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View Full Version : BI Curious and Guilt/Confused and Need Advice!!!



aubguy69
Mar 27, 2008, 8:27 PM
Hello I am a 21 yr old male. I love women and sex with them however I find that I often fantasize about having sex with males. I started fooling around with my friend at 14 but never more than hand jobs.I love to chat online and play with myself analy and where thongs and I have fooled jacked off about 5 guys and been dry humped and fingered by 3 of them. However every time it comes to get past fore play like handjobs I freak out and can't bring myself to go all the way and give a blowjob or have anal sex. I usually wind up freaking out and leaving but then I regret not just going ahead and doing it and going all the way.I have tried over and over not to think about it or chat online with guys but always wind chatting online again or thinking about it and wanting to do it and playing with myself analy ? Is this normal ? I think a big part is guilt and that I am worried it may get out and it would ruin me and I mean really destory me if anyone found out. So am I bi or just curious or what giving my thoughts and what I have done ? And how can I get over the wired guilty, worrying feeling and just go ahead and give a bj and get f***** and enjoy it ?

shameless agitator
Mar 27, 2008, 8:55 PM
Okay, first of all, you have nothing to feel guilty about. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to men or wanting a nice fat dick. It sounds like you're dealing with some issues from a puritanical/homophobic upbringing. I would suggest seeing a therapist to help you deal with these issues & that will make it easier to follow through and enjoy sex with men once you stop feeling guilty about the whole thing. You may also want to get involved in local GLBT groups in your area. As far as whether your're bi-curious, bi, or even gay, nobody can answer that question but you. It might also help us relate a little if you told us how old you are.

HOTTFUNN
Mar 27, 2008, 9:14 PM
Hello I am a 21 yr old male. I love women and sex with them however I find that I often fantasize about having sex with males. I started fooling around with my friend at 14 but never more than hand jobs.I love to chat online and play with myself analy and where thongs and I have fooled jacked off about 5 guys and been dry humped and fingered by 3 of them. However every time it comes to get past fore play like handjobs I freak out and can't bring myself to go all the way and give a blowjob or have anal sex. I usually wind up freaking out and leaving but then I regret not just going ahead and doing it and going all the way.I have tried over and over not to think about it or chat online with guys but always wind chatting online again or thinking about it and wanting to do it and playing with myself analy ? Is this normal ? I think a big part is guilt and that I am worried it may get out and it would ruin me and I mean really destory me if anyone found out. So am I bi or just curious or what giving my thoughts and what I have done ? And how can I get over the wired guilty, worrying feeling and just go ahead and give a bj and get f***** and enjoy it ?
There is not any "normal" just whatever you can handle and we are all different. Either do it or forget about it, altogether! Good luck.

Eddie altamonte
Mar 28, 2008, 12:08 AM
Hello I am a 21 yr old male. I love women and sex with them however I find that I often fantasize about having sex with males. I started fooling around with my friend at 14 but never more than hand jobs.I love to chat online and play with myself analy and where thongs and I have fooled jacked off about 5 guys and been dry humped and fingered by 3 of them. However every time it comes to get past fore play like handjobs I freak out and can't bring myself to go all the way and give a blowjob or have anal sex. I usually wind up freaking out and leaving but then I regret not just going ahead and doing it and going all the way.I have tried over and over not to think about it or chat online with guys but always wind chatting online again or thinking about it and wanting to do it and playing with myself analy ? Is this normal ? I think a big part is guilt and that I am worried it may get out and it would ruin me and I mean really destory me if anyone found out. So am I bi or just curious or what giving my thoughts and what I have done ? And how can I get over the wired guilty, worrying feeling and just go ahead and give a bj and get f***** and enjoy it ?

Gosh that was exactly the first 30 years of my life! Being latino and catholic I was sure that I was no FAG. However I felt dirty about wanting to play with a guys cock or suck a guys cock to completion I then turned to 3somes where i could watch a guy naked and erect without feeling guilty until one day, bless him forever for freeing me of my guilt i had a 3some with a much older guy and his very young wife (he was in his 60's she was in her late 20's) She was sitting on my face and i felt my cock go into a mouth...The best BJ I ever had! I realized it was him so I politely returned the favor I felt a huge weight come off my shoulder. I did not feel I was worse of a person for enjoying it or less of a man. I have accepted and indulged without regret or prejuidice my bisexuality. It is 100% true DOUBLE THE PLEASURE DOUBLE THE FUN!

viajero
Mar 28, 2008, 12:47 AM
I came to terms with my sexuality at your age. Just 3 years earlier a friend whom I always thought was straight made a pass at me while we were drunk. We ended up doing a little kissing a 69 before I got out of the car to puke. I felt guilty and confused as hell the next day.

