How do I tell my family?

[strawberryandi717]

I am just wondering on how do I break to the news to my family that I am a bisexual? My family is prolly gonna freak out but I want to tell them so any advice would be greatly apperciated. Thanks.

:flag2:~strawberryandi717~:flag2:

[bisexualman]

Not really sure myself. Seems it is a very personal choice about when and how. I have a bit of a dilemna over the issue as well. We have children who don't know, and I have siblings who may go either way from freaking out to total acceptance. We have decided with the children to only tell them if it was going to impact them directly. As to the family: none of their business. The only reason I would tell my family now is if there was a chance I would be outed or if they asked directly. Of course once I tell one of them, I may as well tell the rest. Don't know if that helps but it's my 2 cents.
By the way, it seems you have a bisexual partner. At least you have solidarity. Are you planning on telling both your families? Good luck on whatever you decide.

[bityme]

It's easy! "Hey, Mom & Dad, I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is I'm not a lesbian. The bad news is that I'm not heterosexual."

Seriously, I would not bother telling anyone that you are not looking for support from. As for the rest, it's none of their business.

Possibility: "I value your love and support. You are a very important part of my life. I've been going through some emotional turmoil because I have made some decisions in my life that I have not yet shared with you. I've reached a point, however, where I want to share with you some of my joy. I have been afraid that you might think I have made a decision that you do not understand or agree with, but I want you to know how it came about. You see, I have always looked at your relationship and hoped that one day I would have that depth of commitment and meaning in my life. I've met a wonderful person/people and I think we experience that together. It may not be conventional, but it is who I am, who I have become, and I now want to share him/her/them with you."

They may not be happy with you or approve right away, but if you have reminded them of the love you share within the family and how you have always been there for them and they for you, it may ease the negative impact of the news.

[Realist]

Adrianne

I have known I was bisexual all my life and no one in my family, or anyone I am not emotionally and physically engaged with, in a bisexually oriented relationship, know. In my view; family, friends and others either do not need to know, nor should they know.

Few could accept it, but most would be disturbed. There are those who would go into tirades, reference religious dogma, or go on and on about why being a sexual DEVIATE is so wrong! Personally, I have chosen to be discreet about who and why I am bi....and who I've been bi with. Why do they need to know, anyway? I've seen friends come out and sometimes it's a huge Pandora's box. I've actually only know one person who came out and her family accepted it and moved on like nothing happened. I know my family and how they'd react, so I decided to keep my personal life, personal.

That's my take on that subject! You do what you feel is best for you....and good luck with it.

[Humanlove]

Before you go ahead and say anything, ask yourself the following:


Why do you need to tell them?
Is it going to do anything for you or them?
Who does it matter to the most?
What will you get out of telling them?
How will your life change if you tell them?
Do you consider it a bad shameful thing to be Bi?
Would they dissown you?

what is more important?
how you live your life, or how others see you?
Will life be easy if you say something, or if you don't?

Can you go to family gatherings with your partner whether M or F?

You should make a decision, but be sure that you will not regret that decision. rmemeber, you cannot know what your future is
Be wise and be confident with your decision

Regrets are hard to live with

if you tell them, will you have regrets?
if you don''t tell them will you have regrets?

The ultimate decision is yours, you just have to live with it.
So you see, it really is all about what you feel is important to you.

close your eyes and run through possible scenarios for the moment you say something, and for the future events. You may surprise yourself with the answer you come up with.



I am just wondering on how do I break to the news to my family that I am a bisexual? My family is prolly gonna freak out but I want to tell them so any advice would be greatly apperciated. Thanks.

:flag2:~strawberryandi717~:flag2:

[sprite]

I totally agree with Shiveringman - brilliant response!
As for me, there will come a time when I will have to tell a few friends and relatives; my spouse and I live in a small community, and at some point, I will not want to be so closeted as to not be seen in public with other partners, all of of which right now, are male. So, to avoid the friends and family from thinking I am cheating on the spouse (which is a worse assumption in my opinion, since that would not be the case), they will need to know. And at some point, the children (teenagers) will need to know as well for the same reason. I do not want them to think or assume I am cheating on their father. It would be a discussion we would have together with them, and at that time, we would talk about his bisexuality. If I were just dating other women, the need would not be so great. Women going out for a 'girls' night is easier to explain obviously than a married woman going out with a man not her husband!
So, in short, do it only as needed and for reasons that are really needed. No reason to create more anxiety for yourself!
Best of luck!

