Do you think this definition of bi curious is discriminatory against bisexuals?

[HelloToYou]

When I chat with people in the chat room, I find that many feel that if you have not had a sexual experience with someone of both sexes, you are not bisexual, but mearly bicurious. If someone does identify as bisexual, but has not had experiences with both, this definition of bisexual/bicurious, invalidates their sexual identity. It's not like we do this with other sexual orientations. We don't tell straight people that they are heterocurious or gay people homocurious if they haven't had a sexual experience yet. Why is it that people do this with bisexuality? There are already enough myths and stereotypes surrounding bisexuality; why do we need to make it worse by throwing around the label "bi curious" where it doesn't belong? Some people truely are simply bicurious, but not having a sexual experience with one sex or the other, does not make someone bicurious instead of bisexual. It is feelings that make a person bisexual, not experience.

[softfruit]

I entirely agree. Beyond that I don't have much light to shed on the matter!

[Fire Lotus]

If one is unsure of their sexuality or think they might be bisexual without having sex with the same gender, I think it's fair for that person to be bicurious or call themself that.

I also believe a person can be bisexual without having sex with the same gender. Some people just know they are wired that way. When I was a teenager, I desired women and knew bisexuality was for me before I had my first sexual experience with women. When I did have that experience, it just made me even more sure.

[rissababynta]

I have a very straight friend who is waiting to have sex until marriage...I don't go around calling her straight-curious...

[FalconAngel]

Fire Lotus is pretty much right.

If someone has never had sexual or romantic dealings with a same sex partner, but knows that they attracted to opposite sex partners, but thinks about same gender relationships/sex in a positive way, then they would be curious, but not yet BI.

Applying the word "curious" in this type of case makes perfect sense.

[codybear3]

This is interesting... I have been Bi-sexual since before I knew there was a word for it... I remember liking boys way back when pulling a girls hair was looked at as "liking her"... Don't really remember pulling any boys hair... Could me being interested in boys way back then qualified me as being "gay curious"? Quite frankly, and I speak for myself, I knew I was bi-sexual even before I had my real first experience and people may or may not know if they are sure... Lifestyle choice?!?!?! Who knows... I'm not a shrink, but I do know that if I am speaking with folks and they may get bothered by a comment, who am I to keep upsetting them, let alone trying to explain the rules and qualifying credentials of being a real Bi-sexual (I haven't read the manual and don't really care to if one exists. I think I've done well without it)... I do believe having feelings or desires to involve yourself in a same sex intimacy can make a person Bi-sexual, but what if a person really is Bi-sexual but for some reason it just doesn't happen for them??? Are the destined to be "Bi-curious" for the rest of their years???? In the end, I have a friend that wanted to "try it" with a girl thats been after her for a while... We went out once and the opportunity arose for the "little kiss"... We'll, my friend freaked and it was real obvious and the girl that was hitting on her smoothed it out explaining that there are people that want to try it and then when it happens, realize that its not for them... I guess there is such a thing as being Bi-curious and I really don't know if there are rule or qualifying credentials for this as well...
Anyways, I have never really written so much on a post about a topic before, that I can remember... But sometime, something interesting gets me going and this was one of them... If anything in my post sparks some kind of debate, don't expect me to put anymore "2cents" into it because 1. I'm broke and don't have any more money and 2. I cain't spell worth a crap and my head hurts just making sure if I got my spelling right.... :2cents::2cents::2cents::2cents::2cents::paw::paw:

P.S. - There is a diversity pf people here and everyone has a "touchy" something about them... If the chat is good and you happen to tweak that one little something that bothers peeps, try to avoid it and keep the good chat going... Unless it "them" that won't drop it, don't feed it...

[curiousmel24]

Fire Lotus is pretty much right.

If someone has never had sexual or romantic dealings with a same sex partner, but knows that they attracted to opposite sex partners, but thinks about same gender relationships/sex in a positive way, then they would be curious, but not yet BI.

Applying the word "curious" in this type of case makes perfect sense.



I disagree. I, like CodyBear, have been bisexual since before I knew that there was a word for it. Growing up, I actually thought that everyone felt the same way I did, but that's a different story. My point here is that I haven't had sex with either sex yet, so does that make me sexually-curious? No, I'm just a late bloomer who didn't want to give it up for just anyone. I agree with HelloToYou, its the feelings not the experience.