Take a deep breath and repeat after me. "It will not ruin me." You have your whole life ahead of you. Nothing has to ruin you unless you let it. Listen to the SW airline commercial when they say you are free to move about the country. You can find friends who will love you as you are. I have known plenty of attractive, successfull gay and bi people in my time. Some are multi-millionaires holding high positions in corporate america. And you know what. Everyone knows their clean little secret (because sex is only dirty if you want it to be). It has never been a problem for me since I came to terms with it and I've enjoyed a wonderfully succesfull life.

Plenty of people will love you if you can show love to them no matter what your sexuality. Plenty of people will employ you regardless of your sexuality if you show them you are willing to do a good job. With love and good work, what else do you need? GOOD SPORTS! But that is for another thread.

Come to terms with your sexuality now while you have a life ahead of you instead of waiting until it destroys your self-esteem. You don't want to wake up one day to find your an old man holding a public position and getting arrested for tab dancing in men's bathrooms at airports.

BronzeBobby
Mar 28, 2008, 11:44 AM
Like Eddie Altamonte, I struggled with this for over 30 years. I'm also Latino and found it hard to accept myself as a "bottom" or in any way less than masculine. I found that the best way to overcome the fear was to do the same things we do to overcome other phobias. I have long been afraid of dogs, for instance -- but I have gotten over the phobia by being around dogs and working through the anxiety, and gradually realizing that it's okay, the dog won't hurt me. In the same way, my first experiences giving oral sex and getting screwed were terrible, to be honest; I didn't like the taste of dick, and I bled pretty badly the first time with receptive anal sex. But then gradually I found my body got used to it and I started enjoying it, started realizing it was what I wanted.


Hello I am a 21 yr old male. I love women and sex with them however I find that I often fantasize about having sex with males. I started fooling around with my friend at 14 but never more than hand jobs.I love to chat online and play with myself analy and where thongs and I have fooled jacked off about 5 guys and been dry humped and fingered by 3 of them. However every time it comes to get past fore play like handjobs I freak out and can't bring myself to go all the way and give a blowjob or have anal sex. I usually wind up freaking out and leaving but then I regret not just going ahead and doing it and going all the way.I have tried over and over not to think about it or chat online with guys but always wind chatting online again or thinking about it and wanting to do it and playing with myself analy ? Is this normal ? I think a big part is guilt and that I am worried it may get out and it would ruin me and I mean really destory me if anyone found out. So am I bi or just curious or what giving my thoughts and what I have done ? And how can I get over the wired guilty, worrying feeling and just go ahead and give a bj and get f***** and enjoy it ?

frenchlick
Mar 28, 2008, 1:12 PM
AUBGUY69, I understand your situation completely. I lived in Mobile for 5 years and bisexual behavior is just something that is not tolerated. I spent some time in Birmingham and the culture is just not receptive to your desires & urges. You have to realize that you are who you are and just let all the other stuff go! My first M2M experience after my teenage years was very similar and starry. If you enjoy it, then just relax and go with the flow. Good luck and have fun!

the mage
Mar 28, 2008, 5:13 PM
Hello I am a 21 yr old male. I love women and sex with them however I find that I often fantasize about having sex with males. I started fooling around with my friend at 14 but never more than hand jobs.I love to chat online and play with myself analy and where thongs and I have fooled jacked off about 5 guys and been dry humped and fingered by 3 of them. However every time it comes to get past fore play like handjobs I freak out and can't bring myself to go all the way and give a blowjob or have anal sex. I usually wind up freaking out and leaving but then I regret not just going ahead and doing it and going all the way.I have tried over and over not to think about it or chat online with guys but always wind chatting online again or thinking about it and wanting to do it and playing with myself analy ? Is this normal ? I think a big part is guilt and that I am worried it may get out and it would ruin me and I mean really destory me if anyone found out. So am I bi or just curious or what giving my thoughts and what I have done ? And how can I get over the wired guilty, worrying feeling and just go ahead and give a bj and get f***** and enjoy it ?



....................ok, you're more than curious.
Thats a start. What you are is young and you have discovered the joy of butt play.
Not a crime my man, not any more anyway.
Be carefull of your social scene, but you will not benefit from hiding in the closet in frustration. Find a safe safe way to explore.
If you're young and hot you may get lucky and find a couple to explore with.
Be real and honest about your life to people you care about, but only those you fuck need to know your sex.

Valkyrie_Veritech
Mar 28, 2008, 5:33 PM
Aubguy, You've recieved some sage advise here. What they're proposing may not be what you want to hear, adn it may not be easy to implement, but it is probably the best advice available.

