He's straight????

[PolyLoveTriad]

I recently noticed a new member on the site, not saying any names, but their profile made me stop and re-read...

In their profile they make it very clear they are Straight. Im wondering, why would you go looking for play dates on a BI site, if youre straight? Seems to me with all the dating sites out there for straight people they would stop there first. They also said that not only are they straight but they do allow "gay guys" to play around. Soooo Im wondering, closet bi? Closet bi who doesnt wanna say hey I like this, on a bi site, for fear of being found out he's bi? I dunno, I see "troll" sometimes too easily in people, but it doesnt make sense if youre adamant about being straight that youd go to the bi site to find dates.

Either come out of the closet on the site or get lost imo....

[Long Duck Dong]

lol I have a friend that is * straight *.... they like to play around....but its a image thing with them... as far as they are concerned they feel no emotional attachment and will not talk about their desires outside of their * fun time *...

I am not really sure if they will ever take the label of bisexual, or bi inclined etc, but I understand in talking with them once... that they can not deal with the idea of a label.... it creates inner conflict and it causes them to start doubting themselves as a person.....

the last news I heard about them was that they met a person that started a arguement over it... that erupted into a fist fight.... and my friend was told that they are a deceitful, selfish liar..and that they were betraying themselves and their friends, by not admitting that they were bi....and that they need to do the right thing and come out of the closet... they are currently serving a 19 month term for aggravated assault... it was not a gay guy they beat so badly..... but if it was... then it would have been another *gay bashing crime *

I do not always understand why people do the things they do.... but I do know that we are always talking about not pressuring people into situations that do not work for them or could result in creating more turmoil and suffering than good ( a good example is the threads about how do I make my partner accept my bi side and get involved in 3 ways etc )

as for myself... I define myself as bisexual.... but its rare that I call myself bisexual... as my sexuality slips between heterosexual to bi to homosexual but is generally pansexual.... and its murder trying to have a term for myself that fits me.... but I also understand that we also often talk about not needing or liking labels... as labels are simply labels and we are people..... then we get annoyed cos people are not using the correct * label *

as for the person mentioned in the first post.... no idea who they are.... and personally... it doesn't worry me....each to their own..... I am too busy watching my sexuality slip up and down the kinsey scale like a bloody metronome.....

[M. Wolfe]

Dunno who he his but, as you have established, he identifies as strait.

Consider the possibility that he is closet bi, or even closet gay, it's not in anyone's best interest to accuse anyone of being closeted, or to even loudly speculative of it. Because if they are closeted, accepting them at their word may be the thing they need to feel comfortable enough to start being themselves and to find confidence in what they are. If you accept them for what they say they are, they will see you as an accepting person and feel less intimidated by the prospect of 'coming out'.

As it was with my friends who told me that if I was really gay, that I should stop lying and be out with it. It really got me frustrated, I shouldn't have to prove my sexuality to anyone, least of all my friends. I gave them the ultimatum; "take me for my word and let that be the end of it, because if I was gay, I may need time and accepting before I feel comfortable being honest about it. And on the other hand, that I am what I say I am, that you have already accepted me for what I am."

So I think you should pay no great heed to his claimed sexuality.

[elian]

I spent an awful lot of time in my teen years trying to "figure out" if I could be happy being straight and married - there can be tremendous negative feelings of all kinds that come along with knowing that you are a part of the minority - on the outside looking in. Especially when it comes to something as basic and primal as love - trying to deny you love someone can be very difficult.

That negative spiral is destructive in more ways then one but I have noticed that (in relatively healthy people anyway) the human spirit seems to have this tendency to bring unresolved issues to the surface for our conscious mind to analyze. Sort of like the lion (or lioness) with a thorn stuck in the paw - it keeps irritating until you are finally forced to act on it in some way.

I have a sort of uneasy peace now, I know it's foolish to deny who I am - I spent the first half of my life desperate to please others and I'm not willing to give up who I am as a person anymore to do that. By the same token, I live in a very conservative area, work for a very conservative agency and I'm not willing to give up my personal security by coming out publically.

I figure there are a lot of people in the same situation, I try to minimize the self-loathing, it starts a whole sort of downward spiral of crap. It helps to have a loving boyfriend - one who cares more about just the carnal pleasure - good friends.

I guess in a way I'm sort of indebted to the community on the site, if nothing else for showing me that life is more than just "Black or White".

If you only have TWO choices then it's easy to fall into the category of the friend mentioned at the beginning of this thread. I think homophobes only SEE two choices, maybe not so secure in self-esteem or self-image? Or maybe they just aren't used to dealing with emotional pressure that most of us here as supporting or LGBT have had to deal with.

In a way we are much stronger people I think for having to go through that experience - even though I have seen plenty of living ghosts - my heart goes out to the folks who are struggling so hard just to be who they were born to be.

I still have to chide myself though, although it's not comfortable at least it's possible to HIDE being Lesbian or Gay - some of the other folks being discriminated against in our society can't hide what skin color or genitalia they were born with.

Personally I would like to live in a world where we wouldn't have to be ashamed to be whole people..I get tired of "the same old shit" as they say. If nothing else STRAIGHT guys wouldn't have to act like they have no emotions.

[12voltman59]

I recently noticed a new member on the site, not saying any names, but their profile made me stop and re-read...

In their profile they make it very clear they are Straight. Im wondering, why would you go looking for play dates on a BI site, if youre straight? Seems to me with all the dating sites out there for straight people they would stop there first. They also said that not only are they straight but they do allow "gay guys" to play around. Soooo Im wondering, closet bi? Closet bi who doesnt wanna say hey I like this, on a bi site, for fear of being found out he's bi? I dunno, I see "troll" sometimes too easily in people, but it doesnt make sense if youre adamant about being straight that youd go to the bi site to find dates.

Either come out of the closet on the site or get lost imo....

Since you didn't name the person (properly so), we have no way of determining for ourselves what he wants--but my bet is--his reason for coming to a bisexual site--he is married and he wants to find a lady to come play with he and his wife---I mean--isn't that what bisexuality is??? The married, straight guy gets to watch his wife and another chick getting it on--and of course--paying attention to him--I mean, man, that is just so HOTTTT, right???!!!!

:bigrin::bigrin::bounce::bounce::bounce::rotate:

But---guys doing anything sexual together---that is just so gross, man--and besides---the dude is not gay or anything!!!! :bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

But if he does think its OK for "gay guys to play around" but he doesn't seem to want to take an active part intitially---it does sorta sound like he thinks that in such a case---if a few "gay guys are playing around" and he is there---if he somehow takes part but doesn't initiate things---it is OK---he didn't start things---he just sorta took part so he can't be "gay" at all----whatever he might do "just happened" so its fine.

It really is hard to say----people have so many crazy ideas about things like this.

[glantern954]

He could be a straight guy interested in a bi woman.

[elian]

He could be a straight guy interested in a bi woman.

Hmm, yes - I suppose that could be the case - there are also guys who don't have a problem as long as they are the "top".

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Hon, there's alot of folks on this site that are Straight. They dont have to be bi, or gay, or lesbian or trans just to be here. Many people came here searching for answers to questions that have sometimes bugged them all of their lives, while other may have bisexual mates, and are trying to understand that side of sexuality, or they seek someone to join into a poly or just FWB relationship. I personally dont know this person story, but if he/she is not bi but coming here to find a bi person to join their fun, or to learn more about themselves, I dont see a problem with it. It doesnt mean they are completely closeted, it may mean that they have a particular want or need-and being here is a way of gradually fullfilling that need. Besides, until a person proves themselves to be a troll then perhaps they arent. When they Do expose themselves for being a troll or trouble-maker, then Drew will shut 'em down quick like. And so will the rest of us in chat. ;)
Have a good evening. :}
Cat

[jem_is_bi]

Some of my best friends are straight. I do not expect them to be interested in this site, because they are very straight. But, I wish more straight people would pay attention to this site. Then, they would realize how little difference there is between them and us, except for sexual preference. I believe that would be helpful in the long-term.

[bityme]

I recently noticed a new member on the site, not saying any names, but their profile made me stop and re-read...

In their profile they make it very clear they are Straight. Im wondering, why would you go looking for play dates on a BI site, if youre straight? Seems to me with all the dating sites out there for straight people they would stop there first. They also said that not only are they straight but they do allow "gay guys" to play around. Soooo Im wondering, closet bi? Closet bi who doesnt wanna say hey I like this, on a bi site, for fear of being found out he's bi? I dunno, I see "troll" sometimes too easily in people, but it doesnt make sense if youre adamant about being straight that youd go to the bi site to find dates.

Either come out of the closet on the site or get lost imo....

AndYouMake3: When I first read the post, I was offended at what I perceived was a judgmental tone ("troll;" "come out of the closet or get lost"). I decided, however, that it was not appropriate for me to fee that way because I am not the judgmental type and I didn't know enough about you to make any comment. So I held off.

I took some time and read some of your prior threads and posts. Being judgmental was not a trend that I found, but rather a desire to understand something. It was just on rare occasions that the post was made in terms of being bugged, or "thinking 'troll."' It seemed to be another way of getting comments from others to help clarify things in your own mind.

Your outlook on things is a lot different than mine. While you are more relationship oriented, I guess you could classify me as a non-relationship, pleasure seeker. That, no doubt, gives us different perspectives on the way we view others.

So, I apologize to you for having thought about initially posting a confrontational response.

FOR THE GROUP: I have learned a lot about different attitudes, lifestyles, and desires by reading the threads in this forum. We have some very insightful individuals here to take the time to think things out. I found the comments above this to be excellent and enlightening. It really is amazing that there are all those good reasons for a "straight" person to be visiting the site. Whether it be to obtain information so they can deal with a "bi" or a "gay" in their life, or to resolve some issue of their own, I'm glad that as a group there is a willingness to discuss issues, answer questions, and be understanding.

Thank you all.

[12voltman59]

It is true though--this site is basically for anyone who wants to be here-----the more the merrier!!

I was just making note of some of the feelings some guys seem to have towards a more full and complete meaning of "bisexual"-----I do get a kick out of some guys who come her because their version of the bisexuality only refers to the bisexuality of women they might be seeking----not a more complete one that includes both "major genders!" :bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

[void()]

Not seeking to hijack the thread. But there is something I must say. And it will relate to the thread, site in its way, too.

I am in awe of a lover and friend. He can amaze me even living a distance away. There's no wonder I love elian. :)

He and I spoke off and on, through the site for about two years. Finally, I got him to admit having feelings for me. Some would probably
have given up on a guy/gal that took so long to be open.

I chose not to surrender for a few good reasons. He and I are similar personality types and in being patient with him it taught patience
with myself. Besides, as he puts it I have an interest in more than just carnal pleasures.

Yes, we do indulge and quite rampantly, in those pleasures. :) But he is someone that loves me, trusts me, respects me. He comments that
it makes him happy to be with me because I let him be affectionate. That goes both ways.

And I've the same relationship with my wife. She understands and accepts me as is.

So, we have folks here who say they are straight? "Um, big deal?" Lots of people would be surprised to know I can be 'gay' with my guy.
I act quite straight until behind the bedroom doors. That has to do a lot with the environment. In rural America, unfortunately, standing up and saying you're anything but 'normal' is likely to meet with being burnt at the stake.

Let's not roast straight people who visit us. We're better than them if we don't. Besides, it is an open public forum, all are welcome.

[elian]

I think it's great that straight people hang out here. the more people who get to share ideas in a positive atmosphere the better. For some strange reason I knew that and forgot about it when replying above. I guess the tone of the original post made it sound like someone was taking advantage, that can happen no matter what your sexual preference. There are people who have all sorts of needs, wants and desires. I am thankful to have found someone I believe I have a strong emotional connection to - but not everyone wants that.

Hey honey, looks like you're on top this time :)

[IanGray]

For a long time I considered myself as straight even though I was attracted to men. So, I welcome anyone who calls themselves straight visiting this site as the more people that increase their understanding of sexuality the better.

Ian :)

[PolyLoveTriad]

No no, ok I didnt name him because I didnt want to be rude or anything, for all I know he could be a genuinely nice guy ya know and I wouldnt wanna be picked on by the likes of me lol

Ok the profile is clear he is straight and looking for a straight female for fun, but if she was married he would let her husband play with him as long as the woman is extremely hot.

Yes I know theres plenty of straight people on the site. Most of them arent looking to pick up dates from other straight people though. There here because they support someone in their life who is bi or are just supportive of people being bi, Ive just not seen them trying to pick up their next date here.

I think if the only reason you create a profile on THIS site, is to find a date and you are not bi or are not looking for a bi date for the purpose of being with your other mate (ie; Hubby looking for girlfriend to be with him and his wife) that this shouldnt be used as your pickup joint.

Its not that he is straight that got me, its that he is straight looking for a straight woman or married woman "If she is extremely hot". I guess I put more value in the site than being a place to find a one night stand or an average dating site. I tend to come here more for the friendship, information, support and warmth I have found in all of you.

Btw I didnt start this thread because I wanted to point a finger at anyone and say closet bi or straight or whatever. I just dont like people thinking they can take advantage of us because were bi, we must be desperate type of thinking. If I wanted to point a finger at someone Id have said who it was I was talking about.

[PolyLoveTriad]

I think it's great that straight people hang out here. the more people who get to share ideas in a positive atmosphere the better. For some strange reason I knew that and forgot about it when replying above. I guess the tone of the original post made it sound like someone was taking advantage, that can happen no matter what your sexual preference. There are people who have all sorts of needs, wants and desires. I am thankful to have found someone I believe I have a strong emotional connection to - but not everyone wants that.

Hey honey, looks like you're on top this time :)

I do too, I value everyones opinion whether they be straight, bi, gay, white, black, green, purple or my favorite pink :)

What I have issue with is "Im very straight I want a straight woman and if she is married her husband can play but then the woman has to be extremely hot" like it has to be worth it for him to allow this to happen type of thing, I dunno it just doesnt strike me right.

[PolyLoveTriad]

Dunno who he his but, as you have established, he identifies as strait.

Consider the possibility that he is closet bi, or even closet gay, it's not in anyone's best interest to accuse anyone of being closeted, or to even loudly speculative of it. Because if they are closeted, accepting them at their word may be the thing they need to feel comfortable enough to start being themselves and to find confidence in what they are. If you accept them for what they say they are, they will see you as an accepting person and feel less intimidated by the prospect of 'coming out'.

As it was with my friends who told me that if I was really gay, that I should stop lying and be out with it. It really got me frustrated, I shouldn't have to prove my sexuality to anyone, least of all my friends. I gave them the ultimatum; "take me for my word and let that be the end of it, because if I was gay, I may need time and accepting before I feel comfortable being honest about it. And on the other hand, that I am what I say I am, that you have already accepted me for what I am."

So I think you should pay no great heed to his claimed sexuality.

Its possible if you had seen the profile you would be able to see it from my viewpoint. Its really not about being in the closet. But I do feel if youre going to come to the site, call yourself Mr.GigglyButtons, put up no photo, make a profile... you should be able to come out of the closet since no one knows you here, theres no reason to be in the closet... but thats not what this is about. Btw the name is made up, I hope! If there IS a Mr.GigglyBear my apologies I had no idea you were real! LOL

[elian]

Well my friend, there's no guarantee for any of us that we'll ever meet anyone on this site. At least he was honest about it when he wrote his profile. You never know, some poly people here might be interested..