bisexual? what am i?advise please!

[tomcampbell]

Im writing this partly to get it of my chest but also to seek advise from people who are more at ease with there sexuality.I think i am possibly bisexual? , but im not at all comfortable with it , some people ive talked to have said well people are just people and your 'fall in love' with some one just be open to it, for me it doesnt feel that easy.Im comfortable having sex with women, its nice, relationships... in the past have been quite difficult and i dont want to get into more messy relationships,this could be ive not met the right woman? or im not fully myself within the relationship. my tendancies and fanticys are more about women, so on the kinsely scale im more towards hetro......
i suppose there is doubts there, to be honest one of my problems is smoking grass, it brings me into a depression, then i panic esspecisly regarding sexuality.i also reacently have been looking at porn(morally i dont think its wrong)but personaly i feel its not healthy and doesnt help my self esteem, so i need to stop smoking and look at less porn.
Im turned on by male(at times) or female porn mostly.
i have also had some experiences with men but ages ago , and they were not 'great' .so im prety on the fence and generaly when i run a mile from gay sexual experience.i dont know if thats because i dont want it ,or because im scared and repressing something.
It has become a BIG ISSUE. So people saying dont worry about it doesnt really help........................
has anyone got any advise please?i think its about time i sorted this out.

[Giggles100]

If your Bisexual then the urge for male company will eventually nibble at you :).

Looking at gay porn doesn't make a guy gay despite what many closed minded guys believe. It's like watching two lesbians kissing.... it's something interesting/different and a glimps into a world that few straight people ever venture through.

I don't think you should explore your Bi side just yet. You need to get your drug issue under control and perhaps sort your life out so you feel better about yourself. Discovering a bisexual/gay side to you is not something that should be accomplished unless your completely happy in yourself and feel confident in your abilities. It can be stressful and you'll go through many emotions like guilt. denial. acceptance. happiness. peace and sadness.

I made the mistake of discovering myself while depressed with the sum outcome being half outed by my mum and breaking down in work the next week and spending 6 months in counselling. If I'd resolved to clear my depression and then deal with the physical side I'd have been fine but I made a mistake....... Please don't make the same one!

You won't deal with it properly unless your 110% ready for the journey!

Maslows Pyramid & Happiness

http://happyfuturegroup.com/2009/05/11/maslows-pyramid-and-happiness/

It pretty much covers what the average human being needs to live a full and healthy life. Start at the bottom (air. water. food. clean place to live. stable income etc etc) and move up the pyramid to things like (strong friendships. sex. intimacy. creativity etc etc)

Follow that pyramid to the top. You might not be able to fit all the items in straight away but once you have the bottom line sorted you can easily leave bits out until they fall into place (eg: falling in love/intimacy/creativity). Your looking to train your mind to look for the Important things In life not a shiny new car or the latest crap that'll be out of date in 3 months time but a sense of belonging.... strong friendships and happiness with your place in the world.

[BLCHGK777]

I think Giggles basically said it all :)

[Realist]

Tom,

You have several issues working against you at once, here. You didn't say how old you are, but if you're still in your formative years, that may contribute to your confusion. Religious and parental training will certainly come to play there, too. Then, there are the drugs, which you say yourself do not help.

I've been bi all my life and I had some serious issues, too...... especially in my teens and early 20's.

I think the previous advice is good; you should seek professional help to assist you in getting you where you want to be. Hopefully, the person you choose to help will understand the struggles you're dealing with and address each one-by-one.

I think it helps that you know your drug use is not contributing to your welfare, too. One of the first steps in getting better, is understanding that you do have a problem. Few people can recover on their own, so I hope some help is available to you.

Good luck to you!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

i suppose there is doubts there, to be honest one of my problems is smoking grass, it brings me into a depression, then i panic esspecisly regarding sexuality.i also reacently have been looking at porn(morally i dont think its wrong)but personaly i feel its not healthy and doesnt help my self esteem, so i need to stop smoking and look at less porn.


Theres your answer Baby. If smoking weed causes you to become depressed, then leave it alone! And looking at porn is not unhealthy--its stimulating, both mentally and physically. Its not wrong to self-pleasure whilst looking at other men. But a bit of counsiling probably couldnt hurt. Maybe it could help you sort your issues a get all of them in one basket, so to speak. :}
Good luck hon.
Cat.

[tomcampbell]

thank you all, for the advise.i was glad to get it.
definately smoking grass is bad i got to stop.and i think i dealing with
my sexuality in a clearer headed state will be easyier.
im 36, so i feel like i should have delt with this already. its not that my life is always torment, its not.
counciling was suggested , to be honest not sure if i can afford it ,i probably would try this if money was abundant.
any way thanks for the advise, good to get it .
not sure if its write to put up my website ?
www.tomcampbellart.com