P.S. Just so you know the curious in my name isn't for bicurious, it's for Curious George....I love monkeys

[rissababynta]

All I know is I'm sick of people telling me that i'm bi "curious" just about as much as bisexuals are tired of being called confused...

[FalconAngel]

I disagree. I, like CodyBear, have been bisexual since before I knew that there was a word for it. Growing up, I actually thought that everyone felt the same way I did, but that's a different story. My point here is that I haven't had sex with either sex yet, so does that make me sexually-curious? No, I'm just a late bloomer who didn't want to give it up for just anyone. I agree with HelloToYou, its the feelings not the experience.

P.S. Just so you know the curious in my name isn't for bicurious, it's for Curious George....I love monkeys

I've been Bi for as long as I can remember, too, so I know what you are saying.

But I still stand by my original statement.

[M. Wolfe]

Surely it's a matter of certainty.

There are people who are unsure and need to have that first experience to understand how they fell. Other's who still haven't experienced both can look at both with equal desire and be certain of bisexuality.

I feel I'm hovering somewhere between the two terms.

[just4mefc]

Interesting point for sure.

Here is my view. I think curious is the right term for this reason. I have known more then a few people who have had fantasy and curiosity with things but as they got closer to what ever they might have been curious about they came to realize it was just a fantasy/curiosity and of course many have found that "hey this is great all that I hoped it would be" kind of place too. If I lived on a desert island and I had heard of chocolate and thought man I wonder what that is like... well it is reasonable to say I am choc curious. It is not demeaning or slighting in any way what so ever. Now that being said if someone who loves chocolate and eats it all the time somehow thinks themselves better then the choc curious well that is a load a BS. If I say I am anal curious but have never tried it does that make be an anal guy or an anal curious guy. I hope this does not offend anyone just MHO. I think their is a natural fear of the unknown that is driving this since of being looked down upon. Anyone who has tried same sex remembers what it was like before you did it. So perhaps some bi curious people think they are being judged or pressured to act?? I am not certain. But I don't think anyone here means to sound demeaning. I know I don't. perhaps we need a new phrase "BIW" bisexual in waiting or "B2B" bi to be - LOL

[obskyurd]

One would likely call me bi curious since my same gender sexual experience is limited to an experience at 10 years old and a kiss snd gentle caressing in my late 20s. Of course I have had the christian ideal of heterosexism drilled into me, so I never considered myself bi, so I am trying to extinguish the heterosexism ingrained into my sexuality, which complicates me allowing myself to not have the anxiety about same gender sexual encounters. I can now even identify that the feelings I had for some guys in my teens and 20s were "crushes". I get sexually aroused around people i find attractive regardless of gender. However since I havent had sex with a guy I cannot be considered bisexual. This is how I identify. Let me be. Deal with it,

[HelloToYou]

To clarify, I'm not against the label of "bi curious." What I don't like is applying the label "bi curious" to inexperienced bisexuals.

[DiamondDog]

HelloToYou-
Of course it's entirely possible to be bisexual and be a total virgin to one gender or all genders.

You are correct that it's not like when a straight person is a virgin or a homosexual person is a virgin nobody seems to question their sexuality.

My issue with the label bi-curious is that a lot of people who are bisexual but either closeted or in denial about it say that they're bi-curious as a way to stay closeted and not accept their sexuality, and sometimes people want to hold onto the idea that they are either heterosexual or gay when they know that they are not either.

[roy m cox]

I have always liked both sexes in kindergarten i liked kissing ,
i would sneak a kiss from any one i could and got in trouble for it too.
we are born female and some become male but i think the a true bisexual is
stuck in both sexes some a little bit more male than female and vis/versa

i mean i like male & female equally, and yet i like wearing femmy stuff and im
sure theirs other males like me, i know a woman that is bi and she like wearing mens stuff like clone wear as i like to wear perfume,

but if you are just so unsure witch sex you like i don't think its discrimination if your curious, and if you find that you like the same sex more than the other that's just the way your gens made you so be happy,
i know i am very happy the way i am and no one can change that..
:bipride::bipride::bipride::bipride::bipride::bipr ide::bipride::bipride:

[cand86]

Did you ask this on Yahoo! Answers? Because otherwise I'm totally getting deja vu.

[JoshuaGlynn]

Ok I think the real problem here is forcing your label on someone...

