felt most comfortable with a MFM situation for whatever reason. A woman encouraging me, directing me, and me helping her please her man or watching them please me. Perhaps having a woman involved makes me think I'm "less gay" or at-least feel like it. As I've grown older it seems it's become more difficult to find a couple to play for various reasons: Some couples don't have the dynamic working. A husband who wants a man involved, has his wife involved, but has a problem with the outsider male having contact with his wife. Some people use it to fix issues in their relationship, whether that's erectile disfunction or a woman wanting more cock than one man can give her in a session, or boredom.

I don't necessarily "want to be with another guy" as I lust for a woman, but I do find I would not mind an ongoing relationship with the right guy. I'd love to meet a few times a month at a motel, take a hot shower, maybe massage one another, and hopefully enjoy mutual oral and/or anal if that works for both parties. "A best friend with benefits" I suppose.

My wife has less interest in sex now, and I've realized that MM sex would still be fun and give me an outlet for my needs. It seems many men like me (in their 50's) have the same situation at home, and many played when younger and have returned to it. I don't know whether they "turn bi" or just get more comfortable with being more sexually open...or go where they need-to to fulfill their needs.

BatCox40
Feb 28, 2012, 10:26 AM
I've been bi since my teens. Mentally, I first viewed it as an outlet for my excess horniness as a teen. Just a bunch of jocks jerking and eventually that evolved to sucking and fucking with one close friend. Eventually, I had the chance to play with couples and suddenly found my niche. I always like bi porn, where a woman was a "bridge" or an "enabler" for two men pleasing her while they pleased one another. Inside, I've always felt most comfortable with a MFM situation for whatever reason. A woman encouraging me, directing me, and me helping her please her man or watching them please me. Perhaps having a woman involved makes me think I'm "less gay" or at-least feel like it. As I've grown older it seems it's become more difficult to find a couple to play for various reasons: Some couples don't have the dynamic working. A husband who wants a man involved, has his wife involved, but has a problem with the outsider male having contact with his wife. Some people use it to fix issues in their relationship, whether that's erectile disfunction or a woman wanting more cock than one man can give her in a session, or boredom.

I don't necessarily "want to be with another guy" as I lust for a woman, but I do find I would not mind an ongoing relationship with the right guy. I'd love to meet a few times a month at a motel, take a hot shower, maybe massage one another, and hopefully enjoy mutual oral and/or anal if that works for both parties. "A best friend with benefits" I suppose.

My wife has less interest in sex now, and I've realized that MM sex would still be fun and give me an outlet for my needs. It seems many men like me (in their 50's) have the same situation at home, and many played when younger and have returned to it. I don't know whether they "turn bi" or just get more comfortable with being more sexually open...or go where they need-to to fulfill their needs.


I share your very situation, interests, wants and desires.
A best-friend with benefits or a bi-fuck buddy whilst carrying on with straight sex and relationships.

Michele Mayelle
Feb 28, 2012, 11:07 AM
In my opinion, for what it's worth, to answer your question. I believe it could be down to the fact that when some men reach a certain age & have done everything they can with a woman, or women & the woman has done all she can with a man, it can then become a routine, whereby he knows what is going to happen as he has experienced it so many times before, whereas to try something with another man can open up new horizons & be exciting as before it was a no, no, the forbidden fruit. He feels the need to satisfy his curiosity. Maybe it turns out that he finds it's not for him, maybe once tried he finds himself addicted to certain or all aspects & wants more.

foreverbi
Feb 28, 2012, 11:26 AM
Speaking for myself I would say that many older men "like me" have always had bi feelings, it's just that it wasn't (and still isn't" accepted as much when we were boys as it is today. Don't get me wrong it's still "too hard" to be accepted by some as people that see no gray. They see people as either Gay or Straight. Straight (as well as some Gay's) think Bi people just want the option to nail either sex. Truth be known most (at least me) Bi people wish they had the opportunity to come out as Gay, but they are afraid of having the stigma of "queer" or Gay following them through life.:2cents::male:

cluelessandok
Feb 28, 2012, 4:29 PM
sixty-three here. have been bicurious since my first wife and I dated at age seventeen. she was home-coming Queen and seemed not to be enough to quench my bicuriousity. Loved her and love my second wife. Despite that I have bad strong desire to experience a male. Thought often of wife and I experiencing bisex with another like-minded??

As i aged I have felt less and less guilty about my bicuriousity. if my wife and I found a bicurious couple to play with, we would go for it with little likelihood of guilt feelings.

Bi-CuriousDoogie
Feb 28, 2012, 7:08 PM
I'm definitely experiencing this. Perhaps boredom with the norm, or maybe coming to realize that the "norm" isn't all that normal. I'm learning that perception is what gives us a lot of our values and as a child, a lot of values were fed upon us by the media and family. I think over 40 is perhaps when your mind opens just a bit more to possibilities and not constraints.

Kendog58
Oct 4, 2012, 9:25 PM
I find it interesting that it's mostly women who think older bisexuals do it for some deeper reason other than for easy sex they no longer get at home. I turned to it for one reason only I wanted some sexual contact and I wasn't interested in having an extramarital affair as my wife suggested. I love her but I don't want to be emotionally and intimately involved with anyone else. But because she has no desire to have sex with me(menopause possibly, I think more to it, she isn't very forthright) why should I wait 10yrs to find out if she does want to have sex again with me. There are many men like myself that just need sexual release but are depressed about it because of guilt and because it's not really what they want but they will settle for it. I am very attracted to the opposite sex I do not find men attractive but will have sex with them because they are willing to. I do understand my wife's condition but at the same time she has shown no interest in doing anything to improve things or even want to touch me. I am so starved for attention from her I often cry alone and I make sure I can't be heard by her so she doesn't have to feel bad about it. I think part of why she doesn't want me anymore was because of cybersex, no one can compete against it I could never live to the level of excitement that she got from it. She denies it meant anything to her but when I emailed her lover and told him, that he was ruining my marriage and that cybering was a way for him to pretend he more of a man than he was she was very upset and our sex life went to hell after that. That was like 5 yrs ago and we have probably have had sex like 10 times. Been more than a year since and she couldnt wait for it to be over with as a result I wasn't able to complete and having ED problems and only made it worse. I think the ED problems stems directly from all of this. I wake almost every night with a raging hardon so I know it isn't physiological. So for those that actually think for most of these middle age men that it's some deep seeded thing you couldn't be more wrong and only shows your lack of understanding. Bi-sexuals are in it for the sex plain and simple, they do not want to leave their wives for men but desire greatly to be intimate with their wives. Not all are great lovers or have been the best husbands. Why is it that women always look to men as being bad husbands about anything they disapprove of. They act like their actions are always acceptable but a man's are always wrong. It's understandable there is going to be changes to a woman during menopause but the cold heart-ed way some deal with it and then act like it's the husband who has the problem is down right cruel. Not even willing to make even the slightest effort to meet even part of the way. These men are also going through changes the lost of testosterone is very depressing, start feeling all emotional feeling like your less than a man and so on. My point is simple there are women who do go through menopause and do try find ways to improve things with their husbands. So why not my wife unless there is something more. Which I think some women are looking to get out of the marriage. I read recently about women who want their husband to have an affair so they can end the marriage and then blame him. I realize there will be women in here who argue the point but you will make the rest of us wonder if your thinking the same of your husband. I mean really get off your self righteousness, stop thinking your better because your a woman. There are lazy women who can't be bother with putting any extra effort into their marriage, so when menopause hits it gets compounded. The husband is left with his feelings and no outlet for them, the wife doesn't care. So they seek attention that normally wouldn't even consider. I know I could never pursue a woman right now because I have no confidence and women are turned off by it. Not to mention what a terrible way to start a relationship with another woman as well as I'm not interested in doing that(I want my wife who only wants to be BFF). So you who judge harshly look to yourselves for condemnation as well. I don't pretend to be right about what I have done and anymore I lack the desire for even easy sex with men, even though my wife says I can cheat. I was so depressed when she said that. She leads me on with things like wait till I lose my weight things will change. She has lost quite a but of weight and I finally get a kiss on the lips. She tells me she loves me but has no desire for me. Not sure she understands love between a man and a woman anymore. If she does someday want to have sex not so sure it would be me she would want it with. That might not even bother me because that would at least be something. As of right now I feel like a very lonely person because of all of it, she doesn't want to talk about it at all, which is another reason why I think there is more to what she says. I also think that many of these middle-aged men like myself are in same boat wives only staying married because of need not because they want their husbands. So stop pretending it's something else other than a need for 'sex' with an easy source 'bi-sexuals'. They are not doing it regularly just when the need becomes so great and they are so emotionally weak. Rest assured I have not been emotionally fulfilled by any bi-sex encounter I have had. In fact it has actually been keeping from same sex encounters anymore lately. Still want to have sex but when you can't get the emotional part of it's not the same. Oh and 1 more thing I'm sorry to say to those who think your either gay or straight and there is no in between, there are more than enough examples of greyness in the world to confirm that bi-sexuals are not gay, but just want sex. I myself do not even get the slightest feeling about another man. But I have had sex with them and have lost my desire for it. It's truly foolish to think that the world and life is wholly black and white, gay or straight, conservative or liberal, and so on. In chemistry there are 3 components to an atom, electron(-), proton(+), and neutron(no charge). Something to consider the next time one of you thinks to have superior understanding through a black and white mentality.

sodacan3
Oct 5, 2012, 9:41 AM
I have chatted with so many men on different websites who are over 50, married and love their wives, have fantastic sex lives, yet suddenly find an attraction for some sort of male sex. Mostly it is just an attraction for one part of the male, the cock. Up to that point, these men say that they felt that they were totally straight and never had any attraction for another male. Perhaps it is similar to leaves on trees. Leaves always have the colors you see in the fall, however, in the spring and summer the chlorophyll hides the colors. Late in the season, in the fall, the shorter days causes the chlorophyll to decrease and the true colors come out. I think that such a metaphor describes me. Up to a few years ago, I never thought about sex with a guy. But in my early sixties now, the days are getting shorter, my colors have come out. I still love sex with my wife but now my bucket list has expanded. I think I was always bisexual in my perspective on life, but now my sexuality is catching up. BTW, I am bi-curious, but have never done anything yet with another guy. Like many guys in the same situation, I wonder if I might like cock or if i might not after trying it. Maybe the fantasy is more alluring than the actual experience.

