Short Story Long.

[NextQuestion]

I came out as bisexual first to my girlfriend. Ever since then, I've been rocketing out of the closet (at least by my standards of openness about anything).

My girlfriend (hereinafter referred to as "Couch") had some bad relationships in the past. Eight boyfriends in a row came and went in short order and she has a daughter. She told me I'd have to wait awhile for sex. She wanted to make sure I wasn't going to cut and run. I didn't mind, I've never been too pushy.

Couch told me I could have a boyfriend if I wanted.

Last night, to hear those words, my head nearly exploded. At first, I couldn't wrap my head around them or even know why I couldn't even really THINK about them. Like a brick wall in my mind: "it's ok with me baby, you can :::THWACK:::"

I figured it out later that night. Three phrases, in themselves fine, but put together, not-so-fine.

1. You can have. Not something most boyfriends are used to hearing.

2. A boyfriend. Considering how soon it's been since I came out, it's not something I'M used to hearing.

3. If you want. I should want. My god, I should be ecstatic.

She's someone who completely balances me (on many, many levels) and understands me. It's almost enough to make me believe in fate again. I took a nap with her and for someone with the kind of insomnia I have, it's a freaking miracle.

And now she tells me I can have a boyfriend if I want. If I want. Do I want?

(I should point out here, I've never had a boyfriend or done anything like that, yet. This would be, as an ex has already pointed out to me, "my first".)

This is also not the kind of relationship I expected to be in. This is far from any relationship someone as unlucky with relationships as I've been ever expected to be in.

I dunno what I'm asking. Any response at all would be nice.

[csrakate]

She accepts and respects you...feels strange huh? The good news is that you no longer need to hide and, as a byproduct, you may not feel as strong a need to seek. Love works in funny ways! LOL!

Good luck to you both and I hope you find the answers you need. Just wanted to let you know that you found a gem!

Hugs,
Kate

[mistymockingbird]

Perhaps you've both been through the desert of relationships and are finally seeing the burning bush. It sounds like you both respect the others needs and desires. That's a truly wonderful thing. Keep talking to her, keep being honest, see where things go. Good luck.

[miamiuu]

I wouldn't jump and get a boyfriend right away. I'm sometimes suspicious of people I know and most women I've met may say that to hear you say no I dont need one Im happy with just being with you. I just find it rather surreal the way you phrased it. If I was being told something like that I would think it was too good to be true and that something was up.

[canuckotter]

I agree with miamuu on this one... I doubt she's deliberately trying to set you up for something, but if she's trying to take your relationship slow and not have sex right away, then you should take the same care when you're looking for a male partner. Heck, if I were you, I wouldn't even look for a male partner right away... Wait a bit until your relationship with her is more developed and stable before looking for someone else. That way you reassure your girlfriend that she's still your focus, and you also buy time to figure out if she really meant it when she gave you permission or if it was just a "I have to do this or I'll lose him!" type of moment or something like that... :)

[cchalmer]

I agree with miamuu on this one... I doubt she's deliberately trying to set you up for something, but if she's trying to take your relationship slow and not have sex right away, then you should take the same care when you're looking for a male partner. Heck, if I were you, I wouldn't even look for a male partner right away... Wait a bit until your relationship with her is more developed and stable before looking for someone else. That way you reassure your girlfriend that she's still your focus, and you also buy time to figure out if she really meant it when she gave you permission or if it was just a "I have to do this or I'll lose him!" type of moment or something like that... :)


Well said. You don't say how long you guys have been together or whether or not you have started having sex yet. These are important considerations as well. But I whole heartedly agree with Canuckotter....take your time. Make sure your relationship with Couch is really solid before you even think about having a "lover" on the side. When it comes to a relationship time is never a wasted commodity.

[mistymockingbird]

Yes, I agree with the others that you shouldn't rush out and find a boyfriend right away, just because Couch said you could. They all made valid points. You may infact never feel the need to have a partner outside of your relationship with her. Sometimes the ability to be open and talk about fantasties and be accepted for that is enough. There's nothing wrong with a monogamous relationship if that's what you both truly want.

However, give her a little credit for being genuine. You wrote that you've both had relationship trials in the past. Perhaps you've each finally found someone that you're willing to invest in. You're taking things slow, that's a good thing. Keep taking them slow, keep talking, keep being honest.