I think Bi-curious is a fitting label... for someone that wants to label themselves as that.

if someone came to you and told you "you know I really like girls... but there is something about that cute boy over there." You could assist him into finding the label of Bi-curious... but to tell him "oh you are Bi-curious" That is forcing your opinion on someone else. Maybe he likes being called a bisexual, maybe as others have said he has always known he is Bi, but for what ever reason hasn't taken the plunge.

It is not for us to decide what someone is or isn't. They can make up their own mind.

San Dimas High School football rules!!!!

Joshua :)

[rissababynta]

Ok I think the real problem here is forcing your label on someone...

I think Bi-curious is a fitting label... for someone that wants to label themselves as that.

if someone came to you and told you "you know I really like girls... but there is something about that cute boy over there." You could assist him into finding the label of Bi-curious... but to tell him "oh you are Bi-curious" That is forcing your opinion on someone else. Maybe he likes being called a bisexual, maybe as others have said he has always known he is Bi, but for what ever reason hasn't taken the plunge.

It is not for us to decide what someone is or isn't. They can make up their own mind.

San Dimas High School football rules!!!!

Joshua :)

Hell yeah. How about we look at it as, well, just people.

[-Dyva-]

'Bi-curious' has been applied to people who are unsure about their sexuality, so it's become a pejorative term among 'out and proud' bisexuals who are trying to negate the idea that we're all confused, or need to make our minds up. I guess we're distinguishing ourselves from those people who pretend to be bi to look cool, too.

This made me think, actually. It's got to be possible to grab onto our label (which like most people here I think applies to people who have feelings for more than one gender) in a way that isn't rude to those who claim another - in this case, 'bi-curious'.

I leave you with a quote from one of my favourite fictional characters, Butters from South Park:

My name is Butters, I'm 8 years old, I'm blood type O and I'm bi-curious! And even that's okay, because if I'm bi-curious and I'm somehow made from God, then I figure God might be a little bi-curious himself!

[HelloToYou]

My name is Butters, I'm 8 years old, I'm blood type O and I'm bi-curious! And even that's okay, because if I'm bi-curious and I'm somehow made from God, then I figure God might be a little bi-curious himself!

That was a good episode. I should watch more south park. I've been into the simpsons lately, though.

[fuzzybunnykins]

I find its mainly just people I dont know when chatting online that seem to lable me as "curious". I personaly feel its telling me Im unsure about what and who I fancy when I know Im not. But then at the end of the day lables are all rather pointless because, if you look at me out with my partner (male) I no doubt look stright, but then if you here us being snarky when were out you would probley assume we're bi (or just horn-balls lol). But then we both also find those who don't fit clearly into the sex's attactive as well, so could be classed as pan-sexual.......Its all rather confusing :tong:

[JoshuaGlynn]

I'm not that big on labels either...

I describe myself as a People Person...I tend to be attracted to the person, regardless of their sex organs... a lot of what that means is that, although of course I can recognized both male and female beauty, that I tend to need to form a connection to the person before I'll consider going out with them.

I also tend to be a monogamous person, and this explanation has helped with a few SOs that were not Bi.

Josh

[just4mefc]

HelloToYou-

...My issue with the label bi-curious is that a lot of people who are bisexual but either closeted or in denial about it say that they're bi-curious as a way to stay closeted and not accept their sexuality....

But who are we to say that to them? we are not the keepers of the truth just because we are "out" bisexuals. We are only the keepers of our own truth at best. If someone is happy watching bi or gay porn and labels themselves curious and never acts on it, who cares as long as they are happy. We have no more right to tell them not to be closeted then the gay person who tells us to just come out already. It might just be part of their reality and good for them.

The problem imho is we are a very diverse group of folks. Some see bi as political stance, some as love of equal m or female and others see it as sexual actions. So the term "bi" is a very large umbrella indeed. No one is right or wrong or better or more true BI then the other. If someone says "so you are bi-curious" ask them what they mean before you get upset. Perhaps they are speaking of a sex perspective and in that case curious is RIGHT word. I have never eaten sushi but I want to try it... I am curious. In that perspective I can not say I am a "sushi eater" in fact I might find it doe not fit my taste buds after all. Now I agree from an attraction non-sexual perspective this is a narrow approach. But to me who cares? I was not curious before my first experience I was not bi I was "str8" and now I am aware I am bi for sure. So curious, open minded, bi identified but experience challenged, what ever we need to call it it is all just a part of our stories. So relax and communicate more with each other and most of all we have to be very accepting of everyones diversity in our group.

:2cents: