A BIsxual variation

[laloo3]

I have been actively oral/bi for 8 years now (I'm in my 50s and happily married). I should add that my romantic/tender feelings are confined to my wife, while I have strong friendships with male partners. About 3 yrs ago I met Tim. We really hit it off, with great physical chemistry and a good personality fit.
Now, the puzzling thing about sex with Timmy was by the second or 3rd time I began to sense that he was not deeply invested in my touching or sucking his penis. He had hard erections without any stimulation and had strong orgasms in response to my stimulating him; yet he seemed to almost evade my touch, or be embarrassed by it. I decided to ask him about it. He was a little shy about discussing it, but eventually he told me that his real thrill was exclusively in getting me off; that he always felt entirely satisfied through my orgasm alone.
At first I couldn't believe this. How could it be that he didn't need to ejaculate too? Moreover, how could I adjust to this since I like bringing my partner to orgasm? But..since we got on so well and really liked each other I decided to try and adjust to Timmy's needs. We are now three years into the relationship. we have sex once or twice a week; almost always without Timmy having an ejaculation. I can assure you that his fulfillment is very real! He always looks relaxed and content after we have sex. Now and then there are times where I need to bring him off, but honestly we both have come to prefer it Tim's way. It isn't one-sided at all.
The point is, I think Tim's style is a valid bisexual variation. My first reaction was judgmental and narrow minded. I have since heard that he is far from unique I have become more broad-minded and understanding about it. U think we all should respect this sexual choice.

[DiamondDog]

This can be common.

There are gay/bi men who only want to suck cock and do nothing else or have nothing else done to them.

There's also the reverse which are gay/bi men who simply don't suck cock at all, and who don't like to do it at all.

Look at personal ads and the like.

You'll see ads for guys (even on this site) who simply want to give oral sex only and don't want it given back, and you'll see men who want to get oral sex only and don't give it back.

None of this has anything to do with being "greedy" as a lot of gay sex/sex between two or more men, involves "one giving" and "one receiving". And many gay/bi men define their sexuality further by what they get the most pleasure from. Tops and bottoms. There are gay/bi men who get off mainly on GIVING sexual gratification to another guy (bottoms) and those that get off mainly on RECEIVING sexual gratification to another guy (tops).

In Latin/South American cultures there's the idea of the roles of Pasivo and Activo, and Macho and Hembra.

These are cultural labels, cultural ideas, and aren't to be confused with the ideas/labels of Top and Bottom for vanilla oral and anal sex that I wrote about in the paragraph about that.

Machismo is, what I'm talking about. The stereotype of homosexual men as being effeminate and passive is so powerful in some South and Latin American countries that a man who takes the "active" or "masculine" role with another man during sex, is not necessarily seen as homosexual or engaging in gay sex with another man. Quite the reverse, sometimes. "Soy tan macho que me cojo otro hombre" I’m so macho that I fuck another man is a Colombian saying.

I'm not going to get into the ideas of the roles of top/bottom/dom/sub/master/slave/sir/daddy/boy/girl/mommy/pig/pup/dog/stone butch/high femme for non vanilla erotic/sexual/non-erotic or sexual BDSM, age/animal play, and lesbian sex/gender roles since that is a whole other can of worms that I don't feel like writing about now, mainly since this topic is about vanilla oral homo sex between two men where one guy is an oral top (at least when he has sex with that one guy he he wrote about) and the other guy is strictly an oral bottom, and you can do research and learn about these terms/roles yourself on the internet.

[Toad82]

I have always preferred it being about what the person I am with wants and needs with everything in life. It’s what I like. Seeing someone I care about enjoy themselves make me enjoy myself 10 fold. With that said I wouldn’t say it is a choice, I consider it a need. Just as you have yours, he has his. Sexual or not, I think it’s a need. As for being a valid variation, I believe all variations are valid.

RJ:lokai:

[jem_is_bi]

The kind of arrangement you have with Tim would not work for me. While, I am somewhat more of a bottom than top, I need a partner that wants mutual fulfillment. We need my oral play time. We need our oral 69 time. We need his oral play time. I tend to dominate in the amount of time, but we both need (our own) orgasm. Occasionally, if my partner (or myself) fail to reach climax, that is ok.

However, good sexual relationships meet the needs of the partners. So, if you are both happy with the one-way orgasm arrangement, then you have a good sexual relationship. As DiamondDog pointed out, the variety of sexual relationships that provide mutual enjoyment is quite large.

JEM

[warmpuppy]

There is something rewarding about getting your partner off, plus I do like the taboo associated with having another guy's cock in my mouth and cumming. If I don't get to cum during the encounter, it's not a big deal.

Having said that, I have been with other guys who share that same preference. I don't want to deny them their pleasure, so I will let them suck me if they want.

I'm also into other, somewhat kinky things as well, from the receiving side.

[Skater Boy]

Isn't it called an "Oral Fixation" or something?

Oral: Pertaining to the mouth

Fixation: The process by which a person becomes or remains ambivalently attached to an "Object", this Object being one which was appropriate to an earlier stage of "Development". Fixation is therefore evidence of failure to progress satisfactorily through the stages of "Libidinal Development". The concept assumes that the fixated person (a) has a tendency to engage in "Infantile", outmoded patterns of behaviour, or to "Regress" to such patterns under stress; (b) to choose "Compulsively" objects on the basis of their resemblance to the one on which he is fixated; and (c) suffers impoverishment of available "Energy" as a result of his investment in the past Object. Excessive "Frustration" and "Satisfaction", excessive "Love" and "Hate" have all been adduced as causes of fixation. Hence "Oral Fixation", "Mother Fixation", "Anal Fixation", "Father Fixation", etc.

[DiamondDog]

Isn't it called an "Oral Fixation" or something?

Oral: Pertaining to the mouth

Fixation: The process by which a person becomes or remains ambivalently attached to an "Object", this Object being one which was appropriate to an earlier stage of "Development". Fixation is therefore evidence of failure to progress satisfactorily through the stages of "Libidinal Development". The concept assumes that the fixated person (a) has a tendency to engage in "Infantile", outmoded patterns of behaviour, or to "Regress" to such patterns under stress; (b) to choose "Compulsively" objects on the basis of their resemblance to the one on which he is fixated; and (c) suffers impoverishment of available "Energy" as a result of his investment in the past Object. Excessive "Frustration" and "Satisfaction", excessive "Love" and "Hate" have all been adduced as causes of fixation. Hence "Oral Fixation", "Mother Fixation", "Anal Fixation", "Father Fixation", etc.

LMAO that's WAY too much outdated Freudian psychoanalysis.

Stop thinking so hard! (no pun.)

If I blow your mind, will you promise not to think in my mouth?

Some guys just love to suck cock and that's simply ALL that they want to do when it comes to sex!

I know about this since I'm like this when it comes to women and having sex with them.

I don't enjoy getting head from women at all and I'm content just to service/give a woman face only, sometimes in a dominant way, and I don't want to do anything else or expect a woman to give me head or masturbate me at all.

Even if a woman does try to blow me or masturbate me it's not something I enjoy doing or having done for me at all when I have sex with women since I'd rather just give a woman oral sex.

I've masturbated women before and it's OK but I don't get much pleasure out of it. Even if I am doing it for her pleasure, following all of her directions/improvising, doing it in a dominant way such as orgasm denial.

I highly prefer to masturbate men and a man's cock and balls feel as natural and feels just as right in my hands as my own does!

[Skater Boy]

True, DD. It was quoted from a "Dictionary Of Psychoanalysis". Although I suspect that there are many who still think that there's an element of truth in Freud's theories. Not saying that I do, as I don't really like his opinion that certain sexual preferences are "Perverted" or dysfunctional.

[MarieDelta]

I suspect that there is just as much variation (and perhaps more) in what a person likes about sex as they like about food or anything else.

We're all different - what's that quote about taste being inarguable?

"De gustibus non est disputandum." I believe that is it-

For me I like it all (with the exception of a one or two acts).

& I've tried some of it. Some in RL some just in cyber. But the most important organ to stimulate IMHO is the brain followed closely by the heart.


Just my :2cents:

[laloo3]

The kind of arrangement you have with Tim would not work for me. While, I am somewhat more of a bottom than top, I need a partner that wants mutual fulfillment. We need my oral play time. We need our oral 69 time. We need his oral play time. I tend to dominate in the amount of time, but we both need (our own) orgasm. Occasionally, if my partner (or myself) fail to reach climax, that is ok.

However, good sexual relationships meet the needs of the partners. So, if you are both happy with the one-way orgasm arrangement, then you have a good sexual relationship. As DiamondDog pointed out, the variety of sexual relationships that provide mutual enjoyment is quite large.

JEM

In the sense of ejaculation, or shooting cum it seems for sure as a 1-way orgasm. But Tim describes having a kind of vicarious orgasm when i shoot. (now and then, by the way he actually has a spontaneous orgasm while sucking) I think this is very real for him. He pants intrensely when I get close and he loses his erection right after I cum

[12voltman59]

There could be physical reasons why Tim does not get off--or it is simply that he does enjoy bringing pleasure for another and has no need for reciprocation--either way---if it works for him then what the hell???

To each his or her own!!!

[laloo3]

[QUOTE=12voltman59;73053]There could be physical reasons why Tim does not get off--or it is simply that he does enjoy bringing pleasure for another and has no need for reciprocation--either way---if it works for him then what the hell???

I can guarantee it's nothing physical. He has VERY impressive ejaculations when he goes off spontaneously! Reading these replies has made me more aware of it again. To be honest, i think I still feel I'm being selfish underneath. That's something of a paradox since I'm have sex the way he likes it yet i l feel selfish about it But I really do like it this way too, so I'll continue. i have no doubt this is the way he likes best.