Mr. X
Nov 24, 2008, 11:16 PM
Hello everyone,
My wife and I came to this site a little over a mouth ago to express our frustration about our relationship and my lack of my respect or knowledge of her bi-sexuality. Perhaps the biggest fault was due to my insecurities and inability to respond to her appropriately about this.
Much has changed; we now openly talk about our concerns and needs to each other. Trust is building on both sides along with understanding what has driven us to not trust others in the past. Nothing has been magically solved nor would I say we are a 100% fixed but much good has come from the members from this site and our ability to finally talk though much of our fears from past relationships that have left us both scared.
My wife said to me that she was unfair to me because her heart is monogamist but her body is polymerous and that she would not be willing for me to be the same way to her. I am straight and have no thoughts or needs to be with someone else or have sex with anyone else and I’ am good with that. Now, I would say this is unfair if we are looking at this from only at what society tells us. But that is not the true of it nor is that the case in our relationship.
I was reading some old posts because I am looking for people who have made positive head way in relationships where only one person is bi-sexual and or the problems/issues they faced along the way.
Here is what she wants:
She is not interested in having sex with another woman at this time, but will at some point. She does not want to have a relationship with anyone else but me. She wants to only act upon desires when I am present and the only person that I may interact with is her. If anyone at any point is uncomfortable at any point the whole thing will stop.
My wife likes to go down on women more then anything but from what has been told to me and rarely likes being touched by them, but in some cases very much so. She loves to kiss and touch…no matter who it is :P And has told me how she usually finds girls that are ok with this type of interaction.
As for myself I listened to what she said and was pleased that she wants to only act upon these needs when I’m around and also that she likes to be the “giver” instead of the “receiver” per say. These two items I think are applying to my insecurities and from I can tell my visual comfort and I hate to say it…the “typical male” inside of me. To be honest I do know.
I do know that I am willing to allow her to be her self and fulfill her needs on mostly her terms. I say this because there needs to be compromises on both sides in any relationship.
So this brings back to my question. I came across this post (below) and it really stuck with me. First off because I was that guy that made it hard for her and because the title it’s self was a great question.
The post:
How to do monogamous marriage while embracing your bisexual identity?
There where many good posts to this persons questions but one of them hit home.
“I think because he felt like my exploration of my sexuality was a betrayal to the relationship that he isn't going to be able to accept bisexuality as part of me.”
That was me to say the least but I am not going to beat my self up over it to much because I now know why I was like that now and that will not be the way I am now. Within the post I like the different approaches people take when looking at relationships. Almost everyone states that being open and honest and keeping that line of communication is at the top of this. This is important for any relationship and I think we can all agree on that.
I seem to be rambling…
The question I wish to ask is what did you do to help your none-bisexual partner become more involved or more comfortable with bi-sexuality interactions? That is, if your partners was there as a non active player with the other person.
Any feedback is welcome even if it doesn’t fit the parameters of the question.
Mr. X
My wife and I came to this site a little over a mouth ago to express our frustration about our relationship and my lack of my respect or knowledge of her bi-sexuality. Perhaps the biggest fault was due to my insecurities and inability to respond to her appropriately about this.
Much has changed; we now openly talk about our concerns and needs to each other. Trust is building on both sides along with understanding what has driven us to not trust others in the past. Nothing has been magically solved nor would I say we are a 100% fixed but much good has come from the members from this site and our ability to finally talk though much of our fears from past relationships that have left us both scared.
My wife said to me that she was unfair to me because her heart is monogamist but her body is polymerous and that she would not be willing for me to be the same way to her. I am straight and have no thoughts or needs to be with someone else or have sex with anyone else and I’ am good with that. Now, I would say this is unfair if we are looking at this from only at what society tells us. But that is not the true of it nor is that the case in our relationship.
I was reading some old posts because I am looking for people who have made positive head way in relationships where only one person is bi-sexual and or the problems/issues they faced along the way.
Here is what she wants:
She is not interested in having sex with another woman at this time, but will at some point. She does not want to have a relationship with anyone else but me. She wants to only act upon desires when I am present and the only person that I may interact with is her. If anyone at any point is uncomfortable at any point the whole thing will stop.
My wife likes to go down on women more then anything but from what has been told to me and rarely likes being touched by them, but in some cases very much so. She loves to kiss and touch…no matter who it is :P And has told me how she usually finds girls that are ok with this type of interaction.
As for myself I listened to what she said and was pleased that she wants to only act upon these needs when I’m around and also that she likes to be the “giver” instead of the “receiver” per say. These two items I think are applying to my insecurities and from I can tell my visual comfort and I hate to say it…the “typical male” inside of me. To be honest I do know.
I do know that I am willing to allow her to be her self and fulfill her needs on mostly her terms. I say this because there needs to be compromises on both sides in any relationship.
So this brings back to my question. I came across this post (below) and it really stuck with me. First off because I was that guy that made it hard for her and because the title it’s self was a great question.
The post:
How to do monogamous marriage while embracing your bisexual identity?
There where many good posts to this persons questions but one of them hit home.
“I think because he felt like my exploration of my sexuality was a betrayal to the relationship that he isn't going to be able to accept bisexuality as part of me.”
That was me to say the least but I am not going to beat my self up over it to much because I now know why I was like that now and that will not be the way I am now. Within the post I like the different approaches people take when looking at relationships. Almost everyone states that being open and honest and keeping that line of communication is at the top of this. This is important for any relationship and I think we can all agree on that.
I seem to be rambling…
The question I wish to ask is what did you do to help your none-bisexual partner become more involved or more comfortable with bi-sexuality interactions? That is, if your partners was there as a non active player with the other person.
Any feedback is welcome even if it doesn’t fit the parameters of the question.
Mr. X