Nedsome
Oct 5, 2012, 5:12 PM
My story: I think sex is a small percentage of a wonderful marriage, but those times when it becomes larger it becomes important and is a part of life. We have been married now for almost 40 years, my wife has always been and always will be the love of my life and I hers, she is my life. She lost the desire for sex many years ago mostly due to medical reasons, some things just can’t be fixed, she would offer for my sake, I have a high sex drive, for her sake I couldn’t, love is all caring and sex is only a small percent, for many years when those times arose I took matters in hand and life went on. What I didn’t realize for the longest time that I wasn’t the only one that felt the hurt of the situation. I finally “confessed”, I told her I was gay for the last 18 years, she accepted that our married life together had not been effected during that time, there was no reason to fear, she was in a way relieved, life is better without the tension, now mostly comfortable she even jokes about the subject at times, (while chopping big sausage for stir fry) . I never recall ever having thoughts about sex with another man until that time. I had a much older friend at work with basically a similar problem, in love, good married life but no sex, as a teenager he had an encounter with an older man that sucked his dick (9”) on a fishing trip and paid him $20.00 for the privilege. After I got full upper and lower dentures he had on more than one occasion jokingly offered me $20.00 for each time “to help pay my dental bill” if I would blow him “without the dentures”. After months of thinking about it on and off mostly during my-self relief situations I realized that it was the answer to both of our needs. It was safe, discreet and became convenient, extremely enjoyable and often. It “relieved” the problem and caused no problems. He passed away a few years ago, he is remembered as a good friend and buddy who helped in life’s journey. After a few years of trying to find another married buddy I hooked up with a guy at his home, I found that he was more a cuckold than bi, I did have sex with them but quit the arrangement because of his wife, I was happy to know that I was still able to please them both and she was a wonderful lady but not my lady. I will continue to search for balance, for a buddy, from the age of 42 and now at 60 I am a bisexual, I wish things were different with my wife but such is life at the moment. We are happy together and soon enough that will be the only thing that matters…. Thank you Drew for this website and to most of the folks here.... Gary

cliffml
Oct 5, 2012, 10:51 PM
Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

I can only speak for myself but I've felt the same way you do. For me I've struggled most of my life with my sexuality, since i was 15 I've known there was some interest in men as well as women but because I was a horny teenager I thought it was just hormones. By the time i got into my mid 20's I knew it was more than that, still I kept brushing those feeling aside and tried to just date women. As I got into my early 30's those feelings were stronger than ever and at age 33 I finally had my first experience with another man, greatest decision of my life. Since then i've embrassed my sexuality. Now at age 45 I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. I think when I was younger I worried too much about what everyone else thought instead worring about how I felt. So I think it's normal that so many men come out after age 40 because if they were like me it took them a good 20 years to finally except and be comfortable being who they truly are.

Isitfun
Oct 5, 2012, 10:53 PM
OK, I have NOT read all the posts, so I don’t really know what is trending, but hear I go. I’m 51, started way too young but it’s so true. The older I get, the more I tend to enjoy MM fantasies and experiences then “straight” fun… Don’t really have an reason but there it is. Oh ya,,, I’ve been married over 26 years!

elian
Oct 6, 2012, 9:36 AM
Pure speculation that it's either a waning of testosterone or, I have heard some men say that their wife no longer wants to have sex. This is very unfortunate because I do believe in committed relationships .. screw the sex - what I want to know is will you love me when beauty fades?

Also some of it may have to do with confidence and self-esteem. When I was 18 I didn't know WHO I was, I can imagine that by my 50s I might have it worked out.

A lot of other well thought out responses here, I think men do feel stereotypical pressure to conform to gender roles the same way women do. Why is it so hard for some guys to hug another guy, for example? We obviously love who we will love..at least on the inside. Sex or no, I get very tired of having to hide the way I feel back half of my friends.

quiet1fornow
Oct 6, 2012, 11:01 AM
OK... I looked in the mirror and damnit...there was an "older guy." I “turned” in several directions....tome I appeared similar to that as I did as a non- "Older Guy." (Butwith less blonde tone to my hair and more salt and pepper) I know what you maybe thinking what has that got to do with this conversation....I will attempt totie it in....bare in mind...ok bear I prefer a lighter approach to most oflife's questions. Oh… I did notsee aturning to bi…just a bi guy.

Quickly, I was not aware one "turned" anything. However, I could wellstand to be corrected...I have yet to take a course of action in my lifebecause of how my partner looked or aged ....Now....having written that....

I have had a sensitivity to sensual stimulation as long as I canremember....that can be back to 3-4 years old or 5 minutes ago depending onwhich memory bank is in place....I became "interested" in the greatfeelings derived from self placing pressure on my pubic area in this timeframe....felt good, didn't want to stop... was chastised by Mother forit...never explained why...played "Dr." early on with neighbor girland then male cousins and from there.....had additional fun times with bothfemales and males.....we had a group that explored and experimented together inkind of a morphed state well into our 30’s.

It was a special group of guys…we all trustedeach other and there was not really a concern over sexuality or masculinity ortestosterone… we truly “bonded” as intimate friends…not so sure it was aslovers! Then, as life can do to us, circumstances all changed…as they havealways said in business…location, location, location …..choices and time andlife quietly divided the group…..on the rare occasion I speak with one of thegroup…I am brought back to that wonderful sense of exploring and sharing…weshared learning and experimenting with ourselves, each other and even our hopeto be doing with female partners to our gf’s….we truly taught each other aboutsex, how it felt, how it made us feel and all of the details of it…this was abit in the dark ages so even responsibility of STD’s and the dreaded gettingpregnant!

So…..the truth is I have been fortunate toin most cases be comfortable with my feelings toward people, male or female fora bazillion years…or maybe just 57. Iadmit not always comfortable in openly expressing them to the world.

I fear many guys my age or perhaps begindeciding this earlier on … feel that they want to expand their penis time, likewhen they were a teen… They have detached themselves from the romanticism ofbeing with the one or any individual(s) that really wants to be with them….andthey somehow arrive at the acceptance from their youthful experimentations orthoughts that, as the case with Mr. Clinton, I……did not have sex with thatwoman!!” that perhaps if they look totheir fellow man it will not somehow impact the entire rest of their live withtheir partners….but as we all kind of know … if we start having sex and it ispleasurable….do we want to stop? It is aguy for goodness sake ….we were just ….well you know….

Some of us “freaks” have always understoodour attraction(s) to people. OK… I haveanyway…. so the “bi” label is not a “turning” event…there are many things Ilack confidence concerning…but I have always had an internal confidenceregarding my sensuality…it is probably somewhat from a male, verbally,emotionally dominating my childhood….seeking within my friendships comfort andto please…and having had the fortune to have male friends have it be OK to beintimate both physically as well as emotionally….

So…as we age we seek to reach out and havethat “bond” we had in our youth….only as we have aged it is not now just about “cowboysand Indians” or whatever it almost always has the need for sexual outlet….Ineed my penis to be a part now…so if he and I can experiment as we did asyouths (yoots- “My Cousin Vinny” reference) it is no different, is it? And my wife does not understand, I cannottalk to her I am afraid….somehow all plays into this somehow…

Lastly, it might be that some sex, perhapswith a guy will not end up in a divorce and me losing it all and he might asmuch if not more to lose than me…and many guys just care about the cumming andgetting off not what is for breakfast!?? So … I am not sure they “turn” I think they rationalize more so…

I probably did not do a very good job hereof wrapping this together…I just think we do not turn people….we may, asindividuals view and accept things with an adjusted perspective. I think that as we age if we have never beenreally good at communicating sensually our desires and pleasures and feelingsand wishes…we may well turn to someone that has done the same thing. We might try to both return to thatexcitement or “yootful” experimentation and that level of excitement in firsttime sensual/sexual feelings awakened…or perhaps it is simpler it is any portin a storm??? J

lilebigd
Oct 6, 2012, 10:46 PM
no the older you get the more you know what you want

jem_is_bi
Oct 7, 2012, 11:32 PM
I have ALWAYS bee bisexual.
I wish I had turned gay as I aged and early would have been even better.
When I am with my longtime friend I feel totally gay.
BUT, as soon as I even see a woman, I am bisexual again.

Bisexual Explorer
Oct 8, 2012, 7:10 AM
Like so much else about sexuality, there is no one answer. Everyone has their own story. That's what makes this all so interesting. Here's my story. I've been bi forever - and that's a very long time. Until about five years ago, my sexual encounters with men were limited to occassional pick-ups on business trips or visits to a massage parlor or gay bath. I loved having sex with men. But for reasons I didn't understand until now, it always seemed inappropriate or irresponsible. Five years ago, my job as a parent ended when my youngest son moved out. I now see that no longer having to be a parent was liberating. I joined this website and have been enjoying my bisexuality ever since.
Bisexual Explorer

shaver6
Oct 9, 2012, 12:14 AM
My story is a little different. All through my teens and into my 20's and 30's I considered myself "Gay" I was only interested in males, and never gave much
thought to having sex with women. But then in my 40's I started getting curious about the other sex. Finally I had my first sex with a girl that was 19. She happened
to be the girlfriend, of a guy I was seeing...who was 20. I was looking for her boyfriend one day, and stopped by her apartment to see if he was there. We sat and talked
for awhile, and she was fully aware that her boyfreind and I were having sex..and didn't have a problem with it I mentioned I had never had sex with a female before..so
she volunteered to be my first. It did seem to be a little "kinky" doing it with a girl....but I found I enjoyed the physical sensations very much. After awhile..this turned into
a regular thing..and she would invite me over about once a week, and we would take care of each other's ..."needs" . At the same time, I was still seeing her boyfriend and
having regular sex with him..and he might have suspected something...he never knew about me and her. thinking back now...I would have loved to of had them both together
at the same time for a wild 3-way. LOL

ohbimale
Oct 9, 2012, 3:07 AM
Ok I am in my 50's, however I have always been bisexual. In my life I have had 6 male sex partners and 4 female sex partners. I have always liked cock better than pussy, but been turned on by both. I can only speak for myself, but I still have a stronger desire for cock. If I had to choose and could have either a man or woman in my bed I would pick the man. In an ideal world I would pick both.

bikiniman
Oct 9, 2012, 8:46 PM
Now at age 45 I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. I think when I was younger I worried too much about what everyone else thought instead worring about how I felt. So I think it's normal that so many men come out after age 40 because if they were like me it took them a good 20 years to finally except and be comfortable being who they truly are.