You're young. you've got many years ahead of you, and you need to make a chioce- do you live a life that everyone else wants from you, or do you live a life that you want for yourself? The first option may be the easiest choice, as it sounds like you're already there. But which one will lead you to a fulfilling and rewarding life? When you're laying on your deathbed, many years from now, which one of these two paths will leave you with the least regrets?

I come from a very conservative, contempory, actively witnessing chirstian background. It took alot of soul searching, courage, resiliance, and spiritual and emotional armor-plating in order to come out of the closet to my friends and family. But i did it, everyone now knows that i am bi-sexual, polyamorous, swinger, sacred sexualist, sex magickian, and BDSMer- not all of them like it, but they all accept it- what choice do they have? i did it, adn i'm still here- and have one regret- that i didnt do it sooner- MUCH sooner.

Like i said, you're young, and at your age, i can't imagine what could possibly lead to your destruction, simply by this choice. Maybe you're in a unique situation, but i doubt it. If you're worried about your parents/family finding out, then yeah- you got problems, but thats not unusual. And if they REALLy love you, they'll accept you regardless. If its college, or carreer related, then count on your youth to get you through- you're likely early enough in your carreer, that it wont hurt too much to find a more lifestyle friendly income.

if the problem is religious in nature, contact me via PM, and i can give you TONS of ammo against the vast majority of religious arguements.

AS for your freaking out when it comes time to take the plunge...

Obviously, from your post, i cant tell what exactly the issue is, but i'd bet that it has to do with your upbringing. Such concepts as "real men don't do that", or "you'll go to hell for that" are simply rediculous! Most "real men" have nor frigging clue what it means to be a REAL man. They think they must be testosterone fuled, super masculine, often chauvenistic pig, manly men! they dont understand that it take a REAL man to accept, embrace, explore, and enjoy his feminine side. The others are often just regurgitating what bogus dogma they learned along they way without ever questioning the validity of the claim.

Bi, and homosexuality ARE potentially acceptable biblical activities- again IM me for more info. But the vast majority of religions are either accepting of, or even promoting such lifestyle chioces.

Look within yourself, dig deep, look in the dark corners, adn in all those old boxes in your mind, and find out why it is that youre having this issue- the answer IS there somewhere. Once you find it, question it, examine it under a microscope, try to prove AND disprove it. Or better yet, just decide that it doesnt matter anymore, and you're gonna do what you feel is right, regardless of what your brain, or history, or education, or society, or religion tells you. FOLLOW YOUR HEART!!!!!!!

Good luck, and feel free to IM mewith any questions you may have, or for advice (as you can see from the length of this reply- i like to give advice! lol)

Valkyrie_Veritech
warrior of Truth
Ordained Minister and Eclectic Pagan
Moderator and Co-leader of the Crystal Thought Church (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/crystalthoughtchurch/)

Phaisan
Sep 7, 2008, 9:18 PM
Normally I do not give advice but will tell you my theory::
I do not think you need a therapist to decide if this is for you or not. After all the therapist cannot chose for you, you do!
One starts by thinking about beliefs, culture, religion, and prejudices. Look at it from the outside. Whatever you think of others, that will tell you how you see yourself. Are you willing to see that whatever you chose is not that what defines you, is not homosexuality, or bisexuality, or heterosexuality but your character and how you relate to others in life, to those you know, to those who you don't know, to your family, to your friends.
Are you willing to just be without guilt and judgment and experience that part of you that want to try? To break up with the macho culture , with the prejudices you grow up, with the bias and set of rules we all are impregnated with from birth.
Sex with the same gneder is more physical, there is a component to sex that is not necesarily always there when having sex with the oposite sex. If you are homosexual is ok if you are bisexual is ok, if you are heterosexual is OK. You are what you are, and not even you can change that. You can become better, a better person, more considered, etc, etc, but to change yourself, i don' think so.
What is preventing you from enjoying sex with a man is your ideas. One has to be mature enough to know when and how to pass the threshold. Growing up how hard was for you to say you love someone the first time, to make the first move, to give the first kiss. It is a mix of shame, shyness, inmaturity, inexperience, yet you go or went ahead and you give your first step. This is not diffent. Accept to be nerveous, acept it will get issier, and if this is for you and you really want it, go ahead and enjoy what you have been desiring. Go sllow or fast but at your own pace. You decide.
If after all the thinking you think this is not for you, that' it. But whatever you think and you fantasize about has to be reconciled. What you think and what your body desire have to be in sync, in harmony.
This last paragraph is the most important of my message, my idea is that you run away because you need to bring these two together. What you want (desire) with what you are (prejudices).