[Falke]

Eh, I haven't told my family even though in reality it wouldn't be a big deal. *Having two cousins who are out gays* I don't bother for one reason, do they really need to know of my sexuality? Same goes for everyone else, it's really not that big of a deal even though many make it out to be. If we do come out to the family, it would be that we found a third in a poly relationship then we'll break the news to em and introduce the new person to the family. *If I am going to bombshell something, it may as well be nuclear. :bigrin: *

Strawberry, good luck in the course of action you take.

[FalconAngel]

Zwitter has the biggest point.

Do you really need to tell your family?

If not, then why bother?

Work it out based on that and you will come up with the right answer.

[strawberryandi717]

Okay, thanks guys. It helped alot. I just want to tell my mom and my aunt and thats everyone. They are the only ones I trust.

[Intimate_Light]

Hi Strawberry,

I think Shiveringman's "check list" is great, and I wish you the best whatever you decide. Now as a reference point on this, a recent experience.
_______________

A couple of weeks ago I told the only close relative I have (step-sister with whom I have pretty soulful/spiritual discussions) about my bi interests. We're both into the non-religious, non-dogmatic, mainly Eastern mystical p.o.v., so the issue of life style isn't a moral one.

And yet, once I had said it, I felt a subtle sinking "Hmmm... this didn't feel quite right." This even though...

Her response and attitude was non-judgmental. She and I communicate well and so I even brought that sense of doubt up with her. While she's raised three children in the past, she hasn't had any intimate relationships for maybe decades. So sex and thus any discussions of it just aren't part of her life.

So while no harm was done, it was totally unnecessary for me to tell her. I'll avoid the subject in the future.

Lesson for me:

I have to take the unique aspect of a relationship in account, not just some need to "tell someone." Is it relevant to the overall dynamics of what is usually shared with this person? If not, what's the point?

This brings me to something I read in a profile here whereby the member is seeking new bi experiences, but didn't want to be defined by the word "bisexual" either. Meaning that our sexuality is simply one part of who we are.

I feel we can sometimes get too wrapped up in obsessing over sex or life-style orientation and forget that we are human beings first and foremost: our sexuality is an extension of our humanity, not our identity.

In other words, it is more important to honor our humanity--and that of others--over whether someone really needs to know about our orientation.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I wholeheartedly agree with Shiveringnman's point of view (Marvelously done, BTW. Kudos) ;)

I have asked a dear friend of mine this also: Why do you feel the all consuming need to tell your family ANYthing about your sexual life and orientaion??? Bet Mom and Dad didnt crop up and say "Yep, yer Ma and I hit it purdy hard last night. Hope we didnt wake the sheep, they'd be jealous"

A bit dramatic, but you get the point. And knowning your family's sex life is a bit on the Ewww factor anyway.
Your private life should be Your business, Babe. And unless you feel the need so strongly, I wouldnt risk it. You Know it wont stay within the family; sooner or later it'll leach out into the community and you could/might be looked down upon by those in a job position, or by prople who dont really pertain to your everyday life.
Why kick open a hornets nest unless you Absoluterly Have to? I tell people everyday to be proud of who and what you are, but ya dont hafta tell the whole world..lol
Good luck in whatever you decide Sweetie. ;)

[jem_is_bi]

Other than me, the rest of my family is straight. But, I do not know what they do for fun with there spouse or lovers. I do not ask, they to not tell. I do not want to know and assume they do not want me to know.
So, I do not tell them what I do for fun and they do not ask. If/when they discover I am not straight, that is all they need to know. If discovered, I will discuss my feeling for my lover so they know that I am not just testing the water. But, I am not making any video's to send as Christmas presents to my family.
Maybe, one for me would be ok. ;)

Realize that your family may not want to know that you are not straight. So, my advise is to tell them what they need to know but only when they need to now it. If you tell them or they discover you sexual nature, demand the respect you give yourself. But, do not expect all of them will be immediately comfortable being with you. It may take them time (or forever) to determine at what level of interaction they can be comfortable with you and your lovers.

[evilpanda]

Okay, thanks guys. It helped alot. I just want to tell my mom and my aunt and thats everyone. They are the only ones I trust.

i came out last fall and made a big deal out of it. that's the thing i would change if i had to do it all over again.

i wrote a long long letter about prop 8 and human rights and gay rights and how i was feeling. it would have gone a lot smoother if the letter had just read, 'i'm bisexual. now you know.'

the less of a big deal you make it, the easier it will go.