I am the same age and have the same experience. Its not that I have turned bi it is that I have discovered and accepted my bi-sexuality and am moving to embrace it.

seeknay
Oct 10, 2012, 2:08 AM
I never really desired a mans cock until mid life

Error
Oct 10, 2012, 7:57 AM
I for one miss my younger, fit body. I will gladly experience a 40 somethings toned body. Twenty years ago I was the younger, toned body for a much older man. In that situation I was the center of sexual attention. It was a pleasure to be on the receiving end!

bicuriousnow
Oct 11, 2012, 3:12 PM
i had one friend when we were younger.. love to think of him in my mouth---now that im older
i want to do it again

sailorashore
Oct 12, 2012, 3:32 PM
When I hit puberty, I was in a boarding school--nothing around but other boys. We fooled around a little, but were sure that detection would result in expulsion. I never acknowledged, to myself or to anyone else, an attraction to males until I was 31. A sudden, unexpected encounter with a beautiful 25-year old was so intensely pleasurable that it was frightening--this was in 1977 and I was in a new town, having just moved. Not for another ten years did I ever get up the courage to act on my bi desires, mostly for the reasons other posters above have already enumerated, and even then only in an internet, cyber sort of way. Changing social climate, easier social access, and a little of the senior citizen's "just don't give a damn what others think" attitude has since brought me a long way. I still adore making love to a woman, but the feel and taste of another man is powerfully stimulating to me, more so for having passed it up for so much of my life. Like others here, seemingly forced to choose a or b, I've often wondered if I were a gay man--but my most enduring and enjoyable fantasies involve a threesome with a man/woman couple, and I am hard pressed to say whether I enjoy going down on a man more than on a woman. Joining this site was a big step forward for me, and I'm grateful to you all.

FullSpectrum
Oct 12, 2012, 5:47 PM
For so many, many years I was absolutely afraid of being "gay" and having anything to do with man-to-man sex. I have slowly, bit by bit, come to recognize that I am bi, and if I ever find the "right" man making love to him in every possible way will be just as natural and good as making love to a woman. Like sailorashore I too fantasize a lot about finding a man-woman couple with whom I can share equally all my and their sexual desires, top, bottom, and oral in every possible combination. I suspect a three-way could be an amazing and ideal combination, more regenerative than two-way or four-way, not that I would turn down either of those either.

WildKnights
Oct 14, 2012, 10:31 AM
No, I believe everyone is born asexual and then become pansexual but as we become aware of our sexual interest with others then we determine what our preferences are and for some of us we make this determination at a young age and but some are fearful of social bias to explore these interests until later in life when we're tired of being influenced by social pressure.

twntexas
Oct 14, 2012, 11:30 PM
Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

I belive the balance between estrogen and testerone has a lot to do with it. As we age testerone levels decrease allowing estrogen have more influence on the way we feel. That's just a theory thats all.

its just me
Oct 16, 2012, 6:16 PM
I can’t believe I just found this thread. This is something I’ve been wondering about for a long time. There’s got to be some medical explanation for it or maybe the answer is in the mix of everybody’s responses here….enjoyed reading all.

Hey maybe we can all get a government grant to study this !!!!! (no political responses PLEASE)

BTW…I just had my testosterone checked and the doc said it was fine….SOOOoooooo.

normalsumterguy
Oct 17, 2012, 10:00 AM
I have been bi since I was 13. Now that i am in my 50's I have had more time to explore my sexual desires and definitely like to have sex with both sexes.

Realist
Oct 17, 2012, 10:44 AM
My life has been been split in sixes....from 14 to 25, I had six male lovers. Then, from about 38 until 68 I had six more. That's probably about it for me. I presently have the best lover of my entire life and have little energy for looking for more, these days.

Although I still think of and am attracted to certain males, I ended up with a bisexual lady who makes all the rest pale in comparison!

boyg37
Oct 17, 2012, 11:30 AM
Yes, thisi is really interesting and curious too, because I also find myself in the same sitituation as "loveat" said: Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again...

Jessicaknight
Oct 19, 2012, 9:03 AM
i don't think people tuned bi at 50 (or when they get older)

i have been bi before i was str8 or gay
i'm 50 now and i just want to stay gay
but being married means i have to be bi (for her)

Axeman
Oct 19, 2012, 9:24 AM
I don't think sexuality is a defined thing. I am definitely bi and doubt I'll ever turn "gay" or "straight" BUT I can say my bisexuality has been a progression. I was straight until my early 20's -- and then certain thoughts started entering my fantasies...until finally I got the courage to explore...and realized I LOVED it. However, at that point, my attraction to men was purely about cocks. Gradually I developed an attraction to other parts, eg. ass and chest but never found men overall attractive. I am now at the point where I find myself looking at some men as I look at all women....and realizing I could be in a loving relationship with a man...and that I want to enjoy slow love making with a man.

In short, I've developed from a purely primitive desire to a more complex social yearning. But man, I still dig chix. A lot.

luvtocum
Oct 19, 2012, 9:39 AM
Well people, i'm 50 yrs old and have always had a zest for sex. My collage yrs were indeed alot of fun and opened my mind to having both sexes to take care of my sexual desires. I will admit that at least for me after being married for 25 plus yrs and having had a couple of affairs with other women, it is just to hard because woman get attached and wants a full time relationship. With a guy, we don't have to call, buy flowers or remember Birthdays. We call our buds up and we get naked, drain our cocks and we are good. No drama with men like there are with woman. Sex is sex, leave the feelings out of the equation. I enjoy fucking a man and i enjoy being fucked. It seems though that my buds are all married and think as i do.

willdoyou
Oct 19, 2012, 11:21 AM
I have been bisexual my whole life only when I was younger I didn't understand what that was. Like most people, I fooled around with friends a little as a teen but never thought much of it. As an adult the urge was always there. I never acted on it until I was divorced and over 50.

BryanBiCurious
Oct 19, 2012, 7:27 PM
Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??

Hi Loveati, I am 51 years old and married. the sex is starting to get a little less because of menopause. But that is not what I think that is the cause in my situation. I think that it is the internet that is the cause for many men looking for bi sexual experience. There was Playboy and Penthouse was the only source of erotica back in the day. Now that you have the internet, you get to check out some straight porn sites, but they have a gay or bisexual category to look at. You never had gay or bisexual pictures in Playboy or Penthouse magazines. The internet has opened our eyes! I think that is why you have this increase in the older males investigating there sexuality.

Trigger2004
Oct 21, 2012, 2:17 PM
Well New guy here.... in fact this thread is why I joined this sight (a google search led me here). Im happily married, but had bisexual experiences around 10-12 yrs old.... zoom 2 present... a cpl years ago while working on the rd. I had my first extra marital affair after 20+ yrs of faithfulness spanning 2 marriages. my wife and I were @ a rough spot, sex no more than ever 6-8 weeks. I met a woman and that led to several more.....I suddenly felt like a teenager again...I had my old skills of seduction back! During 1 such encounter with another sexually deprived soul, after having sex daily for a cpl months she returned home leaving me with raging hormones and a perpetual hard-on...I was going crazy, I couldnt masturebate enough....So enters craigslist. I made contact with a poster lookng to give head. I nervously answered the ad, we met, and it was damn good....from that I have expanded my horizons, I am 49...thus my google search..... I never really had entertained the idea of sex with males for 30+ yrs. now Im there, and cant seem to get enough... your thoughts and conversation is very welcome.....talk to me!

jubaman
Dec 2, 2012, 11:04 AM
I just discovered this forum and have enjoyed reading this thread, so I figured I'd contribute my $.02.

I'm 60 and had my first male sexual experience about 5 months ago. Up until the past year or so, I had never had (at least consciously had) any interest in men at all. Over the past 5-6 years my wife, who has never had a really strong sex drive, has lost what little interest she had. She has told me that she only does it to satisfy me, but we very much love and care about each other. Meanwhile, my sex drive seems to have increased, if anything.

I basically worked around the problem by using porn and masturbating a lot. I thought about using a site like AFF to find a female lover but didn't follow through, and did try an escort service twice, but found it unsatisfying. In my porn browsing about a year and a half ago, I started tending more to bi stories and particularly MMF. I then started looking at bi videos and found that I got really turned on and began fantasizing about those situations.

I decided to try to find a situation and joined AFF a few months ago. I've hooked up with a few men and have found myself desiring male-to-male physical contact more and more. One part of the equation is that it definitely seems easier to make that sort of a hookup than with a women. At the risk of making an overly broad generalization - most women are looking for more than just no strings sex, and the few that are have a LOT of guys vying for their attention. So, in my case, I have no desire to replace the relationship that I have with my wife, but I do need the sexual satisfaction that I've found a man can provide.

I'm pretty conflicted about this because I really don't want to be dishonest with my wife - none of these encounters (in my mind, at least) are competing with her. She has no idea about this side of me, and I know she wouldn't take it very well if she did. I really don't want to hurt her or risk our relationship, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do going forward.

But to come back to the topic of this thread, in my case at least, it seems that for me (as well as several of the men that I've met), turning by at mid-life was definitely the case.

*pan*
Dec 2, 2012, 12:02 PM
i have known i was bisexual at around 12 years old but was in denial till around my 30's. my first act was when i was with another young guy at age 12. but further encounters were far and few between. i liked being sucked off only and not touched by a man but as time went on i accepted the fact i like men also. i did not reall become active till around 45 yo. i told my wife and she stayed with me. so ever since i do not deny that i am bisexual and if i meet another woman i will definitly tell her so there is no suprises or lies. i refuse to be in a relationship where there are secrets and lies. but then thats just me and the way i live. i am 61 now and still bisexual and have found woman interested in me knowing i am bisexual since my wife left about a week ago for unrelated reasons. but i am in no hurry to remarry unless the chemistry is right.

bi4asplay
Dec 17, 2012, 1:28 PM
Kate
I do agree with you. My late wife brought me into the Bi way of life when I was about 22. I have been so ever since.There were several years after she passed when I had no thought of Bi play.That was something that she and I sharedI did not play again until I met a lady and she asked me about it one night. That is when she started using a strap on.A month or so later we did have a MFM session and she loved it. She had gone through menosause before we met.Since then a lady has to know about my bi likes and be good with it for there to be a relationship.I still have no desire to be with another man without my/a lady there as well.

BiBIKER065
Dec 17, 2012, 2:53 PM
I am 64 never experienced being with a guy till about 8 months ago I met a guy and he invited me to go fishing on his boat. I met him on his boat and he had a friend with him, we some how got talking about sex and one thing led to another and they started wanking so I joined in. Next I watch them sucking each other, then asked me if they could suck me, so I said yes. Then they asked if I wanted to try, well I got very nervous, did. I thought it was fantastic. I let them cum in my mouth, but didn't swallow ( wish I did). Now it seam it's all I think about, guess it's true once you suck a cock, you want more. So if that makes me gay, bi, or bicurious so be it. I am married and never told her about it, but hinted about her wanting to see me with a man and she said if I ever did she would leave me and let everyone know. So it's just my little secret. I just wish I could find a man or even a couple that would be descreet, but don't know if that will ever happen at my age:(

BJ Hunter
Dec 18, 2012, 12:47 AM
I think something happens as you get older. Maybe you are less homophobic or something. My first male experience was 4 yrs ago, and I have now been sucking for 6 months, always being on the receiving end. I find sucking cock is addictive, and just want more and more all the time. I'm married and love my wife, and am still active with her, but the lust for cock still burns in me. I have in the last couple of weeks actually started looking for other married clean guys to suck off, and I don't care if they recip or not. I haven't found that guy yet, and my hunger is getting stronger.
Anyone need a blowjob?

Bi4you2
Dec 18, 2012, 2:08 AM
I can only speak for myself . I am 49 and knew I was different long before I knew what sexuality was . Was raised in a sheltered life and didn't here about bisexuls until first year in High School ..That was my light bulb moment and has been comfortable with it since

acscomps
Dec 18, 2012, 7:55 AM
I'm 59 and I didn't get interested untill the last couple of years. Would never have considered it before. Something changed and I find myself attracted to cocks. I don't find guys attractive, just the cocks. Finally acted on it and now am always on the lookout for like minded friends. Like to stay with married as much as possible in the thought that the risk is lower.

hiswife
Dec 18, 2012, 12:49 PM
Why bless your heart sweetie. If you read my first line, I wrote from my experience.

I've been told this by many men who have had their marriage breakdown. That doesn't omit a man's role in the marriage breakdown or a failure to adapt to societal change but it is a reality from my experience. You do not have to accept it but then you are not living in a middle aged man's body. That is not to say that all men experience this. I know a lot of guys who give up on chics and turn to dicks after divorce one or two at least for awhile. They see it as easier and less complicated. That is not to say that they totally give up on women. For some it is a rebound experience of I wonder what sucking dick is like? etc...lol

Kate
It is not women who separate men from each other as often as it is men who separate themselves from other men more often than not. In some possibilities it is uncertainty or maybe even homophobia. Men are sometimes encouraged to see other men as competitors not all but it can be a pressure in business etc. But yes, I have seen men find themselves isolated other than work and their wives. I have heard men say that their wives do not want them to have friends and that is how the man sees it. It may not be how the wife sees it at all.
My husband says the SAME thing!!! Men are less complicated- he doesn't suck- he fucks and loves to rec oral. Actually told me that my blow jobs aren't as good as the men and he could have someone teach me. Well that hurt. I actually researched read blogs and asked what felt good.. he doesn't talk alot so it was like pulling teeth. Gave head several times after to 2 other men in our threesomes and I was getting msgd all damn day how fucking good my soft lips felt. So again I was perplexed with how to take what my husband had said to me!


OMG this is a load of crap if ever there was one. Men want to suck the dicks of other men because their wive's let themselves go? Yup that is it, They don't say the wife is not fun anymore think I will fuck my secretary or hit on her sister, nope the say give me some man love. I know, their wives are at the point where that little mustache starts to grow and then don't tend to it. Then the guy say wtf if she is gonna look a guy I might as well go some dick!

Who has said they are now bi because well "she didn't age well" name one. Let alone lots.

Good laugh though :bigrin:
LMAO!!!!


Mikey...I have no intention in getting into a fight with that fellow or anyone else.....so your "And they're off" comment was not necessary.

As a woman who has experienced menopause, who has had to suffer through a hysterectomy and diminished sex drive due to both situations, I find it sad that many men, the poster included, can be so cavalier to think that these are the reasons a man's attention turns to the same sex. This is not something a woman chooses. As a matter of fact, it is highly frustrating to be unable to achieve orgasm after years of being able to do so and to do so multiple times....it's highly frustrating to not get that special "tingle" when your husband touches you. But it is not a permanent situation and with a little time and a lot of understanding, this too passes.

I struggled to do what I could to keep my husband satisfied during this time of our lives and I guess I am just damned lucky he didn't decide to bail on me when times were tough. We worked together as a couple to keep the love alive...and now that the struggle has passed, we have a fabulous sex life that would rival any. Don't be so quick to place the blame on the menopausal wife or the middle aged woman....it's not fun for them either....believe me. Can't men just accept that maybe...just maybe...they have decided to try their bi side because they are older and they don't want to die without having ever tried??? Couldn't it just be that the desire just deepens over time...Does it HAVE to be because they have an overweight, undersexed wife????
Well said!
I just turned 40 last month but had severe complications after my twins in 2004, finally underwent a full hysterectomy in 2008, the hormone therapy was a horrible experience for me and come to find out that was the time he started pitching for the other team. Did I drive him there- he sure wants to blame it on that.. He has confessed having experiences when he was younger in the military.. that leaves me to believe those disires have been there all along but was too afraid to act on it. Then 11 years after his military experience he marries me without ever telling me this story and 4 yrs after we married he turns bi...eh something doesn't sit well with me.
FTR, I'm still married to him, been supportive and accepting- yet he does not want me to enjoy sex with anyone else unless he is present so he can see how I react, it should be another bi male, an open marriage on his terms only.


It worked for Mimi Rogers. She got tired of dealing with men (three marriages) and is now a lesbian, or are you going to say she was closeted all her life?

Why do you find it so hard to accept that some people have such bad experiences with the opposite sex that they try pitching for the other team? Many others on here have discussed the fluidity of human sexuality, so why can't someone choose to try the same sex? Or should we not have that choice and just pin it on genetics? There will always be a need for hookers and "other women", as long as marriage exists, but for some, it is a valid choice to try the other side, and I say all the power to them. And for some reason, I expect that men and women will differ on this topic, so let's see if I'm right.
Mikey, I'm actually going to agree with this statement.


I just discovered this forum and have enjoyed reading this thread, so I figured I'd contribute my $.02.

I'm 60 and had my first male sexual experience about 5 months ago. Up until the past year or so, I had never had (at least consciously had) any interest in men at all. Over the past 5-6 years my wife, who has never had a really strong sex drive, has lost what little interest she had. She has told me that she only does it to satisfy me, but we very much love and care about each other. Meanwhile, my sex drive seems to have increased, if anything.

I basically worked around the problem by using porn and masturbating a lot. I thought about using a site like AFF to find a female lover but didn't follow through, and did try an escort service twice, but found it unsatisfying. In my porn browsing about a year and a half ago, I started tending more to bi stories and particularly MMF. I then started looking at bi videos and found that I got really turned on and began fantasizing about those situations.

I decided to try to find a situation and joined AFF a few months ago. I've hooked up with a few men and have found myself desiring male-to-male physical contact more and more. One part of the equation is that it definitely seems easier to make that sort of a hookup than with a women. At the risk of making an overly broad generalization - most women are looking for more than just no strings sex, and the few that are have a LOT of guys vying for their attention. So, in my case, I have no desire to replace the relationship that I have with my wife, but I do need the sexual satisfaction that I've found a man can provide.

I'm pretty conflicted about this because I really don't want to be dishonest with my wife - none of these encounters (in my mind, at least) are competing with her. She has no idea about this side of me, and I know she wouldn't take it very well if she did. I really don't want to hurt her or risk our relationship, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do going forward.

But to come back to the topic of this thread, in my case at least, it seems that for me (as well as several of the men that I've met), turning by at mid-life was definitely the case.
I have to ask this question.. so if your wife found out, accepted and was supportive BUT also asked for an equal playing ground meaning she wanted to "play" with her gender preference...what would say or do?

itsmeandyou
Dec 18, 2012, 2:01 PM
Isn't the expression, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" ......appropriate here ?"

BiBIKER065
Dec 18, 2012, 5:03 PM
I would love it if my wife wanted to be with another man or women, it would be even better if I could watch and even better if I could join in.... Wow!

mattsbutt
Dec 18, 2012, 7:05 PM
I think I was bi since puberty and that was in the mid 80's when everyone thought that only gay men could get aids. Needless to say that kept me from wanting to come out to anyone for fear of discrimination. Luckily my best friend at the time made the first moves and we had a wonderful secret relationship that I will always cherish. I think that hitting 40 makes you realize that life is too short to deny your true desires and worry about what people think. I will come out soon...just trying to figure out how to do it.

tenni
Dec 18, 2012, 7:44 PM
Post 115

"I have to ask this question.. so if your wife found out, accepted and was supportive BUT also asked for an equal playing ground meaning she wanted to "play" with her gender preference...what would say or do?"

Hiswife
I agree that from a heteronormative perspective that if one person should be permitted to have outside of relationship "fun" play the other should. The "equal play" that you see is from a cross gender sex position. From a bisexual perspective (or at least mine) you can not give him what he wants and you find this difficult to accept? As I recall, he is a top but wants the male body. You can not give that to him though. He is not hetero and it is not the same. If you wanted same gender and cross gender sex only from him that would make sense.

I think that your partner is either not being understood by you or he is acting like a dick though. This talk about wanting to be open and for him to also have women sexually but you may not have men is not how I see bisexuality. His perspective does not align with my perspective about bi guys and their needs. He seems to be demanding an unfair expectation that way. The fact that he does not satisfy you sexually and you want to also be satisfied is another fly in the ointment. There is "stuff" going on between the two of you indicating incompatibility?..or something and goes way beyond his sexuality imo.



"

hiswife
Dec 19, 2012, 2:45 PM
Isn't the expression, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" ......appropriate here ?"
This is how all my hetero friends precieve, and to my dismay- I as well until recently. Thus the quote I'm about to respond to from Tenni

I would love it if my wife wanted to be with another man or women, it would be even better if I could watch and even better if I could join in.... Wow! and see we have been in this situation before, but I cannot enjoy because he is jealous if I enjoy too much.., gets distracted, loses an erection and the whole night is ruined.


Post 115

"I have to ask this question.. so if your wife found out, accepted and was supportive BUT also asked for an equal playing ground meaning she wanted to "play" with her gender preference...what would say or do?"

Hiswife
I agree that from a heteronormative perspective that if one person should be permitted to have outside of relationship "fun" play the other should. The "equal play" that you see is from a cross gender sex position. From a bisexual perspective (or at least mine) you can not give him what he wants and you find this difficult to accept? As I recall, he is a top but wants the male body. You can not give that to him though. He is not hetero and it is not the same. If you wanted same gender and cross gender sex only from him that would make sense.

I think that your partner is either not being understood by you or he is acting like a dick though. This talk about wanting to be open and for him to also have women sexually but you may not have men is not how I see bisexuality. His perspective does not align with my perspective about bi guys and their needs. He seems to be demanding an unfair expectation that way. The fact that he does not satisfy you sexually and you want to also be satisfied is another fly in the ointment. There is "stuff" going on between the two of you indicating incompatibility?..or something and goes way beyond his sexuality imo.
"

Yes, I have come to terms that I am not a man and do not give him what he wants.. even though he is a man- he does not give me what I want from a man either. I like anal, I like naughty and a little rough sometimes, I like to be shoved down on the bed and crawled onto, I like my hands held above my head or behind my back, I like to beg for it and be teased with the tip... WE HAVE talked about these things and tried them and they always end with him losing an erection. OR it just plan feels forced with him. So this is where I want to seek outside the marriage for the things he cannot give me as well as he seeks outside the marriage for things I cannot give REGARDLESS of the gender.

itsmeandyou
Dec 19, 2012, 2:54 PM
This is how all my hetero friends precieve, and to my dismay- I as well until recently. Thus the quote I'm about to respond to from Tenni
and see we have been in this situation before, but I cannot enjoy because he is jealous if I enjoy too much.., gets distracted, loses an erection and the whole night is ruined.



Yes, I have come to terms that I am not a man and do not give him what he wants.. even though he is a man- he does not give me what I want from a man either. I like anal, I like naughty and a little rough sometimes, I like to be shoved down on the bed and crawled onto, I like my hands held above my head or behind my back, I like to beg for it and be teased with the tip... WE HAVE talked about these things and tried them and they always end with him losing an erection. OR it just plan feels forced with him. So this is where I want to seek outside the marriage for the things he cannot give me as well as he seeks outside the marriage for things I cannot give REGARDLESS of the gender.




From what you describe, it really sounds like he has more of gay tendancies. Perhaps it is my perception. NOT enough of the women that I have dated want what you want. And the guy losing an errection with a hot woman ? I wonder if he is losing that hard on with a guy. I say, "SEEK and you will find."

Naturally, that's my opinion.

hiswife
Dec 19, 2012, 3:38 PM
From what you describe, it really sounds like he has more of gay tendancies. Perhaps it is my perception. NOT enough of the women that I have dated want what you want. And the guy losing an errection with a hot woman ? I wonder if he is losing that hard on with a guy. I say, "SEEK and you will find."

Naturally, that's my opinion.
Been discussed- no he has never lost an erection with the men.

hard man
Dec 20, 2012, 10:26 AM
Hi there from Ohio also bi married man also and would love to chat

Realist
Dec 20, 2012, 10:34 AM
Welcome Hard Man...think up a subject and post it; there'll be someone who will want to share their thoughts with you.

lsufan1974
Dec 20, 2012, 11:58 AM
Few experiences in my 20's - few more early 30's and now in that Tidal Wave of craving it! I wonder if it doesn't have something to do with decreasing testosterone? When taking TRT I do not all out desire bi experiences - when my Testosterone is low I become a bi-fanatic! Don't get me wrong, I am bi and that has nothing to do with the low T, but when it's lower I am more apt to express my desires and act on them.

tripleload
Dec 20, 2012, 12:18 PM
For myself I have been bi curious seems my teens but out of fear of family or friends finding out and a internal battle on the moral sin part of the issue I just never moved forward with it. It has truly been a frustration in my life. Now that I am a little older my thinking has changed I steal wouldn't want family or friends to find out because of the pain and embarrassment it would bring. But as far as the moral side I don't see how all the kinky stuff I have done and enjoyed with a bunch of different women could be any more or less moral then the things I'd like to try with a man

itsmeandyou
Dec 20, 2012, 3:33 PM
Pehaps it is just my interpretation, but perhaps there was something going on long ago with the hubby of "hiswife" ? Maybe the guy was actually gay all along and was leading a lie ? Like I said. I don't know the situation. Just a possibility.

robbie_boy1
Dec 20, 2012, 4:01 PM
I am older now than i was then, i seem to have more male male sex as well. About 4 to 1 ratio. I'm not knocking it either.

robbie_boy1
Dec 20, 2012, 4:03 PM
Been discussed- no he has never lost an erection with the men.

i have lost erections but i have found a few in my bum when that happens....lol :)

Michele Mayelle
Dec 20, 2012, 4:37 PM
Just wondering why most bi-men are over 50, most of which are married, semmed to all of a sudden want to be with another guy, in some way or another.
Did this come to the front, because of age---can they not find a female now, that turns them on---or is it something that as been there all along, but society didnt accept it till they got old enough not to care---
Were they afraid of being called gay infront of their friends--
Can you really be bi at 50 and not at 20? Maybe people are more open now?
Just curious, because I find myself in the same sitituation. Have always thought of being with another guy, since the first time I was a teen. But never acted on it. Now that I am older, want to try it again.
I am so confused??
To answer your question. I believe it "could" be that many men, married or not, have tried just about everything & anything they can with a number of women, or just one if in a faithful relationship. Therefore, the mind tends to wonder about things they haven't tried, maybe what it's like to feel a hard cock sliding through their lips, or how it would feel playing the womans role with a man. With some people, maybe like yourself as you have had this desire since your teens, have wanted to explore those three female genes that all us men have inside the same as all the women have three male genes inside them too. Hope this helps with your confusion

mattsbutt
Dec 20, 2012, 4:44 PM
Lately, I have difficulty getting an erection and keeping it when trying to have obligatory sex with her. Maybe it's because I don't find her that attractive anymore or that plain vanilla sex is just so dull that I almost hate it. I have no difficulty getting hard when flying solo and usually my most mind blowing orgasms occur when fantasizing about one of my past gay encounters. It seems I have crossed over further on the gay side over the years, but that might not be entirely due to age as it is deprevation of m/m contact.

elian
Dec 20, 2012, 7:37 PM
I hope so :)

..okay, okay - except in the case where they really do want to remain faithful to their wife.. Growing up in a divorced family I am not a big fan of cheating.

hiswife
Dec 20, 2012, 9:04 PM
Pehaps it is just my interpretation, but perhaps there was something going on long ago with the hubby of "hiswife" ? Maybe the guy was actually gay all along and was leading a lie ? Like I said. I don't know the situation. Just a possibility.


i have lost erections but i have found a few in my bum when that happens....lol :)
He's strictly a top.. so he has said he's never lost an erection- I asked.


Lately, I have difficulty getting an erection and keeping it when trying to have obligatory sex with her. Maybe it's because I don't find her that attractive anymore or that plain vanilla sex is just so dull that I almost hate it. I have no difficulty getting hard when flying solo and usually my most mind blowing orgasms occur when fantasizing about one of my past gay encounters. It seems I have crossed over further on the gay side over the years, but that might not be entirely due to age as it is deprevation of m/m contact.
Oh dude- I was all over his cock, big tits rubbing against him, tight round ass up in the air, begging for him to put it in.. immediately went limp. Then a couple times sucking his dick he made mention - men do it better and I could take lessons..of course he wasn't meaning any harm :rolleyes: When we were with the cpl he lost interest in the woman which was very erotic I might add - yet when her husband touched his cock he "perked" right up!
I get confused because he's all the time now (like the last couple months) trying to have sex with me since he found out about my experience without him. Yes we declared an open marriage but he was the only one enjoying and every time I discussed meeting someone he pulled the reigns back..after several times - I said fuck it and just went. Got tired of being a yoyo.. He just found out and since has been even more controlling, jealous and possessive, scared of losing me. And quiet frankly because I've been on this emotional roller coaster with him more so recently with him being allowed and me not.. I haven't wanted to be intimate. He feels rejected but damn - that's how I've felt over the last 5 years by him while he's been hiding behind me. And at this very moment still gets defensive and adamant he is ONLY bi. I truly don't give a shit what the hell he is.. just stop toying with the playing grounds!

elian
Dec 20, 2012, 10:38 PM
Wow hiswife, I didn't know you were in an open relationship. At least the way you describe it sounds very unfair to you. Does he still love you? Do you still feel love for him? If he was willing to admit that he doesn't want to lose the marriage because he genuinely loves you that's one thing but right now he sounds desperate to prove something to either you or himself, or maybe both.

Men do it better? Well, I know some men who are very talented and some who know nothing but are eager to try to please. I don't do oral for just anyone - if he would have said that to me I think that would be the end of "happy fun time" for me. I mean "Stop", "Do this" or gently pulling you away and giving you a soft kiss maybe, but "Men do it better?" Umm "Gee thanks hon!" Okay, maybe I'm being unfair if he was nervous.

Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him, sex does not come with instruction manuals. Would you be willing to tell him something like, "It's okay (if you like guys)" and see how he responds? You can see his obvious reaction with others but maybe it's something that he's still not ready to admit. Is there some other stress between the both of you that makes it hard to concentrate on being intimate with each other? (stupid question perhaps)

Despite the issues you are both struggling with he may in fact, really, really want your marriage to work - but being selfish or jealous or controlling is not the way to show love and caring. Being honest and simply admitting that he wants it to work or simply admitting what he feels would be a good start to an honest conversation. He may be afraid of how you will react, but controlling how you act is not his prerogative

It doesn't seem fair that you both can't share SOMETHING .. even if that's looking at amateur porn or something. Some ladies find the thought of two guys sort of a turn on. It might be interesting to see if he likes straight amateur porn too.. I hate the "pro" stuff myself - way too fake.

The old saying is that if you love something, set it free - and if it comes back to you then you will know the love is true.. Love cannot flourish if it is strangled.

tenni
Dec 20, 2012, 10:47 PM
"Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him"


Elian

Remember that we are hearing /reading only one side of this story. One perspective of a double sided conflict. Until the husband appears and agrees with her, there is another side to her situation that we are unaware of.

mattsbutt
Dec 20, 2012, 11:38 PM
Hiswife- I got a boner just reading your post up there about those big tits and tight round ass of yours. I checked your profile pics and you are HOT. I also found myself aroused checking out women at the mall today wearing those tight stretch pants without panty lines and every curvy detail of their sexy female bodies revealed, practically. Yet I just recently bumped my Kinsey rating from 3 to 4. Obviously, I have problems....but if my wife was even a little bit like you , everything would probably be perfect.

It sounds like knows what a treasure you are but is afraid you'll leave him since he can't even get hard fot you or apparently any woman at the moment.

itsmeandyou
Dec 21, 2012, 12:00 AM
Hiswife- I got a boner just reading your post up there about those big tits and tight round ass of yours. I checked your profile pics and you are HOT. I also found myself aroused checking out women at the mall today wearing those tight stretch pants without panty lines and every curvy detail of their sexy female bodies revealed, practically. Yet I just recently bumped my Kinsey rating from 3 to 4. Obviously, I have problems....but if my wife was even a little bit like you , everything would probably be perfect.

It sounds like knows what a treasure you are but is afraid you'll leave him since he can't even get hard fot you or apparently any woman at the moment.



I got a hard on thinking about hotwife's ass the the air also. Buy maybe the hubby needs to get pegged and see if he still has that raging erection.

elian
Dec 21, 2012, 10:38 AM
I was trying to offer some support to hiswife if she feels unappreciated but it is true that life is a lot more complicated than what a person can write in a forum post.

I would like to hear the guy's side of it too. Jealousy at least demonstrates that he wants her, I just hope that it's because of genuine love and not for a selfish reason.

Jealously seldom helps anyone if it is followed up by physical or emotional threats..hopefully it hasn't gotten like that.

I have grown up in and around enough abusive relationships in my life that my tolerance for that sort of bullshit is very low. Perfectly fine to have empathy for both of them but if the guy thinks he can control anyone but himself he is not thinking clearly. If you both treat each other the right and proper way in a relationship there is no NEED to control the other person because they are an active participant out of wanting to be in relationship with you.


"Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him"


Elian

Remember that we are hearing /reading only one side of this story. One perspective of a double sided conflict. Until the husband appears and agrees with her, there is another side to her situation that we are unaware of.

csrakate
Dec 21, 2012, 11:17 AM
Hiswife,
I hate to be catty, but by using terms that refer to your ass as tight, round and up in the air and with references to your "big tits rubbing against him", it sounds to me as if you are trying to elicit sexual responses from this forum as opposed to obtaining support for your issues with your husband. This relationship sounds a bit bogus to me....but if it is not, then you need to walk away. You don't love him...he thinks he owns you......you play games with his emotions......he is not satisfying you sexually (remembering your very descriptive post detailing your sexual preferences....again, descriptive in an attempt to elicit response)....why stick around? If I sound catty...then I guess I can just say "Meow!"

cleanshaved50
Dec 21, 2012, 12:04 PM
I can certainly relate to this thread. When in my young teens, I was curious about being with another boy my age. Came close couple times. Only thing that held me back was he was very large while mine was certainly smaller. Was ashamed to show mine, but loved seeing his. Then thru 20's and on, feelings for another man never surfaced until I hit 50. From then on, I fantasize about being with other men, masturbate to the idea, but being married, it won't happen. Never spoke about this in the open before.

Realist
Dec 22, 2012, 9:15 AM
I wonder if anyone can be "TURNED gay/bi" if they are not predisposed to being that way? Even without any previous experiences, couldn't a person still have hidden thoughts and desires about same-gender sexual interactions?

I don't know, personally, because as far as I know, I have always been attracted to both genders. I just wonder if someone, who has never considered being intimate with someone of the same sex, could they all of a sudden wake up with that on their bucket list?

thorough
Dec 22, 2012, 2:35 PM
I'm new here so please bear with me if I stumble around here until I get my footing. Thanks.
After reading the post by "hiswife', I'd say maybe he's always been more gay than straight and now perhaps the eroticism of same gender sex is the only thing that gets him going, personally speaking, my first experience with a man was MANY years after my first experience with a woman, (which I regret). However, when I'm attracted to a man or a woman these days, I am totally ready to go to town and I never had any performance issues with a woman just because I discovered how hot sex with another man can be.

gen11
Dec 22, 2012, 2:55 PM
Wife lost interest, didn't want the complcations and risks of female possessiveness, territorialism, jelousy, demands -- men are simpler and safer.

elian
Dec 22, 2012, 4:09 PM
I think it is pretty natural for children who are curious about their bodies to play doctor, and as a teen one of the most confusing but erotic things I've experienced was being kissed "out of the blue" by two boys in high school that I thought were straight..one of them right in the middle of the whole locker room. I just sat there a little confused. Obviously at least a few boys picked up body language or whatever I was putting out there, I couldn't tell you if they grew up to be straight or not because I lost touch with them. As far as I know it was only that one time they tried something like that.

After the hormones subside I believe a combination of predisposition, environment and learned behavior have an influence on where a person "settles" their gender role and sexual preference.

..and yes, I had plenty of -thoughts- without physical experience...I was reading "vampire novels" and watching a certain genre of romantic movies 20 years before they became in vogue with teens, imagining myself in the submissive role. Come to think of it, my physical experience still isn't 100% compliant with my self image but that's okay - I still have a lot to learn..


I wonder if anyone can be "TURNED gay/bi" if they are not predisposed to being that way? Even without any previous experiences, couldn't a person still have hidden thoughts and desires about same-gender sexual interactions?

I don't know, personally, because as far as I know, I have always been attracted to both genders. I just wonder if someone, who has never considered being intimate with someone of the same sex, could they all of a sudden wake up with that on their bucket list?

CurEUs_Male
Dec 22, 2012, 4:23 PM
Hiswife- if he says men do it better, and you are open to it, maybe you should have him set up a tutor for you? Someone that can give you lessons right there in front of (on) him. Another thought, if you are willing to give it a go, maybe try a gender reversal on your part, dress, act, wear an appendage, like a man and see if he can enjoy you and the same sex attraction at the same time?

CurEUs_Male
Dec 22, 2012, 4:37 PM
Isu - I'm interested in the low-T concept. After having some bi thoughts several years ago, I also started seeing some lack luster or short lived erections. I had a Dr. check my T level, but they were reports as "normal", which is a sliding scale depending on age. How often do you check/adjust for your low-T to correlate the changes in desire? Where are your numbers compared to the age-defined normal when you feel bi-fanatic vs. when you do not feel all out bi?

i wish there were more open discussions and research on this. I wonder if anyone will creat a T test like some of the more typical tests out there for other things, like blood sugar, drugs, etc.

elian
Dec 22, 2012, 4:42 PM
I always thought myself that perhaps it is waning testosterone that influences older men to "turn" bi but I can see there is a variety of thought by the responses above. Lack of intimate desire by the wife seems to be #2 (whether that's fair or realistic I don't know).

I have never really FULLY identified as male by all the stereotypical ways our culture suggests but I obviously have a dick. I can't tell you how much of that is learned and how much is biological.

If a testosterone supplement was available, would you take it? Perhaps an interesting question for a new thread topic..

dafydd
Dec 22, 2012, 7:16 PM
“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” Wilde

Realist
Dec 22, 2012, 7:29 PM
Better Duck, Dafy...surely Fran is gonna get on your case for that one!

mattsbutt
Dec 22, 2012, 7:39 PM
Testosterone supplements ARE available, but probably expensive and have side effects. I considered it, but I only think it's a problem when I'm with her. It will be interesting to see if I can't perform so well with other women too, but I doubt it.

Anyone suddenly go str8 after testosterone replacement therapy? You're right elian....need a new thread for this.

elian
Dec 22, 2012, 8:02 PM
I am sure that sexuality is more complicated than just a few hormones but we are talking about people who have supposedly lost libido they once had, as opposed to people that never had it in the first place.




Anyone suddenly go str8 after testosterone replacement therapy?

mattsbutt
Dec 22, 2012, 8:25 PM
Yeah I know....just wondering if anyone who thought that low T was the cause of their bi desires suddenly went back to "normal" after the T therapy. Probably never hear from them on this site, if so.

Since I have been bi all my life, I know it would just make more aggressive and careless with both sexes.

hiswife
Dec 22, 2012, 8:53 PM
"Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him"


Elian

Remember that we are hearing /reading only one side of this story. One perspective of a double sided conflict. Until the husband appears and agrees with her, there is another side to her situation that we are unaware of.
tenni- you are only hearing my "side" of the "story" because it is ME that feels all these emotions and trying to gain clarity, so yes, these are my thoughts and how I am feeling with things that are literally said and done to me. - I talk with hubby and seem to take two steps forward and after a few days three steps back, he would admit as well.

I got a hard on thinking about hotwife's ass the the air also. Buy maybe the hubby needs to get pegged and see if he still has that raging erection.
What does "pegged" mean?


Hiswife,
I hate to be catty, but by using terms that refer to your ass as tight, round and up in the air and with references to your "big tits rubbing against him", it sounds to me as if you are trying to elicit sexual responses from this forum as opposed to obtaining support for your issues with your husband. This relationship sounds a bit bogus to me....but if it is not, then you need to walk away. You don't love him...he thinks he owns you......you play games with his emotions......he is not satisfying you sexually (remembering your very descriptive post detailing your sexual preferences....again, descriptive in an attempt to elicit response)....why stick around? If I sound catty...then I guess I can just say "Meow!"
Kate, I take no offense,..you don't know me from Adam so I can see where you would think I'm here trying to get a "rise". I assure you I am not. My reasoning for being descriptive with my wording is to show how hot the situation can get with us and the outcome. These bi men apparently get hard and my husband can lose an erection in the middle of doing something "I like" yet he can do it with a man and not lose it- writing it -it makes sense..reading it sounds like a come on. I apologize for coming off that way to you.


I agree there are many facets that I would never be able to explain in a thread regarding our circumstances. I'm merely trying to figure out if my husband is truly hiding scared to death to admit to himself he's more than bi..or can he really be "just bi" and I don't do it for him.
Some had mentioned I was overweight and he lost interest- being descriptive was setting the stage if you will.

As for the bj's.. I have asked for him to have someone show me.. he never has taken me up on that.. however- I've been told by others that I have the softest lips and give the best head - called and texted repeatedly for more. -I have not obliged.(again Kate not trying to feed an ego here). I'm trying to shed a little light on any given situation to prove I'm not a wretch and he is repulsed. He's actually very jealous that I recieve so many comments on the dating sites.

Now, all that said.. since my last post.. we have talked.. we talked for 3.5 hours. I feel we have a much better understanding of our situation and what we both want and reasons why. I told him I was here - I actually told him I was here and a support group for woman last week.. I discussed what things have been said here..and reasons why I have been so confused. We are truly working on this.

I am happy I found this site. I'm a work in prgress in the understanding.. so please be patient with me.

T



Hiswife- if he says men do it better, and you are open to it, maybe you should have him set up a tutor for you? Someone that can give you lessons right there in front of (on) him. Another thought, if you are willing to give it a go, maybe try a gender reversal on your part, dress, act, wear an appendage, like a man and see if he can enjoy you and the same sex attraction at the same time? MIne does not like any of that...and I can say thank God- because I don't either.. it's not my thing... NOW maybe just maybe he does...and he can't tell me because he knows I don't ?

itsmeandyou
Dec 23, 2012, 2:22 AM
What does "pegged" mean? ?

Him getting fucked by you with a strap on.

elian
Dec 23, 2012, 10:39 AM
I don't sleep with tons of people but I've tried both the supposed "dominate" and "submissive" roles. It took a bit of practice, a patient lover and an open mind to accept and enjoy doing both. Depending on the position people in the submissive role also have a lot of control. When I was dominate I was grateful for sharing pleasure and love with my partner. When I was submissive I was grateful for sharing pleasure and love with my partner. I guess which one I preferred was a function of the need and desire of both myself and my partner at the time.

I have heard that they do make strap-ons with naughty vibrating bits..

tenni
Dec 23, 2012, 11:10 AM
Post 153
"I'm merely trying to figure out if my husband is truly hiding scared to death to admit to himself he's more than bi..or can he really be "just bi" and I don't do it for him."

Good that this site has been of some help for you. You seem like a very thoughtful intelligent woman. You are posting on several threads and started a few threads yourself. This thread is about guys "becoming" bi later in life...not becoming gay. This is an old thread that has been brought forward again. Please be careful and respectful of the thread topic as it can be taken off track easily enough.

Whether your husband is bisexual or gay is up to him to decide. It may take him years and he seems to have other issues. Isn't your decision about whether you want to go on his journey with him and are you happy and can still accept his behaviour? Your situation seems complex and we are just people who happen to be bisexual.

Understandably, you are concerned about him losing his erection with you and not when being sexual with other men. You seem open and he doesn't according to what you post. What does he say about losing his erection with you and not other men? Have you discussed this with him or does he just shut down?

These are difficult times for you. I wish you well.

hiswife
Dec 23, 2012, 11:41 AM
Post 153
"I'm merely trying to figure out if my husband is truly hiding scared to death to admit to himself he's more than bi..or can he really be "just bi" and I don't do it for him."

Good that this site has been of some help for you. You seem like a very thoughtful intelligent woman. You are posting on several threads and started a few threads yourself. This thread is about guys "becoming" bi later in life...not becoming gay. This is an old thread that has been brought forward again. Please be careful and respectful of the thread topic as it can be taken off track easily enough.

Whether your husband is bisexual or gay is up to him to decide. It may take him years and he seems to have other issues. Isn't your decision about whether you want to go on his journey with him and are you happy and can still accept his behaviour? Your situation seems complex and we are just people who happen to be bisexual.

Understandably, you are concerned about him losing his erection with you and not when being sexual with other men. You seem open and he doesn't according to what you post. What does he say about losing his erection with you and not other men? Have you discussed this with him or does he just shut down?

These are difficult times for you. I wish you well.




I deleted my post because of your little statement above... but then you asked later the very thing I had posted - So I will post this and then leave this thread - as my husband becoming BI/Gay later in his life doesn't apply to this topic:rolleyes: I'll also keep in mind to only post what we have both discussed and not my feelings on any given topic as you won't have both "sides" to that "story."

My response was;
He claims he is a top only and will not entertain the idea of getting fucked. I asked.. I was on top of him and and our third was behind me.. such pleasure that I rambled off to him that he should try this it feels so good- guess what- he went soft.

So last night was the first night in almost two weeks we have been intimate- he was very eager, we both had a little to drink so needless to say we were quite frisky.... It was going well I won't get into sorted details as I know that rubs some the wrong way- lets just say we were both getting pleased... then it felt like he switched gears went to doing "something else"- doing it well- but still changed gears- ..and not so much to my surprise when I touched to caress ..he had lost his erection..
THIS is why I am here! I need to know why a man that claims to want to be with his "hot wife" his words- can be getting it on hot and heavy then what seems out of the blue loses an erection? This doesn't happen with the men he's with.
He used to say, "I need to see a Dr" when I knew very little about his activities and he'd use that as an excuse- I say this because he did admit this-

He has told me in the past when we discussed this happening that he has lost his erection because he is thinking that I am thinking he's thinking about being with a man.. Did you get that?
So last night there is NO WAY he had to think that my mind went there.. NO WAY!

I know this bothers him - I am at a loss on what to do /how to handle this delicate situation.

itsmeandyou
Dec 23, 2012, 12:55 PM
Well, I read the original post. Then the revised.

Sorry to hear that you are in such a tough spot. I believe that if you folks can't seem to work this out, you may be at a crossroads. Have you tried some couples counseling?

One would think that if he was so interested in being with a guy, he would try bottoming. If it wasn't for him.... so be it. Is is POSSIBLE that he may have lost interest in you for whatever reason and he had got this new interest in guys ? I wonder if he's be losing his hard-on if it was someone else's wife. Perhaps foursome with another bi couple and see where it leads ??

Just some thoughts.

hiswife
Dec 23, 2012, 1:21 PM
Well, I read the original post. Then the revised.

Sorry to hear that you are in such a tough spot. I believe that if you folks can't seem to work this out, you may be at a crossroads. Have you tried some couples counseling?

One would think that if he was so interested in being with a guy, he would try bottoming. If it wasn't for him.... so be it. Is is POSSIBLE that he may have lost interest in you for whatever reason and he had got this new interest in guys ? I wonder if he's be losing his hard-on if it was someone else's wife. Perhaps foursome with another bi couple and see where it leads ??

Just some thoughts.
You may have not read several of my other posts- but we have tried this and yes he lost his hard on with her too, but when her husband touched his dick he "perked" right "up".
My confusion stems from him being so extremly "into me" - I mean the whole time during sex last night he would say things like "God I want you, I love you so much, I love being ------ you.. thinking back it was almost like he was trying to convince himself as these things are not ever said in our 13 years.
I dont know- I'll drop it. My gut tells me one thing and I keep digging to "hear" it - my gut is almost never wrong.
I will stop harping now.
Thanks for all of your input. :)

itsmeandyou
Dec 23, 2012, 1:34 PM
Fortunately, or not, most times we have to go with what our gut tells us. You are correct in that I may have overlooked the posting about being with another couple and him perking right up. One would think that if he is gay or bi, or whatever, that he would want to try all the different things in order to determine exactly what he wants too.


I know that this is a bit off base, but could he have some sort of chemical imbalance

If he didn't want you, so be it. But why make it appear that he has an interest in his wife if he really doesn't? Very tough situation, to say the least.

elian
Dec 23, 2012, 1:48 PM
OK, I don't want to drive this thread off topic even more but I'll just reiterate my statement that it easy for guys who worry about 'sex' to become distracted during lovemaking and yes - it's like throwing a switch..it's very frustrating but it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want you! If you want to discuss on another thread I would be happy to - post again on a different topic to bring it to the top of the list.

hiswife
Dec 23, 2012, 6:01 PM
OK, I don't want to drive this thread off topic even more but I'll just reiterate my statement that it easy for guys who worry about 'sex' to become distracted during lovemaking and yes - it's like throwing a switch..it's very frustrating but it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want you! If you want to discuss on another thread I would be happy to - post again on a different topic to bring it to the top of the list.
tenni reposted this on "60 shades of grey"

tonguelash
Dec 23, 2012, 11:11 PM
I'm not sure why it was stated that most bi men are over 50. I had experimented as a young teen then went straight to females. After turning 23 I had these thoughts and fantasies of being with guys sexually. I surpressed the urge act because of society and morals taught. As I turned 30, the urges were were harder to fight. I wondered what the hell is wrong with me. So I began doing research online to try to find answers. I was very married, with 2 wonderful kids. Living the American Dream.

One day I found this site. I read peoples experiences and struggles as they tried to find solace in thier own sexuality. I chatted with many in the chatroom, asking questions as to why I felt the way I did. I came back as much and as often as I could to get some understanding. One day I finally accepted that I was bisexual. After accepting that fact I realized that I had always been Bi. That was 11 years ago. I wish I had searched for answers much sooner in my life. I have been a member here ever since.

I am now going through a divorce, I'm 41 years old, and starting all over. I hope to find a true love that can accept me for who I am. I will not go back to the type of marriage I had. Having to surpress and hide the encounters I had.

So I wouldn't say that anybody "turns" bisexual, or have to be a certain age. I think that if you are bisexual, then you always have been. It just depends on what time in life, you finally accept it yourself.

rockhard123
Dec 25, 2012, 5:01 AM
the wife lost all sex drive
then she told me i look mre like a female i should have sex with a guy
then she gave me her panties

zigzig
Dec 25, 2012, 12:11 PM
I agree to that older man might turn bi, because they had enough sexual experience (bad or good) with women, and they lost that shyness, what youngsters have, what encourages them to explore different sexuality ways with his own gender.

gen11
Dec 25, 2012, 1:04 PM
jem_is_bi, yours was a very articulate, very touching response. My hat's off to you. But I think you are in a minority of women, whose husbands are unusually fortuante, that you fought back from sexual ennui and disinterest for his sake and recaptured the joys of a rich sex life. I think most men whose wives experience the same causes you cite, and the same symptoms you said you did initially, homestead in their disinterest. This is somewhat my case (discretion and respect for my wife prevents me from being more specific). I am driven to have a sexual outlet. I turned to men partially because homosexual sex is safer for a married man than having an affair with a woman because -- short of love affairs between homosexuals -- there is no danger from possessiveness, jealousy, etc. The other part of the attraction between men is a complicated, subtle, etherial bit of psychology that not even science fully understands. In that respect, "what is, is." I have not "bailed" on my wife. She and I are very affectionate, very attentive to each other's needs at all levels short of intercourse. But life dealt me an hand of cards that I must play -- with great caution to protect her from emotional pain.

switchitter2
Jun 15, 2013, 7:02 PM
Forget labels, they`re for cans and bottles..my "str8" senior male neighbor and "str8" me..just found out how nice gay sex is, giving and receiving blowjobs and now he and I have started a JO/suck club..we crank together and suck eachother off almost daily..our ladies are no longer with us so we are now "improvising" as much as we wish..and looking for more recruits to join us here at our retirement complex..married, "str8" or otherwise.."COCKS" rule now te he!:tongue:

rockclimber45
Jun 15, 2013, 9:27 PM
I agree, although, it may not be becoming as much as it is accepting one's sexuality. I can recall having intermittent fantasies as a teen, but generally suppressed any further thought once the fantasy was over. Since Ive grown older, I no longer believe in strict representations of sexuality (i.e. straight) and quite frankly don't have issues any longer with fantasies and pornography involving the same sex. As of yet, I have not had a real life encounter, so I cannot speak to that aspect.

itsnormy
Jun 17, 2013, 8:52 AM
The question has not answer. For all the theories and thoughts and expressed experiences it still boils down to the simple fact, some guys do and some guys don't. Some are bi their who lives but at not free to practice it, some are turned on by one drunken incident with a friend....there is no answer, or there are as many answers as their are bi men.

Realist
Jun 17, 2013, 9:02 AM
GenII wrote: " -- there is no danger from possessiveness, jealousy, etc."

Because of my experience, I respectfully disagree with that, Gen.

That may have been your experience, but I was involved with another married male during my 2nd marriage, who became increasingly possessive and jealous. We were secret paramours for a little over 10 years and, towards the end, he thought of me as "his possession". In addition, he had gotten more and more jealous of my friends and even my wife. (most of whom were straight)

When I decided to divorce my wife, he even thought I was doing it to get away from HIM!

Actually, I thought we'd have more time together, so his attitude was unjustified. However, we ended up on different routes and I basically divorced my wife AND him!

pasadena1941
Jun 17, 2013, 3:01 PM
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that you don't "turn" bi any more than you "turn" gay or "turn" stright. Somewhere along the line of a persons life, man or woman, sexual thoughts occur. Usually they are for the opposite sex according to what society deems as correct. That doesn't mean that you can't be curious or very curious as to what sex with the other half would be like. If you get to act on it, wow, maybe it's a really good feeling experience. Maybe you like it maybe you don't. I guess if you like it then you're just bisexual like a lot of the rest of us. If not, that's okay, at least you've gotten it out of your system. I think the reason that most of us that are older seem to have suddenly "turned" bi is because for whatever reason, marriage and society in general holding us back, we've finally gotten to the point in our lives where we can be more relaxed and open about it. In my case I would have to say that having access to the internet and all it has to offer has made it possible for me. Hooray for Al Gore (said tongue in cheek)!

fun2bhung
Jun 17, 2013, 3:20 PM
Here is my two cents worth. I have found that generally after forty my acceptance level changed. Now, the idea of having an intimate relationship with a man or a woman is exciting. Being labeled
gay or bi is only a matter of perspective. I find myself really turned on by the idea of free sexual encounters, man or woman, with everyone comfortable with the encounter. BTW I am a late fifty's SWM.

Cherokee_Mountaincat
Jun 17, 2013, 4:44 PM
I personally dont see anything wrong with an older man (Or woman) wanting to try something new on to see if they like it, or seeing what they may have been missing all of their lives. It might not have anything to do with "The wife letting herself go". It could just merely mean that he wants to discover something he's never done before! And if he does, then good on him! As long as he's not cheating on said spouse, or girlfriend, ect, then more power to him. Lots of us in our 'old age' decide that we'l like to experence something that we couldnt do/wouldnt do/never had the Chance to do in our younger years, due to one circumstance of another, and I say if we elders choose to try something/someone out, then go for it! As long as it doesnt hurt You, or someone else, go for it and have fun. Be safe at all costs, but have fun..:} We've earned it..;)
Cat

*pan*
Jun 17, 2013, 7:20 PM
being an older bi guy i can only speak for my self and my expirences. for my self i have known i was bi since i was around 13 years old. i only had a few connections with other men then and it all stopped because of the fear of being found out. then aas i got older around 45 i started to play again with men. i like men and woman evenly but since my wife left me it has been all men. and no she did not leave me because i was bi because she always knew that. i have spoken to many bi guys young and old. in the younger guys it is the same as the older ones for the most part. some are married and goto bi guys because their wife or gf wont give em head or as they say the woman isn't really into it like a man. some older choose to be bi or have sex with men when their wives or gf become disinterested in sex. some older and younger guys are just curious and want to try it. some come back some don't.
so you see there are as many reasons for people turning bi even at different ages. i know them from 19 yo to 80 yo. and their stories range from liking the sex with men to just needing to get off. there is no simple answer to your question and there are many reasons. many times in a relationship though, because they do love who they are with yet they are not being satisified in bed they seek others.
in my case i am actually pansexual, almost the same as bisexual. just as the ancient greeks and romans could appriceate a beautiful man today we see that happening again. some men are attracted to other men in the same way they are to woman. some are only interested in the sex because they are drawn to same sex, the smell, touch and feeling of another man with them is exciting. some just into the sex, kind of a cum and go thing. many people so many different feelings towards it. which proves we are only human. and to be bisexual and attracted to both sexes is natural.

BIGUY123456
Jun 17, 2013, 7:52 PM
This is because the wife stops giving sex and or meeting the mans needs he turns to his curiosity with guys because men don't cause drama. most men are bi "curious" but wont admit or act on it. Once a guy gets married he's fked... wife changes... once a women makes it known to a man that urrggg he wants sex again well it turns off a man also a guy will act like he loves a mans body which I don't think is an act. A women acts and does act like its a job.

BIGUY123456
Jun 17, 2013, 7:58 PM
Actually when I raise my T I get more bi desires when my T is low I get little to no bi desires
Yeah I know....just wondering if anyone who thought that low T was the cause of their bi desires suddenly went back to "normal" after the T therapy. Probably never hear from them on this site, if so.

Since I have been bi all my life, I know it would just make more aggressive and careless with both sexes.